Hay Lin
Tell her Eric's really in the witness protection program
His real name is 'Cynthia'
Tell her Aldarn has a crush on her
Tell her Drake has a crush on her
Tell her Phobos has a crush on her
Tell her Cedric has a crush on her
Hide her goggles
Pair her with Blunk on missions
Tell her she looks like Dr. Yang in Grey's Anatomy
Tape record her snoring
Get "Fly Like an Eagle" stuck in her head
Hide her comic books
Get her a Hermaneuta beast for Christmas
Spread a rumor that she likes Mr. Collins
Then insist Irma started it
Caleb
Constantly taunt that you know who likes him
Then refuse to tell him
Have him watch the LOTR trilogy
Be sure to point out all the parallels to his own life
Suggest a Hugh Jackman haircut
Tell him that Aldarn, Drake, Phobos, and Cedric all have a crush on Cornelia
Then tell him after he's kicked their butts that you were confusing Cornelia
with another Guardian
Run away fast when he goes to kick your butt
Inform his he has a long lost sister. Thirteen of them.
Make him tye-dye shirts.
Call him a 'Flower Child'
Ask him every 5 minutes why he likes Cornelia
Get "Soul Rebel" by Bob Marley stuck in his head.
Spread a rumor that he's cheating on Cornelia with Elyon
Insist that Blunk started the rumor
Thought Process Chapter 3
With Stray & Claire...
(gets out of escape pod)
Stray: So, what exactly is House about?
Claire: It's a medical show where the main character is a pill popping ass.
Stray: (nods) Okay then.
(Both stand there for a moment as people pass by. Jesse Spencer/Dr. Robert Chase walks by)
Claire: OMG! It's Chase!!
Stray: (suspicious glance) Is that where you got the "Chase" part of your name?
Claire: (nervous look) Maybe...Chase! (runs after Jesse/Chase)
Stray: Hey, if I can't get her to leave, maybe I'll just bring him up...(runs after her)
In dark cave in Canada...
Drake: (sarcastically) Sure they're hiding in Canada. Maybe next time, we'll go look in Russia!?
(Everyone looks suspiciously at Drake)
Taranee: How do you know what Russia is?
Drake: WS had something about Russia up on that computer thing.
Cornelia: Phobos, stop trying to kiss me!
(Sound of Caleb drawing his sword)
Phobos: It's not me! I don't like you like that!
Irma: Cedric?
Cedric: (from over by Hay Lin (opposite end of cave from C)) I'm over here, you idiot!
Cornelia: THEN WHO KEEPS TRYING TO KISS ME?!
T: (conjures up ball of light)
All except the attempted kisser: Saywer?!
Sawyer: (grins sheepishly)
Aldarn: What the hell are you doing here? Are you following us? (draws sword,as well as Drake, to back up Caleb)
Sawyer: Who wants to know, Witch King?
Meridianites: (blink in confusion)
Hay Lin: (groan) He's not from Lord of the Rings either!
Irma: Are you following us or not?!
Sawyer: Had to see if this one would try to get Sticks' inhalers back.
All but Sawyer: (blink in confusion)
Sawyer: (goes to kiss Cornelia)
Caleb: (shoves Sawyer away) Back off! She's mine!
Cornelia: Will, send him back to LOST Island.
Will: (teletransports S back to LOST Island)
On LOST Island...
Sawyer: (realizing where he is) Damn it! Almost got away from Bear Village!
In the Canadian Cave...
Vathek: Now where do we go?
All but Taranee: (ponder the question)
Taranee: Guys? They're in there. (points)
All: (look outside of cave which is in mountain overlooking House Hospital)
Cedric: Wow. You're scary good.
Phobos: Yeah, how'd you know? Telepathy?
Taranee: (rolls eyes and points at escape pod crashed into the back of the building)
Phobos: Or that.
Inside Hospital…
Stray: (pulling) Claire! Get off him! He needs that shirt!
Claire: (straining) …just…one…button…!
Chase: House! Give me a hand here!
Claire: (drops Chase on his butt) (excited) House?
Stray: (spots W.I.T.C.H. and Co. coming in through front door) RUN! (grabs Claire and they take off down the hall)
Claire: But-but-but Chase!!!!
Stray: (grabs business card as they run by desk) Here's his cell.
Claire: Why didn't I think of that?
With W.I.T.C.H. and Co…
Caleb: There they are! Get them!
All but Irma: (take off running after them)
Irma: (helping Chase up, flips hair over shoulder Cornelia-style) Well, hey Good Looking.
Chase: Um…help?
Hay Lin: (returning) Irma! What are you doing! We almost have them!
Irma: C'mon, cut me some slack! I don't get a decent boyfriend until the fourth story arc!
People who haven't read comics beyond issue 22: (blink in cunfuzzlement)
WS: (at computer, acting as Stray's beta because her last four quit) That is so not a real word…
Hay Lin: (grabs Irma) Let's go!
Hiding in some random closet…
Stray: That was a close one! They almost had us!
Claire: (purring over business card) Chaaaase…my preciooouuus…
Stray: Will you put that away! We are in a crisis!
Claire: There's no crisis! I'll just summon an escape pod to—
Stray: (cuts her off) Oh no. Escape pods are starting to give me ulcers.
Claire: What's an ulcer? (springs to her feet) I'll go ask Chase!
Stray: (pulls her back down) Sit. Stay.
(Stray pulls out cell phone and hits a speed dial button)
Anonymous voice with German accent: Ja? Helo?
Stray: (sing-song voice) Guess who owes me a faAavor!
Anonymous voice: Oh jhit.
Just outside this random closet…
Cornelia: Thanks a lot, Irma! Now we lost them!
Cedric: And what's worse is that we have no idea where they're going next!
Taranee: Well, we've exhausted all of Claire's possible universes from her penname.
Aldarn: But where the hell is stray or phoenix from?
Drake: (smelling the air) Oh gross! What is that smell!
Vathek: (holds hands up in surrender) Wasn't me!
Hay Lin: That smells just like brimstone…(realizes) I think I know where they're going!
The Xavier Institute for Gifted Children…
Stray: (teleporting in with Nightcrawler and Claire) Thanks for the save, dude.
Nightcrawler: Vhat are friends vor? (turns away and speaks hurriedly into walkie talkie) Everyvone, ve have a Code 22! I repeat, ve have a CODE 22! This is not a drill!
Numerous X-Men rush down the stairs: OMG! A Code 22!
Shadowcat: (stopping halfway) Wait. Like, what's a Code 22?
Cyclops: It's an attack on the Institute!
Storm: I thought it was a Phoenix resurrection!
Wolverine: I thought it meant someone restocked the beer.
Rogue: I thought it was a musical episode! (all including Claire and Stray stare)…It could happen…
Stray: (rolling her eyes) Code 22 is fanfiction authors, guys.
All notice Stray: Oh…hi Stray.
Claire: Right, so, where are we and why do they know you?
Stray: We're in X-Men Evolution Universe.
Claire: Like the movie? …that I, um, haven't watched?
Stray: No, like the 2000s TV show. It the least complicated X-Men universe out of all four comic universes and three televised universes so I figured it was the one that would least fry your brain.
Claire:…You need a boyfriend.
Stray: I couldn't agree with you more. (saunters up to Scott and bats eyelashes)
Scott: (backs away) Sorry, no can do. Jean's due to come back from the dead in a couple of hours.
Stray: Darn it! I knew we should have gone to the Age of Apocalypse universe!
In Hell…
…No, seriously…
Weird Man: WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO YOUR DOOM!
Aldarn: I loathe your guts Hay Lin.
Hay Lin: What? They could be here…
Taranee: Um, who the hell are you?
Weird Man: Sadam Hussein!
Caleb: What happened to Satan?
Sadam: He hit the road when he found out I was heading down.
Will: Um…sure…(cough) Have you seen two teenage girls with laptops?
Sadam: I've seen thousands! In fact, my predecessor invented the laptop because of population decline!
Will:…
Irma: (meanwhile, sees someone pass by) Hey, isn't that the girl from Dirty Dancing?
Woman: EXCuse me? My hair looks much better than hers! And my boobs are real.
Irma: Sure…then who are you?
Emma: Emma Grace Frost, formerly The White Queen, The Homewrecker Queen, and currently, Emma-licious. (Irma blinks) I'm a super hero from the X-Men.
Irma: Oh. Then if you're a superhero, what are you doing down here?
Emma: Some pesky fanfiction writer keeps sending me down here. What's her name…strap-on-phoenix or something…
(Emma looks up to see that Irma and the rest of W.I.T.C.H. and Co. are already gone)
Sadam: YOU LOST ME CUSTOMERS!
Emma: I did not! Look, here comes the chick from Dirty Dancing!
Xaviers…
Six Zillion Sirens: (go off)
Stray: Dammit! Those are the six zillion sirens for dimension hoppers!
Nightcrawler: Dude, ve live here and ve don't even know that!
Claire: I guess that's our cue to leave!
Stray: So long, guys! Say hi to Jean for me before she dies again!
Scott: We will…(cough, undertone)…not!
Stray + Claire: Heard that!
Shadowcat: But, what will we, like, do when they show up?
Claire: Besides swoon over the hotness of Caleb? Don't tell them where we're going next!
Stray: (with Claire running out front door) Where are we going next?