Rally doesn't own RFR in all it's greatness... This story is just her little piece of the pie
SHOUT-OUTS:
Purplereader: Hopefully this next chapter will be like Kleenex for your soul... I think tears have been some of my biggest supporters... I consider them major compliments. Now, I can't promise there won't be more tears to shed for Lily and Ray... But, I can promise each one will be well worth it in this crazy roller coaster ride story of mine.
ItalHunni28: Always good to hear from you... I appreciate all the 'support' I can get. So, I support your supporting me whole heartedly... Seriously, with gratitude I thank you for hanging in there... I'm sorry it's been taking me a while to update my stories... Life does get in the way, but I only hope the payoff will help you forget the wait.
lola5: I confess all you said was true... I hope you weren't too disappointed. I warned the readers before hand ... it would be one of my infamous "mini-chapters"... See, you make a good point and please allow me to explain. Writing is indeed a "PROCESS," an intricate one. Part of my job as an author is to paint a picture, to set a scene, and most of all TO LISTEN TO WHAT MY STORY WANTS. People have often asked how I do just that... They wonder how I can put so much punch in the emotion I portray... Well, It's been my experience that some writers become a tad too "egar" in their endeavors, and just want to help the story along, so they rush into it. IN MY CASE, the story helps me by pacing itself. It almost seems to tell me what it needs... It needs a breather, a break perhaps, because too much going on at one time is not a good thing, otherwise it makes a story seem jumbled and perhaps a little too chaotic. The chapter before (Who Do I Belong to Now?) is one of the stories most "crafted" inner monologues and it took a lot out of it, attention wise. Ray's run not only bought me much needed time, it bought my story some too. And actually it ties in very well later, and my story wouldn't be the same without it. I PROMISE, "mini-chapters" are not at all mundane or wasteful, even if "not much happens," they help us prepare for something to. We are right there with the character (Ray, in this instance) with suspense, confusion, and perhaps a little frustration of our own. Not every chapter is perfect, You guys have no idea how much I still continue to pour over this story, and make subtle but necessary changes. IT helps it flow along much better. All I'm saying is, patience is a virtue and THE BEST THINGS take time, investment, and commitment. Thank you for hanging in there with me... I'll tell you what, if you will, I will. Thanks for saying I'm a "good writer", it means a lot to me, and because it does... I don't need credit, because I'd much rather have the story speak for itself and let my work represent its own value. It doesn't need me to prove itself, it takes on a life all on it's own.
THIS NEXT CHAPTER is definitely one of my proudest and best, so I dedicate it to you lola and all the other faithful readers. This chapter is central to the story. Lola, I think once you read this next part, you'll have some idea of what I'm trying to explain. Because, words can't do the experience justice. An atmosphere, a setting, attention to detail (especially emotion), are all keys to a great story. Honestly, I don't like to ever brag or toot-my- own- horn, but if I don't make it up to you with this chapter... I WON'T TRUST MYSELF, or MY WRITING NEVER, EVER AGAIN! Lol, I have faith in this story, otherwise I wouldn't put so much of myself into it. You'll love this...
15 minutes later...
"Man..." Ray said to himself still watching Lily, "Brennan, you are so verging on stalkerhood right about now!"
Ray was trying to reason with himself... not really knowing why he was sitting on the stairs; in the rain in the first place...
What was he waiting on?
Just waiting to wait... it seemed, and it was bugging the crud out of him...
RAY WAS GEtting ANTSY... he could never sit still in one place for very long...
"That is it..." Ray said softly to himself, "I've been here way too long and Lily doesn't need me intruding in her life anymore..."
Great BRENNAN... You are a genius... the girl tells you to move on and what are you doing? WATCHING HER... No wonder Lily wants to get rid of you... You can't even follow "simple" instructions... Look, you came here to get over her, it's the perfect time... DO IT NOW! Just go back home where you belong...
and on that note...
Ray rose up and said to himself, "I'm so outta here... she doesn't need me..." He started to climb back up the stairs with a quickened pace,
BUT...
He heard a familiar voice from inside the station reign out, "This is the worst day of my life! Oh, Ray..."
Hearing his name on her lips, stopped him dead in his tracks... It was a sweet sound. He stood still; frozen yet again for the third consecutive time this night... it was absolutely amazing the effect she had on him... she made the whole world stop and listen...
Lily continued to say, "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault!"
His ears were ringing now... a tingling sensation continued to creep upward along his spine... His earlier sense of foreboding returned stronger... it told him something big was about to happen... and it was in full swing now... He was literally going haywire or he was sure to short- circuit any minute now...
WHAT is she talking about?
Poor Ray, why doesn't anyone tell him what's going on around here anymore?
All he could manage to do was turn back around slowly and stand next to the window, placing his hand on the foggy glass he began to lighty trace along the countours of her face,
God, she's so beautiful when's she's guilty... even if she shouldn't have anything to feel sorry for... He could never find it in his heart to ever really blame her for anything... He could never stay angry at her for long, and he both hated and loved how she knew that.
Why would she do this to herself?
She'd always done right by him.
Why was she beating herself up?
Ray was a viable ball of suspense... being helplessly curious... Ray could only ask, "WHAT NEXT?"
HE was about to find out...
"Stanley," Lily directed her attention to the guitar by her side and addressed it by name... "I know I did the right thing, but if I can't tell him the truth... I can at least tell it to you... Can't I?"
She picked up the guitar and held it gingerly to her side as if it were a precious, cherished life. She told it, "You always listen to me Stanley, you hear my heart..."
Ray was amused... he smirked to himself... "Stanley huh? That's quite a name for a guitar... I wonder where she got that from?" Oh, to be that comfortable orange and black electric guitar... the one she was holding onto so tightly... the one that had been with her it seemed like forever... the one that had been a part of her, you couldn't tell where she and it separated... the one that heard her heart and her secrets... the one she trusted with the truth... It was a shame he was jealous of an inanimate object... BUT HE WAS...
He heard Lily then, begin to strum her "Stanley" to see if it was tuned properly, then she settled into a familiar melody...
When the chords rang out...
It was same song he'd heard earlier that night... and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear it again... It was almost too much the first time to bear... But, something was different about it now, the way she played it softer, almost tender, and the grudge pop rock power tune jammed out a little slower sounded as more of a ballad than anything else ...
Ray didn't know much about music, but he could only be hypnotized as she sang the "new" lyrics... of the song he thought had ended his life...
"This one is 'really' for you Ray..." She pretended he was here listening to her and dedicated it one last time to him... As if he could hear these words ... She poured out all of herself and all of her heart; what was left of it. In a way, he always was with her. Never very far; all she had to do was close her eyes to see his funny face. She sang sweetly, she sang gently, she sang low; she sang of longing and of love too. The song she had been intending to sing all along...
'Here I am, waiting for you...
just the way you want me to.
Here's your chance...
What's your next move,
in this game of win or lose...
All the years that we cared,
All the things that we shared...
Birthday-cakes, bad mistakes,
Stolen bikes, open mikes,
Sweet tarts, broken hearts,
puched your arm,
Meant no harm...
Now, these things fade to gray,
Since you've been away...
If you look back,
you'll see my tears...
because you've moved on,
and I'm still here...
You belong, You belong, You belong
To no one else
You belong, You belong, You belong
To no one else, but me.
Look beside you,
I'll be there...
I'm ready now,
I have no fears...
Will you pick me?
It's time to chose...
Me or her,
there's no room for two.
You belong, You belong, You belong
To no one else
You belong, You belong, You belong
To no one else, but me.
Look to your future,
do you expect to see
a vision clear of you and me?
Whether or not you're truly mine...
I want you happy...
IT'S GO TIME!
You belong, You belong, You belong
To no one else
You belong, you belong, you belong
To no one else, BUT ME...
You belong to me.'
"I thought you belonged to me... Ray," Lily said through an exasperated sigh she couldn't hide.
The song had taken more out of her than she had ever dreamt possible.
She released all she had with no grand expectations of it returning back to her any time soon. She no longer even trusted her voice to maintain her false sense of strength. Rather, she sounded desperate, almost pleading now... She had nothing left to hold onto; not even her foolish pride.
With a stabbing burst of pain...
She sobbed anew...
She didn't know what or how to feel about anything anymore...