The Big Dating Question
Disclaimer: I do not own Shrek
Chapter Nine: B is for Belle
"A is for apple…" Barbara Jean began. She was going to read Charming a story right before bed. After all, it had been a long day for him. What, with hassling Rapunzle, getting snubbed but Little Red and Puss… but the story was two-fold in its purpose. She was going to have to tell him about his date with Belle set up for the next night.
"A big, red, juicy apple." Charming muttered.
"B is for Belle…"
"A loud, ringing bell…"
"Try brunette and single…"
"WHAT! I have never heard of a bell being described of as brunette and single! Have you ever heard of a single bell?"
"Yes… there are millions of single bells. They don't usually come in pairs. But I am referring to Belle, the person."
"No. Absolutely not."
Absolutely not what?"
"I am not going to go on another date. No way, no how. You, and mother, need to stop interfering like this. My heart was crushed just mere hours ago and already you want to me to be healed and dating again!"
"Well, sweetie, there's no point in prolonging it, really. There are other fish in the sea."
"Yeah, but friends or not, they sure aren't friendly."
"Hon, that sentence didn't make any sense."
"I made sense in my mind."
"Well, now, there's no sense in defending yourself to me, I'm just hired help."
"So you are."
"WELL! No more bed time stories for you!"
Nonetheless, after a restless nights sleep, a modest (yeah, right) application of hair gel, to get rid of the cowlicks of course, and some food (not too much, Charming does need to maintain his girlish figure, after all), and brief fight with Barbara Jean about black and red clashing ("They're too gory, hon."), Charming was on his way to another date. This time, with Belle whatever her last name is.
"And he invents all kinds of crazy things, he does mean well, though. Oh, and there's this asshole back home named Gaston… he's such a cocky bastard…" Belle rambled on.
"To think, I doubted the French were stupid." Charming thought.
"You escargot, miss." The waiter said.
"Oh, thank you!" Belle replied.
"And the soup for you, sir." The waiter said.
"Thanks." Charming absentmindedly replied.
"And there's this great library…" Belle continued on.
Charming obnoxiously slurped his soup, getting disapproving looks from the other patrons. To be honest, he didn't quite care. He figured the past few weeks had been unpleasant enough, why bother pleasing people, and a date, that you're probably never going to see again?
"I think that snail is still alive." Charming thought, watching Belle's plate. "I think it moved a quarter of an inch or two since a couple of minutes ago." The mention of snails in his mind brought back a rather pleasant memory of jumping rope and sing, "A snail is a slug without a home… how many can you count…" But, by then, he had tripped over the rope, and was flat on his face with a scraped knee. Oh how he had cried when he had gotten that scrapped knee.
"Are you even listening to me!" Belle asked, noticeably mad.
"Can't say that I was." Charming muttered.
"Oh! An honest man! How refreshing!" And she continued on with her life story.
Charming's face found the soup.
"C is for Carrot…" Barbara Jean read. She was in Charming's hospital room where he was being treated for second degree burns. "A nice, crunchy, orange carrot. D is for dog…"
"Well, I don't think that Charming will be picking up any ladies for awhile, especially not Little Red. Haha! I love it when bad things happen to that boy! Mirror out!