Title: A Blast from the Past, chapter 3/4

Author: Juliana

Rating: G

Pairing: Bosco/Faith

Disclaimer: Nothing mine except for the idea.

He was waiting for Marcia to get dressed. When she invited him into her apartment and entrusted him with Carol because she still wasn't dressed to go to the doctor's he thought she planned this so he would get the chance to get to know the baby. He didn't mind though.

Carol was fast asleep and that made getting to know her a lot easier than if she was wailing at the top of her lungs. He watched her as she slept peacefully in his lap. He was sitting on the couch with his legs propped up on the coffee table. The baby seemed so small and vulnerable to him that he was almost afraid that he'd hurt her when he caressed her plump cheek with his thumb. But she didn't even stir.

While he was watching her like that he started to feel the first traces of a sense of affiliation and some sort of pride that this was his baby. It was amazing that he could help create something so beautiful and so innocent. In his mind he always feared that his children would be just as messed up as he was. He never talked about those fears with Faith, not even after she got pregnant, he was afraid that he'd scare her off. And now he was happy he didn't because he realized that not everything connected with him had to be bad after all.

Marcia returned from her bedroom and she found Bosco cooing at an awakened Carol. The baby returned his attention with a laugh and a wave of her small hand curled into a fist. He touched her fist with his fingers and she grabbed him for his index finger. He chuckled enthralled when her small mouth stretched into a huge yawn.

"I'm glad you like her," Marcia said from the door, startling him. He almost blushed when he realized he had been caught red-handed. He wasn't even used to being around babies, much less being observed by someone while cuddling them.

He didn't know what to answer, so he carefully stood up, holding Carol in his hands like he was afraid he'd drop her.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked Marcia and she nodded before taking the baby from his hands.

"Let's go then and get this over with," he said but then he threw a look in her direction when he realized where they were going. He saw the hurt look on Marcia's face.

"I'm sorry, Marcia. It's just … I'm a bit tense from all this and I just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. I didn't mean …" He raked his hair with his fingers.

"It's okay. I understand, it's not easy for me either."

"Exactly. I'm behaving like this thing concerns me only but it doesn't. I can be a really mindless jerk, you know," he laughed to lighten the atmosphere and then continued, "Faith could definitely confirm …" Before he finished the sentence he realized he again spoke without thinking first. Only the mention of her name caused him pain. He fell silent, lowering his gaze at the floor.

"You two are still …" Marcia's voice trailed off.

"Yeah. I think she wants me out of her life permanently," Bosco shrugged sadly.

"I'm sorry. What are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know. I just don't know." He raised his eyes to hers and she saw how distraught he actually was by the whole thing. It pained her to know that she was the cause of it but she tried to convince herself she was doing it for Carol's sake.

"You really love her, huh?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he breathed, just the thought of how he felt for her and their baby made him feel better. "I love her alright. She's the only woman I'd sacrifice anything for. She's … my life."

"What if she … won't take you back?" Marcia asked with a tinge of fear in her voice. She was well aware that if that happened she was the one he'd blame and most probably take his rage out on.

"I … I'm not sure I could handle that," he almost whispered the answer.

She didn't want to know what exactly that meant so she stepped towards the door and opened it. She handed Bosco the keys to lock behind them.

The wait in the waiting room was hell for Bosco. He paced the tiled floors, taking deep breaths to calm down but unsuccessfully.

Marcia wanted to yell at him to sit down because he was making her nervous too but she didn't dare.

After half an hour he finally sat down next to her and turned to Carol who was cooing in her lap. The baby looked at him in wonder when he took the baby dummy and pressed it gently against her lips till she opened them to suck at the dummy. He smiled at her and he was surprised but immensely pleased when she smiled back. She started kicking and emitting voiced he had to laugh at.

Marcia observed them charmed. He was full of surprises. She had thought it would take him a lot longer to take up to the role of a father but he seemed to be a natural. Carol liked him without him trying at all. The fear that she might not be his gripped at her insides stronger than ever, the decision now just minutes away. For the first time in her life Marcia prayed.

The doctor called them into his office. Bosco's anxiety returned as soon as they stepped through the door. He knew this was a turning point in his life either way.

The doctor sat in front of them and looked at them before he started shuffling through the papers on his desk. Bosco looked at Marcia sideways and he saw she was paler than usual. He was surprised at that; she was so certain Carol was his so why was she nervous now? He was sure about his own reasons for nervousness though. As much as he began to like Carol in the past few weeks he couldn't help himself but want for her to be someone else's. He wanted Faith back so badly it hurt and he knew the only way he could convince her that they were meant to be together was if Carol wasn't his. But if she was … he swore he'd make sure she'd have anything she wanted or needed. He would not be like his own father.

"I've got the test results here," the doctor's voice awakened Bosco from his thoughts.

Marcia straightened up in her chair, listening attentively to the man's words. When Carol gave a wail she realized she had been holding her too tightly in her hands. She almost jumped when she felt Bosco's hand on her shoulder. She smiled at him gratefully and he nodded.

When the doctor told them the results Bosco's touch on her shoulder suddenly disappeared. Marcia felt her heart sank and she lowered her head again gripping Carol tighter than she should. She felt her fear transform into disappointment and a sense of loss. Tears were sliding down her cheeks and onto Carol's blanket, she didn't even know when she started crying.

The doctor stood up and quietly said, "I'll give you a moment."

Bosco sat rigidly on his chair, emotions coursing through him like ocean currents, swallowing him up, bringing him to the shore and then sweeping him right back into the overwhelming sea of feelings. He needed a long moment to pull himself together. A smile tugged at his lips but he suppressed it when he turned towards Marcia and saw that it wasn't Faith at his side. He instantly felt rage rise up in him. He wanted to lash out at her for doing this on purpose, for presenting him with a child that wasn't his just to lure money out of him and for destroying everything he had had with Faith. He nevertheless managed to restrain his anger. He knew it wasn't about money and he understood that Marcia too had been through a lot lately. The last thing she needed was him taking it out on her.

He slid closer to her on his chair and awkwardly put his arm around her shoulders in an effort to comfort her. Only then did he realize she was crying and he felt really sorry for her.

"Marcia … I don't know what to say."

She shook her head and sobbed at the same time. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself enough to be able to talk.

"I'm sorry, Maurice. I never meant …"

"Shhh," he tried to comfort her but he didn't know how. At the same time he felt sorry for her he was also happy it turned out the way it did and he also felt guilty for feeling the way he did.

"I'm so sorry I caused you so much trouble. And for nothing."

"It's okay, Marcia, it's okay. I'll deal with it."

"I wanted so much for you to be her father that I convinced myself that you were. I didn't want to even think it was Dennis …"

Marcia's sobs and shaking caused Carol to start wailing too. Bosco was now completely lost. He didn't know whom to comfort first and how.

"Do you want me to take her?" he asked tentatively.

Without a word she offered her to him. Bosco took Carol in his hands and stood up. He started walking around the office, rocking her and trying to quiet her. He rubbed her back when he leaned her against his chest. After a while she finally quieted down and Bosco heard that Marcia's sobbing ceased too. He sat back down next to her. She was wiping at her tears.

"What are you gonna do now?" he asked her softly

She turned her tears stained face towards him. "I don't know. I think I'll have to ask my mom for help, at least till I figure out what to do."

"Do you need some money? I mean, I don't have all that much but I could give you some," Bosco offered.

She shook her head again. "No, I've caused you enough problems as it is, I can't ask you to do that."

"Hey, it's not a problem really." He surprised even himself with the way he felt he needed to help her. He had thought he'd hate her regardless of the test results just because of what her appearance caused to him and Faith but now he felt for her. He guessed she was only trying to do what was best for her daughter and he couldn't blame her for that. In the past months when he was getting ready to be a father himself, twice not once, he realized that as a parent you'd simply do anything it took to help your child. Somehow he admired Marcia for what she did because he knew she must've been scared out of her wits when she had come to his place two weeks ago.

"Do you want me to talk to Faith?" she asked all of a sudden. She figured she'd better try and forget her own misery if she wanted to pull herself together enough to take care of Carol, so she turned her attention away from her own problems.

"What?" he asked still deep in his thoughts but then he registered the meaning of her words.

"No. No, I'll talk to her. I'll be fine." After a moment he added less convinced, "I hope."

"But I could explain it to her, maybe it would help her realize it was my fault not yours."

He only shook his head no before he placed Carol back into her arms. Marcia sighed deeply and then stood up.

"Ready?"

She nodded slowly and he opened the door for her. When they reached his car he went to the passenger's door to open it for her but she said, "No, I'll take a cab."

He looked at her surprised. "Why? I can take you."

"I'll be fine, Maurice. I'll go to my mother's. You don't have to worry about me. Really."

"You sure? I mean, it's not a problem …."

"I'm sure." She was silent for a few moments before she continued, "I really am sorry, you know. I never meant to do this much damage and if there is any way I could help, just tell me. I mean it."

"Thanks." He smiled at her. "You've got my number. You can call me anytime if you'll need help."

"Thank you. You're way too kind after everything that I've caused."

He didn't answer her; he just shrugged.

"So …" he started not knowing what to say in a situation like this. She was watching him. She still had a look of disappointment in her eyes. "Keep in touch, okay? I'd like to see this little princess grow up," he said softly when he caressed Carol's little head and then kissed Marcia on her cheek.

Marcia's eyes were full of tears again. "Thank you, Maurice, you're so kind." He waved his hand and stepped around the car to the driver's side. Before he sat into his car he turned to her again and asked, "Why?"

She eyed him flustered.

"Why did you want me to be Carol's father and not that Dennis guy?"

She sighed deeply. "Because I knew you were a good person and responsible. And I felt you'd be able to love her."

His eyes widened in surprise. "How would you know that? You haven't even seen me with a baby before."

"I just … I felt it, I guess."

He nodded with a smile and then drove off towards his apartment.

He was unaware of how hard he was gripping his phone while he waited for Faith to pick up. The insecurity and fear that he felt made him feel sick to the stomach. He didn't know what he would do if Faith turned him down again. He hadn't felt about anyone in his life so strongly as he felt about Faith and her returning his feelings was more important to him than anything else.

"Yokas," she answered suddenly and startled him so he needed a second before he said, "Hey, Faith, it's me. Please don't hang up." He held his breath waiting for her to say something and praying it wouldn't be the dial tone he'd hear next.

"What do you want?" she asked harshly but she didn't manage to disguise the emotions in her voice.

"Faith, we've been to the doctor's today and the results showed that Carol isn't my daughter," he said eagerly without an introduction.

There was an unnerving silence on her side. "Faith?"

"Please say something?" he begged feeling more and more scared that this conversation was going to end the same way their last one had.

"Bosco, I don't think this makes any difference with you and me. I told you why I couldn't be with you and it wasn't because Carol might be yours."

Bosco's heart sank. If this wasn't enough to convince her then he doubted anything would be.

"Faith, please, I love you. You can't do this to me," he whispered, his voice breaking.

"I'm sorry, Bosco." She hung up.

He remained standing with his phone in his hands. He breathed with difficulty, his mouth was dry and his ears were ringing. He felt an onslaught of a headache. It couldn't end like this. It just couldn't.

4

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