Warning #1: You're not going to like this chapter, Constant Reader.

Warning #2: I'm not going to care. How come? 'Cause I'm not. Anyway, it's essential that things here go the way they go; the focus is where it is, not where you'll be wanting it to be. Get over it.

Disclaimer: What belongs to Nintendo, belongs to Nintendo. There you are, you can't sue me anymore. Nyah nyah!

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Malon, where are you? the extreme version
Chapter 2.2 (or so): Revenge Cont.
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Malon sang to herself under her breath, a wordless, tuneless ditty that was really more like humming. She sang because of the large order of milk they had gotten, gotten from some rich person, some rich bitch that she didn't recognize. She should have, some part of her mind said, but she didn't. Too devoted to Link, you see. Link, the Hero of Time, Malon's husband, and contemporary Hylian sex-god.

Link told her she was a sex goddess, but she disagreed; her waist was too thin, and her breasts were a little on the heavy side, in her mind. Her body got definition from the muscle that came from farm work, and hard-bodied women weren't sex goddesses, she knew this. Link once said she wasn't hard compared to… someone he had been with before, some noblewoman, but Malon had just shaken her head. Link loved it when she shook her head like that; her hair, so long and fine and red, swung from side to side like it was alive, and it never failed to turn him on. Of course, around his wife, it was easy to turn him on, anyway.

Malon didn't complain, oh no, she liked getting fucked up just as much as the next girl. But they did live on a ranch, and ranches needed maintenance. Link was terrific at that sort of thing; his mind was a little lagging, but for all that he learned simple things quickly, simple things like slinging hay… milking cows… handling the horses… handling her… using the butter churn… using his manhood… Yeah, whatever he had done before he had married Malon, he was much happier here and now, at the ranch, with her.

They had forgotten about life before each other, practically. Forgotten in the face of their love for each other, their overwhelming lust and desire for each other's bodies, what they could bring to each other, do to each other. The first month, each night had been different… different positions, different foreplay, different angles. Since then, they had found a pattern; one would be mostly on top one night, and the next they would switch.

But all that is beside the point. The point is this; Malon had forgotten about Zelda. Impossible, you say? In a normal world, when the Princess actually did her job of running a country, then yes, that would be rather difficult. But remember, Princess Zelda is a lesbian, dominatrix, hard-hearted bitch, totally obsessed with gratifying her own desires, her own wants and needs. Control of Hyrule, for all practical intents and purposes, was in the hands of the Royal Council, the group of old men who had formerly been merely advisors, under the reign of King Daphnes.

They had discussed ousting Zelda and taking control directly, but since they couldn't act without her permission, which would violate the ancient creeds set down by Farore, they couldn't really oust her. They had worked up the courage to propose such a thing at the weekly meetings Zelda was arbitrarily forced to attend… and they had adjourned early, ears ringing, after being screamed at for half an hour by a supremely pissed off Princess.

Enough of that; Zelda is a bad person, and we don't want to dwell on her more then necessary, which unfortunately will be rather a lot. But in the mean time, we can look on as Malon, with her thin waist, heavy breasts, and luxurious red hair, directs the mules in the direction of the Castle.

Humming her tuneless tune, waving at people she might once have known before Link, and being ogled at profusely in return (due to the fact that she had discarded most of her outer clothing because of the heat, and since some of her underclothes were rather tight), she made her way. Past the gates, with the guards who didn't bother to check and see that she was who she was (to them, the sight of a feminine physique is identification enough, poor lads). And into the court yard, where some more guards awaited her.

She had done this lots of times before; draw the wagon about, let the men unload the milk, get paid, give everyone a nice view as she bent over to accept it, then leave. Things went drastically awry this time, however, when someone swung a sand-filled burlap sack down on her head from behind.

When she woke up, the first thing she noticed was the obscene amount of pain in her head. The next thing she noticed was that she was completely naked. Then she noticed how she was tied up; expertly, with well-made rope and good knots. Then she noticed how she was spread-eagled on… something. Might have been a bed, might have been a pile of sacks. She was willing to bet on the bed; after all, sack piles don't usually have pillows on them.

Finally, she noticed another woman standing over her. She had reddish-blond hair, hard blue eyes, and would have been extremely attractive were it not for the sour expression on her face; as it was, she was still something to lust after.

Then she spoke; her voice, like her face, was hard and sour, yet it evoked feelings of arousal despite that. "Oh good, you're awake. Now I can torture you." Her words confused Malon; who would want to torture her? After all, Link would be on them like flies on a corpse. "Excuse me, but who are you? And do you know who my husband is?"

"Yes, you silly farm whore, I know perfectly well who your 'husband' is; he's the reason you're here. And I am Zelda, Princess of this Kingdom of Hyrule. You're here as bait, to lure Link to this place. Then I'll use you to blackmail him into fucking me out of my mind, just like the old days. Then I might let the two of you go, but then again, I might not; you've caused me no end of hardship, farm whore, so I might just force you to work here in the castle."

Malon was astonished. "You can't do that, Your Majesty! Who will watch over the Ranch, milk the cows, pick the apples for our Cider?" "That's not my concer- wait, what cider?" "LonLon Cider. Haven't you ever heard of it?"

Zelda had, of course, heard of LonLon Cider. Its potency was the stuff of legend as far away as Calatia. She herself always had a small nip in the mornings, and sometimes two nips if it was an eventful night. But somehow, she had never associated something so good with the farm whore. "Damn you. Now I can't keep you here, that'd disrupt things. But…" Here she got an evil gleam in her eye. "That doesn't mean I can't torture you before Link gets here…"

Malon was terrified; she was also remembering. "Majesty, why? Why do you want to disrupt his happiness? We're happy, living together. Why couldn't you leave us alone?" Against her will, she began to cry; her breasts heaved up and down with her sobs.

The sight exited Zelda no end. Suddenly she couldn't think as clearly as before, because she hadn't really noticed how well-made Malon's body was. "Uh… I can't leave you alone because… uh…" She was too distracted by the sight of Malon in distress to continue.

"You're a bitch, you know that, Majesty? You tortured my husband, treated him like filth, and how did he return it? He worshipped you! He thought the whole damned universe of you, and for what? Why did he look up to you so?" "What are you talking about, farm whore? I never gave him a chance to think, we were too busy screwing each other." "That's my point! You treated him like filth!" "Well, he was filth! All men are filth, only good for menial labor and relieving us women of our tension! And even that, we can do by ourselves! Or with other women!" Wait a second… there's an idea…

Malon was sobbing uncontrollably now, her body thrashing back and forth, her breasts jiggling wildly. To Zelda, the room was suddenly uncomfortably close and hot; she had to get her dresses off before she died of the heat…