"Are you serious? Oh my Bella. I so love you." He kissed my lips, careful as always, and as we parted in our eyes gleamed the same thought: As soon as I would be like him, we wouldn't have to be so careful…
I dressed and we walked to the bed. The next thing I remembered was waking right beside a shining and sparkling angel in the sunlight of his room.
"Oh, no. Shit weather!" I groaned. He just laughed and made me get dressed. When we sat in the kitchen and I was eating my cereal Irina, Kate and Tanya entered.
"You poor one. Do you really have to go to school?" Tanya asked, really sorry for me.
"Yes, and I think if I don't drive her now she will be late. Bella?" Edward said.
"As if ayone could be late when you drive…" They laughed and I grabbed my bag and slurped so unwillingly and slowly through the kitchen that Edward just scooped me up and sat me in his car.
"You were somewhat more enthusiastic tonight!" He giggled.
"What did I say this time?" I blushed, embarassed that I always had to say stupid things in my sleep.
"That you loved me and couldn't wait until we drove to Alaska the day after tomorrow."
"Oh no! What about my mother?" I asked, suddenly afraid she would have to come with us – or worse we had to cancel he whole affair.
"Don't worry. She'll spend some time with Phil's sister, she lives in Canada and we'll just drop her off on the way up." I was so relieved that I didn't notice we were there, until he kissed me passionately on the lips and I had to go to school. I so didn't want to.
The day was more than boring, and I barely listened to the teachers, since Alice and I spent some time on my school work, for I could never concentrate at school or wherever else Edward was around me. When the bell rung for lunch break I walked to the cafeteria and went towards Angela's, Jessica's and Mike's table, no tray in my hands for I had no appetite without 'my vampires' around me; especially one of them I missed.
"Do you have a spare chair?" I asked politely when approaching them.
"No Cullens today then?" Lauren snapped.
"They're not here today. They've gone hiking." I said.
"Why didn't you go with them?" Jessica asked.
"My mom's in town and she didn't want me to ditch school."
"I'm sorry about what happened to your father." Angela smiled at me, but I was distracted by the mischievous grin Jessica and Mike exchanged.
"What? Oh, it's ok. We parted at good terms. That's the most important." I answered halfheartedly.
"Bella? Could we talk, please? I want to apologize for what I said last week." Jessica suddenly asked me. I nodded and the two of us walked out of the cafeteria and over towards the little forest and the gym.
"What did you want to say, Jess?" I asked.
"I want to say that I haven't forgotten how you talked to me last week and I was seriously hurt by what you accused me of. And I told you I would get revenge." We were in the entrance of the gym, I thought because that was what our next clas was supposed to be, when it dawned on me that we had English II before gym.
"What do you mean by that Jess?" I wondered when suddenly two hands grabbed me from behind and pulled me into the room where the old gym mats and broken sports items were stored and that nobody usually entered. I turned around to the door to face my capturer, only to see Mike Newton lock it.
"Mike!" I spat.
"Yes, Isabella. I am here to get revenge for both, me and Jessica. You treated us like mud. She wanted to be your friend, I wanted you to love me."
"Jessica only wanted to use me to better up her image, and you were always a friend of mine, but I never felt anything for you.I love Edward, and I always will." I said. My hands and knees were shaking. I felt like in that street in Port Angeles, now nearly two years ago. Smash his nose into his brain and stick the fingers into his eyes, and then the classical: knee into the happy zone.
"But you should. I'm a million times better than Cullen." He walked towards me and I stepped back, only to end against the mats in the corner of the small room. He pushed me on the chest and I fell backwards onto the pile. He came closer and I started to scream. Scream my soul out and tears running down my cheeks.
"EDWARD! EDWARD!!! ALICE ! EDWARD!!! Edward ! … Edw …!" Mike had glued my mouth with big tape after having stuffed a cloth into it before. He slapped me across the face. Suddenly I felt his hands on me, ripping off my blouse violently.
"Stop screaming! You can't escape me, and your precious Edward is not here." He screamed at me. Why had they gone hunting? Even if Alice had seen this they wouldn't be able to be here soon enough.
Stoplight lock the door
Don't look back
Undress in the dark
And hide from you
All of you
I could feel him peel off my jeans…I wanted so badly to scream, but I couldn't … I wanted to hit him, but my body wouldn't move …
You'll never know the way
Your words have haunted me
I can't believe you'd ask these things of me
You don't know me
Why? Why did he do this? I'd never thought he would be that kind of a guy.
You belong to me
My snow white queen
There's nowhere to run
So let's just get it over with
Soon I know you'll see
You're just like me
Don't scream anymore my love
Cause all I want is you
I kicked him and tried to hit him, but he didn't mind. He just taped my hands and feet together…
Wake up in a dream
Frozen fear
All your hands on me
I can't scream
I was frozen in my fear. I was so helpless. He was trying to rape me. Why?
I can't describe the twisted way
You think of me
I feel you in my dreams and I don't sleep
I don't sleep
What would Edward say if he found out? He would kill him. He deserved it. But would he still want me like this. I watched in fear as Mike started to unbutton his shirt.…
You belong to me
My snow white queen
There's nowhere to run
So let's just get it over with
Soon I know you'll see
You're just like me
Don't scream anymore my love
Cause all I want is you
He walked over to me. Slowly. Enjoying every moment of it. I was crying. Oh Edward. Please save me, I thought. I didn't want to lose the opportunity to share my first time with him.…
I can't save your life
Though nothing I bleed for
Is more tormenting
I'm loosing my mind
And you just stand there and stand
As my world divides
Mike placed his hands over my bra. I was so close to losing myself. So close. I knew my world would come crashing down very soon. I tried to scream. I was so helpless and he was touching me all over. Just as he took his hands away from me to remove his trousers my favourite sound in all the world drang to my ear: Edward's roar, mad like burning hell.
You belong to me
My snow white queen
There's nowhere to run
So let's just get it over with
Soon I know you'll see
You're just like me
Don't scream anymore my love
Cause all I want is you
Suddenly the door flew off its hinges and there stood, like the angels of darkness, Alice and Edward. Wearing dark short trousers, their hands red of blood from their hunt. Alice immediately got a grip on Mike, while Edward ripped away the tape that glued my hands and legs together. Carefully he pulled at the stripe over my mouth and kissed me, pulling the cloth out with his teeth. That almost made me laugh. Almost.
"Edward. Oh Edward!" I desperately slung my arms around him and clung to hin as tightly as I could.
"Shhh … it's allright Bella. We are here. I won't let you alone anywhere again. I'm so sorry we weren't there earlier." He tried to sooth me, and felt as irrationally guilty as always.
"I was so close to losing myself, Edward. So close to have my whole world come crashing down. If you and Alice hadn't found me …" I sobbed into his shirt.
"But we have Bella. It's allright. We are here for you and we will always be. I promise." Alice said, handing me my clothes and helping me to get them on again. The buttons of the bluse were ripped, but Alice wouldn't be Alice if she didn't found a solution for problems nobody would have ever cared about in that situation. She knotted the corners together and at last she wiped the strains the tears had left on my cheeks away.
"Thank you Alice. I love you, Edward. Never leave me." I whispered. Choking back more sobs.
"I love you, Bella. You have endured so much for me and because of me. How could I not love you? I am so sorry I wasn't there earlier for you.…Alice?"
"Yes?" She asked innocently.
"Where is Mike?" Edward asked. I flinched at the mentioning of him.
"I told him to get gone. We'll deal with him later. I don't want you to kill him in your rage." She responded. Knowing her brother quite well. What would you expect after at least fifty years?
"He doesn't deserve anything else!" I yelled. I was so mad a him; so very pissed I could have killed him myself.
"Let's go home, Bella. Do you want your mother to know?" He asked, cradling me in his arms and runing at high speed to the car park, so nobody would be able to see them sparkle.
"No. No she would ruin everything…" I sighed. I had been so happy with what I could look forward to, and now I had this big bunch of bad luck. Twists of fate…
"Everything is gonna be alright. I promise." Edward said.
"Everything was fine and then …" I started to cry again. He lifted me into his lap and pulled up into a space in front of their house at the same time effortlessly. As he carried me into the living room, everyone was already gathered there, including Alice. She must have run here to fill everybody in about the happenings.
"Bella, darling! Are you allright?" Esme rushed over to where Edward had sat me down on a sofa.
"Of course not, what would you expect? She's nearly been raped!" Rosalie snapped at Esme and carried a box of handkerchiefs over to me. I took them and gave my sister a grateful weak smile.
"Do you want me to rip this filthy little asshole into shreds, little sister?" Emmett asked.
"No need for this, Emmett. We'll teach him a big lesson without harming him more than neccessary." Edward told him. The way he said 'more than neccessary' satisfied me with that idea.
"Your mother's still asleep. She had a psychic breakdown." Carlisle informed me. Thank god.
"Do you want to talk about it, Bella?" Tanya asked carefully. The first rather helpful comment from any of them.
"It was just so … so terrible … he was so close … I nearly died … I was so close to losing myself … I … I … was just so…so very helpless…" I sobbed into her shirt. Only then the others finally noticed what Mike really had done to me. He hadn't harmed my body in any way, but he had harmed my soul just so badly.
"We wil always protect you." Alice said.
"Has anyone of you ever felt like you were losing everything that ever mattered? Has anyone of you ever nearly been raped?" I asked. They just shook their heads and let them hang down, feeling they couldn't help me.
"I have, Bella…" A soft voice came from the background. Everybody turned to Carmen, wide eyed.
"Carmen?" Eleazar asked. Obviously he hadn't known about this.
"I have been raped. I was twenty-three. We were both still human. It was the night before I ran into the froest. I never told you why I ran there, right? We wanted to get married." She whispered.
"Wait – the night before we both got transformed? Why did you never tell me?" Eleazar asked, shocked.
"I was afraid you wouldn't love me anymore if I did. Today I long know that was stupid, but I was just so terrified. I didn't want to ruin everything we had built up. I had lost the only thing that had mattered to me, because I wanted you to take it. I am sorry I never told you, but I know exactly what Bella felt like…how she feels at the moment." She said. If she had been able, she would be crying. I stood up and sat down right beside her, placing my hand on hers. She looked up, surprised.
"Bella… I know that sounds stupid, but you'll get over it if you just cling to the one you love." She smiled.
"Thank you Carmen. I am glad you understand me, but I loath the reason for it. In that room … I thought Edward wouldn't be able to save me this time. I thought everything I had for him would be lost…if Alice hadn't been…" I started to cry again. She placed my head on her shoulder and stroke my hair, soothing me. Now I had three mothers.
"I'm sorry, Bella." Edward whispered, kneeling down in front of us.
"Don't be guilty for things you have nothing to do with." I whispered.
"I love you, Bella."
"I love you, too." He took my face in his hands and softly kissed my lips. Slowly, very careful not to break me, he parted my lips with his tongue and slipped it into my mouth. I did the same the other way around, and we shared our first real kiss, although I had to be careful not to scratch my tongue along his teeth. When we both pulled back because I had to breathe, I was tomato red, but because of excitement. I looked at him and in his eyes sparkled a longing that had nothing to do with my blood…
I was ripped out of my thoughts by the indiscret clapping of the two familys. Darn. I had totally forgotten they were here, so lost had I been in my little moment with Edward. Suddenly an idea popped into my head, but before I could do anything, Alice had already put 'Good Enough' by Evanescence on the stereo. She was brilliant.
Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you
I smiled at him, and he understood what I wanted to tell him: I loved him more than the rest of the world. So he stood up, took my hand and we began to dance around the living room.
Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel
He twisted me in every direction and suddenly I believed that dancing was really just in the leading. Once again he was right.
Good enough
I feel good enough for you
"I love you." I whispered.
"I love you, too. You have always been good enough for me, but I not for you." He whispered back.
Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no
And I've conpletely lost myself
And I don't mind
I can't say no to you
The rest of the Cullens just smiled at how happy we were and watched us as we danced in our personal heaven. I barely noticed them at all. I was too preoccupied with the angel in my arms.
Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely
Now I can't let go of this dream
Can't believe that I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough
It's been such a long thime coming but I feel good
"I'm so happy you love me." He said. I was shocked, I mean, I knew this, but he had never put it like this.
"I'm so happy you are here." I said.
And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
Cause I can't hold on to anything this good
Enough
Am I good enough
For you to love me too?
"Why shouldn't I be here?" He asked, probably knowing what I meant.
"This time you don't want me to go on with my life as if you had died in 1918, do you?"
"I could never want that… and to be exact, I never wanted it, although I made it sound like. I want you by my side forever." He kissed my lips very softly.
So take care of what you ask of me
Cause I can't say no
"Can you really not say no when I ask you something?" He asked.
"I can't" I said, but he was once again using his eyes. I gulped. We had stopped with the end of the song, but were still standing in the middle of the room.
"Would you agree to marry me when we come back from Alaska?" He asked, his eyes smoldering my brain to mush.
"Um… I guess…YES!!!" Oops. Was that really my answer? Me who had been against wedding all the time? I guess it was my mom who changed my point of view.
"What's going on down here if I may ask?" The voice of my mother suddenly emerged from the bottom of the stairs. Thinking of the devil…
"We just set a date for our planned wedding." Edward answered as a matter of fact.
"Oh. … … … And when would that be?" She asked dryly.
"When we return from our Alaska vacation." I said.
"You mean…in three weeks?"
"Yes." I simply answered.
"We thought it would be the best time. That one Saturday would be the best date…"
"You know what this means, Bella?" Alice asked.
"Um…no?"
"We have to take you shopping for a dress!"
"Alice? Um … could I … could my mom help? I mean, I always pictured doing this with my mother of all people." I akwardly asked her.
"That would make Esme, Rose your mother, you and me. We'll all fit into the car, so why not? Of course Bella, whatever you wish, sis." She smiled and hugged me sisterly.
"But we're not gonna go until after the vacation. Maybe otherwise she won't fit into it afterwards." Rosalie interrupted her, forming her sentence so my mother wouldn't grasp the situation. I asked myself wether and when we would tell her. I wanted her to know I was going to marry a vampire, but I didn't know how to tell her. Edward, of course, seemed to read my face as I looked back and forth between us and my mom.
"Carlisle? Could Bella and I talk to you in your office?" Edward asked him.
"Of course, Edward. Now?" Edward nodded and we followed Carlisle into his office, where we took seats in front of his desk while he sat down behind it. I was awkward and didn't know what to say or how to start about it. But Carlisle started the conversation for us.
"So you both have completely thought and talked this through, I guess. What is it that hasn't already been talked about?"
"Well, you see, Bella wants to tell her mother about us so she doesn't have to hurt her, but at the same time she wonders wether she wouldn't be in danger if we told her." Edward asked, rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb to ease my awkwardness about that topic.
"Bella, of course we can tell her. But you will have to do the job or she surely won't take it in. You see, if you tell her it just looks like we are all ok about it, including you. If we do it it doesn't, right?" He said fatherly.
"I know, but still … I'm afraid." I whispered.
"What are you afraid of?" Edward asked, looking at me. I looked back.
"Of what I should say. Do you think she'll react well if I just tell her 'Sorry mom, but I'm going to marry a vampire and when I come back from Alaska I will be dead in order to be with him!' ?" I asked hysterically. Carlisle chuckled.
"Just talk to her like you did when you were telling her about Edward being your boyfriend." He offered.
"I never told her, remember? When she first met him I was unconciousness in a hospital in Phoenix because of some reason you'll remember…" I said, worried sick about what to tell her.
"Bella.…I know you'll manage that. You are a very intelligent young woman, and I'm sure your sorrow is not reasonable, because you've done so much for your relationship with Edward that a few words to your mother should be no problem. Look back. You were nearly killed by James, because you thought he had your mother and didn't want her or Edward to get hurt. You brought yourself close to getting killed by the Volturi, because you wanted to save Edward's life, although you didn't even really know if he still loved you, you just did. And all the time you even want Edward to kill you himself so you can be with him forever. Do you really think a few words to your mother are such a big deal?" He asked. How much Edward would ever be able to sooth me, he wouldn't have just confronted me with the facts, like Carlisle just did, and he knew this was the only way to open my eyes, and he was right.
"You don't now my mother, Carlisle. She can be very difficult. I am afraid she will scream into my face and try to get me away from you and Edward and the family. I don't want to breake up contact with her, that's the whole reason I want to tell her, after all." I said. But the words I could say to her were already forming in my head and they even sounded logical.
"Don't worry Bella. We are there, remember? If you need any help, we'll be there for you in a second, and you know with us being what we are this isn't just meant metaphoric. You can count on every single one of us." He winked at me.
"I don't want you to have to prove it to her… I still clearly remember the first time I really saw through Edward, that Satuday in the meadow." I whispered.
"You were afraid of me that day, weren't you?" He asked in a low voice, taking me in his arms and onto his lap.
"So very, although I always vowed to myself to not ever tell you, because I thought you would be just so satisfied with yourself if I did. You showed me your inhuman side that day and believe me, that was the only time I was ever really afraid of you. That day, I thought I was the prey and you the predator…"
"Oh, Bella. I'm sorry. You know, I never wanted to frighten you… you should have told me, nothingtheless. I love you, you know this, right?" He buried his face in my hair.
"I know. I will always love you, whatever happens…you know this, too, right?"
"Yes I know, but what should happen? Soon we can be happy together forever." He promised.
"No what-ifs on your side?" I teased.
"No, on your?" He asked, a bit shocked.
"We'll see… where's my mom?" I asked cautiously. He chuckled and led me to the door of her guest room. Then I turned around to face him.
"You'll be here, right? Whatever the talk will bring?" I asked. Instead of an answer he smiled my favourite crooked smile and kissed my throat softly. I smiled back and made my way into my mother's room.
She was sitting on the bed, a picture of herself and Phil in her hands, a tear in the corner of her eye. I slowly walked to her side and sat down beside her, placing my hand on hers, whith which she was still holding the photo. I softly pushed her hands back into her lap and made her look at me. I wiped the tears off her face and whispered:
"I love you, mom…"
"I love you, my little Bell. I don't want to lose you … not now, not ever …" She whispered back.
"Mom … can we talk?" I asked cautiously.
"It's about Edward and your wedding, right?" She asked me and I could read it clearly in her face, that she was happy for me, but still didn't trust Edward and the whole situation. She probably knew that I wouldn't just marry him and then run away in a few months, like she did with Charlie. Her motherly instinct sensed that this would be forever.
"I have some things I want to tell you…"