Nothing at All
A FanFic that's Angsty, Fluffy and Remotely Funny, Just The Way It Should Be
Disclaimer: I don't own Sakura-chan, Syaoran-kun, or any of the gang... But I claim my rights on this ficcie! X3
Author's Note:
What can I say? I just absolutely fell in love with this song when I heard it... And indulging myself in Tsubasa Chronicle fics lately has got me itching for a Syao-Saku in the making; besides, some of the lyrics really reminded me of them...
I must admit I quite lost my muse somewhere in the middle of writing all this, but I hope it still turned out well… Anyway, read and enjoy! And please tell me if it made you happy, that'll make me happy too. (grin)
"You say it best, when you say nothing at all…"
The young archaeologist could have sworn he had just heard his princess utter a few words in his ear. Shrugging off the warm feelings that were threatening to overcome him, Syaoran heaved off a sigh and settled down near the edge of the sparkling river running through from the heart of the forest off into the far horizon.
Their group had just arrived at this new world, and so far, Mokona hadn't sensed a feather yet. And so, Fai suggested that they rest for a while, take a break from their consuming voyage in search for Sakura's priceless memories. Kurogane merely nodded and went off to scout for a suitable campsite, and in no time at all, Mokona had dragged Sakura off somewhere remotely interesting, as Fai just smiled and sat under the shade of a tree, dozing peacefully not too long after.
Seeing the rest of his companions busy doing one thing or another, Syaoran decided to survey the area himself as well. Which brought him to where he was now: Sitting on a rock near the riverbed, lost in thought. He had no idea as to why he felt so distressed. The sky in this world was a bright and clear blue, dotted with fluffy white clouds. The birds were chirping happily in the trees, the flowers opening their buds and turning up to face the sun. The whole forest was peacefully quiet, and it seemed like everything was just perfect.
'Then why do I feel so uneasy?' Syaoran wondered.
He was broken from his reverie by the slight rustling of leaves, but after a few seconds of nothing happening, he immersed himself into his thoughts once more, dwelling in his past memories. He suppressed a frown. Even if he was presently alone, he couldn't risk anyone knowing, especially Princess Sakura, that he felt distressed. He was once again jolted from his musings by a faint and distant, yet familiar melody.
'I remember hearing this when Father was still alive…' Syaoran thought absentmindedly.
Realization dawned in his eyes and he inwardly shivered. 'So that's why I'm feeling so restless… Come on, Syaoran.' He berated himself, 'You knew what it meant to accept the burden of the price…' He sighed resignedly and shook his head.
"I should be over you by now…" he muttered softly to no one in particular.
Rising from the rock he was resting on, Syaoran tried to clear his mind of troubling thoughts. "You have a job to do. No matter how hard it is, you just have to keep moving forward," He drilled into himself.
'Besides,' a little voice in his head echoed, 'You know you're not just doing this for her; more than anything, you know you're doing this for yourself.'
"I know…" Syaoran whispered aloud. "I just have to bear this all by myself. If I keep on smiling, no one would notice that something's wrong…"
He was about to go back to where his companions were when he heard that haunting melody once again. Glancing around to find the source of the enchanting voice, Syaoran's eyes widened when he saw his princess standing quite a few meters away, the heavy foliage obscuring him from her view. He was about to reveal himself to her when she started singing once more.
"Her voice is so beautiful…" Syaoran unconsciously muttered, and her next words made a silent tug at his heart.
"It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart.
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark..."
She paused to pick a few flowers, and started dancing around while the melody of her words still lingered in the air. Syaoran turned back and leaned on a tree, weighing the impact of her words on his disposition. He felt strangely hopeful, but he forced himself to fight to suppress those feelings because he knew it would only hurt more to discover he was wrong. Oblivious to her influence over her young protector, Sakura started singing once more…
"Try as I may, I could never explain,
What I hear when you don't say a thing…"
She giggled after the last word and felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. She was feeling strangely giddy, slightly happy, even though her mind was still a bit fuzzy from the last feather she had gained.
Mokona had dragged her here, ecstatically scurrying all over the place, all the while spewing jumbled words and incoherent phrases too fast for her to understand. She had glanced away for a while, and when she turned back, Mokona was gone. Thinking that the small white creature had simply gone off in search of food, Sakura thought no more of it and went back to enjoy the scenery. Strangely enough, gazing at the resilient flowers reminded her of her valorous protector. He was always there for her, always worried, always concerned... He was always silent, but she knew how to hear without words being spoken. Yes, living in an empty shell deprived of memories does that to a person.
"You always did speak with your eyes…"
She smiled at the thought, and soon lost herself in daydreams of deep caramel irises, swirling in their depths, singing softly and with happiness written across her face. The more she journeyed with Syaoran and the others, the more she came to know herself; the more she felt… Attracted to the brave your man. He was her light, the voice deep inside her always urging her on…
Syaoran, in the meanwhile, was already slumped against the tree, overflowing with conflicting emotions. There were a million reasons to give up on this journey, a million more to completely lose hope. But no words could ever express how much he felt just being here with her, watching over her, caring for her, and just loving her… He closed his eyes and remembered the next lines of the song.
"The smile on your face lets me know that you need me,
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me..."
Unconsciously, Sakura smoothly continued the melody for him.
"The touch of your hand says you'll catch me,
If ever I fall…"
He jerked his head up and felt relieved. Regardless of time, dimension, or price, Sakura was still his to love. Completely, utterly, unmistakably his. She may never return the feeling, but she thought of him as a good friend, at the very least.
"I promise, Sakura-hime," he whispered, "I'll be strong, for both of us…"
"You say it best, when you say nothing at all…"
"Yes," they both thought, "words… aren't needed."
Standing determinedly now, Syaoran decided to surprise her at an appropriate time. He stilled, allowing himself to internalize the lyrics, to feel the message of the song. Princess Sakura was, by now sitting beneath the very tree Syaoran was hiding behind. She was humming, thinking about the archaeologist whose actions seemed to tell her she mattered the world to him. Giving off a wistful sigh, she went back to musing.
"All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd"
Out of the blue, she stood gracefully and wrapped her arms around herself. With closed eyes and a smile on her face, she waltzed around the clearing. She remembered feeling cold when she first woke up, cold whenever she was alone, cold every time she couldn't remember.
"But Syaoran takes all that cold away," her mind muttered. "Yes," she said out loud, "Syaoran gives me all the warmth I need…" She trailed off and giggled giddily, but stopped abruptly when she felt two strong arms wrap around her into a gentle embrace.
"Just this once," Syaoran whispered, "Just this once, and I promise I won't ask for anything else, just this once…" he continued mentally.
Sakura panicked the first moment, but relaxed the next. She settled into his embrace, comfortable, warm, but half-understanding, only half-knowing – Always just half.
"Syaoran-kun…?" she murmured fleetingly.
He remained silent and unmoving, torn between guilt, pain, and the wonderful feeling that was engulfing his insides. She quietly consented and once more sang the next verse.
"Old Mr. Webster could never define
What's being said between your heart and mine…"
She stopped when she felt wet tears fall on her shoulder. She froze, and he did not speak. She remained still, feeling his tiny sobs and violent shivers wrack his quivering frame. She leaned onto him, silently assuring him she was where she wanted to be – here, in his arms, where she felt she belonged. Feeling lost and quite sad, but still a bit happy nevertheless, Sakura let the next words drift into the stale air.
"The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me
Forever I fall…"
The melody started to fade, until there was only silence. Syaoran's arms slowly fell limp around his sides. He silently berated himself for letting his emotions overwhelm him, but he also knew it was of no use arguing, it was already done. He shook his head and tried to smile after everything, but it was too difficult. All this – it hurt to an unimaginable extent, slowly, excruciatingly killing him inside. He knew it was up to him to try, to bear it all, but sometimes, it was simply just too much.
"I can't just… It's so hard, staying silent all the time like this; never being able to speak out, to express what I feel…" He shut his eyes to prevent new tears from falling, but he opened them abruptly in shock when he felt soft hands caressing his flushed cheeks.
"It's okay, Syaoran-kun. You don't need to say anything…"
He fisted his hands so tightly and tried not to trap her in his arms again. She tenderly wrapped her hands around his closed ones, gently but firmly prying them open, and lacing her fingers with his.
"You know Syaoran-kun, I appreciate everything you've done for me… I know you're trying so hard, I'm aware of the hardships and the pain you go through. And… I know memories are important, but in the end, that's all they ever are. Just… memories…"
Syaoran's eyes widened at his princess' revelation. He had always thought that she treasured her memories, that they were vital to her. They were part of her soul, after all. He had no idea…
"But Sakura-hime, your memories make up who you are…! They're part of your heart and soul…" he trailed off, but she shook her head and remained firm.
"Syaoran-kun, I may need my memories to tell me who I was, but I don't need them to tell me who I am, or who I will be. Memories are… crucial in a person's life and well-being, but they don't hold the future nor chain the present. I don't need my memories to tell me how I feel…"
It was her turn to trail off and Syaoran didn't know what to say. He wanted to go on and fulfill his promise, gather all the feathers and bring his childhood friend back. Unbeknownst to him, his eyes were displaying all his conflicting emotions, all his thoughts, all his worries, all his love…
Sakura nodded in understanding and gently tugged at their intertwined hands.
"I'm really grateful for everything you're doing for me, Syaoran-kun. But I hope you know that I'd still be grateful should you choose to stop and just stay with me…"
She silently added, "I've always felt like I've known you all my life, and that you're more important to me than any of my feathers… I said it once, and I'll say it again, Syaoran gives me all the warmth I need…" She didn't voice the last statements out loud, knowing any mention of a past connection would have Syaoran firmly denying all speculations, looking away with a pained, longing expression in his face, then smiling and swiftly changing the subject. But despite all this, Sakura knew, that indeed, Syaoran was someone very important to her. "He may have his reasons to hide it, but I can see it all shining clearly in his eyes…"
Smiling genuinely now, Sakura led the unmoving Syaoran back to where the rest of their companions were waiting. Eyebrows were raised and questions were asked, but all was forgotten as the five of them sat down to partake of a dinner lovingly prepared by the magician of the group, Mokona as bubbly as ever and suspiciously unaware of having left Sakura anywhere near Syaoran at all.
After stomachs were filled and satisfied sighs let out, with Kurogane and Fay agreeing to take the first watch, pleasantries were exchanged as the two teenagers settled down inside the tent, nestled against each other.
"I'm sorry Princess," Syaoran replied quietly, "I can't let myself give up on this journey… I won't allow myself to weaken, to say, or show anything that might let you know of my true feelings for you. Against all odds, I hope it's for the best…"
He felt Sakura's hand reaching for his, and he smiled.
"Good night, Syaoran-kun…"
He said nothing, just gripped her hand in response, and held onto it contentedly. Feeling warmth rapidly spread through him from the soft hand caressing his, the young archaeologist finally started drifting off to sleep. And once more, Syaoran could have sworn he had heard a gentle voice whispering in his ear.
"You say it best, when you say nothing at all…"
The stars were shining brightly that night, just like the tiny, fragile feathers scattered across numerous dimensions. But here, in this moment in time, together in a solitary little makeshift world they could call their own, it suddenly didn't matter whether Sakura had all of her feathers or not. Because irregardless of the presence or absence of her memories embedded in her soul, Sakura could still say without hesitation that she was still her. That everything was okay because Syaoran was still beside her.
Somehow, that seemed to be all that mattered.
And it was okay, because he knew he didn't have to say anything. It was okay because she knew words didn't need to be said. It was okay because they both knew what existed, even if there seemed to be nothing at all.
And between this and searching for his Princess' feathers, Syaoran couldn't help but suddenly think, that things didn't seem so bad anymore.
...owari...
Author's Note:
Yipee! Done, done, done…!
I know Syaoran and Sakura are horribly out-of-character, but I was so frustrated with all the angst-ridden pangs that tugged at my heart whenever I see or read about Syaoran and Sakura's star-crossed romance, that I just had to do something! Besides, I'm sure Sakura's not as oblivious as she seems. But like I said at the beginning, I kinda lost my muse halfway through writing this thing, so… I'm horribly sure it didn't turn out as well as I'd wanted it to…
But still, I hope you enjoyed it!
Many thanks, and leave a review…!