The Big Dating Question
Disclaimer: I do not own Shrek. I do own this shirt that says "Vote For Burr" on it, though.
Chapter Twelve: Yo ho, yo ho a pirates life for me…
A/N: TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY! So scrub the deck me mateys, and prepare to be wowed by my limited pirate vocabulary and limited knowledge on Revolutionary America! Yeah. The two are in no way interconnected.
Charming had broken out the good tights. Yes, those. The ones that were a light shade of pink and never ceased to glitter and sparkle in the light of the rising or setting sun. They had come with a lovely pink feather pen…
Not that Charming had much use for that! He was too busy thinking about all the things he could do if he were a duke in distress… which, he was, in a sense. Cooped up all day in his mother's droll castle, with only the mice and the birds to keep him company… not that this was a Cinderella story, oh no. It was more of a Romeo and Juliet poetry reading pity fest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, the schematics are vague, the reality not all that real. But, honestly, does anyone want to hear about another miserable date? Or about Fairy Godmother's shrink sessions? I thought not.
Child: Do you realize the emotional torture you put us through, chapter in and chapter out? Don't you see that we want to know who Prince Charming hooks up with? Or Walter's fate? Or what ever happened to Puss in Boots? You can't leave us like this, to constantly wonder.
Me: Well… hmm… I suppose, then, that I should start from the beginning of this whole mess, and find a way to bring you the happy ending that you desire so strongly.
Child: I never said that we wanted a happy ending!
Me: Well, fine!
Revolutionary America...
Aaron Burr: Alexander Hamilton! You have been spewing slander about me and I don't like it!
Alexander Hamilton: Why I never! Your impudence amazes me! I am not spouting slander, but the truth! You are a man without morals, you are the devil in the blue coat! You are a danger to society and yourself!
Aaron Burr: Fine! We must duel!
Alexander Hamilton: If you insist!
Hamilton raises the gun, and fires into the air.
Burr smirks. He has his foe now. Burr raises his pistol. Shoots. BANG! Alexander Hamilton falls to the ground, bleeding.
Burr would later be charged with murder, flee, and later try to invade Mexico.
Present Time
Child: what does that have to do with anything!
Me: I find the story interesting.
We now take a brief hiatus… and then join Puss in Boots!
The prison is dreary, the cold, stone tiles that encase its evil-doers hold no promise of escape, smushing any idea of hope within its inhabitants. Not even a bright orange fur ball possesses the desire to escape. True, it lies deep inside his assassin blood, waiting for a chance to spring to the forefront, when escape, and freedom, and Li'l Red are evident…
But now isn't that time.
"Gar, you'll be over come with scurvy, eatin' glob like that." The unsavory fellow in the corner states.
Puss rolls his eyes.
"I had ten shipmates die from eatin' that gruel. T'wasn't any of my doin', or the sea, and the sea's not a very nice gal sometimes."
More eye rolling.
"Argh! You keep that'un up and they be stuck like that one day! Just you wait, matey. Doom's a-comin' for ya, and I don't wanna be here when she shows up!"
Snow White stared at her perfectly manicured nails. She would stare at the perfectly pedicured feet, too, but she was in a rather nice restaurant, waiting for a very rude date.
She sighed. It appeared that she was doomed to be date-less… guess she was going to have to actually pay for her own meal…
There is a retirement home for butlers. You never have to wait on anyone, and if you mess up accidentally, no one yells at you. Positive reinforcement at its best.
Walter was quite happy at this little abode for the retired. And, best of all, he didn't have to remind anyone they had a date!
"Wow… what a miserable little man in that jail. Oh well! Happy belated Talk Like A Pirate Day! Mirror out!"