Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Artemis Fowl characters. Also, no offense towards anyone who likes fortune cookies. I know that they do not really taste like cardboard, but I still do not like them. Whatever my fortune says, the opposite always happens, so I don't like those mean cookies.
Chapter 2: The First Fortune
Artemis slowly opened the bag of fortune cookies that he had received for his birthday. Then he slowly pulled out one dreaded cookie. Then, very slowly, he opened the wrapper.
"Sometime this century would be nice, Arty." Juliet said, already annoyed.
Artemis, once again, gave Juliet his infamous vampire glare. Once again, it had no effect. Juliet had received too many of his glares in the past for them to have much effect on her now. Butler didn't say a word. He was afraid he would burst out laughing if he opened his mouth.
"You cannot rush a genius." Artemis said, stalling for time.
"I thought the saying was 'You can't rush genius.'" Juliet replied, distracted.
"Wow, we are in the presence of a miracle! Juliet can actually think about something other than wrestling." Artemis said dramatically.
Butler swiftly intervened before Juliet used one of her infamous wrestling moves on the boy genius. "Artemis, just eat the cookie already."
Artemis turned to glare at Butler. "I thought you, at least, would be on my side."
"Of course I am on your side Artemis." Butler said, unsuccessfully trying to keep the laughter out of his voice. "Now eat the cookie."
Artemis looked sadly at the wall. "See, it has already begun. Everyone is conspiring my death."
"ARTEMIS! EAT THE COOKIE!"
"Alright already." Artemis resisted the urge to roll his eyes."I'll eat the cookie."
He neatly broke the fortune cookie in half, pulled out the little slip of paper that had his fortune on it, and put it on the table without looking at it. Then he turned his attention to the two halves of the cookie in his hand.
"Butler, are you positive that this cookie has not been poisoned?" he asked, eyeing the cookie pieces apprehensively.
Butler rolled his eyes and sighed. "Artemis, either eat the cookie now, or I will allow Juliet to force feed it to you."
Artemis did not bother to glare at Butler since his previous glares had had no effect. There was no way out of this. He had to, ULP, eat the cookie.
Artemis closed his eyes. He slowly put one half of the cookie in his mouth. Grimacing, he quickly chewed and swallowed. He repeated the procedure with the other half of the cookie.
"There that wasn't too bad, was it, Artemis." Butler said, smiling smugly.
Juliet just giggled uncontrollably.
All of a sudden, Artemis clutched his throat in terror and feel backwards out of his chair.
"ARTEMIS!" Butler and Juliet screamed, terrified that he had been poisoned.
They ran to the boy's shaking body. It was only when they saw his face did they realize that he was shaking with laughter, not because of a venom. The boy genius sat up clutching his side and trying to regain his composure.
"That wasn't funny Artemis!" Juliet screeched, nearly in tears.
Butler just glared at Artemis, trying to slow his racing heart.
"S-sorry," Artemis replied, finally able to control his laughter. "But you two were just too smug for your own good. The opportunity was just to prefect to ignore."
Butler shook his head in mock disappointment.
"You have been spending way too much time in the company of Mulch and Holly."
"Oh, that's right. Holly said that she would be stopping by today. We had better get ready for her visit." He tried to get up in order to leave the room but was stopped by Juliet.
"Oh no you don't, Arty!" she said in a singsong voice. "You still need to read your fortune!"
Artemis's already pale skin turned paler. However, there was no way out of this situation that did not involve him jumping out of the window.
Artemis got up and turned over the paper that would decide his fate. Butler and Juliet also got up, curious to read the boy genius's fortune. On the little slip of paper, in evilly innocent writing were the words:
Today you will meet your best nonhuman friend and the love of your life.
Watch out for the 13th step.
Only five words seemed to register to Juliet.
"'The love of your life'?!" She shouted, pounding the table with her right fist and laughing uncontrollably. "Artemis in love! Hahaha!"
Butler was a bit more successful in hiding his amusement.
"I can't wait to meet the one that Artemis could actually love!" he said, grinning widely.
"See I told you," Artemis said, throwing the evil fortune onto the table. His cheeks had a faint blush in them. "These so called 'fortunes' are completely unscientific and will never come true."
"Sure Artemis," said Butler, his grin growing wider. "Whatever you say."
"Butler—" Artemis's reply was cut short by the doorbell.
Tan Tanna Tan Tantan Tara
"Is that our doorbell?" Artemis asked bewildered. "What on earth is that melody?"
"Your parents," replied Butler, smirking. "They saw a Hindi movie, Judwaa (Twin), and absolutely loved that song."
Artemis shook his head sadly. This was further proof towards his theory that his parents had lost their mind.
"I'll get it!" Juliet shouted and ran out of the room.
"We had better follow and make sure she does not frighten away whoever is at the door." Artemis said following Juliet at a saner pace.
He did not see Butler stop to pick up the wicked bag of fortune cookies and the paper with his fortune on it. Artemis walked down the hallway and started down the stairs. Everything was fine until he put his right foot on the 13th step.
The step gave away and Artemis tumbled down the remaining twelve steps, right out the front door that Juliet had just opened, and right into the shorter of the two people on the doorstep. Both Artemis and the person fell backwards into the mud left over from a freak summer storm.
"Sorry." Artemis managed to say, sitting up and wiping the mud out of his eyes.
He looked at the person besides him and found himself staring into a pair of very familiar hazel eyes.
"Er, hello Holly."
Anar no longer exists, so Holly will be taking her place. Insert evil, maniacal laugh here.