Chapter 8: Reunion and Revenge

Once he was back in the palace, King Robert triumphantly went to his magic mirror and said,

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most powerful of them all?"

The magic mirror heaved a heavy sigh and replied, in a more deadpan manner than usual,

"You are, sir, and it looks like you always will be. So what if all you did to attain this status was poison the closest thing you have to a real son, who's going to be buried alive by his own friends? Believe you me, if I had legs, I'd do a happy dance."

"Haven't you heard? All's fair in monarchy and war!"

King Robert turned and left the room. The mirror's image usually vanished when King Robert did this, but this time he took the time to show himself an image of the seven dwarves sadly standing over SW's body. The mirror then murmured,

"Forgive me, Prince Snow White. I wish it didn't have to be this way."

The heartbroken dwarves just couldn't bring themselves to bury SW (even though Perry found this logic very bizarre). After much discussion, Turk suggested that they instead place SW in special section of the mines. It was a large cavern with wall that glittered with mica. It was lovely to look at, but never used since mica was considered a worthless commodity. There was a stone slab in the cavern that was just long and wide enough to lay SW on. The dwarves spent the entire night constructing a beautiful gold and glass lid to cover SW. Once they had completed their task (using a borrowed mule and cart to carry SW to the mine) was complete, Perry led them in a funeral service. They circled around the coffin, and Perry cleared his throat and began.

"We're gathered here to pay tribute to our fallen friend, the prince of Sacredheartland. Let me just start by saying, Newbie, I still couldn't be more peeved if I tried. I mean, good Lord, one simple instruction, 'don't open the door to strangers'. And what do you do? You open the door for none other than your evil stepfather, who was undoubtedly wearing some crummy disguise. And do you always take gifts from shady people you barely recognize, or were you in a crazy mood for taking a small but no less idiotic risk? Jeez, a baby squirrel would have known better!"

The other dwarves were annoyed by Perry's callous eulogy, except for Jordan, who was used to Perry's ramblings and just stood there with a bemused look on her face. Perry saw Turk and Carla giving him particularly dirty looks and making slashing motions across their throats with their fingers. Perry began again,

"Well, since no one here appreciates honesty, we'll just move on."

Now, it was at this moment Elliot rode by. She had been riding nearly nonstop since her escape, she was hungry and travel worn, but she refused to give up her search for SW. She passed by the opening of the mine, and Perry's voice echoed through and carried outside. Elliot dismounted and carefully entered the mine. Maybe someone in there had seen SW. She soon saw seven dwarves in a circle.

Oblivious to Elliot's presence, Perry soldiered on.

"And now, our finest soprano will lead us in a rendition of 'Ave Maria'-Doug, thank you for volunteering."

Doug nodded sadly. Elliot stood there, a little confused. Was this a funeral? If so, whose?

"Then," Perry continued, "each of us will say a few words dedicated to SW's memory."

Elliot's covered her mouth in alarm and her heart must have skipped two beats. No, she thought, it couldn't be…

Todd looked at Doug and wailed,

"Mourning the loss of a dear friend five!"

He high fived Doug and they hugged each other as they both burst into tears (though for Doug, it was mostly because his hand hurt).

"No!" Elliot shouted.

The funeral came to a grinding halt, and all eyes were on Elliot, who turned an unusual shade of pink. Perry said,

"Okay, I don't recall inviting Goldilocks to the wake."

"Crashing a funeral," Laverne grumbled, "that's just tacky!"

A deeply embarrassed Elliot stammered,

"Forgive me, I-I didn't mean to disrupt anything, but I was riding through, and did I hear you correctly? Did you say this funeral was for…Prince Snow White?"

"Yes," Perry said slowly, "and you blundered into our service... why?"

Realization dawned on Turk's face.

"Wait a minute! You're Princess Elliot, aren't you?"

Elliot, still stunned at the revelation of SW's death, nodded dumbly.

Carla joined Turk.

"SW told us all about you."

"He sure did," Perry added, "he wouldn't shut up about you! Well, by full-grown's standards, I guess he could have done worse."

"May I-," Elliot swallowed hard, then said, "may I see him?"

"Of course," Jordan said when Perry looked like he would object. The circle parted, and Elliot walked to where SW lay. He somehow didn't look dead at all. Aside from looking paler than usual, the flower petals scattered in the coffin made him look more like he was taking a luxurious nap. Elliot kneeled by the coffin and quietly asked,

"How did it happen?"

"He was poisoned by King Robert," Carla answered, her voice becoming colder at the mention of King Robert. Elliot's expression suddenly darkened. She already knew King Robert was a horrible person, but to be capable of this? It was too much for her to take. Elliot stood and stormed out of the mines. The dwarves followed her out as she jumped on her horse. Turk cried after her,

"Princess, where are you going?"

"To kick King Robert's big fat evil caboodle!"

Elliot jumped on her horse and was about to take off, when Perry ran up, grabbed a dangling rein and said,

"Whoa, there, Sweet Cheeks, are you sure you want to go toe to cloven hoof with the same person who killed your boyfriend? After all, someone who uses words like 'caboodle' doesn't have much of a chance against an evil king with poison fruit at his disposal!"

"What in the hell is a caboodle?" Laverne muttered to Jordan. Jordan just shrugged. Elliot said to Perry,

"I can't let King Robert get away with what he did!"

"Unless you've got a weapon arsenal hidden in your dress, you're going to have to! King Robert won't have a problem flicking you away like..."

"I don't care!" Elliot snarled. For the first time in his life, Perry was taken aback. He wasn't used to having his rants interrupted. Elliot continued,

"I'm sick of everyone underestimating me 'cause I'm the little --well, maybe not as little as you guys, but still-- blonde Princess of Waspia! Well, I'm through with people pushing me and people I love around! People like King Robert should know not everyone's afraid of them!"

"Then we'll go with you," said Carla.

Thrown off her inspirational spiel, Elliot stammered,

"That's awfully nice of you, but, um, you're all so, so…"

Elliot made a space between her palms. Turk threw his hand.

"Hey, don't underestimate us 'cause we're dwarves! We're small but we're tough! With us, it'll be eight against one! We'll have your back!"

"The Todd sure will," Todd said, cheerfully checking out Elliot's backside.

Everyone seemed to be in agreement, and then all eyes were on Perry, who sighed and threw up his hands.

"Ah, what the hell? I've always wanted to seek vengeance on someone anyway! Pickaxes in the cart! Let's storm that castle!"

"You guys think we should?" Doug asked. "I mean, barging in and bothering the scary king and all?"

Laverne and Carla nonchalantly grabbed Doug by the collar and threw him in the cart. Perry snapped the reins, and they followed Elliot back to the castle.