Oh My God I haven't updated in forever!!! GAEHHWAAAAAAA… Yes so anyway… onward!
†††††††††
"Excuse me." Artemis said for the fifth time that day. The downtown streets of Haven were just as bad as New York City. The only difference was that everyone walking these streets was shorter than him instead of taller. Also, the elves were less well dressed than New Yorkers. The whole city was in contrast to when Artemis had first arrived. The streets were packed with beggars who needed someone to blame for the current state of Haven. His face wasn't unknown either, so he had been bumped into and shoved by many fairies that had yet to forgive him for taking their gold. However, people bumping into him were not the least of his problems. The elf named Smoter had been assigned to him as a bodyguard. Not because he needed the protection, but because Section 8 wanted him out of the building.
"Fowl, are you sure about this?" Smoter asked.
"Yes Smoter, I am positive."
"But-" Smoter started. He stopped speaking, however, when Artemis threw up his hand.
"Somter, do you want me to hurt you?" Smoter made a noise in his throat. "Because if you continue talking I will be forced to take violent measures." The small elf closed his mouth. Normally Artemis didn't pass out death threats, but this elf was so nervous that he knew that he would not need to carry it out to make him shut up.
Artemis and Smoter were standing outside building whose sign read Haven Mental Institute. The two entered the plain white building. They found themselves in a small, cramped entrance hall with a door to the left. Directly in front of them sat a bored looking pixie with bright violet hair. She was loudly chewing a piece of gum and holding a magazine whose title read, "Artemis Fowl and the C Cube, has he hurt us or helped us? Top psychologists explain." Artemis tapped the table impatiently.
"Yes?" Asked the pixie. She didn't look up from her magazine.
"Excuse me for interrupting," He glanced at her nametag, "Janice, but I wish to visit someone."
"Doesn't everyone?" She replied as she leaned back in her chair and picked up another magazine, throwing the one with Artemis' face on the cover saide. "Who do ya wanna see?"
"Koboi." Artemis answered pleasantly.
The small fairy took a few moments to process this piece of information before sighing and saying, "No one is allowed in her ward. She is currently unstable and prone to violence. Don't know what all of you fan-boy goblins wanna see her for but-"
Artemis simply smiled and said' "I believe that I am an exception to the rule." He pulled out a Sector 8 badge. "I am not a fan-boy goblin, I am with the government."
The pixie looked up. Her mouth stopped chewing and hung open, gaping. She stood up so fast that she lost her balance and fell out of her chair.
"You're… you… him!" She pointed at the magazine cover on her desk. "The Halfling!"
Artemis sighed. "Halflings are from a Mudman story called Lord of the Rings. Seeing as the story is based off a medieval eleven culture, I cannot understand is how none of the People know this." The pixie stared at him blankly. "Never mind. I need to see Koboi."
"Why?" She asked.
"Government business." Artemis replied. "Though my, erm… colleague here is not yet certified. Is there a waiting room that he can use?"
"Hey!" The elf complained. "I'll be legit in a month! And plus I was assigned as your guard. I can't legall-Oi, get that away from me." Smoter squeaked in fear, for Artemis had removed his knife from the inside of his blazer and placed it between the small annoyance's eyeballs. "Okay, okay! D'arvit I'll leave you alone just, just get that thing away from me!" Smoter made quite a show trying to swat away the knife, and cut himself. "Ouch!" he yelped.
Artemis re-pocketed the knife and smiled. He smoothed his blazer and sighed. "I actually kind of miss jeans." He stated. "These suits get wrinkled so easily." He turned back to Janice. "Well then, shall we go?"
†††††††††
Artemis entered the room with Koboi's name upon the door. He nodded to the pixie and closed the door.
"Fowl?" said two voices. Artemis spun around. Koboi was sitting in a white chair, wearing a straight jacket, and glaring daggers. The other voice had obviously come from the centaur currently examining her. Artemis smiled at the centaur happily.
"Hello Fiora," he paused and glanced at the unfriendly fairy sitting next to the centaur. "Koboi."
"What do you want Fowl?" Koboi asked. "Here to mock me?"
"No, I actually came to ask you a question." Artemis replied curtley.
Artemis turned to Fiora and smiled sweetly. "Fiora, if you would mind waiting outside. Normally there wouldn't be a problem, but this is Sector 8 business."
Fiora blinked. "And leave you with a cold-blooded pixie?"
"Yes," Artemis replied, "If you wouldn't mind."
Fiora frowned. It wasn't a request, no matter what the wording, it was an order. She raised her eyebrows, gave Koboi a look that said, don't try anything funny, and replied. "There are cameras, Koboi."
Koboi sneered. "Because I am capable of much in this." She attempted to gesture at the straight jacket with her head.
Fiora gave Koboi one final, scornful look, and left the room. Artemis turned to face Koboi, opened his mouth, then closed it again and looked around the room. Koboi had filled it with pictures of herself and handmade get-out-soon cards signed by goblins. "Fan-mail?" He asked innocently.
"Shut up mudboy!"
"And look at this, this one has a little heart on it." Artemis clicked his tounge. Next to the letter, there was a small, badly sealed brown box sitting next to a picture of a particularly ugly goblin with a note sticking out of the corner. "We haven't kept in touch, why did you not tell us you had a boyfriend?" He bent down to examine her face. It was pale, but her ears were bright red.
Opal said nothing for a few moments. Then she muttered, "Shut up…"
Artemis smiled and tilted his head so that he could look into her eyes. Where are the cameras?
Koboi jumped. "Wha-?"
Artemis continued smiling. I am half-and-half now. Half fairy. I am currently transferring thoughts into your brain. Only think the answer, do not reply aloud. Where are the security cameras?
Opal Koboi looked frightened, but obeyed. Top right and left corners to the front and back of the room, bottom left and right in the back and front, for ceiling and floor visability and one hidden in that picture on the dresser. There is also a camera installed into the headboard to cover the blindspots
Artemis nodded and looked directly at each spot in turn, mumbling chants under his breath and destroying the cameras one by one. He then turned to Koboi. "Any others?" She shook her head. "Good, very good." Artemis muttered again and her straight jacket vanished.
"What the-?"
"Trust Koboi. This is so you trust me. Now, in this hospital there are retina scans, correct?"
"Yeah," Koboi replied sternly, "Why?"
"I have a proposition that I think you may like."
Koboi immediately brightened. "I'm listening."
†††††††††
When Artemis left Koboi's room, Smoter insisted on a full check for his sanity and well being. Finally, Fiora told him to stop and stated that, if he had been injured, they would have seen it on the security system. As they were leaving, however, Fiora pulled him aside. "Are you okay?"
"Yes Fiora, I am fine. However, I believe I should be asking the questions." When Fiora looked confused, however, Artemis said, in a low whisper, "Why did you cover for me with the cameras?"
She smiled. "I have my reasons." Before Artemis could ask he anything more, she said. "Well, I'm off to Sector 8. Have to get his present first, where did I leave it? About, yea big, seen it?" She gestured with her hands to show the size. Artemis shook his head. "Ah well, it must be around here somewhere. Must pick up Foaly you know." She waved, but before she could leave, Artemis had grabbed her arm.
"Fiora, there is something that I have been meaning to ask you. I know that this is none of my business, but how did you meet Foaly? What happened to his old girlfriend."
"Well, after the incident with the imps and demons, he became very… well known. Apparently, his old girlfriend couldn't take the pressure. Left him with nothing but a note. Met him here while I was on duty." She winked. "He looked so lost. He was trying to find Koboi, you know, to mock her or something. I asked him out, and he said yes. Speaking of going out, I really should hurry. See you around Artemis Fowl."
†††††††††
Yes I am aware that this is a short chapter… Sorry!!!