"Christmas"
Rating: T-M
Summary: After a series of tragedies around Christmas time, Ino falls into depression. But maybe a pink haired angel can save her.
WARNINGS: Shoujoai, use of alcohol, mentioned suicide, language, implied sex.
AUTHORS NOTES
Well, it took me awhile, but I finally got this chapter up. Oddly enough, some recent family trouble somehow managed to make me want to finish this chapter, weird no? Sadly, this may be the last update for quite some time, because school is just around the corner and my writing time will be drastically shortened. I believe that's all I have to say, except thank you all who took the time and reviewed and not those of you who just read. And before I forget, here is the next metal song: "10 signs that you should leave" by Emmure. Now let us begin.
Christmas.
A time of cheer, love, peace...
...and Ino couldn't stand it.
Ino pulled her coat tighter around her slim body and turned the collar up against the wind. It was a good coat. A long black coat that was warm and snugly inside, but Ino didn't like it. Too many bad memories in this coat. It had been a happy coat at one point, but it quickly shifted to a bad one.
It had been an early Christmas gift from Shikamaru. She tried it on as Shika hesitantly explained why it was early. He was leaving Konoha. Apparently, after the whole Chunin Exam fiasco, he and Temari had really hit it off. He was leaving to go live with her in Suna.
Of course Ino was torn up. One of her best friends, who she had known for years, was gone. And then, life threw another rough curve at her. Both of her parents, died. On Christmas Eve, no less. They fell asleep in front of a fire before putting it out. Stray embers set the house ablaze, killing them in their sleep. Ino, who was living on her own at the time, felt like life was fucking with her.
Ino kicked savagely at a small snow drift on the sidewalk, sending pearly flakes flying. She had been stripped of her shinobi rank. She was no longer able to concentrate on missions, so the Ninja Council had no other choice.
The worst part of all of these tragedies, was that they all took place within the same two months. She had thought about ending it all. It would have been so easy to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills or to take a knife to her wrists.
However, inadvertently, Sakura saved her. A couple days after her parents funeral, Ino could do nothing but lay in bed and cry. Sakura came to her home and cleaned and cooked for her. Ino watched her when Sakura wasn't looking. The pink-haired angel. It was so sweet of her to do that, Ino thought, lying in bed. Sakura had bought Ino a teddy bear. It was wearing a little red t-shirt that said I LOVE YOU!, its fuzzy little arms outstretched waiting for a hug. Sakura set it on the bed side table so Ino could always see it. Looking at the little teddy made Ino cry even harder. Not out of grief or sorrow. But because it was so touching, that Sakura cared for her that much.
It was what Sakura did next that made Ino realize that, from the days she met Sakura in the park up to now, she had been hiding her true feelings and emotions. Masking her love for her best friend by chasing after Sasuke with her.
It was one of the few memories that Ino held dear and close to her heart.
- - -
"Ino." Sakura called out to her friend quietly. "Inooo." Sakura was perched on the edge of Inos bed, stroking Inos blonde hair, from the top of her head and down her back. Ino was face down beneath the blankets, her face nuzzled into her pillows.
Sakura could tell Ino wasn't sleeping. The mattress was shaking with her suppressed sobs. Sakura gazed at her friend sadly. She head never seen Ino so torn up before. So many horrible things happening in such a short amount of time to someone who didn't deserve it.
"Ino, c'mon, talk to me." Sakura whispered, seizing one of Inos hands, giving it a squeeze. To her surprise, Ino squeezed back and turned to look at her. Inos eyes were red and her pillow case was tear-stained. Sakura sighed, finally a little bit of progress.
"Ready to talk?" Sakura asked, carefully rubbing the back of Inos fingers with her thumb. Ino shook her head.
"No-" she croaked. She coughed a little and resumed, though her voice still sounded a bit scratchy. "But, I suppose I have to if I want any peace from you." Ino swung her legs off of her mattress and sat next to Sakura.
"Aw, hey, come on now. I'm trying to help you out." Sakura said quietly, a little hurt, and placed her arms around Ino. Ino leaned into the hug, resting her head on Sakuras shoulder, snuffling quietly.
"Am I being punished?" Did I do something wrong to deserve this?" Ino asked tearfully. "Do the gods hate me, am I not loved?" She grabbed fistfuls of Sakuras shirt and sobbed into her shoulder.
Sakura rubbed Inos back in slow, soothing, circles. "That's not true Ino, not true at all." She kissed the top of Inos white-blond head. "If you're not loved by gods, then you're at least loved by me." Ino looked up from Sakuras tear dampened shoulder, unwilling to believe her ears.
"W-what?" Ino asked in a voice barely higher than a whisper. She looked into Sakuras emerald eyes and saw nothing but caring and love. Sakura cupped Inos cheeks with her hands and brushed the tears away.
"You're my friend, Ino. I love you and care about you. I hate seeing you like this." Sakura said, her voice starting to tremble, and pulled Ino into a tight hug. Ino blushed at her proximity to Sakura, she felt her heart beating in perfect harmony with Sakuras.
"Does Sakura mean love how I mean it?" Ino asked herself silently. Ino returned the hug, careful about where she placed her arms and keeping her hands from roaming. "You're a good friend Sakura, the absolute best." Ino said. "No. Don't get your hopes up, Ino. There's no way it could mean the same thing." But this didn't keep Ino from nuzzling her way into the crook of Sakuras neck and inhaling the other girls sweet scent. After a few moments of silence...
"Ino..."
"Hmm?" Ino asked quietly, surprised to find herself dozing off on Sakuras shoulder.
"You need a shower."
- - -
Ino gave a small smile as she thought of Sakura, but sighed shortly afterward. She had stopped speaking to Sakura, for fear she would accidentally let her secret slip. She had stopped picking up the phone and bought an answering machine. Whenever she would catch a flash of pink or the sparkle of green eyes in the crowd, Ino would quickly duck around the nearest corner and hide, looking back to see a hurt and dejected girl turning and wandering away. Ino made the mistake of making eye contact with her after running away. The pain in Sakuras eyes was unbearable for Ino and she slumped down onto the ground and cried.
It tore Inos heart out to sit and listen to Sakuras voice messages. Usually they were calm and questioning. But at other times, they were tearful and pleading. Ino wanted so bad to tell Sakura, but even if Sakura returned her feelings, same sex relationships were forbidden in Konoha. Eventually the calls stopped coming all together. Ino still caught glimpses of Sakura around the village, but she seemed...different, like all the life had drained out of her. There was no more bright smile on her face, no longer any gleam of cheerfulness in her eyes. She didn't even look around when Ino saw her and this hurt more than when she did look and Ino had to run away.
Ino came to a halt outside the door to her apartment room and fumbled around in her pockets for her keys. She heard the phone ringing inside, but she didn't hurry. The machine would get it. Besides, she had an appointment with some pills and a bottle of vodka to keep. The machine took the call as the door swung open.
Hey, it's Ino. Obviously I'm not here or else I'd be talking to ya. Leave me a song, little bird.
Ino tossed her coat over the back of a chair and when to rummage through the fridge, pulling out a three-quarters full bottle of Karloff. She grunted in disgust with how chipper she sounded on her machine. She took a precursory swig of vodka and spilled most of that down her shirt when her voice was replaced with her callers.
"Hi, Ino. It's Sakura." came the soft voice from across the wires. "Um, listen, I know it's been a while and we haven't talked in so long...but I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come over on Christmas Eve." Ino collapsed into a nearby chair and listened, mesmerized by Sakuras voice. "You know, it'd be just the us two. Then we could chat or whatever."
Ino was torn: her heart leapt at the chance to be able to see Sakura again, maybe even that smile that could light up a room, but her head said no with a firmly planted foot out of fear. But then, Sakuras voice changed and Inos brain started second-guessing itself. Her voice grew quieter, but more profound.
"And I'll completely understand if you don't want to." Ino could tell there was a barely suppressed sob somewhere in there. "I...I m-miss you, I-Ino. It feels like when we were fighting over Sasuke. Only then, there was a reason for us not talking, but I don't see one now." Sakura sobbed out. Ino fell forward from her seat onto her knees, dropping her vodka, the clear liquid spreading across the ugly, gray carpet. Management was going to raise Hell about it, however, Ino couldn't care less. She just wanted Sakura to stop...
"Stop what?" Her brain asked her heart. "Stop talking? Stop breathing? Stop living?..."
"Stop crying, Sakura." Ino sobbed from the floor in her fetal position. "Please, stop crying."
"I-I-I don't know what I did to make you hate me, Ino, but I w-want you to know...this is the last time I'll try to call you." Ino clapped a hand over her mouth, she felt sick, her other arm winding tightly around her abdomen.
"If I don't get your call by Christmas...I'll accept that I've done something t-truly horrible and it has cost me your friendship."
"Don't say that, Sakura. Don't say that." Ino moaned over and over again into her knees.
"I-If I don't get the chance to say this face to face to you, I'll say it now." Sakura took a deep, shaking, breath between sobs. "I wish you the best, Ino, even if you don't wish the same for me. Goodbye, I'll always m-miss you, Yamanaka Ino...the friend I lost...for the reason I don't know..."
Ino didn't know how long she laid there after Sakura hung up. All she could think about was forever losing Sakura because of her cowardice. Hours later, Ino shakily picked up her phone and made the call. She chewed her thumbnail nervously as the phone rang...
and rang...
and...
"Hello?" The voice that answered sounded like it belonged to someone who either had a very bad head-cold or had recently been crying.
"Sakura..."
- - -
The next day, Ino stood nervously on Sakuras front step thinking about the call she made the previous day.
- - -
"Sakura..." There was a gasp from the other end of the line.
"Ino? I-I-Is it really you?" Ino let go of a breath she didn't know she had been holding, she expected Sakura to be full of anger, not hopeful happiness.
"Yeah...yeah, it's me forehead." Ino replied, playfully using Sakuras old nickname. Sakura made a small sound that half sounded like a sob, half like a giggle.
"Oh w-well...I, um, h-how've you been?"
"Oh fine." Ino lied. The truth was Ino hadn't been or felt anywhere near "fine" for almost a year now. "Other than feeling ashamed of myself and feeling like an idiot, fine."
Sakura remained silent. She didn't have to ask why. Ino decided to break this new silence.
"Sakura, I don't hate you, I never did."
"Then why...were you avoiding me?" Sakura sniffed.
"For a really stupid reason." Ino said. "It's something we would have to talk about face to face. Do you think you're free on, say, the twenty-fourth?"
"W-what? Does...that mean-"
"Yeah, forehead, it does, I'm coming over."
- - -
Ino reached forward and knocked on Sakuras front door. After her talk with Sakura, Ino got directions to Sakuras new home and was surprised to find that it wasn't that far from her apartment. The door was pulled open and there stood Sakura. She was wearing a dark emerald green sweater and jeans, her hair was pulled up into a bun with a few stray wisps of hair escaping. Ino felt quite unworthy to be standing in her presence. She had her hair up in her trademark ponytail and was wearing a sweater of similar make, only it was dark blue and much, much older and worn looking.
"Ino!" Sakura exclaimed brightly." Come in, come in." Sakura ushered her inside to a warm and cozy entrance way and closed the door behind her. Ino noted the lovely, dark, cherry wood flooring and walls.
"Wow. Nice place, Sakura." Ino whistled. She felt a pair of soft, warm hands rest on her shoulders from behind, pulling gently at her coat, offering to take it. Ino allowed it and took her shoes off at the door.
"Thanks." Ino heard Sakura whisper. Ino turned to take a look at Sakura, and was seized around the waist by a pair of arms Ino was sure could snap her like a twig. "Now, I'm never letting go." Sakura said, resting her chin on Inos shoulder. Ino smiled and returned the hug to the slightly shorter girl, but instead, placing her arms around Sakuras shoulders. They stood there a moment, clasped in each others arms, enjoying each others presence after such a long time.
"You got here right on time." Sakura said breaking the hug, "dinner's ready." She beckoned for Ino to follow her down the hall.
"Ooh, what're...what...what're we h-having?" Ino asked clumsily. She had been admiring Sakuras backside (AN: Her actual backside, not her ass), the delicate curvature where shoulder met neck and how her hips rolled a little from side to side as she walked. Either Sakura didn't notice Inos stumbles, or chose not to say anything about it.
"Mmm. Honey glazed ham, mashed potatoes, and green beans."
"Yum! Sounds good." Ino smiled. They reached a spacious dining room where a long table sat, two plates already laden with food awaited them. They had apparently just been sat out, because steam still wafted from the scrumptious looking dinner. The table places were set up across from each other and on the longer sides of the table, so Ino could have played a game of footsie with Sakura if she was so inclined. They settled down and dug in. The ham was fork-tender, the potatoes were buttery, and the green beans were perfectly seasoned.
"So, how did you come about such a nice pad Sakura?" Ino asked after a few moments. Sakura passed Ino a crystal flute of deep red wine. "I didn't know that Jounin paid so well." Sakura shook her head.
"Jounin doesn't pay well, but S-Ranked ANBU missions do." Ino looked up in surprise, her mouth hanging open and still full of ham and potato.
"You made ANBU?" Ino asked after getting rid of her see-food. Sakura nodded taking up a bite of potatoes. "Wow. A lot's happened in one year, eh?" Afterwards they slipped into easy conversation, reminiscing about old times. They were halfway through a particularly old memory(involving a bumblebee, a scraped knee, and a bad hair day), when Ino froze mid-sentence. Something warm was brushing against the inside of her leg.
"There's no way. No way Sakura had my idea of a game of footsie!" But then her stomach fluttered as the warm something rubbed up and down her leg and she thought, "Wait...is Sakura playing footsie with me?!? Is she?...No, can't be, Sakura's not a..." Inos train of thought was halted as Sakura looked at her confusedly and asked what was wrong. Ino didn't answer, but instead began to lean over to look under the table. She expected to see a hastily retreating foot, not a bolt of gray lightning to come streaking at her face.
Ino gave a squeal and toppled backwards in her chair, smacking her head on the floor with a bang.
"Ino!" Sakura jumped up and went around the table to help Ino up. She sounded alarmed, but also half amused.
"What the hell was that?" Ino asked as Sakura helped her to her feet.
"It was just Kaori." Sakura said vanishing into the hallway where the bolt of gray had vanished to. Ino sat her chair back up and Sakura came back into the room, cradling a little gray kitten in her arms.
"Kaori?"
"Yeah, Kaori." Sakura said nuzzling the little kitten. "She's my baby." Ino rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway.
"Oh please, you're gonna make me barf." Ino wiggled a finger at Kaori. The kitten batted at said finger and nipped lightly at the tip causing Ino to smile again.
"Here," Sakura said, gently pressing Kaori into Inos arms, "head into the living room and I'll clean up the plates, unless you weren't done."
"No, no. I'm finished. I think I'd explode if I ate another bite." Ino joked. Sakura gave a bubbly giggle that caused Inos stomach to turn cartwheels. Ino loved how Sakura smiled and laughed and she began wondering why she deprived herself of the things she loved in the first place.
Sakura scooped up the plates and headed for the kitchen while Ino explored the hallway, peeking in through different doorways. Eventually, she came across a room that had to have been the living room. There was a black, stone, fireplace complete with a crackling fire. A Christmas tree stood in one corner, glittering with red and gold ornaments, a small stack of gifts sitting at its base. Squishy looking armchairs dotted the room and parked right in front of the fire was a gorgeous, white, leather couch.
Ino looked down at Kaori and found herself being stared at with stunning green eyes that were frighteningly similar to her masters, Ino found an immediate affections for the little animal.
"I don't know if you're mommy lets you on the couch, so you can sit on my lap." Ino said to Kaori while plopping down on the middle cushion of the couch. Kaori sat, very well-behaved, on Inos lap, looking around and mewling pitifully, obviously wondering where her "mommy" had gone. Ino reached out a finger(that Kaori tried to attack first) and gently scratched under her chin, her mewls were immediately replaced with a contented pur.
A nerve twinged in Inos shoulder and she winced, it had been giving her trouble lately probably from stress, and she rubbed the offending site. She was surprised to find her fingers being brushed away and replaced with two strong, yet soft, hands.
"Right here?" Sakura asked in a whisper almost in Inos ear. Her probing fingers proding the exact spot perfectly.
"Mm-hmm." Ino groaned as chakra filled fingers went to work. Ino tilted her head to the side, allowing Sakura better access. A small sigh passed Inos lips as Sakura molded muscles and skin, undoing knots Ino didn't know she had. Ino allowed her magnificent blonde head to fall back, her eyes half-lidded, looking up at a smiling Sakura.
"Better?" Sakura asked. Ino gave a small exhalation through her nose and smiled.
"Don't think I've ever felt this lose before in my life."
"Oh? Wanna feel looser?" Sakura asked walking around the couch to sit next to Ino and bringing with her a long-necked magnum. "Can I tempt you?" She asked with a near vampiric smile.
"It doesn't take much to tempt me, besides, I'm not one to turn down perfectly good suds." Ino laughed. Sakura took a swig and passed Ino the bottle. Kaori had given a small meow and moved from Inos lap to Sakuras, she rubbed up against Sakuras flat tummy. Ino went to take a drink and nearly choked in surprise.
"Sake?" Ino asked after the taste of piping hot rice wine registered on her tongue. "Never pictured you as a sake kinda girl, Saku." Sakura looked up from her snuggle session with Kaori(who was situated somewhere between Sakuras breasts). "Damn lucky cat!" Ino thought.
"Yeah, I booze it up with sake, but that's about it except wine with dinner." They slipped into silence, quietly passing the sake back and forth. Kaori gave a displeased "Mia", hopped off Sakuras lap, and wandered off in search of something more interesting to do than sit in silence with two drinkers. For about twenty minutes, maybe half an hour, they sat there, not talking, not doing anything but staring at the flame dancing around in the fireplace.
"Ino?" Sakura asked finally.
"Mmm." Ino knew it was coming and she had been dreading this moment ever since she had gotten off the phone with Sakura the previous night.
"Why?" Was all Sakura had to ask, her voice just above a whisper. Ino opened and closed her mouth several times like a fish out of water before she attempted to say anything. She turned to face Sakura, curling one leg up beneath her, Sakura did like-wise.
"Well, it's...difficult to say, other than it was for a really stupid rea-" Ino was cut off halfway when she looked up from her own hands by a soft pair of pink lips.
"Why can't I kiss her back? This is what I wanted all along, so why can't I kiss her?" Ino asked herself as Sakuras lips moved across her own, while her hand gently caressed Inos cheek. It only took Sakura a couple of seconds to realize that Ino wasn't participating in the kiss and flinched away as if Ino had slapped her. She closed her eyes, covered her mouth, and turned away.
"I'm sorry." Ino barely heard Sakura whisper. Ino reached out a hand to rest on her shoulder.
"Sakura, I-"
"I'm so sorry." Sakura leapt up and moved to leave the room, but Ino quickly stood, grasping Sakuras wrist.
"Sakura, wait!" Ino cried, stopping her. Sakura stood there in front of Ino quietly, head down, her arms dangling limply. Ino shifted her grasp down from Sakuras wrist to her fingers, squeezing lightly. Ino thought to herself that Sakura looked quite stunning, half of her body was lit with an orange-red glow by the fire and the other half cast in dark shadow.
She thought back to the kiss.
"Does it mean anything? Does she love me or was it just a moment of drunk stupidity?" Ino almost started crying then and there as she considered the last possibility, she didn't think she'd be able to live knowing Sakura could never be hers. But even if Sakura did love her, there was no way they could truly be together, Konoha would see to that. They would have to hide it, only able to show affection for one another in their homes.
Ino placed a few fingers under Sakuras chin and gently turned her face up. Slowly, green eyes met blue and Ino could see steady streams of tears leaking from Sakuras eyes. Ino drew the sleeve of her sweater up over her fingers using her teeth and very carefully wiped away the tears, Sakura put up no resistance to keep Ino from touching her.
"What do you mean by it?" Ino asked in a quiet, almost hurt voice. "Are you drunk?" Sakura shook her head. "Then what does it mean?" Ino directed Sakura back to her seat on the couch and sat beside her, waiting for an answer. Sakura looked up at Ino, a mixture of sadness and shame upon her beautiful features.
"I...I think I..." Sakura took a shuddering breath "...I love you." Ino felt her jaw drop for the second time that night.
"F-for how long?"
"I don't know, a long time." Sakura began. " But then you started ignoring me and avoiding me and I thought you had found out and hated me for it. And then...- What's so funny?"
Ino was doubled over, arms around her stomach, tears streaking down her face, laughing! Sakura sat stiffly, arms crossed in front of her chest, wondering what kind of person laughs when a friend reveals their deepest secret to them. After much knee-slapping, side-splitting laughing, Ino was able to calm down, but still retained a very bubbly air.
"Nothing's funny forehead," Ino hiccupped, "nothing about you. It's me."
"Well then, Pig, care to enlighten me?" Sakura asked, reverting to the old childhood taunt. Ino smiled wide and placed an arm around Sakuras shoulders.
"I would love to, forehead." Suddenly, the atmosphere of the room changed from one of hilarity and confusion, to one of seduction and shock. Ino drew Sakura in close while simultaneously leaning in towards Sakuras ear. Gently, Ino took the lobe between her lips and nibbled it briefly. Sakura flinched when Ino worked the tip of her tongue up under the rim of the pinna and ran it all along the outer edge.
"Ino, what are you-" Sakura breathed before Ino placed a finger vertically across her lips, silencing her.
"Shush, forehead." Ino whispered before tracing Sakuras jaw line with kisses. Ino pulled away, but not too far, and looked deep into Sakuras eyes. Sakura was pink in the face.
"You, Ino, you...you're-" Sakura spluttered. Ino smiled and brushed a few stray locks of hair away from Sakuras face.
"Yeah, forehead, I love you too." Ino leaned forward and gently placed her lips against Sakuras. Sakura pressed forward into the kiss, circling her arms around Ino. Even though they kept it dry, their kisses somehow managed to be fiery and passionate, filled with repressed love and desire.
By this point, Ino was lying on her back with Sakura above her and with absolutely no idea as to how she got there.
"This is why - I was avoiding - you." Ino explained in between kisses. "It's because I was - afraid you'd find - out and that you'd - hate me for it." she panted. "But even if you - had returned my love then - you could have lost - everything and you still can. Your spot in ANBU, your - home even." They pulled apart with a wet smacking noise. Sakura looked down on her new found love and ran her fingers through silky blonde hair. "And I know you love being a shinobi, and you want those you love to be happy, right?" Ino continued, caressing Sakuras cheek with the back of her hand.
"I know," Sakura murmured, inches from Inos lips, returning the touch, "but the only way I could ever be truly happy is with you." Now it was Sakuras turn to wipe away Inos tears.
"You're so sweet." Ino said quietly as Sakura brushed away the twin tears from Inos eyes. "And that's why I love you." Ino kissed her softly. "You're sweet, you're cute, you're funny, you're smart..." Ino said kissing Sakura once for each quality.
"You are bold," Sakura kissed Ino, "you're kind, you're brave, and you're beautiful..." Sakura whispered back, copying Ino. When Sakura drew back, Ino could see the lust in her eyes and she knew she held the same light in her eyes that Sakura did. "Do you...wanna stay tonight?" Sakura asked, her lips parted slightly, warm breath striking Inos cheek.
"I would love to forehead." Ino said leaning up to lick Sakuras ear. As Sakura got up and lead Ino upstairs to her bedroom, Ino found herself thinking.
"I hope Kaori is well adjusted."
- - -
The next morning when Ino woke up, Sakura was still asleep next to her. The sheets on Sakuras bed were tangled around them both and Ino had a hell of a time freeing herself without waking Sakura. After freeing herself from the bed sheets clutches, Ino began hunting for her clothes. Ino almost gave up on the hunt for her panties before finding them hanging from a lampshade. Ino wrote Sakura a quick note after dressing, apologizing to her for allowing her to wake up alone, but she still had the flower shop to look after. Quietly stealing downstairs, Ino slipped on her coat and let herself out, she was still unable to believe the amount of work her tongue went through last night.
As she pounded down the street, Ino decided that her coat wasn't so bad after all, now that she had a happy memory in it.
"And maybe," Ino thought to herself looking up to see an azure sky, "Christmas isn't so bad either."
- - -
Well, that was most certainly the longest chapter to date, it was about 2000 words short of being as long as "Carpe Noctum". It took me about four hours in total to type it all up. I mentioned this before, but school is sadly just around the corner so updates are going to be even less frequent now. As always, reviews are appreciated. You should expect a new update for "Carpe Noctum" sooner than for "Love of Flowers". READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!!
TTFN!!