Disclaimer: I am not the proud owner of Artemis Fowl nor do I mean any offence towards those individuals who Eat, Manufacture or are Involved with fortune cookies in any way, shape, or form.

Chapter 4: Trip Fortune

Artemis was mentally going over every possible way to get out of the situation that he was currently in. However, very few of the possibilities that he could think of were realistic. There was one thing though that he could try, no matter how demeaning ad inferior it made him (in his eyes).

Stall.

He looked at the bag Butler offered him and then looked at the sky.

"It appears that a cold front has blown in. We had better get under a roof before we are soaked."

As everyone looked up at the clear, cloud-free blue sky, Artemis attempted to sneak off. His plan would have worked if Butler didn't clamp a vice-like grip on Artemis's arm effectively stopping him from going anywhere.

"There are no thunderclouds in sight, Artemis." Butler said, inwardly grinning.

Minerva blinked, surprised. "Do you not know the difference between a warm and cold front, Artemis?

Artemis ignored her and changed tactics.

"But Butler, we are being terribly impolite making all of our guests stand outside, under the open sky, where they can become victims of flash storms and birds."

Worried, Minerva looked at the sky, searching for nonexistent birds. Butler and Holly exchanged a look. The Mud Boy was stalling. How amusing. Juliet giggled, watching the drama unfold.

Butler took pity on Artemis and besides, the young genius had a point. They (Artemis mostly though) were being impolite. Keeping his face carefully blank, Artemis led the way inside Fowl Manor and to the living room. He was so focused on figuring out a way to secretly dispose of the bag of cookies that he failed to notice that he and Holly were tracking mud on the expensive Persian carpets.

Holly noticed, but she didn't say anything. After all, it wasn't like it was her fault she was covered in mud. And it wasn't her carpet either. However, she did forget about her annoyance for a minute, when she noticed a gorgeous white porcelain vase on the coffee table in the living room, enough to inquire about it.

"Oh, that. Mother bought it from a weird pushy old man at an antique shop." Artemis frowned. "Actually, he wouldn't let us leave until we bought something."

As everyone settled on the couches, Artemis once again tried to sneak off and was once again stopped by Butler. Really, Artemis was beginning to think that Butler had switched sides.

"Artemis, just eat the cookie and everyone will leave you alone." Butler told his young charge quietly. That was all Artemis had to do, but apparently, the boy genius had yet to realize that.

"Butler," Artemis replied, stubbornly."I refuse to allow them to win." The 'them' he was referring to was apparently every female currently in the room.

Butler sighed. Oh well. He'd tried. But pride was just too strong of an opponent to conquer.

"Good," Holly said, having overheard the last part of their conversation. "Now eat the cookie."

She smirked, crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back in the whitest, once clean loveseat in the room.

Artemis resisted the urge to grit his teeth. Everyone was against him today. He briefly considered conquering the world and getting rid of every trace of fortune cookies, but discarded it when he realized that that idea was of no help at the present moment.

Holly, however, seemed to be having the time of her life.

"What's wrong, Artemis? Are you scared?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and grinning.

"He's petrified." Juliet said, amusement clear in her voice

That was the last straw for Artemis.

"Fine!" Artemis just barely managed to stop himself from shouting at the top of his lungs. Barely.

He snatched a cookie from Butler, tore off the wrapper (which was dropped carelessly to the floor) broke the cookie in half, removed the fortune, and looked at his avid audience.

Holly was grinning, clearly amused. Juliet and Minerva were giggling. Butler was attempting (and failing miserably) to look uninterested.

Never being one to back down from a challenge, Artemis stuffed one half of the cookie in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. He repeated the procedure with the second half of the cookie, though taking care to allow as many crumbs fall on the carpet as possible. It was better to have those pieces of cookie on the carpet rather than his stomach. Artemis just managed to resist the urge to make a face at the disgusting taste the cookie had left in his mouth.

"Mind your manners, Artemis" Juliet said in a singsong voice.

"What you mean he actually has manners?" Holly smirked.

It was becoming harder and harder for Artemis to be a gentlemen and ignore Holly. His cheeks turned a faint, peculiar pink color and he did his best to calm down.

You can get revenge later, he comforted himself. Right now, just focus on getting out of this just-too-ridiculous-to-be-described situation.

"Artemis, what is your fortune?" Minerva asked, suddenly.

Artemis looked at the piece of paper in his hands. Darn, he'd been hoping that everyone would forget about the fortune in view of his bad manners, but Minerva had to go and ruin it.

Looking back at his amused friends, Artemis saw that Minerva's question had refocused everyone's attention onto him.

Again, there was no way out of it. Well, he could eat the fortune. Artemis looked at it. Ugh, no. He wasn't that desperate. Yet.

"Just how much brainpower does he need to read a fortune?" Holly asked Juliet in a loud whisper.

Artemis took a deep breath. He refused to act in a manner unbefitting a gentleman, but Holly really was pushing it. He unfolded the paper.

Maybe this fortune will predict her untimely demise, he thought, before recalling that he did NOT believe in those unscientific, illogical words of so –called wisdom.

On the small piece of paper, in the same innocently evil penmanship, were the words:

Expect an unexpected trip. Be sure to take particular not of the belongings of those around you Don't forget the first. "What kind of idiotic advice is this?" Artemis muttered under his breath. He looked up to see Minerva string at the paper thoughtfully. "May I see it?" she asked in a too innocent voice.

Artemis didn't move. It was sure to be a trap. Butler frowned and gave him a gentle nudge forward. Artemis really seemed to have forgotten his manners today.

Artemis took another step forward and everything went downhill after that.

I like Minerva. There I said it. Do your worst, Minerva haters! *hides*