New chapter for everybody, yay! Well… I'm rather enthusiastic. Not sure why, because I'm about to blow, probably, a lot of money on clothes shopping… Because I'm tired of having more black tees than anything else. No offense to anybody who lives for black T-shirts, I just need some more colorful clothes. My wardrobe is over-populated by old things from when I was once a goth, a very long time ago , and I need something new that reflects my odd style… Like a punk trapped in a high-end museum where they're filming a rap video and Kurt Kobain is practically a god… Yeah, even I don't get me.

Lemme see, I really have no idea what I'm going to write about (but when do I ever?). I've been obsessively watching old episodes of 12 oz Mouse and now that's all I can think about… Well, almost all I can think about, anyway. Okay, let us see where this goes – it's going to be a bit short, because I started it at 1:30am… And these repeated commercials for "The Office" are getting on my nerves. I'm still creeped out that show takes place only an hour from where I live…

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Chapter Eight: Pregnancy Party

Back in town…

The group had reentered the little town of Pueblo, where they heard what sounded a bit like a party somewhere very close by. They couldn't see anyone, but they sure as hell could hear them.

"What is all that racket?" Dri complained, looking over the town, towards a barn behind them that didn't seem to have an entrance.

"Sounds like some kind of shindig," answered Pas, inching closer to his co-worker nervously.

"I wonder what they're celebrating," Leon wondered aloud, and Mom mooed, tossing her head in the direction of a giant white banner hanging from the tower that read 'Rejoice for the Lord's offspring! … And kill that American guy… Band will play at 7.'

"Huh. I wonder what that's all about," Dri said, and Mom gave a somber moo in agreement.

"I don't get it. They want to 'kill the band Offspring'?" Leon questioned, scratching his head.

"You moron, would you buy a Spanish dictionary or something??" Pas grumbled, and suddenly a villager walked out of the nearest house, wearing numerous leis and eating a whole pineapple. "Mommy!" Pas shrieked, taking Dri's arm in a death grip.

The villager completely ignored them, heading for the barn and disappearing around back.

"Maybe he didn't see us. Maybe we're invisible!" Leon proclaimed, and Dri nearly punched him.

"He probably just didn't care, who the hell would? With you in charge, we have to be the least threatening bunch ever!"

"So, what's your point?"

"I give up," Dri shook his head, and pried Pas off of himself, "Let's just get out of here already."

"Okay," Leon replied enthusiastically, pulling out a key. "I found this dirt-encrusted key with this funny shape on it. What do you think it goes to?"

"I would assume that door over there, since it has the same insignia," Pas suggested.

So they headed for the insignia door. Inside, they found lots of boxes and random things. Including a trapdoor.

"I guess we have to go this way. How will you get down there, Mom?" the government agent said, looking into the tunnel below.

Mom shrugged, as only a cow could know how.

"I have an idea."

A few minutes later…

"Okay, Mom! Jump down!" Leon shouted up to the cow, and she suddenly fell through the hole, dog piling the two cops.

"Hey! You didn't tell us we were going to be crushed by a cow!" Dri shouted, and he just shrugged.

"Well, I knew if I did, you wouldn't stand still."

"Maybe this guy is a little smarter than we give him credit for," Pas murmured, trying to pull himself out from under the thousand pound creature.

Back in Saddler's Place…

"Ossie, honey, I'm really, really in the mood for watermelon," called Ashley as he passed through the sitting room, where she was relaxing in a chair.

He took one glance at her, and nearly had a heart attack. "Wait… What happened? Did you stuff a pillow under your shirt or something ?"

Indeed, Ashley seemed… bigger.

"I don't know. One minute I was normal, and the next, this."

"Um… Maybe we should get a second doctor's opinion."

"And maybe you should shut up and get me that freakin' watermelon. Oh, God! I'm so fat!" she screamed, her mood changing completely.

"Mood swings, too? This must be the fastest pregnancy ever, or something…"

"Come on, I'm really hungry here."

"Okay, okay, I'll have someone get you a watermelon."

"Wait. On second thought, make that a watermelon drenched in tobasco sauce. With a side of jalapeños stuffed with cheddar, dipped in chocolate and covered in jellybeans."

"Err… Eww. That's seriously nasty. But okay, whatever you want, sweetie."

Back in the tunnel…

After the cops had recovered from being squashed, the group continued through the underground passage, until they came across everybody's friend, the Merchant.

"Are you wearing clothes under that, this time?" Leon asked cautiously, as he entered the room.

"You betcha by golly, stranger."

"Um, was that whole spiel necessary? Couldn't you just say 'yes'?"

"No."

"No, you're not wearing clothes, or no, you couldn't say yes?"

"This is going to take a long time, isn't it, stranger?"

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Well, I need to go to sleep. I'm already halfway there, actually…

The next chapter will be longer, I promise – next time, I won't spend just one night working on it and I'll probably be more inspired. Oh well, all stories have a really short chapter somewhere.

Anyway, I'm off. I'll be back with another chapter soon. Leave me a review and let me know what you think!