Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Q?
Quagmire
"Why aren't they firing?" Vala asked.
The two Ori ships that had followed SG-1 through the supergate were just sitting there.
"I don't know, but the longer they take, the tighter the knots in my stomach get," Mitchell said.
Sam sighed and rested her head against a console. She keyed her radio. "Guys, we're going to be here a while. Several sections of the hyperdrive are fried. What's going on up there?"
"All's quiet up here," Mitchell said.
"What do you mean?"
"For some reason, they're not firing at us."
"We are, however, being targeted," Teal'c added.
"Sam, you should come back."
"Daniel, what's wrong?"
"I can't seem to keep-." The rest of his sentence was garbled by static.
"Daniel?"
When Sam reached the power room, Daniel was frantically pressing buttons.
"I got the ratios restabilized, but I don't know how long it'll last. I'm getting interference from somewhere."
Daniel stepped aside.
"The power of the gate is interfering with the particles. Which seems to be a good thing."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I figured the power in the gate would make the particles degrade faster than usual, but if I make some adjustments, the interference should actually boost the particles."
Daniel watched Sam.
"We'll still need more particles. Especially since I'm not sure I can even fix the hyperdrive."
"How long can we keep jamming the wormhole?"
"I don't know. There, that should do it."
The room suddenly went dark.
"What happened?" Daniel asked.
Sam tried punching buttons. "I don't know," she said, a hint of panic in her voice.
"Mitchell, what's going on?" Daniel said into his radio. "Vala? Teal'c?"
Without a word, Sam and Daniel flicked on the flashlights they'd learned a long time ago to keep handy and headed for the bridge.
"Where's Q?" Vala asked.
"He didn't say where he was going," Adria said. "And I didn't ask."
"Better have been important," Mitchell muttered.
Teal'c silently fumed.
"Maybe we can find him," Vala said with a bright smile.
"That man was insufferable!"
"You didn't have any fun with him?" Vala asked.
"No, Mother I didn't have fun with the man who was trying to keep me from my army and your little plan."
"There was nothing little about this plan, darling."
"Just do whatever you're going to do to us and get it over with," Mitchell said.
Adria flashed a sweet, evil smile. "Oh, I intend to." She raised her hand, waved it, and three anti Prior devices flew across the bridge.
"Uh oh," Mitchell said.
Adria readied to fling her prisoners across the bridge next, but stopped and looked toward the doorway. "What are you waiting for?" She waved her hand, and two more anti Prior devices flew onto the bridge followed by Daniel and Sam.
Adria dumped them beside the others, the devices and the people.
"You know, I was mad before," Adria said to Daniel. "But now…" She stared at him, and Daniel grabbed his head.
"Adria stop!" Vala said as Daniel swayed and stumbled backward.
Adria turned on Vala.
As Daniel crumpled and Sam caught him before he hit the floor, Vala grabbed her head.
"Daniel?" Sam whispered when Daniel opened his eyes. "How ya doin"?"
Daniel tried to sit up, but fell back as the room spun. "Where is she?"
"Ushering the other Ori ships through the gate," Mitchell whispered.
"What happened to Q?"
"She said he left," Vala said, and it was then that Daniel realized his head was in her lap. "He left her locked in some sort of multidimensional force field. Or so he thought. Apparently he set up a program in Sam's link thingy that would activate a similar force field around this ship in the event she overcame the first one." Speaking had increased the pounding in her head, and she rubbed her temples.
"That's why those ships didn't fire on us," Mitchell explained.
Daniel groaned as the ship gently shifted.
"We're in hyperspace," Sam said.
"Yes we are," Adria said. "And now that you're all awake, I can give you the new plan."
"Oh good, cuz our old plan failed."
"Cam," Sam hissed in warning.
"Well, it wasn't your fault it failed. You are only human after all."
"Let them go," Daniel said, sitting up despite Vala's efforts to keep him down. "Don't take your anger at me out on them."
Adria laughed and sneered. "Don't flatter yourself. I never fully trusted you."
"Yes, you did."
"No!" Adria lowered her voice and stepped closer to SG-1. Everyone unconsciously leaned inward around Daniel. "I led you to believe I trusted you."
"Then why were my friends able to capture me?"
"I allowed them to capture you so you would think that you'd gotten to me."
"To what end? This?" Daniel spread his hands to indicate the present situation.
"Of course. I knew I'd catch you again eventually. Q just made it easier. Your friends are a bonus. Now that I have the leaders, all resistance in your galaxy will crumble."
"What do you plan to do with Daniel now?" Vala asked. "Turn him into a Prior again?"
"Obviously that wouldn't work. By the way, how did you turn him back?"
No one answered.
"Fine, I'll take the information myself. But first, we are going to Earth." Adria smiled as if she'd thought up the best game ever. "All of you will help me convert your planet, then we'll move on to the rest of the planets."
"That's ambitious," Mitchell said. "And insane."
"The Tauri will never accept servitude to the Ori, and they will not allow others to do so either," Teal'c said.
"They will when each of you forces them to."
"What makes you think we'd do that?" Daniel asked in an antagonizing tone.
Sam shot him a look and bit her bottom lip.
"Your little devices no longer work on me. I will gain control of your minds, and you will do my bidding."
"We will not cooperate," Teal'c said.
"Not willingly, no," Adria said. "But it's a long way to Earth." Adria stuck out her chin, spun around and strode to the command chair.
Sam motioned the team into a huddle.
"I don't think we need to be antagonizing her," she said.
"Well, we're not cooperating with her that's for sure," Mitchell said.
"No, of course not. We need to figure out how to stop her before-"
"You cannot stop me," Adria said lazily over her shoulder.
"she figures it out," Sam finished.
After about five minutes of ponderous silence, Daniel moved closer to Teal'c and whispered in his ear. Teal'c nodded, and Daniel settled himself into a cross-legged position against the wall. Teal'c sat beside Daniel but not facing the same direction, their bodies forming a right angle, knees touching. Teal'c began talking softly to Daniel.
"What's going on?" Mitchell whispered.
"I think Teal'c's helping Daniel meditate," Sam whispered back. "Maybe that will keep Adria from getting into his mind."
Sam, Mitchell and Vala watched Teal'c and Daniel, mostly Daniel. After a few minutes, Vala got bored and slumped against the wall. She periodically peeked at Daniel and Teal'c out of the corner of her eye.
At length, Teal'c seemed satisfied that Daniel had reached a meditative state. He motioned for Mitchell to check Adria.
Mitchell slowly rose and strolled toward the command chair.
The guard standing just inside the bridge raised his weapon.
Sam cleared her throat.
Mitchell turned back toward the team. "Just stretching my legs," he said, hands raised.
The guard lowered his weapon slightly and didn't take his eyes off Mitchell.
Mitchell reached toward the ceiling with both arms and pretended to stretch his back by leaning backward. He did a couple large arm circles to keep up the show plus it did feel good to stretch and returned to his place on the floor. "She seems to be concentrating real hard," he whispered.
Teal'c stood and approached the guard The man gave him a questioning look. Teal'c reached for his neck, and, before the guard could utter a sound, he crumpled into Teal'c's arms. Teal'c carried him off the bridge.
Sam and Mitchell wasted no time in slipping out after Teal'c.
Teal'c returned to the bridge dressed in the guard's robes and carrying the man's weapon.
Vala glanced at the command chair. Adria had not stirred.
Approaching Teal'c, Vala whispered, "What did you do?"
"I performed a technique called the Vulcan neck pinch. Colonels Carter and Mitchell have gone to seek weapons."
"You'll have to teach me the Vulcan neck pinch."
"Perhaps."
"Perhaps?" Vala said with a wounded look.
Adria suddenly shrieked and slammed her fists onto the arms of her chair.
Vala skipped back to Daniel's side as he began panting. He took his glasses off and leaned his head back against the wall.
"You are only prolonging-" Adria stopped her mad dash toward Daniel when Teal'c stepped in front of her, brandishing his weapon.
Adria looked at Teal'c, then Vala and Daniel. "Where are the other two?" she demanded.
No one answered her.
With a swipe of her hand, she knocked the weapon out of Teal'c's hand. The weapon went flying. Teal'c was thrown back against the wall opposite the bridge and slid to the floor, his eyes rolling up as he tipped over.
"Stop it, right now!" Vala stood to confront Adria.
"You've never been a mother to me, why do you act like it now?"
"I didn't have a chance. You grew up so fast, and-"
"I am Orici. You should be proud to be my mother."
"I'd be proud of you even if you were just an ordinary girl."
"But I'm not."
"No, you've got more power than almost anyone I've ever met. Too much power for your own good. And you're using it to enslave people."
"So if I was using it to benefit you, you'd feel differently?"
"If you were using your power to help people instead of-"
"I am leading people to the truth and power of the Ori."
Vala sighed.
Teal'c began to stir. Sam appeared and helped him to his feet.
"And there is no one more powerful than me."
"Yes there is."
"I'd like to meet them."
"You've already met several people more powerful than you."
Adria looked confused.
Daniel saw Teal'c follow Sam out of sight around the corner from the bridge.
"You're talking to one of them now," he said, using the wall to push himself up.
"Mother?" Adria laughed.
"It takes a lot of courage to stand up to someone you love."
"She doesn't love me."
"Yes, I do," Vala said quietly.
"All you've ever done is criticize me and my mission."
"I wanted to protect you!"
"I don't need you to protect me! I am Orici!"
Vala bit her lip and blinked rapidly.
"If you'd accept that and accept the Ori into your heart-"
"Never," Vala said in a husky voice.
"Then, you might as well be dead to me." Adria walked away.
After a brief pause, Vala wrapped her arms around her middle and said, "Then kill me."
Adria sat in the command chair and hunched over, her head in her hands.
Daniel moved to Vala, but she shook her head and stepped away from him.
Sam, Mitchell and Teal'c walked onto the bridge. Sam put an arm around Vala's shoulders and started leading her toward the hall.
"No one's going anywhere," Adria said in a watery voice. She didn't lift her head.
Sam glanced over her shoulder but kept walking. When she and Vala reached the doorway, they were yanked backward and landed on the floor in a tangle of limbs.
"Adria," Daniel said and took a step toward her.
"She thinks you're one of the ones more powerful than me." Adria stood up so fast, Daniel retreated. "She's wrong. You weren't the one who betrayed me. It was Merlin."
Daniel sighed and ducked his head. "You couldn't keep me from getting into your mind. I have to admit you did put up quite a fight. It was almost fun." Adria stepped toward Daniel in an arrogant stroll, back in control of her emotions now. "But it wasn't good enough."
Adria took another step toward Daniel, and his knees buckled.
Mitchell and Teal'c fired at her, but Adria mentally snatched their weapons, sending blasts and bullets in every direction. Mitchell and Teal'c ducked as their shots came back at them. Then, each man grabbed his throat and made strangling sounds.
"Let them go," Vala said, standing to face off with Adria for what she hoped/feared would be the last time.
Adria heaved a dramatic longsuffering sigh.
"Let them go, and I'll do whatever you want."
"It's too late."
"You're right."
In surprise, Adria's mental hold on Teal'c, Mitchell and Daniel ended. Teal'c and Mitchell rubbed their throats, and Daniel slumped close to the floor. Sam, who had stood up not long after Vala, glanced at Teal'c and Mitchell, who nodded, then knelt beside Daniel. He lifted his head and nodded that he was ok. Sam accepted his nod even though sweat shone on his forehead.
"Where have you been?" Mitchell said in as close to a shout as he could manage.
"Family issues," Q said with a dismissive wave.
"Back for another silly battle?" Adria said as Mitchell and Teal'c exchanged a glance regarding Q's excuse for his tardiness.
"If you insist. How about a staring contest?" Q took a deep breath, then focused an intense stare on Adria.
Adria rolled her eyes. "I'm busy." She turned to indicate SG-1. "Where are they?"
Q shrugged and looked confused. "Who?"
Adria fumed and marched off the bridge.
"Where are we?" Mitchell asked.
"Passenger quarters," Daniel said, rubbing his temples.
"Let's get out of here and off this ship," Sam said.
"Any idea how?" Mitchell asked.
"We find Q and tell him to snap us back to Earth. Mission's off. It's not worth it anymore." Sam headed for the door.
"Sam, Earth needs this ship." Daniel stood on wobbly legs.
"Daniel," Sam bit her lip at the anger in her tone and took a second to compose herself. "I agree. Having an Ori ship would be very advantageous. But the current price is too high."
"I've been in Adria's mind before," Daniel said. "I know how it works and I know her tricks. If I can get in and get to her-"
"And while you do that, she'll probably be busy ripping your mind to shreds," Sam said. "We already lost you to her once. I won't let it happen again." Sam's voice threatened to break, and she swallowed.
Daniel was momentarily stunned. "Maybe I can at least distract her until you can figure out a way to confine her or something," Daniel said. "Maybe Q can help."
"We could beam her into space," Vala said.
"You really want to do that?" Mitchell said.
Vala shook her head and hugged herself.
"She would never allow that to happen," Teal'c said.
"I can let her think she's getting to me," Daniel said.
"It's too dangerous," Sam said. "The best thing to do is make Q send us back to Earth. We go over everything and maybe figure out a way to try again."
"You wanna give up?" Daniel asked, unsure of how to react.
"Of course not," Sam said. "I didn't say give up. I said regroup."
Sam left the room, the others following her solemnly.
"This ends now," Adria said as SG-1 rounded a corner.
"I agree," Sam said. "Q!"
"I'm here. You needn't shout."
"Send us back to Earth."
"You're running away?" Adria sneered. "Even my pathetic mother doesn't do that."
"I am not running away," Sam said fiercely. "And I do not have to defend myself to you."
"Now that's tellin' her," Q whispered in a loud aside to Sam.
"Earth. Now."
"I'm getting to that," Q said.
"That's not what I had in mind," Adria said.
Sam cried out and gritted her teeth.
"Adria!" Daniel said. He started to step around Vala.
With a violent wave of her arm, Adria threw Vala and Daniel against the wall.
There was a sickening series of cracks as they hit the wall then the floor.
Before Adria could do anything else, she disappeared with Q in a flash of light.
"He better keep her away this time," Mitchell said.
Sam didn't say anything as she joined Teal'c in examining Daniel and Vala.
"We need to get them to the infirmary. On Earth," she said and strode off down the hall.
"Get to the bridge and set a course," she ordered to no one in particular. "Maximum speed."
"Where are you going?" Mitchell called.
"Do it."
"I will remain here," Teal'c said.
"What about-?" Mitchell motioned to his teammates.
"Colonel Carter will return or contact me with instructions as to their care."
"Probably shouldn't try moving them," Mitchell said simply because he felt he should say something no matter how pointless it was.
"Indeed."
"Just thought you should know, we're on our way," Mitchell said into his radio. "And we're alone. Q must have 'beamed' the other ships somewhere. Hopefully somewhere far away," he added to himself.
"Good," Sam replied.
"I guess you'll let me know-"
"Daniel and Vala will be fine," Sam said firmly. "Carter out."
"Colonel Carter?" Teal'c looked at her with a raised eyebrow as he took the Prior's staff she handed him. He watched her set down the medical kit and narrowed his eyes when he saw the object she removed from her vest pocket. "I do not advise-"
"Teal'c, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to hear it."
"Very well."
Sam pressed the device she and Q had built to connect her mind and the Ori ship against her temple. The device beeped, and Sam hissed in a breath when it dug into her skin. Teal'c handed her the staff, and she closed her eyes.
After a minute, Sam opened her eyes and looked at the staff. It wasn't glowing.
She took in a deep breath and tried again. The staff still didn't glow.
Sam put her back to the wall and slid down to the floor, her head in her hands.
"Is there a problem with the device?"
Sam nodded. "I must have damaged it when I took it off before. I'll try to fix it but first we need to see exactly what we're dealing with." She looked at Daniel and Vala.
Teal'c put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a reassuring look.
As one, the two friends got up and gently rolled Daniel and Vala onto their backs.
Vala groaned and reached for her head with her right hand, but Daniel didn't stir. Teal'c looked at Daniel when Sam sucked in a breath.
Sam unzipped Daniel's jacket and gently opened it to search for the origin of the blood.
"He's got at least two broken rib," she reported. "Probably a concussion too. I don't if there's internal bleeding. Vala?" Sam said as Teal'c patted her down for broken bones.
"Oh!" Vala grabbed Teal'c hand when he reached her left shoulder. "As much as I might otherwise enjoy being felt up by you, Muscles-"
"I believe your shoulder is injured."
"I agree," Vala said.
"Do you hurt anywhere else?" Sam asked.
"Everywhere. But I don't think anything is broken if that's what you're asking."
"Can you sit up?"
Teal'c helped her ease up.
"Daniel?" Vala turned sharply toward Daniel and immediately swayed and reached for Teal'c to stabilize herself. "Is he…? Is that blood?"
"Teal'c, there's something that looks like a stretcher in the infirmary." Sam reached for the medical kit.
"I'll help," Vala said.
Teal'c helped Vala to her feet. Before he could move off, Vala collapsed against him with an outcry of pain. "Forget what I said about nothing being broken."
Teal'c eased her back to the floor, against the wall this time and left for the stretcher.
Sam took off her jacket and tossed it to Vala. "Take your shoe and sock off, and prop your ankle up."
Vala began untying her boot. "Is Daniel…?"
Sam paused, her hand hovering over the blood she'd been mopping off Daniel's torso. "There's not as much blood as I initially thought, so I think that's a good sign."
"You think?"
Sam tried to give Vala a reassuring smile but she didn't feel reassured and she knew it was obvious.
Sam slouched against the wall outside the infirmary and held her head in her hands.
"You require medical attention as well, Colonel Carter," Teal'c said. "Adria-"
"She just made my headache a hell of a lot worse. I'll be fine."
"Is that all that bothers you?"
Sam smiled at his perceptiveness. "Teal'c, I don't know what to do now. I was hoping to at least get Daniel out of Adria's way. The only reason I agreed to this mission in the first place was because Q said he could keep her away. I shouldn't have trusted him so readily."
"Yet you did."
Sam laughed derisively at herself.
"Why did you trust him?"
"I don't really know," Sam said, shaking her head. "He did come through in helping us build the devices. And they did work like they were supposed to. For the most part. And he got us onto this ship."
"You trusted him before he did any of these things."
Sam looked at Teal'c, a bit scared that he'd picked up on that too. "Yeah."
"Why?"
"I can't explain why. I just . . . somehow believed him when he said he wanted to help. I know what you're thinking. That's something Daniel would say, whereas I would need proof before. . ."
"Daniel Jackson is more often than not correct in his 'feelings'."
Sam nodded and rubbed her head.
"If you believe Q to be trustworthy, then so do I."
"I thought you didn't like him."
"I do not."
"Alright, just like last time," Mitchell said from outside the force field around the chapel. "No sudden moves and nobody gets zatted" He glanced at Teal'c beside him.
Teal'c stood with two zats aimed at the growing crowd emerging from the chapel.
"We're ready," Mitchell said into his radio.
The force field flickered away. Mitchell walked forward and deposited two large trays of food in the corridor.
"Where is the other one?" a man asked as Mitchell went back for two more trays.
"He's busy," Mitchell said.
"He said he would return with proof the Ori are not gods."
"Something came up." Mitchell set the two trays down and returned to Teal'c's side.
"Then he will not gain our trust."
"He was injured," Teal'c said in a booming voice. "By the Orici."
The crowd gasped and murmured amongst themselves.
"The Orici is here? I demand to speak to her."
"She was here, but she had to leave," Mitchell said. "And so do we. Sam."
The force field flickered back on.
"I demand an audience with the Orici," the man shouted as Mitchell and Teal'c headed for the transport.
Sam shrieked and drew her hand back.
Mitchell dodged sparks as he approached. "Are you ok? What the hell were you doing?"
"Making things worse, apparently," Sam almost shouted as she examined her hand.
"That looks bad," Mitchell said of the blister filling Sam's palm.
"It's fine," Sam said. She kicked the console and hissed.
"Ok, I think it's time for a break."
"No." With her uninjured hand, Sam began pushing buttons.
"Sam-"
"Just give me a minute."
At her tone, Mitchell, who had taken another step toward her and reached out to physically pull her away, stepped back and raised his hands.
"Sorry. I don't mean to be snippy. I just need to fix my mistake before I give up and cry."
"How bad did you . . .?"
"Teal'c, I need you to shut down the engines for a few minutes," Sam said into her radio.
"Are you certain, Colonel Carter?"
"Yes. I need to reinitialize everything."
"Will reinitializing allow us to travel faster?"
Sam bit her lip. "No, but it will correct my critical mistake."
"Your attempt to increase hyperdrive power failed?" Teal'c's voice was gently somber.
"Yeah."
"I have shut down the engines."
"Thanks. I'll let you know when to start them up again."
"Sam?" Vala's voice came over the radio.
"What is it Vala?"
"Thanks and good luck," she said quickly and signed off.
Sam nodded appreciation even though she knew Vala couldn't see her, then shut down the hyperdrive.
A few minutes later, everything was reinitialized, and the ship was running smoothly.
"Now for that break you promised to take," Mitchell said.
"Right. There's nothing more I can do here anyway."
Mitchell stopped at the doorway and motioned for her to go ahead of him.
"I never said the words 'I promise' by the way."
"Technicality."
"Were you really going to manhandle me?" Sam did her best to hide a teasing grin.
"You don't think I could take you?"
Sam's grin broke free followed by a giggle.
"I've been sparring with Teal'c. He said I'm gettin' good. I even knocked him down once," Mitchell boasted.
"Really?"
"Almost."
"You're on."
"Huh?"
"When we get back to Earth, I accept your challenge."
"My challenge?"
"Best two out of three rounds of hand to hand. Loser babysits the next science team."
"Okay, but what if you're on the next science team?"
"Then I can focus on the science and leave the security to you."
"I have a condition."
"Ok."
"No holding back just because we'd be worried about hurting each other."
"Deal."
"That was fast."
Sam smiled.
"Look who's awake," Vala said when Sam and Mitchell entered the infirmary. She had her left arm in a sling and her ankle splinted.
"Daniel," Sam said with a smile despite her worry over his pallor. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I was thrown against a wall."
"He insisted on knowing what happened," Vala said.
"Yeah," Sam said knowingly.
"Any idea where she is now?"
"Adria?" Mitchell asked and shrugged. "Don't know; don't care."
"I wonder what Q meant when he said he had family issues," Vala mused.
"You and I have that in common," Q said.
Sam jumped because Q had popped in right behind her.
"What, you have a powerful, defiant daughter?" Mitchell said.
"Son."
"You have a son?" Sam asked.
"You have a wife?" Mitchell and Vala asked.
"Why does that surprise everyone?" Q asked, frowning pathetically. "I happen to be quite a catch. Even if I didn't want to be caught."
"Where's Adria?" Daniel tried to push himself up onto his elbows, but collapsed when a stabbing pain rushed through his side.
"With her army at the other end of her galaxy," Q said as Vala helped Daniel ease back on the stretcher they'd placed on a table. "That little lady has quite a mouth."
"Takes after her mother."
Vala narrowly resisted the urge to punch Daniel's arm.
"Ok," Sam said, waving her arms. "Let's go."
Everyone looked expectantly at Q.
"What?" Q said.
"Get us home," Mitchell said.
"Can't do that."
"What do you mean you can't do that?" Vala asked, turning quickly toward Q. She winced and rubbed her left shoulder.
"I've already done more than I should have."
Daniel groaned loudly.
"Daniel has at least two broken ribs, and we have no way of finding out if he has internal bleeding," Sam said.
"How far are you from Earth?" Q asked.
Mitchell repeated the question into his radio.
"Approximately 36 hours," Teal'c answered.
"How far are we from a planet with a stargate?" Sam asked.
"The nearest planet is approximately five hours away. I have laid in a course; however, I am unable to ascertain-"
"Teal'c?"
"I believe the sensors are malfunctioning."
"Sensors are fine," Q said.
Teal'c whirled around to see Q, Mitchell and Sam on the bridge. Q sank into the command chair with a sigh as if he'd been on his feet all day. "Is there a stargate on the planet?"
"We're there?" Mitchell asked. "Here?"
"Duh," Q said.
"I thought you said you've done more than you should have already," Sam said.
"I've always been a little rebellious. The Q expect it of me. Far be it from me to disappoint them."
"Then take us all the way," Mitchell said.
"Ordinarily, I would be happy to. However, the Q are touchy these days thanks to my son's antics. They could do something dreadful to me if they find out I've left my son to help you much more." Q shuddered.
"They don't know already?" Mitchell asked. "They're omnipotent like you, right?"
"They're preoccupied at the moment."
"With what?" Mitchell asked.
"My wife and all her demands."
Sam rolled her eyes. "Is there a stargate, Teal'c?"
"There is not. How is Daniel Jackson?"
"Awake. In pain, although he'd never admit it." Sam turned to Q. "Can you at least tell us if he's bleeding internally?"
Q knitted his brows as he reclined further in the command chair. "I can try."
"Teal'c, keep looking for planets and stargates."
Teal'c bowed his head. "What was your punishment?" he asked, deducing that Q must have crossed that line at some point.
"Too horrible to mention."
Mitchell sidled over to Q, who wasn't moving. "Well."
"I'm thinking." Q leaned forward, left hand resting over left knee, right elbow on top of left thigh. He rested his chin on the back of his folded right hand.
Mitchell rolled his eyes at the statuesque posture.
"What did the Q do to you?" Mitchell asked.
Q sighed dramatically. "They made me mortal."
"Mortal as in . . ."
"Mortal as in no-powers-stuck-in-a-stifling-human-suit-for-infinite-eternity. I told you it was too horrible to mention."
The bridge suddenly filled with loud Jaffa laughter.
"The big guy doesn't like me does he?" Q asked when he'd flashed himself, Sam and Mitchell back to the infirmary.
Mitchell snorted.
Sam moved to Daniel and put her hand on his head. His head was cool, but not cold enough for shock, and she sighed inwardly with relief.
"What's up?" he asked, opening his eyes.
"Q's going to find out if you have internal bleeding."
Daniel half smiled in response.
Q flexed his fingers and approached the table.
"What exactly are you going to do?" Sam asked, not moving out of Q's way.
"Make myself as small as a cell and explore."
"You're going inside me?" Daniel asked, alarmed.
"What?" Vala and Mitchell asked, equally alarmed.
"Well, I don't have x-ray vision."
"You're omnipotent," Mitchell reminded him.
"X-ray vision is a myth. Look I probably can't hurt him."
"Probably can't?" all four humans exclaimed.
"I'll be too tiny to do anything." Q held his thumb and index finger together to indicate how small he'd be.
Sam looked to Daniel. "I think you got lucky, but I'd rather know for sure."
"You've already got millions of cells floatin' around. I won't even be noticed. Of course, I'll be better."
"Oh, of course," Mitchell muttered.
Daniel licked his lips.
"It's up to you," Sam said to Daniel.
"Suppose I am bleeding internally."
"I can maybe think of something to keep you alive until you get home."
"Do I have to be awake?" Daniel asked, distressed.
"Of course not," Q said. "That would be weird."
Daniel emitted a short laugh.
Sam rummaged in the medkit. "We've got morphine, but I'd rather not use it unless. . ."
"I can go into your brain and render you unconscious. Temporarily," Q stated.
"Uh. . ." Daniel didn't like the sound of that. "I think I'll take my chances and stay awake."
"I can give you another small dose of pain meds," Sam offered. "With what's left in your system, you'll probably doze off again."
"Ok."
"You haven't mentioned a medical degree," Mitchell said.
Vala helped Daniel onto his elbows with her free hand, and Sam handed him a pill.
"I may not have one, but I studied the top doctors on Earth for many, many centuries. Past and future."
"Studied like you studied humans?" Vala asked.
"Studied as in watched them perform billions of procedures. Trillions."
"No doubt getting in their way," Mitchell said.
Q ignored Mitchell and looked at Daniel. "I'll be quick and gentle."
Vala covered her mouth when a snicker escaped.
Daniel looked to Sam.
"He was delicate when he helped build the anti Prior devices," she said.
"Ok," Daniel said and closed his eyes. "Just get it over with."
Q pressed his hands together in front of his chest and bowed his head. He stood like that until he sensed the others getting restless, then he flung his arms behind him and disappeared.