A hot, dry desert breeze ruffled Ollie's hair as he looked out over the landscape his son had once called home. The warmth of the air around him contrasted strongly to the cold numbness that enveloped his entire being, leaving him unable to do more then stare blankly at the desert scenery.

He was exhausted both physically and emotionally. He hadn't been able to sleep for more then a few fitful minutes at a time since he'd made that fateful decision--since he killed his son.

No…not killed, he knew in his heart that wasn't right, but there was so much hurt and anger bottled up inside of him at that moment that all he could do was target those emotions on himself. He hated himself, felt frustrated and angry and didn't know how to ease the empty hole that burned in his chest…most of all he felt so darned guilty for the flashes of anger that frequently rose with crippling intensity, anger directed towards his son for leaving--for forcing him to say goodbye when he wasn't ready and while there was so many things still left unsaid between them. The guilt for those unsaid words, and the rift that he had never been able to heal, hung heavily over him day and night.

So much remorse--so many regrets--so many emotions that he had no idea how to deal with.

Coming here to the reservation only seemed to have made things worse. The rich red desert sands and familiar scenery flooded his mind with memories of the first time he had come to this place - the day he had taken a lost 13 year old boy home with him.

Ollie sighed, and shook his head as if the action would shake away the melancholy that enveloped him. He should never have taken Roy with him all those years before. His son would still be alive today if he hadn't…but he never did think things through, never thought ahead...always dragging others with him into the tangled mess of his life.

"Idiot!"

"Ollie?"

The archer jolted as the voice of one of Roy's closest friends broke into his self-flagellating thoughts. He swallowed hard as Dick Grayson came to a halt beside him. "I thought everyone was headed home after the funeral." He murmured.

Dick stared off into the distance. "Not ready to say goodbye just yet." he whispered brokenly.

Ollie nodded, he knew how that felt.

There was a long period of silence as both men stood quietly, lost in their thoughts and memories.

Eventually, Dick cleared his throat gently, and spoke. "When…When he came to me asking for help to go after Cheshire to get his daughter…."

Ollie turned to look at the younger man, his sudden movement causing Dick to pause. "He asked you to help him get his kid?"

"Uh…" Dick was unsettled by the intensity in the archer's expression. "He didn't tell you?"

"No he never told me. Never even spoke to me about the kid. I found out from Dinah." Ollie tried to swallow an irrational surge of bitterness and drew a deep breath. "He asked you to help?" his voice betrayed the hurt that was burning deep inside.

Dick shifted uncomfortably. "Ollie…"

"He couldn't come to me? Is that what he told you?"

Dick frowned. "No, he never said anything like that. He…."

"I would have helped. I would have been there for him. He should have known that." Ollie stared at the younger man, hurt and angry. "It wasn't all my fault you know? This rift between us…."

Dick shook his head and reached out to place his hand comfortingly on the older archers shoulder. "I'm sure Roy never meant…"

Ollie continued as if Dick hadn't spoken. "I know I did the boy wrong. I'll never stop regretting that. But I tried. I went to him and tried to talk to him about it more then once. He never…" The archer choked, and Dick's hand tightened on his shoulder. "He said he needed time to sort himself out…and later, when I talked to him about it again, he felt there was too much water under the bridge….I tried."

"I'm sure you did Ollie." Dick replied gently.

Ollie stiffened, misinterpreting the sadness in Dick's voice for sarcasm. "What d'ya mean by that?"

Dick took a step back as the archer roughly brushed his hand away and stood staring at him, eye's blazing. "Ollie….I'm not meaning anything other then that I'm sure you tried. Roy…he thought the world of you and…"

"And yet he went to you when he needed help to get his kid." Ollie growled, anger masking the hurt. "My granddaughter, or the closest thing I have to one…He went to you and not me?"

Dick gritted his teeth and bit back the urge to speak the long harbored thoughts he'd had about the rift that had formed between this man and his best freind. "I can't help what Roy chose to do Oliver. He had his reasons, I'm sure."

Ollie stared at the younger man. "And yet he never went after the kid? You never helped him?"

Dick looked away to cover the flash of pain that flickered over his face. "He was assigned to the mission that..." the acrobats voice broke, he didn't need to explain any further.

Silence hung heavily in the air for what felt like forever before Dick spoke again.

"Will you be going after Cheshire? I'll help in anyway you need me too."

"I don't know what I'll be doing." Ollie snapped, and then his posture, that had radiated tension, suddenly seemed to sag and his voice dropped to a whisper, heavy with pain. "The kid is probably better off with her mother anyway, at least she still has a parent."

Dick stared at the archer, eyes flashing with determination as he spoke. "Roy didn't want that. He made it clear he wanted to have his daughter with him."

"He never made that clear to me." Ollie replied firmly, turning to walk away from the younger man, far too many emotions were bubbling inside of him, mingling into a confused mix of hurt, anger and frustration. He could feel himself ready to explode, and here - in the place his son had called 'home'- he was not about to lose control like that.

Feeling a surge of desperation, Dick followed the archer, this had been important to Roy and that made it equally as important to Dick. "Ollie, he came to see me. He said…"

Ollie spun back to face the acrobat, eyes blazing, "I don't want to know what he said. He's not here to tell me himself. He never bothered to come to me for help when he needed it. If he really wanted his kid he would'a said something to me." He paused, drawing in a deep breath in an effort to calm down. "The kid has a parent. One parent good or bad has to be better then none at all. Roy's gone. He had the opportunity when he was alive to ask for my help, he never did."

Dick shook his head incredulously, "How can you stand there knowing his daughter is out there, and not care that…"

The archer's head snapped up, "Not care? Not care?! Is that what you think?" His voice cracked with anger and he felt himself shaking all over as the urge to fight or flee became overwhelming. "Get the hell away from me Grayson, before I do something I may regret. The last thing I need is help from you!"

Hands clenched into fists by his side, Dick forced himself to stay put as the archer stalked off. This conversation wasn't over, but now wasn't the time or the place to get into a heated argument. He closed his eyes, concentrating on calming down, and reminded himself that Ollie was hurting just as much as he was.

TBC