I, Rally4ever do not own RFR... Well, gee sarcastic headings keep getting harder and harder to come up with...Well, I'll get plenty of practice with this story... It only gets longer, but it's a good read... I promise. I do own this story, it's like my own little piece of RFR...along with the "SAVE RFR... or ELSE" t-shirt and the countless tapes... It's all I have left. It's my pride... it's still my baby... even after it's completion. I did promise an epic, Didn't I? It's been my dream to see it up on this site...
Sound Wave,
what a messed up, mix bag of emotions...
Ray had just gotten back from dropping a tired Grace off at home being the gentleman that he was...
But, he still couldn't get his tired thoughts around Sound Wave... as he was walking alone his mind was wandering...
As his mind is so used to doing...
For weeks, he had been hoping that
Sound Wave would give him an answer... He knew Lily well enough to know when she was thinking about him... When a song would be about him; During the intro, she got that look in her eyes when she looked at him (the one where she's planning something big)... He could still hear her say, "This one's for you Ray..." She was right, this one was especially for him... He wished for a sign to tell him what to do, for destiny to point him in the right direction... for some guidance from the universe that Swami Travis was always boring him to death with...
Something had to tell him whether or not he had the right to hold out some shred of hope... Sound Wave was that sign... Lily gave him a sign through her song...
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!
He never realized how true those words were, until they hit him like a sack of bricks...
In short, Sound Wave was a disaster beyond belief! Now, he could barely breathe... to think about it! This was all too much, way too soon!
That Stagnificent (stunning and magnificent) girl, the one, the only Lily Randall... The only person he had been able to see himself really loving for so long,
the other girls just only seemed to lead him back to her, SHE wanted him of all people to move on...
He would for her sake not his own, he was first and foremost her best friend after all... If that's what she needed him to do... goodbye wouldn't be that hard, right?...
YEAH RIGHT, SURE... Any Day Now...!
Easier said than done, a lot of things for Ray were easier said because working at them was just well, too much work... But Lily was worth it...
He never tried for much in his life, but God he tried to try for her...
HE GAVE HER HIS ALL, His HEART on a silver platter, and his knees in a badly formed swimsuit... He gave her flicorice to make her smile, He gave her a Little Miss Forest Ranger compass ring to show her that no matter where she went she could always find her way back home to him... He gave her a t-shirt not because she missed the Flaming Lips, but because he missed her... because he missed doing things for her, though he knew he never had to, he wanted to.
Not because he was Feet (funny and sweet but because she was all that to him and so much more). What he gave her most... WAS his ARM...
He was her living, breathing punching bag for sure, she could take anything out on him... He could roll with every punch to make her laugh...
And he was also her crying shoulder, who would catch all her tears... If she'd let him... HE didn't care about his own bruises, he'd take away any pain he could from her
to put it all on himself... He would have always been strong for her...
Ray didn't know much, but he knew enough to know; all he knew was her!
She's the only thing he could think about all day without getting a headache...
God, did it all mean nothing to her? Open Mikes, birthday cakes, taunting arm punches which meant no harm.
Their memories... all of them...
Everything they shared between them...
WAS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?
It was all just slipping away from his grasp like sand... He was helpless to stop it this time... No amount of milk-squirting or Jumpy Juniors would bring her back to him now...
Is this what she really wanted?
He didn't know what to feel about anything anymore...
WAIT...
It was coming to him like a flood with such force and power; HOW COULD HE IGNORE IT?
... HE KNEW EXACTLY HOW HE FELT
and he was...
ANGRY!
HOW DARE SHE!
She used their memories like a hand-crafted, deadly weapon against him...
IT was useless to fight against it...
She embarrassed him in front of Grace and in front of everyone; teasing and taunting him with that hauntingly trutiful (truthful and beautiful) song...
She dared him to remember all the history they had together... called him to feel the way they once did for one last time; for one last song...
And now he couldn't forget...
What kind of person does that?
Embarrass someone they care about in "front" of all of Roscoe...
Then, Ray let the weight of those words hit him as he recalled the Mr. Roscoe pageant, another memory to cross off of a list he thought would be unending...
HE TRIED TO REMEMBER...
Why did he call her out in front of 'all of Roscoe' at Mr. Roscoe? He knew it wasn't to make her cry like he was doing now...
He remembered what he said, " if he could relive one moment over and over again... he would hope just one of those times he would get it right and She would be able
to look past all the hurt and tears; to see a guy who's crazy about a girl..."
And on reliving those words; that memory... His last walled defense broke down and so had he... And as quickly as the anger came; it left him... liked an ebbed tide...
It's just... only with no more anger, his heart was left void and vacant by the blow she had dealt him...
He was afraid of the emptiness; she took a huge chunk of his heart with her... where ever it was she was going...
HIS fragile HEART, Was it even beating still? Why was he living?
He had done a lot wrong in and with his life, but the one thing it seemed he had always done right was love a girl named Lily Randall...
That might have made him the rightest, smartest man in this world...
HE used to be so BLESSED...
SHE was his gift, and he looked at her like a boy opening a Christmas present... HIS forever birthday...
Man, this sucks...
He liked Grace she was perfect, charming, flawless, and wonderful... BUT SHE JUST WAS NOT...
SHE JUST WASN'T LILY!
HE COULD GET LOST IN ALL OF HER LITTLE QUIRKS, LIKE SHE USED TO FOR HIM... PUT UP WITH HIM...
HE COULD STAY IN THEIR MEMORIES TOGETHER FOREVER!
SOMETHING BIGGER THAN JUST HIM.
He had to be honest with himself if no one else...
HE LOVED LILY!
Man, this sucks...
Man, especially now since she didn't love him...
WHAT WAS THIS?
IT was eating and tearing him up alive inside...
He WAS sure to have some kind of mental breakdown sooner rather than later; therapy would be required...
For example, earlier that night as Grace was pulling his hand to head out the door of Sound Wave...
He could have sworn he heard the faintest, "Ray, I love you..."
How pathetic was he?
To rest all of his hopes and dreams on a shadow of a dying whisper...
He really did need to get his hearing checked!
Only problem with that was... Ray didn't like doctors much... Unless they promised him a lollipop and a monkey sticker telling him what a "Good Boy" he had been.
But, it had been so long since he sought such a "stamp" of approval, Don't get him wrong he hadn't asked for another monkey sticker since who knows when...
HE lost count... since WHAT? About a week ago; right?
Hey, even though he was in high school he was man enough to admit he was into his monkey-side...
HE ANSWERED THE CALL OF THE WILD!
Now, back to Lily...
He liked MONKEYS...
Monkeys, reminded him of Lily because he always had fun with monkeys and he always had fun with her...
He first saw "them" with her on a field trip to the Roscoe Zoo... when she got scared and held his hand..
Just thinking about her made him smile to himself...
In spite of him desperately not wanting to...
He must not have been desperate enough...
He wished he could will amnesia... WAS IT POSSIBLE?
He must not have wished hard enough...
Wow, Grace's house is a lot farther than he thought, those two blocks seemed to go on and on for eternity...
Every step was more lonely than the one he took that came before...
He was almost to his own front door now,
he saw the glow of the porch light call him back home towards a
"noble" retreat...
Any "real" man, would duck and cover in the wake of such flat out rejection...
A man has to have his limits on his dignity and save face somehow...
He had to just give up and go home...
Who was he Kidding? Fooling no one ...
Because Lily is home to him
He couldn't get her out of his system...
There just has to be some kind of support group for this kind of thing,
They could call it the "LLA" the...
"Lily Lovers Anonymous" ... He and Travis could both sign up...
Hi my name is... Ray and I have a problem; a little addiction if you will...
Fine if Lily was a drug, he would just have to go through Detox... Cold-Turkey
And give up on her...
Though, Ray was wise enough to believe that you don't give up on your friends...
That you don't give up on love...
That you hold on 'til your arms rip out of their sockets...
So, what was to stop him now from doing just that?
Oh, yeah he knew what it was; he remembered...
Lily; herself...
She wanted him to move on... She asked this last "little" favor of him ... She told him that it was his...
"GO TIME..." ironic choice of words...
And he always knew he'd do anything for her; ANYTIME!
He'd be selfless and respect her wishes... He wanted her happy...
If it meant so much to her... He'd live a lie, he'd let a mask fall over his face...
He'd go on; move on and pretend to love someone else in hopes that in time he actually would...
He saw his future though, and knew what would come of that "perfect" plan... The inevitable, end result.
He was never good at planning things...
DARN HER, DARN Lily...
Always thinking about herself, and not worrying about anyone else's feelings... He'd rather have it no other way... BUT... JUST ONCE...
He wanted to be selfish and do something for himself... But where could he run to do that...
Where could he go... Where no one would find him?
Where he could be his true goof-ball self... Where he could have his craws and tell his jokes...
Where he could be "Pronto"...
FINE, he knew exactly where he could go...
If Lily wanted him to get on with his life...
He would... He'd close this chapter...
Maybe he would get over Lily...
But not here... just not right now...
"Tomorrow" was another day, just for tonight; once more he'd love her with all that was left in him to give...
Even if she would only be his in memory..
He knew it'd be a burden he'd bear for LIFE...
So, though his house was right in front of him; his warm, welcoming bed was calling...
HE ran as fast and as far away as he could in the other direction... towards the shelter of a lonely radio station...