Three Roses For Kate
It was a warm day at the end of May, summer was approaching.
The early afternoon sun stood high in the sky, giving the marble gravestone a brilliant white shimmer. A single figure stood at the foot of the grave, her black clothing forming a striking contrast against her pale skin in the bright sunlight.
Abigail Sciuto looked down at the words engraved into the white stone and involuntarily tightened her grip on the wooden basket in her hands. Caitlin Todd. Beloved daughter, sister, friend.
She took a deep breath and then set the basket down.
"Hello, Kate", she said. "It's me, Abby. I mean, well, I guess you probably know it's me. But I just wanted to make sure…"
Abby bent down and took a bouquet of daisies out of the basket. There were already some fresh flowers on the grave, apparently Kate's family had already been there that day.
"Did you know that it is said that 'daisy' comes from 'day's eye'?", Abby asked spreading the flowers on the grave. "The daisy's head closes at night and opens again in the morning. You know, for a long time I would wake up in the mornings, hoping that you would open your eyes again… As if you, too, had only closed them for a long night."
Abby fell silent for a moment, lost in her memories.
She had liked Kate immediately; from the moment she had set her eyes on her she had known they would get along well. And she had not been disappointed. They had become friends and had soon learned to trust each other with as much as their lives. They had many things in common and were totally different in others. They had shown each other all different sides of their lives. Kate had tried to teach Abby how to draw caricatures, a memory which made Abby smile. Using a pencil was obviously not her strength.
"You always made beautiful drawings", Abby said into the perfect silence around her, which was only occasionally broken by the twitter of a bird. "I loved the way you drew me as a bat. That drawing is now one of my most prized possessions."
Abby had taken Kate to some concerts and Kate, to her own surprise, had found that she actually really enjoyed the music.
"I saw Android Lust live again a while ago. It was great, of course… But it wasn't the same without you. So much is just not the same anymore, without you, Kate. I still miss you so much…"
Abby swallowed hard and then bent down again to retrieve an envelope from the basket.
"I brought you some pictures. Look, here's one showing Gibbs. I just took it yesterday… He looks kinda dazzled, he wasn't prepared for the flash. And guess what he's got in his hand! A cup of coffee, surprising, huh?" Abby grinned and laid the picture down onto the daisy-covered grave.
"And here's one of Tony slapping McGee on the back of his head. And another one of the two, looking at the camera stupidly." Abby put the pictures next to the first one. "I spent yesterday afternoon running around with my camera… I thought you might like to see everyone…
"Well, here's one of Ducky and Palmer. Jimmy looks kinda bored and Ducky's got his mouth open, 'cause he was in the middle of one of his stories.
"And this one shows Jenny Shepard. She's the director of NCIS now. She's a red head. I'm quite sure she and Gibbs have a history. I wish I could speculate about that with you…"
Abby fell silent again, looking down at the last picture in her hands.
"And this here is Ziva David. She is a Mossad Officer, but now works with us on Gibbs' team… She only recently told me the truth about – about Ari. I promised her not to tell anyone but I think she'll forgive me for telling you.
"Ari was a terrorist, we know that for sure now – not that we ever really doubted it. Ziva's the daughter of the deputy-director of Mossad… and so was Ari. They're half-siblings. But he was pissed off about his father – and you had to pay for it. Gibbs reminded him of his father. Ari wanted to torture Gibbs by killing important women in his life before actually killing him.
"To cut a long story short, in the end Ziva shot him and so saved Gibbs' life."
Abby closed her eyes and leaned her head back.
"I didn't like her at first… She seemed like an intruder to me. I can't even tell you what exactly made me dislike her – it was just her whole appearance. And well, she came here immediately after your death and tried to convince us that Ari was innocent… Not exactly the best conditions to befriend me. She left after Ari was dead, and when she came back my attitude towards her hadn't changed. Mind you, I didn't know she was the one who killed Ari then.
"She began to work on Gibbs' team… Became your permanent replacement. The thought that anyone would try to replace you was unbearable to me.
"But after some weeks I got used to her… got to know her a bit. One day she and Tony were almost killed during a mission. I was incredibly relieved when they both got back, alive. Both. I was really grateful that Ziva was well, I even hugged her.
"Still, we weren't friends, but I didn't hate her anymore either. I began to trust her. And then one day she told me all about Ari…
"I guess I would defiantly call her a friend now. And I think if we work on this friendship we might actually become really close… She is so much more than I thought her to be."
Abby gently laid Ziva's picture down onto the bed of daisies, next to the others.
Yes, Abby thought, this is were Ziva belongs. In our team. She can't replace Kate… But then again, that was never her intention. She will never take up your place in my heart, Kate, no one ever will. But she has already begun to claim another spot in my heart – and I think I'm willing to give it to her.
She looked up at the sky for a moment, lost in thought, again. Then she looked back at the tombstone and smiled.
"I've got something more for you, Kate", she said taking a small CD-player out of her basket.
She set it down on the ground and turned it on, leaving the volume very low, though.
"Don't want to disturb anyone here", she said, "but I thought you might enjoy this. It's a mixed CD… a little bit of everything you liked to hear and some new stuff that I'm sure you would have enjoyed if you had gotten the chance.
"I also brought a newspaper. I'll just read a bit out to you, you always liked to be up-to-date…" With this, Abby bent down again to retrieve today's paper. She sat down next to Kate's grave and, as promised, began to read it out load.
After a while Abby put the paper away and just sat there, thinking, remembering, dreaming of Kate, sometimes looking up at the cloudless sky, sometimes turning her head towards the marble gravestone.
Stay low.
Soft, dark, and dreamless,
Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness.
I hate me,
For breathing without you.
I don't want to feel anymore for you.
Abby closed here eyes tightly as the first tunes of the song reached her ears, fighting against the burning sensation behind her eyes.
Grieving for you,
I'm not grieving for you.
Nothing real love can't undo,
And though I may have lost my way,
All paths lead straight to you.
I long to be like you,
Lie cold in the ground like you.
The first weeks after Kate's death, Abby had felt an unnaturally strong desire to join her, to leave behind all the pain. But she had fought it. The time would come, eventually, when she would join Kate. Abby was aware that the pain, the loss she felt, would always be a part of her from now on, but she also knew that it would gradually become more bearable. And it did. She learned to live with it and she knew that she would be able to continue with her life. But she would never forget Kate.
You're not alone,
No matter what they told you, you're not alone.
I'll be right beside you forevermore.
When Abby opened her eyes again, the sun was already somewhat lower in the sky and the CD had stopped playing, and Abby realised she must have fallen asleep.
She stood up slowly and put the CD player and the newspaper back into the basket. Then she looked down at the grave once more.
"It's time for me to go, soon. But there's one more thing I have for you."
Abby withdrew three roses from the basket and sighed sadly. She took a moment to gather herself and then cleared her throat.
"First, I have a white rose for you, Kate, because your heart and soul were as pure as can be. You cared so much, you were so far from evil as can be."
Abby brought the white rose to her lips and then laid it down at the foot of the tombstone.
"Second, I have for you a red rose, Kate, because I loved you so much – and still do. You were the best friend one could wish for, you understood me better than anyone else – even Gibbs. I will always love you, Kate."
Abby now brought the red rose to her lips, a few silent tears flowing down her cheeks. She laid the rose next to the first one.
"And last of all, I have for you, my dear, dear Kate, a black rose, because I know it would make you smile. With this rose I give you a part of me. A part of my soul will stay with you forever – I shall only be whole again in death. Until then, Kate, until we meet again, keep it safe for me."
Again, Abby brought the rose up to her lips. Tears were now flowing freely down her face. Abby leaned over to the tombstone and put the black rose, wet from tears, next to the others.
"I wish you a peaceful death day, Caitlin."
With these words Abby picked up her basket and turned away, tears still trickling down her cheeks, but a little smile clearly visible on her face. What is a lifespan compared to the eternity of death?
A/N: The song is "Like You" by Evanescence, Amy Lee wrote it for her deceased sister. On the show, Ziva of course never tells Abby about her relation to Ari. The conversation Abby refers to here is actually topic of my other (Ziva-centric) story 'Painful Memories'.
Oh, and I love reviews (also if you didn't like this story, feel free to tell me…please?).