Rei: I should be finishing my homework… I should, I should… but I'm not… .-.
Dedicated to- everyone, how's that? XD
Disclaimer: I didn't come up with any of these math jokes. I just searched them, from this website: /projoke22.htm. The adding/subtracting/multiplying/dividing joke I remembered my friend telling me during our KH: CoM RP. And I don't own Tales of Symphonia.
Summary: Zelos harasses Raine with painfully perverted math jokes. You have been warned.
The Healer and the Chosen: Drabble four- Why Zelos Shouldn't Teach Math
"Speech"
'Thought'
The Schoolhouse in Iselia-
Normal POV
It was just an ordinary day for Raine Sage. Or at least, it should have been…
She was grading math problems that were turned in that day by the students, stopping now and then to get up and stretch her legs. So far, the day had been fine, the weather was pleasant, and it was only about half past four when the one and only Zelos sauntered in.
"Hey my Ultra Gorgeous Cool Beauty! How's it going, hmmm?" The redheaded Chosen sashayed up to her desk and leaned against it, with one elbow on the desk. His hand cradling his chin, he gave her one of his sunny smiles.
Raine stared into his blue eyes before dead panning, "I'm grading homework."
Zelos tilted his head towards the side. "Ohhh, what kind? Math? You know, I'm pretty good at math… I could even teach it."
"No thank you Zelos, but I'm fine. And is that the only subject you're good at, or did you actually do all the work in your classes?" Raine asked in mild exasperation, starting to become irritated because of a headache that was beginning to form.
Zelos pretended to look hurt. "Why, I never, Professor! I shall have to tell you some things that the great Zelos knows about math." He swiftly turned around and left the school house, confusing and relieving Raine.
'That was a short visit…'
Her thoughts were interrupted when Zelos wandered back in not five minutes later, wearing a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose and an elegant tie, and he had a book tucked under one arm. 'Looking sexy Zelos,' he thought, before he strode up to her desk. Sitting on it, he leaned forward, getting uncomfortably close to Raine's face. Grinning, he asked, "Are you a differentiable function? Because I'd like to be tangent to your curves!"
Raine flushed the darkest shade of red that you'd ever seen, before she reached out to thwack him in the face. It was too bad that he was so quick- he was already out of the way.
Standing a few feet away, Zelos sang out cheerfully, "Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them… If you know what I mean…" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
This made Raine almost asphyxiate. "… I refuse to answer that. I'm not amused by your little perverted jokes."
Zelos shook his pointer finger chidingly. "But Raine, its all math! Adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, it's all quite simple! Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply!" He started to edge towards the door when he saw Raine get out her staff. "Wait! I have one more, and I know you'll love it!"
Raine clenched it in a grip so tight that the skin was stretching alarmingly thin over her knuckles. "Oh yeah?" She was in half a mind to cast Ray on him! Of all the nerve…!
Zelos took a deep breath before he began this one. Martel knows he'll need the air in order to escape from Raine once she heard what he was implying. Grinning, he replied, "You wanna know how mathematicians do it? Combinatorists do it as many ways as they can. Combinatorists do it discretely. (Logicians do it) or not (logicians do it). Logicians do it by symbolic manipulation!" He had to start running now- she was going to catch him and then his fun would be over! Continuing, he yelled over his shoulder, "Algebraists do it in groups! Algebraists do it in a ring! Algebraists do it in a field! Analysts do it continuously! Real analysts do it almost everywhere! Pure mathematicians do it rigorously! Topologists do it openly! Topologists do it on rubber sheets…" A quick glance showed she was gaining on him.
'Uh oh.'
"ZELOS!!" Raine was livid- she knew some of the village children had to have heard it, and if the parents heard about it, they wouldn't be pleased with her.
He knew he shouldn't, but he wanted to say more. Raine looked absolutely GORGEOUS when she was pissed. "Dynamicists do it chaotically! Mathematicians do it forever if they can do one and can do one more!" Zelos was laughing as he ran, laughing so hard that he tripped over a root near the entrance of the village. Stuck, he realized he didn't have his Gladius with him (to cut the root), and Raine was feet away from him, looking ready to throttle him.
"Uhm… you wanna know one more thing? Markov does it in chains. How kinky is that?!" His last ditch effort to flirt was wasted, and he shouldn't have said that.
A loud slapping noise echoed around Iselia, with a loud yell of "Not the face!" One could only wonder what they were doing.
A closer glimpse showed a seething Raine who slapped Zelos on the ass. Corporal punishment had no effect on Zelos, whom was now convinced that Raine had something for him. At least, something enough to actually smack him on the butt. No one had ever done that before… he kind of liked it. And so, in order to get more "punishment" from Raine, he continued to annoy her.
"Hey Raine! Wanna come back to my room and see my copy of Euclid's "Elements"?"
"That's it! RAY!"
Whatever went on that day was never spoken of again. Nor was a reference ever made to Zelos's math ability, or his jokes.
A minute later an astonished Lloyd and Genis dropped the script.
"OH MY GOD!" Genis was going to hyperventilate. "I can't believe he DID THAT!"
Lloyd staggered under the choice of either laughing his ass off, or wondering where Zelos had learned that. "No wonder she never let Zelos teach us! His methods actually made sense for once!"
"… WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" A wrathful Raine was at the door, along with Zelos, who was nursing his bruised head. Zelos, who didn't want to be beat up anymore, stood out of the way as the chasing began once more.
End
Rei: It didn't turn out quite the way I wanted to, but at least I got the jokes in. :D Review, please??