Chapter 7: Poisoned Apple (dun dun DUN!!)

The following morning, SW prepared the dwarves' lunches and stood outside the front door with each of their lunch pails sitting on the porch table. As each one stepped out, he handed them their lunch pail.

"Have a good day, Todd!"

"Another day at work five!"

He gave SW a booming high five, snapped his fingers and strode off. SW shook his aching hand and cringed.

I really wish I hadn't taught him that.

Then Doug came out and SW handed him his lunch. Doug bowed awkwardly.

"Thanks, your highness!"

"Doug, why the formalities? I'm one of you now! Just call me SW!"

"Okay, SW!"

"That's more like it. Have a great day, and hey," SW grinned jokingly, "don't kill anyone!"

"Oh, don't worry," Doug happily replied, "Perry gave me a desk job so that wouldn't happen anymore!"

Doug bounded off as SW thought,

I don't think he was joking.

Turk came out, took his lunch, and said,

"So, SW, up for a game of Fork tonight?"

Fork was a game Turk invented. Whoever grabbed the fork first won Fork. SW replied,

"I sure am, Brown Bear, and you better watch it, 'cause I just might beat you this time!"

"Not a chance, Vanilla Beanpole!"

Ah, he's right.

Carla then emerged. She smiled warmly at SW and said,

"Have a good day, and don't talk to any strangers!"

"You too, Carla, and I won't, I promise!"

"Good, now give me some sugar?"

"With pleasure!"

SW crouched down and gave Carla a kiss on the cheek. Turk looked sternly at both of them. Carla said to him as they walked off together,

"C'mon, baby, I was just taking a pinch of sugar, not the whole cup!"

Laverne then came out, and SW asked,

"Hey, Laverne, would you like some sugar too?"

"Thanks but no thanks, Snow Ball."

"It's Snow White, actually, but have a good day anyway."

Perry followed Laverne, grabbed his lunch from SW and snapped at him,

"No, I don't want 'sugar' from you, not now or ever! Now, let's review…"

Here we go, our daily routine.

"Listen up, Newbie! While we're gone, you…"

"Stay inside and don't let anyone in."

"There's a knock on the door, you…"

"Don't answer it."

"When you're done cleaning, you…"

"Sit in a corner and think about stuff."

"More specifically, you should think about how you can stop acting like a mother hen and start acting like a man, since you kind of sort of resemble one, but I'll accept your answer. Don't screw up today, think you can handle that?"

"Yes. And Perry? Thanks."

"For what?"

"Your concern. I know you just don't want me to get hurt."

"Wrong again, Belle! I don't want us to get hurt! Seven against one, remember? Now I know math is hard for most girls, but, hang in there, I'm sure you'll get it in time!"

SW sighed as Perry left and Jordan came out behind him. He handed her her lunch, and she wordlessly offered her cheek.

"Why, Jordan, you surprise me!"

SW gave her a peck on the cheek and she smiled at him as she said,

"Have a good one, Stretch."

She walked off, and Perry groaned,

"That was just shameless. Don't tell me you actually enjoyed that!"

"Did you notice?"

"Yes."

"Are you annoyed?"

"Yes!"

"Then of course I enjoyed it. You sure are a slow learner, Perry."

SW watched his friends disappear and then went back in the cottage, locked the door and drew the curtains. He looked at the already messy cottage and tried to decide what to do first. He chose to do the dishes. As he filled the sink, he thought,

It gets kind of lonely, being in the cottage all day with no one to talk to. Luckily, I have a lot that occupies my thoughts, mainly Elliot.

"Some day my princess will come," SW sang, "and we'll have lots of sex, and a meaningful relationship too, but, um, hopefully lots of sex as…well…"

Making up a song on the spot looks so easy in storybooks.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. SW stopped dead in his tracks, as he took for granted that no one would ever knock on the door anyway. There was a pause, then another knock. Perry's stern voice sounded in SW's head.

I mean it, Buttercup! Don't let anyone but us inside while you're here!

"Nobody's home!" SW called in a high pitched, singsong feminine voice. He then frowned at himself.

You couldn't have revealed yourself in your normal voice?

"Apples for sale! Buy a tasty apple!"

SW tried to remain silent, hoping that would make the stranger go away.

"Apples for sale!"

Agitated, SW went to the door and called through it,

"I'm sorry, but I'm not supposed to open the door to strangers. Try somewhere else!"

Outside, King Robert (whom we will temporarily refer to as "the Young Peddler") furrowed his brow in frustration. There was no way that SW was going to escape his imminent doom with safety and common sense! The Young Peddler then remembered SW's sickening sense of compassion, so he turned around and called,

"All right, no problem, I'll just… oh, my ankle!"

SW heard this and became worried. It might be a trick, he told himself. But what if it isn't? SW imagined how it would feel to be all alone in the woods with no one to help his injury. It would've felt terrible, and SW knew how bad he'd feel if he didn't help the man outside.

I mean it, Buttercup! Don't let anyone but us inside while you're here!

Well... Perry never said I couldn't let myself out to help someone in need. He'll understand!

SW opened the door and asked,

"Are you all right?"

"Yes… I'm fine. I just need to sit down for a bit…"

SW remembered the chair on the porch and said,

"Want to sit down here and catch your breath?"

The Young Peddler did just that and said,

"Thanks, I needed that!"

SW immediately went to the water pump to fetch him a cup of water. The Young Peddler caught his breath as SW handed him his cup.

"How's your ankle?"

The Young Peddler said,

"Much better. You have no idea how many people would just let a stranger like me just limp away alone. You're really compassionate. That kind of quality would make you quite a powerful, oh, let's say, king!"

SW modestly threw his hand.

"Aw, shucks, my mom just raised me right, that's all! And besides, I never thought being a king was about power. I think it's about doing what's best for your people as well as your country. I think if I were king, I'd encourage everyone to reach out and help each other, to and I'd do everything I could to maintain peace and… are you all right?"

The Young Peddler was wincing to himself while holding his stomach.

"Just a little queasy from your speech… I mean, from the heat... I mean, lack of heat! Ah, I feel much better now. You know what? Since you've been so helpful, I'm going to give you one of these as a reward!"

SW smiled.

"Thank you, but that's really not nec…

The Young Peddler took out the poisoned apple. SW feast his eyes on what was the brightest, reddest apple he'd ever seen. He completely forgot that he was still full from breakfast.

Oh my God, I must have that apple!

SW stared hungrily at the apple. The Young Peddler said,

"You can have it, it's the least I can do in exchange for your kindness!"

SW took the apple from the Young Peddler's hand, his verbal skills almost nonexistent, his blue eyes fixated on it.

Have to have it, have to have it…

"It's almost too pretty," SW said softly, "too pretty to eat."

Getting impatient, the Young Peddler said,

"Well, it'll hurt my feelings quite badly if you don't try it!"

His mouth watering, SW took a bite and no sooner than he did, the apple piece slid down his throat as if it had a mind of its own. Startled, SW let the apple fall from his hand as his other reached for his throat as he began to choke. An oily smile crept on the Young Peddler's lips.

"Good apple, sport?"

SW felt dread worm its way up his spine. Only one person in the world called him that.

No.

SW tried to spit out the apple, but it was too late. He collapsed to the ground as the poison sapped his strength.

It's amazing how unexpected moments can make you lose your…

SW took a desperate gasp for air, and then his eyes flickered closed and his body went limp. At this time, the disguise potion had worn off and the Young Peddler had transformed back into King Robert. He leaned over and waved a hand in front of SW's closed eyes and then snapped his fingers loudly in SW's ear. SW responded to neither.

"It worked," King Robert cackled, "it worked! Now I will remain the most powerful of all! The thorn in my side has finally been removed! Thought your 'heart as pure as snow' could end my reign of power? You pathetic fool!"

King Robert turned while pulling up his hood, took one last look at SW, and sneered at him.

"Sweet dreams, sport!"

King Robert ran away laughing cruelly and left SW lying all alone on the front porch.

That evening, the dwarves trudged forward after a long day, but there was a little more bounce in their steps since SW came into their lives. Carla and Turk were eagerly planning to give SW a small geode they found in the mines as a gift, while Todd, Doug and Jordan griped about how hungry they were. Suddenly, from a distance, they noticed that there was no lantern burning in the window. In fact, the cottage looked completely dark inside. Now that SW lived with them, he switched it on in the evening so he could make dinner as it got dark outside. The darkness and dense silence created noticeable tension, and Carla tried to reassure them.

"Maybe he wasn't feeling well and turned in early?"

"As long as dinner's ready," Jordan said.

"Your concern is touching, Jordan," Turk replied disgustedly.

They cautiously made their way up the path, raised their lanterns, and stared in horror as they saw SW sprawled on the ground in a lifeless heap. Turk rushed to his friend's side and frantically shook his shoulder.

"SW! C'mon, man, wake up, wake up!"

Carla patted SW's hand and cried,

"SW, can you hear me? Bambi?"

"All right," Perry yelled, "just back off and give him some air!"

He looked at SW and murmured,

"Newbie, if you don't wake up now, I'll…"

He then shouted,

"Someone help me! Splash some water, splash some water!"

Doug, who'd already rushed in the house and filled a bowl of water, raced over and splashed Perry in the face with it. Crimson-faced and dripping wet, Perry roared,

"On him, not me! Do I look unconscious to you?!"

"I panicked!" Doug cried.

"The water wouldn't have done any good," Laverne said quietly. Everyone looked at her as she held SW's wrist, her eyes filled with sorrow.

"He's dead."

Unbelieving, Perry grabbed SW's other wrist and his face fell.

"Laverne's right. He's gone."

Turk stood there as if he'd been turned to stone, and Laverne got up to hug Carla, who struggled not to cry. Doug and Todd hung their heads mournfully. Jordan looked completely numb as she remarked,

"He must have choked on that apple right there."

She was about to pick it up, when Perry barked,

"Don't touch that! That kind of apple doesn't grow in our forests, and I know Newbie wouldn't travel miles to the kingdom where he's practically a fugitive just to buy one lousy apple. That can only mean that someone gave it to him!! It was King Robert, I just know it was! He poisoned it! Dammit, Newbie, how could you have been so stupid? I told you not to open the door to anyone! I told you…"

Jordan placed a comforting hand on Perry's shaking shoulders. Carla whispered,

"Bambi, you promised you wouldn't talk to strangers."