Chapter 12

November 5th

AN: In this chapter, there is a heavy discussion on amnesia/memory repression/psychological trauma. And I am taking this chance to state that I know very little about these things, so most of what's said is just what makes sense to me and makes the story work. It does have a very flimsy grounding in basic medical facts about memory loss, but it is very flimsy.

oooooooo

November 5th – Military Headquarters, Central

Angel's followers understood when she explained that she was going to get information on Mangeli, but refused to let her go alone. In the end, Jade and Earnest came with her, just in case there was trouble.

She had retracted her wings long before they walked into military grounds. It was a good thing Sharon had made those shirts for her – the ones that could tie up in the back. They worked to leave her wings free, but if she was going above ground and wanted to be inconspicuous, it could pull together and conceal the telltale strips of metal across her back.

Angel could see their astonishment when she appeared, looking as ordinary and unassuming as any girl they might pass on the street.

Ed could barely keep his mouth from dropping open as Winry strolled into Roy's office, her wings as absent as if they had been amputated.

She'd brought some friends as well. He was a little surprised that night when he saw that all her followers, save the albino boy, were older than her. He wouldn't have thought they would take well to being led by a teenager, but everything about their body language around her screamed, 'this is the leader'!

"Can I slip into something a little more comfortable?" she grinned.

"Uh...?"

With an ironic grin, she reached behind her, did something to the back of her shirt, and it fell open. Ed started at the large swathes of metal on either side of her spine. Then he blinked as her body flashed to metal, her wings seemed to shoot from her back, and then she shifted back to flesh and blood.

As Earnest chuckled at the group's collective astonishment, Angel introduced the two who had accompanied her.

"This is Earnest and Jade," she said, indicating each in turn.

Ed couldn't help the way his eyes narrowed at the albino boy who stood beside her, one of his hands grasping her sleeve. There was just something he didn't like about this boy. Maybe it was his eerie grin, his strangely-pale complexion...or it could be the way he seemed so familiar with Winry.

"So," Angel's face was set as she focused on the not-quite-strangers in front of her. "What can you give me on Mangeli?"

Riza stepped forward, holding a thick file. "All that we have on him is right here."

Angel eyed the blonde woman. There was something about her she just didn't trust. Sometimes, when she looked at her from the corner of her eye, there seemed to be a dark shadow hovering around her form. If Angel concentrated hard, she could almost make out a ghostly shadow of a demon-like figure...it was actually quite similar to the aura surrounding Mangeli's 'Subjects'.

In other words, it was just plain creepy.

"And in exchange, all I have to do is answer any questions you have about me?"

The blonde boy nodded.

Angel offered a grim smile. "What if I want to ask you some questions about me?"

"Huh?"

"You," she said, pinning him with her eyes, "And you," she transferred her gaze to the armoured figure sitting quietly in the corner. "Called me 'Winry' the other night. And I remembered that name. You knew me before the lab."

It wasn't a question, it was a bald statement of fact.

"The question is; are you willing to tell me about myself?" Angel tried not to let her desperation leak into her words.

The blonde boy nodded vigorously. "Yes! I would have offered the other night, but...I thought you might not want to hear it"

Angel remembered the way she had screamed at hearing the name 'Winry', how she had taken off into the sky. "Yeah, I suppose I didn't exactly have a stellar reaction, did I?"

Ed grimaced, then suddenly remembered with a jolt that Winry probably had no idea who he was. "Uh...I'm Edward Elric by the way, and this is Alphonse Elric, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, and Colonel Roy Mustang."

It felt rather surreal to be introducing himself to someone who had known him all her life.

But Winry seemed to be trying out his name on her tongue. "Edward Elric...Edward Elric...Edward...this will probably sound really strange, but I have the weirdest urge to call you Ed, is that okay?"

Ed nodded. "Please, go ahead. You used to..."

"Right...Ed."

She seemed to jump out of a reverie when Al stepped forward. "And can you...can you call me Al?"

Winry smiled. "Sure thing."

Angel looked around the room, feeling unaccountably at ease with these people, in spite of the menacing shadow hovering across Riza Hawkeye's form.

"Well," she grinned, "First things first, what do you want to know about me?"

oooooooo

November 5th – Military Headquarters, Central

It took several hours for Angel to relate her story, and hear the story of Winry Rockbell into the bargain.

Apparently, before Mangeli took her, Winry had been working in Rush Valley as a automail mechanic. She could still remember her astonishment when she asked if she was good, only to have Ed reply that she was the best. She could detect no lie in his words, telling her that they had been true – in his eyes, at least.

But now, the most loaded question of all. "Ed...what was I to you?"

She saw him stiffen slightly. "You were...my mechanic...my friend since before I can remember..."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

'He's lying!' Angel realised in astonishment. 'That's the first time he's lied through this entire discussion!'

But why? She was half-tempted to flick the mental 'on-switch' to her telepathy and see what he was concealing, but didn't. It would have been an invasion. It was different when Jade was letting Angel probe her mind, but if Ed wanted to keep some secrets...Angel wasn't going to stop him.

"I just have one question," Roy Mustang asked, looking at Jade. "Amnesia...is it irreversible?"

Jade nodded. "Unfortunately...yes. Certain words, images or sensations may trigger a response, but there is always a gap. And that gap is utterly irreversible."

Everyone seemed to slump slightly. Angel couldn't hold in a quiet sigh of despair – she had been so sure...but then again, she'd just had Winry Rockbell's entire life history related to her, and while some of it had jogged images or feelings in her mind, most of it just sounded so...distant. So impersonal, so removed.

"But," Jade continued, "I'm fairly sure Angel...or Winry, whichever...doesn't have amnesia."

There was an explosion of collective noises of astonishment.

"For one thing, an amnesia patient wouldn't be experiencing so many flashbacks, nor so vivid. Amnesia patients can start their lives with a clean slate, and we've had proof that who 'Winry' was affected who 'Angel' grew to be."

Jade shook her head. "No, I think, all in all, Angel's memories are just repressed."

"Repressed?" Earnest repeated.

Jade pinned Angel with her eyes. "Angel...something happened in that lab. Something happened to you that was so traumatic, so appalling, so hideous, that the only way to deal with it...was to not deal with it. Your mind couldn't deal with whatever happened, not then, so it had to push it all down, shut the source of the trauma off, so your mind could concentrate on simply surviving what was being done to you. The only trouble was that your mind was given no time to process it, and there was no opportunity to distinguish the trauma from the rest of the memories. So every memory involving the trauma and every memory proceeding it were simply pushed away, shoved to the back of your mind and shut off. But they're still there, just waiting to be unlocked."

"So how could I unlock them?"

Jade sighed, "In truth, I don't have much of an idea. The only thing that might help would be...well..."

"Spit it out."

"Reliving the trauma," Jade's voice was very serious. "Somehow allowing the mind to experience and be allowed to cope with what triggered the repression in the first place."

"So, in short, I have to be held captive and have an alchemist perform weird experiments on me," Angel snorted, then gave a short laugh. "How about it, Ed? Feel like imprisoning and torturing me?"

She'd meant it as a joke, but the blood drained from Ed's face as though sucked it out through a hose. His face twisted, and he looked as though he might throw up.

"Hey, take it easy," Angel hastened to reassure him. "It was just a joke – but obviously, my delivery sucked."

Ed was reeling. Just a joke?

"Don't...don't joke about stuff like that..." he managed to croak out.

The idea that he could ever willing cause Winry pain, that he could ever truly, intentionally hurt her... it was appalling.

Angel felt chagrined at his response. It was obvious 'Winry' had meant a lot to Ed, if he found the idea of deliberately inflicting pain on her so utterly disgusting.

"There is one possibility..." Roy mused, making Angel turn to him. "Have you ever considered hypnosis?"

"Hypnosis?" Angel repeated.

"Isn't that dangerous," Al piped up.

But Jade was nodding, "Yes...yes, that would work! It would let the mind relive it, without subjecting the body to that kind of stress. And if it ever got too much, we could pull you out of it. Angel...this might actually work!"

Angel knew her eyes had lit up. "Really? I mean, you just said, but..." she addressed the room in general, "Do any of you know any hypnotists?"

Roy nodded. "She's an old friend of mine, I'll give her a call."

'She?' Riza couldn't help thinking, feeling a bolt of jealousy deep in her gut. Just her luck that she would fall in love with the 'playboy' who would gladly come on to any woman in the world except for her. Yes, he cared about her...but she knew he didn't care about her in that way. That would be far too much to hope for.

"So, I'll wander back here in...how long?" Angel asked, her head cocked to the side in an exaggerated gesture of confusion.

Roy shrugged. "Don't know what her schedule will be."

"But we kinda have to get moving," Angel said, "So when you want me to come back here, just come find me."

"How?" Ed asked.

"Go down Kline Street in the industrial area, just in front of the textiles factory is a drain cover. If you pull that up and climb down the ladder, you'll see a crack in the wall. You just have to go through it."

"Go through it?" Riza said, mild disquiet in her voice.

"Trust me, you'll understand when you get there."