I was sitting at the table when morning came. I was the only one there, which I didn't doubt. It was 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday. No one would be up this early, except for the creeps and weirdos (I was still trying to decide which one I fell under).
I sat thinking to myself for a few moments. The house was quiet, and this was when I usually took advantage of it. I could walk around the house or sit on the back porch and let the birds chirping fill my ears. Today, though, was different.
The bathroom door was slightly cracked, and the nightlight was shining through. I pushed the door ajar and walked in. The nightlight was flicking. I flipped the regular light on, then closed and locked the door.
I grabbed the drawer and pulled it up. Searching through it - I found what I had wanted - a razor. I popped the tag and saw the razor slices fall against the counter. I grabbed one and sliced it against my arm.
The blood dripped down my arm, and I slid the door crying. I dozed off and the next thing I remember was a loud knock at the door.
"Edwin, open the damn door!" Derek screamed. I slowly woke up and looked at my arm. The blood had stopped, but I had blood on my arm.
"I'm up!" I yelled back and stood up.
I washed my hand and arm under the sink. I opened the door and Derek was staring at me. He smiled and said: "Well, look who finally decided to get up. It's eight o' clock."
"AM or PM?!"
"AM, you idiot," he said. "Now if you don't mind, I've got to take a huge piss."
"Oh sorry," I said.
I moved aside and let him use the bathroom. I could hear the sounds of him peeing and then I walked upstairs.
Lizzie's door opened and she appeared. She said hey to me, but I ran past her room as fast as I could. I could hear her and Casey whispering and I definitely heard my name mentioned.
I opened my door and fell back on my bed, slamming my door in the process. I clicked the on button and my radio blasted Three Days Grace out of the speakers.
I ate breakfast next to Derek. Dad and Nora were out running errands and Casey was "studying" at some guy's house, so it was just Lizzie, Derek, and I. Derek finished eating his pancakes and left.
Lizzie and I ate the rest of our breakfast in silence. She finished before I did and walked up the stairs to her room. I sat in silence for a second and then decided to walk to her room.
She was doing her homework. I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in. She said sure. I asked her what she was doing, even though I already knew the answer. She chuckled: "Homework."
"Lizzie, there's something I need to tell you," I said, after a long pause. She turned to me; I knew there was no going back now.
"What?" she asked.
"It's hard to say but—I like you… as more than a sister," I replied after a loud sigh.
Her expression was mixed, and it was hard to tell what she was thinking. I looked at her, hoping for a reply. Her eyes just seemed empty.
"Get out!" she screamed at me after a long pause. "Get off of my bed and get the fk out of me room!"
She was slapping me and pushing me out of her room. I ran out of her room and down the hallway. I opened the door to the bathroom and slammed it shut. I took the razorblade I had used earlier and I cut my arm with it again.
The blood trinkled down my arm and I began to feel the pain from my body releasing. I wiped the blood off my arm to the sound of someone knocking at the door. I opened the door and saw Derek standing there. He moved the hair out of his eyes and looked at me.
"Dude, what's wrong?" he asked me.
"Lizzie doesn't like me how I like her," I said. I felt a drop from my arm and looked at it briefly. Derek looked down and saw the three cuts I had.
"Edwin—" he started.
"I gotta go," I whispered and ran down the hall to my room. The door closed behind me and I locked it.
There was a knock at Derek's door not too long after that. Derek opened the door, expecting me, but instead saw Casey.
"I want to talk," she said.
Derek turned to her and asked, "Oh yeah? What about?"
"What is up with Edwin and Lizzie? I mean, all day those two have been acting differently." She showed emotion and emphasis when she spoke.
"EDWIN TOLD HER?!" Derek asked, surprised.
He noticed her confused reaction. Derek, knowing Casey as well as he did, pulled her into his room and closed his door. Casey looked even more confused by the time Derek sat next to her.
"Edwin likes Lizzie," he sighed.
Casey's eyes got wide, and she kept asking "what?!" over and over again. Realizing something like this was happening, and realizing she hadn't predicted it, she sighed.
I walked down the hallway to the bathroom and turned the light on. I saw my reflection in the mirror – tired, cold, and drag. After I turned the faucet on, I stripped naked and stepped in the cold shower water. It was in there that I cried.
I looked around for the nearest razor blade. I grabbed the first one I saw (which happened to be Derek's – I don't want to know what he shaves with it), and sliced it against the flesh of my upper arm. There was a burning sensation – one from the cut, and another one from the water pelting the deep wound.
Blood trickled down my skinny tan arm and down to the drain where my feet were. I began to feel woozy and I slowly slid down. Lying on the floor, I closed my eyes and waited for my body to go numb.