The Big Dating Question

Disclaimer: I don't own Shrek. Nor do I own anything else that may or may not be cpoywritten by some organization that makes a whole lot more than my seven bucks an hour.

Chapter Eleven: Once and a Godmother….

A/N: Okay! This is a randomly inserted fluff chapter. I was gonna try and make it musical, but I realized that I don't like those types of stories all that much. So, I decided to do the next best thing, therapy.

Fairy Godmother had led an extravagant life. First it was the complete My Little Pony collection she had when she was in primary school, followed by the era some people call junior high, but was "Let's go see every movie that they put out for three years" Yes, that's right, she had sat through the classics like Star Wars and Indiana Jones, while also tormenting herself with the Gigli's. Of course, sometimes you're so engrossed in what your flavor of the week boyfriend (be it wizard, prince, or elven) that you had to see the movie again. Because sometimes you need to see the action, not just hear the words. Assuming you were listening, and your ears weren't being-

"MOM!" Charming exclaimed. "I need to borrow the good chauffeur!"

"Okay, dear." Fairy Godmother absent-mindedly replied.

After the movie episode…

"Ms. Godmother, ma'am, you have an appointment to keep." Barbara Jean whispered.

"Yes, yes." Fairy Godmother angrily replied. "I know!"

"Okay, just, ya know, makin' sure." Barbara Jean smiled. Fairy Godmother glared. "I'll be leavin' now, okay?" Barbara Jean remarked, before hastily exiting the scene.

After her junior high movie phase, came the high school hubcap ordeal. Just like the one you know you had, way back when. It was, essentially, the dark ages. A time when if your hubcaps spun, but your wheels didn't, you just never got very far. Mostly that was because you had to walk everywhere, but still…

"Um, Fairy Godmother, I think that maybe you should-" The mirror began.

"I KNOW!" Fairy Godmother screeched. "I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!"

"So, Fairy, if I can call you Fairy," Melvin, Fairy Godmother's physiatrist, began, "How goes things with your son?"

Fairy Godmother sighed. "Not so well. He lacks interest in girls, I don't think he's had a wet dream yet, and it just bothers me that he might be physically behind the other boys."

Melvin laughed that small, uncomfortable laugh that people do sometimes when they're, well, uncomfortable. "Well, you remember those years, don't you? I'm sure it's natural."

"No it's not! When I was Charming's age, I was into boys!"

"So you're saying that Charming should be into boys?"

"I think he might be!"

"Um…."

"I mean, he likes Walter better than Barbara Jean, he's always talking about this overtly masculine girl he likes…"

"I thought you said that he-"

"And, don't interrupt, he doesn't like anyone I've chosen for him! I have good tastes! Why, if I were Li'l Kim's stylist, she'd wear REAL clothes! Not those faux clothes that look more like lingerie. And they aren't even sexy! Her outfits just make her look like trash! Oh, and Brittany's fiancé? Don't get me started on him! I mean," At this, Fairy Godmother leaned in closer to Melvin, "He wore what is essentially a Vanilla Ice version of rap wear TO THE BEACH!"

"Um, I think that Vanilla Ice is a-"

"How can she let him get away with that! And she's not pregnant, there's no way. He probably gave her some STD and now she wants to do the responsible thing and just keep sharing it with him… It's disgusting!"

"Um, Fairy Godmother, I think that…"

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! There's some static…

Incredibility deep voice, "This is a test of the emergency alert system if this were a real emergency, then instructions would follow."

More static followed by, BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

"And those pants just look fabulous on you! Purchase these now-"

"Well, Fairy Godmother, thank you for sharing that overly climatic piece of history that foreshadows the end of the story." Melvin said.

"You're quite welcome. Are we done?" Fairy Godmother asked.

"Oh, dear. Drats that emergency alert system! It always interrupts something important! Oh well, Mirror out!"