Chapter 3- snow white
There are days now that I have never had before. Memories I hold in the palms of my hands that I wish would seep through like cupped water. Feelings I hold inside; inside this chamber that is my heart. I want to rip the thing from my chest, or inject the poison into my veins that I know will stop it.
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
I appreciate the reality and sincerity in Alice's voice, but she knows, maybe better than I, that I am living in a world of darkness, her voice will barely reach me unless she shocks my mind through a pain in my body.
Her skin is the clean, brilliant white of untrodden fresh snow, void of any etching; a clean start.
My skin is the dirty white of an old piece of used paper, stepped on with muddy, thoughtless, passionate boots. I can still feel the bruises; the invisible marks that leave me forever seeing greenish- purple in their individual place.
"Do it." I grunt with such force that a gust of frustrated and exhausted air escapes my mouth with it. She nods curtly, the humanity already slightly drained from her eyes. I bend my neck and she brushes my hair aside gently. I feel her curved mouth gaining proximity. She hesitates, probably pacing herself, most definitely testing me.
Then it comes. Again my barrier is pierced; I feel the flooding of pain, the rushing of blood. There is that one terrifying moment when I'm afraid she won't let go. And she doesn't in one way. She doesn't loosten her arms around me: doesn't let me fall. She doesn't realize that this is what I want; to fall into oblivious body shattering pain. It's far better than the shattering of the mind.
Hair dark as coal
Skin as white as snow
Lips as red as blood
She rinsed her soul
Of that infectious seed
And came back
To Life