Taranee

Take pictures of her while she's sleeping and put them on the internet
Ask her to conjure up a flame so you can roast marshmallows
Tell her Aldarn has a crush on her
Tell her Drake has a crush on her
Tell her Phobos has a crush on her
Tell her Cedric has a crush on her
Tell her in guardian form that her hair looks like a giant spider that's going to eat her
Have her heat your bath because it's 'energy efficient'
Insist that she has the 'hots' for Frost (WS: Pun! Haha! SP: (whack))
Drag her to a Pyromaniacs Anonymous meeting
Get 'Burn Baby Burn' stuck in her head
Hit her with a high pressurized hose
Insist you thought she was on fire
Spread a rumor that she likes Uriah
Tell her Miranda started it

Cornelia
Spread a rumor that she's not really a blonde
Hide her ice skates
Get her a list of all of Caleb's old girlfriends
Tell her Aldarn has a crush on her
Tell her Drake has a crush on her
Tell her Phobos has a crush on her
Tell her Cedric has a crush on her
Tell her Caleb is cheating on her with Elyon
Then insist you heard it from Blunk
Set her up on a date with Cedric
Shut off her alarm clock
Remind her repeatedly of episodes "A is for Anonymous" through "E is for Enemy"
Get the song "Call Me When You're Sober" stuck in her head.
Consistently taunt that you know who likes her
Then refuse to tell her

THOUGHT PROCESS CHAPTER 2

On Lost Island
CLAIRE: (sits typing on her computer on a beach as Stray staggers to shore from the ocean. Shuts laptop) Good grief! What happened to you?

Stray: (splutters out sea water) Well, after I got your e-mail that they were coming back for me, I figured LOST island was a safer place to be. I had Slayer distract them long enough so I could get to the Pacific Ocean and I started swimming since I don't happen to have an escape pod.

CLAIRE: (raises eyebrows) What kind distraction is that long?

Stray: (sitting down next to CLAIRE) He's explaining to the Metamoorians what a computer is.

CLAIRE: (laughs) I would've loved to see Caleb's face!

Stray: Me too! That's why I sent you the pictures!

CLAIRE: Sweet! (goes through e-mails to get pictures) Say, how did you find the island anyway?

Stray: I kinda forgot that LOST Island was…well…lost. So I swam around in random circles until I was completely disoriented and this island appeared on the horizon. Simple as that.

CLAIRE: (still going through e-mail) Go figure. I'm gonna give you the number of my escape pod installer

Stray: u roc!

CLAIRE: Think they're still at it?

Elsewhere…
Slayer: So then this is a mouse. It has clickers and a ball thingie on the bottom that helps it move and…

Caleb: (observes it closely) That looks nothing like a mouse.

Vathek: (right behind Caleb) It looks like weird rock

Phobos: (right behind Vathek) It looks like something that stupid Passling would eat

Blunk: (licks lips) Someone say mousie?

Slayer: (under breath) Stray owes me so bad… (regular voice) And then it connects to the CPU which is this big thing over here—

Guardians; (in unison) WE HAVE TO LEAVE!!

Aldarn: (ignoring them) That would make a good bludgeon. Is it good for throwing? Can I throw it?

Slayer: If you've got four hundred bucks you can tap dance on it

Aldarn: SWEET!

Cornelia: (grabs Caleb by the collar and drags him out the door)

Irma: (grabs Drake by the collar and drags him out the door)

Taranee, Matt, Blunk, and Cedric: (grab Vathek and drag him out the door)

Will: (grabs Phobos by the collar and drags him out the door)

Hay Lin: (grabs Aldarn by the collar and drags him out the door)

Any characters I haven't mentioned by name: (follow)

Slayer: (calling) Come back again sometime muttering perhaps when I'm not here? Or even better, when I'm DEAD?

Else Elsewhere…
Sun: (flipping through channels on TV in CLAIRE's house stops on a Gilligan's Island episode) Cool! Gilligan's Island!

Gilligan: (walking along a beach) Gee, Skipper, I don't think we'll ever get off this Island.

Skipper: (walking with him) I know little buddy but---

Gilligan and Skipper: (stop suddenly as they find themselves staring at the backs of CLAIRE and Stray on the laptop)

Skipper and Sun: HOLY SHIT!

CLAIRE and Stray: (turn around and stare at Gilligan and Skipper who stare back)

Stray: (to CLAIRE) Dude, fire your escape pod installer.

Claire: (blinks) Um...how about the escape pod to Australia?

Stray: Did you just miss the fact that your installer sent you to GILLIGAN'S
Island instead of LOST Island?

Claire: No, this one was by a different company. Honestly, who would think to
look for us in Down Under?

Gilligan: (raises hand) Certainly not me!

On LOST Island...
Drake: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN"T SEEN TWO TEENAGE GIRLS WITH LAPTOPS!

Kate: (blinks at Drake) Um...

Sawyer: Well, Jar Jar, I think the question is what the hell are you and why do you care if we've seen to two teenage girls with laptops?

Drake: (stares at Sawyer) Uh...

Hay Lin: He's not Jar Jar Binks, he's from...hopefully another planet?

Hurley: Yeah, right. We're supposed to believe that he's from another world. What's he supposed to be? (points at Phobos) Evil Prince of this "other world"

Phobos: (hands glow with evil power revenge) How dare you, you insubordinate...

Will: (shoots a bolt of lightening at Phobos, which stops his revenge) Listen, believe it or not, it's true. We're TV show/comic book characters who are being tortured mercilessly by two teenage girls who happen to be fan fiction writers!

Claire: (blinks, then leans over to Charlie, whispers) They should go hide in Australia. No one will ever find them there!

Cedric: (hears what Claire says) Where is this Australia? (leans closer to her
and looks really evil)

Charlie: Back off! Claire, take Turnip Head with you and go!

Taranee: Turnip Head?

Hurley: Claire's baby.

Cornelia: Why are we just standing here? You heard the woman! To Australia!

In Australia...
C: (watches TV intently, which happens to be LOST) Damn! How'd Claire figure
out we were hiding in Australia?!

Stray: I have no idea. I don't even watch that show!

C: Gr. Fine then, we'll just use the escape pod to the set of House, MD! No one
will find us there...and if any of these rather cool Australians spill that
we're on the set (both wink at a particularly cute one passing by with a surfboard), someone's going to be lizard chow!

(Stray & C go through escape pod to set of House, MD)

Few seconds later...
Aldarn: Damn it! We missed them, yet again!

Will: Where else could they have gone?

Cornelia: (thoughtfully) Canada?

Phobos: Honestly, who would hide in Canada? You could pick them out easily...
it's just so diabolical that it might work!

Hay Lin: To Canada!