Author's Note: Date 6.
I am so sorry for the interruption in the updates. You can always look on my profile page to see any story news in the future. Again, I apologize.
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And thank you to the C2 that added this fic, The Dragon's Picks.
Enjoy and please review!
A single candle illuminated the dusty room, casting shifting designs over the cold floor. Shikamaru was perched carefully on a rickety chair. He stared into the darkness, watching for a pair of cobalt eyes to meet his gaze.
"I need your help."
The figure hidden in the darkness closed its eyes. "Shikamaru, why are you asking me?"
"I hate to admit it," Shikamaru said slowly, "but you're the only one who can help me with my problem." He narrowed his eyes. "After tonight, there will be one more date before the wedding." He was silent for several moments.
"I can't marry her."
"Why?" the figure asked. "You were both really close friends a few years back, right?"
"Well, yes," he said, frowning. "Seven years ago, she just stopped coming to Konoha. I never saw her again." He lowered his eyes. "Until now."
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I barely know her anymore. I can't marry her."
"I see," the dark figure said thoughtfully. "Well then, I'll help you. But you're going to have to do something for me."
"I'll do anything," Shikamaru's voice rang out decisively. "Name your price."
A small slip of paper was pushed across the table. Shikamaru picked it up, squinting at the messy handwriting.
"You drive a hard bargain, Naruto," he said, shaking his head. "A month's supply of ramen? Do you know how much that costs? Geez."
The dark figure stepped out of the shadows. A wide grin was plastered across his face.
"You bet I do. That's why I don't have lighting in my apartment. Can't afford it," Naruto replied. "But you…you won't regret a penny." He beckoned Shikamaru with one hand. "Come with me. We're going to set up a plan But first…there's someone we have to visit."
Shikamaru sat across from Temari, his hands folded carefully in front of him. They were at his apartment, dining on takeout from a local restaurant.
"I just love their udon," Temari said, looking down at the steaming bowl. Unconsciously, she rubbed her hand, where faint traces of a burn mark were still visible.
"Yeah," Shikamaru got up. "I have to…get something."
"All right," his fiancée replied.
Shikamaru disappeared into the kitchen. Temari absently picked at a bowl of rice, moving the grains around with the tips of her chopsticks.
She jumped as the table was suddenly jostled. Looking up, startled, she saw Shikamaru supporting a mountain of cup ramen in his arms, struggling to balance it on the small space.
"Cup ramen?" Temari asked, raising an eyebrow. "We just ordered a lot of food from that restaurant."
"I know," sighed Shikamaru. "But before we're permanently bonded together…"—Here Temari twitched—"…I have a confession to make."
He lowered his voice.
"I'm addicted…to ramen."
"You're what?" the kunoichi frowned. "Did you say that you're addicted to…ramen?"
Shikamaru closed his eyes, mentally cursing himself for what he was going to do next.
"Datte…dattebayo!"
With that, he lunged forward and snatched a Styrofoam cup of instant ramen, savagely tearing the cover off. It drifted silently to the ground.
Temari watched in horror as he began to devour its uncooked contents.
An hour later, Temari found herself unable to move. She had just watched her future husband eat his way through at least two dozen bowls of instant ramen, smacking his lips and shrieking "dattebayo" between every cup.
His teeth had gnashed, spit had flown all around the room. A mound of ramen bowl carcasses lay at his feet, like a battlefield strewn with dead nin.
Her eye twitched.
"That was just an appetizer," Shikamaru announced. "Want to go to Ichiraku Ramen?"
"Before, we make our plan, there's someone we have to visit," Naruto announced, leading Shikamaru down a hallway.
He gently pushed on the wood, leading into a large, bright room.
"Naruto! How are you doing?"
Behind a polished desk stacked with half-completed manuscripts sat the hermit Sannin, Jiraiya.
"Jiraiya-sensei," Naruto's voice was urgent, "Shikamaru needs your advice." He cupped one hand around his mouth. "About women!"
"Women, eh?" Jiraiya said, his face brightening. Grinning, he held up a small orange book and tapped one finger against its cover.
"Oh-ho-ho, I can tell you a lot about women."
Temari followed him in a daze, not fully registering each step upon the shadowy ground. Her future husband marched in front of her, swinging his arms cheerfully, lifting each knee with gusto.
She felt nauseous. And the terrible thoughts entering her mind didn't help either.
Temari closed her eyes, willing herself to stay calm.
It wasn't working.
The door swung open, tentatively at first. Temari wearily looked up. Her husband, sporting a toga-like outfit composed of many badly-clashing swatches of fabric, stepped into the apartment, hands behind his head.
"Where were you?" Temari snapped. "You were supposed to come home five hours ago."
"Eh. Cloud watching. The usual," Shikamaru replied, disinterested. "Did you make dinner?"
"I just gave birth…to QUINTUPLETS…five days ago," his wife protested. "I've been busy this entire day taking care of our children."
"You didn't make dinner?" said Shikamaru, raising one eyebrow. "Troublesome."
A vein in Temari's forehead pulsed.
He veered right into the kitchen, searching the cupboards for a cup of instant ramen. As soon as he found his prize, he set it on the counter and prepared a cup of steaming hot water in the microwave. Shikamaru poured the water in the Styrofoam cup with flourish and finally left the kitchen, leaving the wrappers and cups next to the sink, which was chock full of unwashed dishes.
He took a seat across from Temari, who had two sleeping infants bundled in her arms. Sighing, Shikamaru put up his feet on a low coffee table.
"Get your feet off the table," Temari hissed. "I just cleaned that."
Shikamaru ignored her, slurping up a large mass of stale ramen. He immediately spat it out, all over Temari, nearly missing two of his children.
"Gah!" Shikamaru sputtered. "What is this?" He examined the Styrofoam cup. "This is not my brand of ramen, Temari!" He crumpled up the cup in one hand, which burst into a flurry of noodles and broth. "I will hunt down the distributor of this horrible ramen and he…oh, he will pay." Shikamaru fixed Temari with an unwavering stare. "And you--"
"Well, I'm sorry," she replied sarcastically. "I've been a little too busy giving birth to feed your unhealthy ramen addiction. That was brought over by Kankuro yesterday. At least he helps me out.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes.
"You're just like my mother," he grumbled. "Troublesome woman."
Tightening her fists, Temari suppressed the urge to scream.
Temari let out a slow, steady breath. She just had to keep herself from thinking about the wedding. Then everything would be all right.
Oh, hell. How could she forget about the wedding when it was only two days away?
She noticed that Shikamaru had suddenly stopped walking. She bumped into him.
"What's the matter, Shikamaru?" she said unenthusiastically.
"I have another confession to make," he said quietly.
Oh no.
"You know Jiraiya?" Shikamaru asked.
"Yes," replied Temari, unsure of where he was heading. "The one who writes the perverted books. What about him?"
"Well…" Shikamaru took a deep breath and stared into her eyes. "I've decided to follow in my idol's footsteps. I'm writing the next Icha Icha Paradise book."
Temari looked at him, confused.
"You're…what?"
"I figure that this will be a good way to earn an income and support our family," Shikamaru stated matter-of-factly. "But…" He frowned.
"…I'm going to have to do some research."
"Research," echoed Temari. "What do you mean by…?"
Shikamaru produced a pen and notebook. He smiled.
"Bathhouses."
Temari stared numbly at her fiancée, who was sifting through the contents of his backpack, searching for a pair of binoculars.
"Troublesome zipper," he mumbled, tugging at the metal teeth, "can't get the damn pocket open…"
Temari forced herself to blink.
She had followed him to a bathhouse, where Shikamaru announced that he was going to fit in a little bit of research before heading to Ichiraku Ramen. They now sat behind the large fence surrounding the women's hot springs, hidden in the bushes.
Shikamaru. Writing…sex novels?
No. Temari shook her head. This couldn't be right. She had left Konoha seven years ago. But when she had come back, she had found Shikamaru, her closest friend, completely changed for the worse.
She barely knew him anymore.
"A-ha!" Shikamaru cried triumphantly, pulling out a pair of black binoculars. "Now I can begin my research."
Temari's eyes widened as he began to pull himself up to peer over the fence. A binoculars was in one hand and a notepad balanced in the other.
Something boiled in Temari's blood.
She could handle every obnoxious thing that Shikamaru had done in the past. They were little things…compared to this.
Him. Watching other women. On their date.
They were getting married, for god's sake.
She had put up with every little disgusting piece of unconventional behavior that Shikamaru had displayed in the past five days. She had put up with the shock of seeing her former friend acting like a disgusting psychotic freak.
This was the final straw.
The breaking point.
Temari snapped, throwing all of the warnings, all of the orders of the Suna council out the window.
With a loud shout, Temari grabbed Shikamaru by the collar before he could peer over the fence and sent him flying into the air. He landed on the other side of the street, in a clump of yew bushes. Temari leapt in after him.
"Screw the diplomatic rules," she hissed. "I'm DONE!"
Shikamaru, who was lying on the ground, stared up at her in surprise.
"You," Temari growled, "are the most obnoxious excuse for a human being I've ever met. You have the most god-awful fashion sense and avenger complex I've ever seen." She took him by the collar and began to shake him violently. "And you have the gall to watch other women! ON OUR DATE! TWO DAYS BEFORE OUR WEDDING!"
She let go of his collar and shoved him away.
"I can't stop the wedding," Temari said icily, "but I would never, ever willingly marry an idiotic, psychopathic bastard like you."
Shikamaru got to his feet, his expression livid.
"Me? A psychopath?!" Shikamaru shouted. "You're the psychopath!" He grabbed Temari by the shoulders and glared into her eyes. "I tried everything to make you run to Gaara and call off this whole thing! I even had to embarrass myself in front of my whole village! And you…"—Shikamaru lowered his voice to a furious hiss–"enjoyed it, you sick woman!"
"ENJOYED it?!" Temari was furious. "You think I enjoyed the things you put me through, you idiot?!"
…And call off this whole thing…
Her eyes widened. "Wait, what did you say about me running to Gaara…?"
Shikamaru exploded. "Why do you think I attacked a piece of meat in front of a restaurant?! Why do you think that I went out in public dressed like I did?! Why do you think I insulted you and asked you about having nine children?!" His voice was hoarse from shouting. He lowered his voice to a raspy whisper.
"I would do anything to stop this wedding."
He was gone, disappearing into the rising darkness, leaving Temari stunned in the grass.
A/N: Next chapter: The Conclusion. Coming to you in a few days' time.