"Doctor, you can't wear a suit canoeing!"
"Why not?"
"Cos you can't."
"Why not?" the Doctor crossed his arms defiantly and raised his eyebrows.
"Because…because…you just don't!" Rose trailed off weakly.
"Unless you can give me a valid reason I'll stay in my suit thanks," the Doctor replied.
"It'll get ruined," Rose offered meekly.
"No!" the Doctor clutched at his pinstripe suit protectively.
"See, so you'll wear other clothes?"
"Much as I hate to point it out to you, Rose, but I have no other clothes, someone locked them in the TARDIS and won't give me the key," the Time Lord responded.
"Ah," Rose said, "So you don't have any other clothes except that suit?"
"Have you ever seen me in anything else?"
"No," the woman admitted.
"Hang on, when my husband he left some of his clothes. I'm sure I can find something that'll fit you. He was about your height, quite a bit broader though," Debs suggested.
"Great, let's go get them," Rose followed her friend into the house.
A few minutes later the Doctor was standing in a pair of orange Hawaiian beach shorts with white flowers patterned on them. He had a blue t-shirt with some surfer brand on it and a minivan with several surfboards on the top. Rose struggled not to burst out laughing at the sight of him as the clothes were way too big and hung loosely of his frame. He had to hitch up the shorts every couple of minutes. He frowned at her expression.
"They clash," he stated, "And why do I look like I'm about to head off to the beach to go surfing? And do my legs look way too skinny or is it just me?"
"You look fine, Doc," Jack replied, stifling a chuckle.
"Yeah, right, I look like a clown," he sighed at plucked at the large t-shirt, "How big was your husband, Debs?"
"Big," Debs chortled.
"Are we gonna get going or what?" Lucy butted in, her hands on her hips.
"Yes, we better go," Rose and Debs nodded.
The Doctor and Jack stared at the canoes. There were two double canoes and one single. One of the two seated canoes was bright pink and the other was lime green. The single canoe was purple.
"Bagsy not in the pink!" both men yelled at the same time.
"That's good; cos that's the one me and Debs are in. Lucy is in the single so you two can go in the green one," Rose flounced in and began handing out life jackets.
"Together?" the Doctor yelped and moved visibly away from Jack remembering the previous night.
"Yes, d'you wanna go in the front or the back?" Jack raised a suggestive eyebrow.
"Er…I dunno which is better…the back," the Doctor wondered whether he would regret his decision but he consoled himself by reasoning that at least he could see what Jack was doing.
"Ok, put your life jackets on," Rose instructed.
"Do I have to?" Jack looked repulsed by the fluorescent coloured jacket.
"Yes," Rose replied, "Unless you wanna drown."
"I won't drown, I can swim very well thanks," Jack retorted.
"Still, wear it so you set a good example for Lucy," Rose hissed.
"Fine," Jack grabbed the jacket and pulled it reluctantly on.
"Ok, into the canoes, guys," Debs gestured to the boat and the two men climbed in, picking up their paddles. "Rose, help me with this." They both pushed the canoe into the water and it bobbed gently in the current of the river.
"See ya," Rose grinned and slide Lucy onto the river. Lastly, the two friends clambered into their canoe and set afloat.
"Let's go!" Rose yelled.
"Er…how d'you actually steer this thing?" came the Doctor's confused voice.
An hour later the Time Lord was still having trouble with the paddle. He couldn't work out how to twist it properly in his grip and nearly dropped it in the water several times. He didn't know why he couldn't do it. Usually anything he tried just clicked and he was an expert in a couple of seconds. This, this was impossible! The Doctor could tell Jack was getting very annoyed.
"What are you human's like? Floating in pieces of plastic down a bloody river!" the Doctor finally vented his frustration by yelling at the top of his lungs.
"Calm it, Doc," Jack sighed.
"Ok, please tell me how to do it one last time, Jack."
"Just twist it in one hand and dig the paddle into the water. Then leave the other hand still and twist back. It's simple."
"It's simple my butt," the Doctor grumbled and tried again. He found the paddle sliced easily through the water and the canoe was propelled along, "I'm doing it!"
"Congratulations," the ex conman said sarcastically, "Can we actually move now?"
"Yeah, now I've got it there's no stopping me," the Doctor whooped.
"Shut up and paddle," Jack replied, splashing the man with some freezing cold water.
"Fine," the Doctor pouted and then stuck out his tongue at Jack as he turned back round.
"That was mature," Lucy commented in passing and in return the Doctor crossed his eyes, poking out his tongue again.
"Right, Doctor, paddle left," Jack shouted from in front.
"I wanna go right," the Time Lord replied.
"No, we're going left."
"Right's better."
"Paddle left!"
"No," both men dug their paddles in at opposite sides and began paddling furiously. This caused the boat to turn in rapid circles and rock violently. Rose, Debs and Lucy looked on, amused.
"Something tells me this may well end up with them both getting very wet,"
"For Christ's sake, Doctor, stop it!" Jack yelled.
"You stop it," the time travelling alien retorted. Suddenly, without either of them realising, a raging rapid appeared. The river was gushing and crashing over several rocks and stones.
"Doctor! Jack! Watch out!" Rose shrieked, but it was too late.
The canoe plunged into the fierce water, twisting and turning, jerking the occupants from their seats. The Doctor tried in vain to hold on before the boat smashed into a large rock and crumpled, throwing the men from their seats and into the frothing river. The pair disappeared from sight under the surface.
Rose propelled her canoe forward desperately scanning the water. A head abruptly broke the surface and Jack began gasping for air, thrashing slightly in the water before regaining his concentration, swimming strongly towards the bank. He hauled his body onto the muddy edge and slumped, exhausted on the ground.
Now Jack was safe, Rose's fear for the Doctor's safety doubled and she gazed frantically at the rapid. He couldn't survive that long underwater could he? It was impossible. Then again, he was a Time Lord; didn't they have like gigantic lungs? Oh god, what if she'd killed the last of the Time Lords by drowning him in a bloody river on a pointless holiday!
Her fears were relieved as there was a sudden yell and her head snapped up to see the brightly coloured form of the Doctor clinging to an overhanging branch further down the river. He had a huge grin plastered on his face despite being drenched.
"Ha, bet you lot can't get down that rapid! Pure skill!"
Hehe, the Doctor in the shorts and t-shirt! Whoop! Maybe I should send him surfing! Hmm...what d'you think? And the last bit hanging off the branch, I can just picture him hanging upsidedown like a monkey! Lol! Review and have a piece of fudge!