Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series. I do not own Lord Voldemort/Tom Riddle. I do not own Harry Potter. I wish I did.
Tome Tries Some Leisure Time
Chapter Two
Last Time...
Tom's psychiatrist convinces him to take some time off work coughyeahrightcough and try a hobby like golfing.
This Time...
"Clubs? Check. Golf balls? Check. Ham sandwich? Check. Okay, let's go." Voldemort mumbled to himself as he set off towards the golf course.
"Hello, I'd like to check in," He said, calmer than his usual snarl.
"Yes, sir, would you like to rent a golf cart?" A too-cheery man behind the counter asked. His blonde hair was plastered into a wave over his forehead, and his smile was much too bright.
"That would be most pleasant." Voldie could not help but notice the man's eyes lingering over Voldemort's face. His red, slitted eyes, his snake-like nose, his bald, skull-like head, and in general everything about him, all the way down to his black cloak.
"Would you like to join us as a full-time member? Sign up now and you get two weeks free!" The man exclaimed, obviously being paid to say so.
"Yes, I would."
"Than fill out this form for us please. Thank you." Voldemort was handed a piece of paper he glanced down at it and began to fill it out.
Name: Tom Riddle
Nickname(s): Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord, Voldie, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-Know-Who
Occupation: Evil mastermind
Address:
not telling
it's a secret
in hiding
Phone Number: 1-800-Drk-Mark
Email:
Website(s): TheDarkLord.wand, TheBoyWhoLivedMustDie.wand, DeathEatersAnonomous.wand
He handed the form to the man at the counter.
"I see...interesting, thank you very much for joining." He smiled, and handed Voldemort a key with a number 3 on it.
"What's this?"
"It's the key to your golf cart #3, it's right over there," the man pointed to a creme and olive green golf cart. "Have fun!" he shouted as Voldemort got into the golf cart and drove off to the course.
He stopped at the first hole and pulled out his club. After tenderly setting the golf ball down on the tee he stepped back a bit. Then, he swung the club as hard as he could at the ball-and missed. He swung again. And again! Again! Again and again he missed. Voldemort continuously swing the club, now while shouting "DIE! DIE! DIE!".
Fuming, Voldie picked up the golf club and tapped it against the ball. The ball rolled two inches past the tee and stopped.
Voldemort tapped again. And again. And kept tapping until it was finally in the hole.
"Muahahahahaha!" He shouted. He pulled out his score sheet. "First hole," he read aloud, "47," he wrote down his score.
He climbed in the golf cart and sped off toward the next hole. #2 had a sand trap in it-uh oh.
Voldemort set the ball on the tee like before, and pulled out a different club. He swung his club as hard as he could and the ball went flying through the air, and landed-in the sand trap. Voldie snarled under his breath.
He tried to hit the ball, but it went nowhere. After a few more tries he picked up the golf club, and hit it against the ground well yelling "NO FAIR!". A couple curses were thrown in there too, but I won't mention those.
Voldemort looked down at the club-now mangled and twisted-and sighed.
The golf ball was still in the sand trap. So he walked over to it, picked it up and got in his golf cart. He drove right over to the hole and dropped the golf ball in. He marked a big '2' on his score sheet. "Yup," he said to himself, "Up to par,"
The rest of the course involved lots of cursing, yelling, smashing, cheating, golf-cart-smashing, a few avada kedavras here and there. Voldemort's final score was 268.
So Voldemort left the course in a beaten-up golf-cart that was barely puffing along. He returned the cart and carried his borrowed, broken, and twisted golf clubs home.
What a nice hobby, it helped me get my mind off Harry Potter. He thought.
"Harry.Potter.Must.Die!" he shouted as he ran out of the course and into the streets.
Yeah, I know that was pretty lame, but the next chapter will be better, I have a couple more hobbies lined up for Voldie. If anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear them.
Please review, and the next chapter should be out soon.
I think butterfly collecting would be a nice hobby for Riddle here, doncha think? Thanks for reading!