This is How I Disappear

By justification to wormtail

A/N: this chapter may be slightly melancholy; I was listening to my favorite band while writing. Err, it's going to be extremely blunt because the next chapter will be the last. :)

Disclaimer: well you must know by now that I'm not Rowling…sadly…

Begin chapter five

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"Padfoot, could you turn up the stereo please?"

"Of course, Moony…"

Sirius cast a worried glance at the last surviving Marauder besides himself. His best friend. The one who completely understood him. Werewolf, anchor, everything…And seeing him like this, all depressed with tears dried and crusted on his face, it was worse than being sent straight back to his parents' house in London. And that was about as bad as catching Black Death during that great plague. For the past two and a half hours the couple had been recounting their past life.

It was amazing how much the two had been through and yet still managed to stick together until the end…or at least what they had thought been the end until James had hauled them off across the sea, past all of the fishes and creatures of dank. He had brought them back to the place where they had originally fallen…the veil.

"Why are we here?" Remus had asked. Before the trip back to the Department of Mysteries, the four had been travelling the Americas, something that they had never gotten a chance to do while living but had always dreamed of. "James, Lily…why here of all places?"

James had laughed cheerfully then, elated beyond belief at something that his best mates didn't understand. Lily smiled lovingly at them. "Because," she had answered in a ghost whisper of her past voice. "It seems that our dear Mister Prongs has had an epiphany of sorts quite recently."

"The most wondrous one in the history of the world!" the man had boomed. "You two were too young when you came here – " Sirius made to interrupt, but James had held up a hand to stop him. "Lily and I were too, I know that Padfoot. But it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you and Moony aren't dead quite yet. You're in the wrong place."

"Go and find our son," Lily laughed, "go find Harry and tell him that we love him."

"With all our hearts."

"And send greetings to our daughter-in-law and grandchildren while you're at it!" The spirits embraced their friends with all the joy they could muster. "And don't worry."

"We'll see each other again. The end is always just a new beginning."

And before either Remus or Sirius could even do more than open their mouths to reply, the Potter's pushed their friends back to the world of the living. The darkness lasted only as long as if they were apparating, in mere seconds they were laying face down on the floor of the Department of Mysteries.

"Remus…why aren't we babies again?"

"I don't know Sirius," the lycanthrope had replied, he glanced around worriedly. "But we should probably get out of here before somebody …" the next words had died in Remus' mouth as a young woman rounded the corner. She took one look at the two boys kneeling by the archway and promptly fainted.

"Let's go!" Sirius hadn't needed telling twice.

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"Thank you…"

Sirius was brought out of his thoughts as Remus spoke. A new song started up. One that was new from years after they fell, but that the duo had taken-to instantly. Remus leaned back on the pillows of the bed and began to softly hum along with the vocalist.

As the song faded, the Animagus crawled onto the bed and laid down next to his love. The werewolf turned on his side so that he faced the elder Black sibling.

"I miss them," Remus whispered almost silently. Sirius sighed and brought his hand up to caress the boy's cheek.

"I do too, love," he paused, thinking for a moment. "Did you ever wonder how different things could have been if I had just stayed Secret Keeper?"

"All the time…it was never out of my mind for long," Remus chewed on his bottom lip some. "But you would have died, of that I'm certain. Life was unbearable for years after that night."

Sirius nodded glumly. "I still wish that Peter hadn't succumbed to Voldemort. I had honestly thought that he was stronger than that…else he wouldn't have been in Gryffindor." He chuckled bitterly. "At the age of twenty-one, I was still as foolish as if I were eleven. I had thought that only Slytherins could be pureblood maniacs and betray their best friends."

"It's easier to give in to fears rather than to stand-up for what you believe in," said Remus as he curled up to Sirius. "My father taught me that after my mother left." He sighed deeply closed his eyes. "Do you remember our first day of classes?"

"Moony, we've already been over this. Twice."

"Once more never hurt anybody."

"It hurts when it makes you remember things that can never be again…"

"Not all memories are bad ones, Padfoot." Sirius nuzzled and kissed the top of Remus' head.

"You're right, but they can be painful."

"Acknowledging something is the best way to get around it."

"Most of the time, yes, that's true…but at other instances time itself is needed to heal a wound." Following this statement was a long stretch of content silence, each boy musing on how life could have gone. "Sometimes," started Sirius. He paused for a moment, thinking of the best way to articulate his thoughts. "Sometimes I wonder why James and Lily didn't choose one of themselves to be Secret Keeper."

Remus frowned up at the boy. "Is that even possible?" he asked softly.

"Yes."

"Didn't you tell them?"

"I thought that they already knew…"

"You didn't even bring it up while discussing switching?"

"I had forgotten about it completely by then."

The two sighed simultaneously. "Well…fate is inexorable…"

Sirius laughed heartily. "Just like you to quote at a time like this, Moony!" Said boy smacked the other playfully on the arm.

"Just like you to use my nickname at a time like this, Padfoot!"

Their laughter was short-lived though, as Sirius bent down and tenderly kissed Remus on the lips. They hadn't heard the voice that called up to them and they didn't hear the thuds of an adult running up the multiple staircases. They were still attached when –

"REMUS! SIRIUS!" Harry burst into the room, instantly regretting not knocking.

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"What do you mean again?"

"Well, when she was learning to walk, she would always find her way out there and kind of…try to play with the gnomes. They would get really irritated and attack her."

Sirius winced in empathy. He knew what it was like to be bitten by the little creatures while young. It was one of the many things that Kreacher did to him while in a sour mood. "Hasn't she gotten the message yet?" he asked with a scowl.

"Apparently not, Padfoot," Remus muttered from behind the Animagus. The three males were making their way downstairs to the sitting room where Lily and Charliegh waited with Albus. As they entered the room, the fire flared a bright green and Molly stepped forward, lips tightly pursed. Arthur bobbed his head to them in acknowledgement as he hobbled after his wife.

"Hello, Arthur, Molly," said Sirius brightly. "How've you two been?"

"Not now, Sirius," growled Harry through clenched teeth.

Molly patted him on the cheek distractedly. "No, no – it's alright, dear. They've got her safe and all in one bit."

Arthur stood next to Remus, leaning on his cane. "So this is what you looked like when you were eleven…I thought that you had brown hair, though."

"It changed color as I got older," the werewolf turned to the man. The years hadn't been kind to him. "Are you alright, Arthur? You look a bit peaky." Understatement of the year. All of Arthur's hair had fallen out, his skin was pallid and hanging from the bone; liver spots were in abundance and the man simply looked as though a light breeze would blow him away.

"It's nothing to fear, Remus," Arthur replied with a faint smile. "Molly's helping me get by."

"Well if you need help getting by then you can't be that we – "

The werewolf stopped abruptly, interrupted by another shouting match between Harry and Sirius. It looked as though they would start fighting the Muggle way if they weren't stopped soon.

"—trying to help!" Sirius was screaming, his grey eyes livid. "It's not like I'm going to kill them, Harry!"

"How do I know that you're not some bloody imposter?"

"Ask me a question! Ask me a question that only the real Sirius Black would know!"

Harry took a deep breath and looked Sirius point-blank in the eye. "Fine." He hissed. "What was I like towards you during my fifth year at Hogwarts?"

"Foolish. Beyond reason, just like now. You were completely and utterly foolish, Potter."

And the light at the end of the tunnel is always bright. Right? Sometimes that kind of stuff can blind a person. Like seeing colors, red for example, when they're angry beyond all reason at something. Seeing red is normal, just like seeing a rainbow after a sunny rainstorm. And that was all that Harry could see, flashing in a beam right before his eyes. Again and again. It didn't seem to stop. So he lashed out, it was in his nature after all, and his fist slammed into Sirius's jawbone. It hurt like anything, snapping him out of his daze. But it was Sirius's turn. His fist landed elsewhere. Harry was just grateful that Hermione was gifted at repairing glasses.

The other occupants of the room watched in shock as Harry howled in pain and clutched at his broken nose. They didn't move an inch as godfather and son continued to beat each other into a bloody pulp, hitting at anything within sight. It was only when Remus noticed that one of the children was whimpering that he began to take charge of the situation.

"STOP IT YOU MORONS!"

The werewolf threw himself into the midst of the clash, trying to force himself between the two. He eventually succeeded in putting up a magical barrier. Sirius released a stream of profanities and Remus mentally thanked Molly for shepherding her grandchildren out through the fireplace.

"You two are completely brain-dead if you think that your issues can be solved by fighting! It never worked with Malfoy, and it never worked with Snape. Why would it work now?"

"This is different," Harry spat venomously.

"How?" Remus growled at him. When an answer wasn't forthcoming, Remus sighed deeply and removed the barrier, knowing that Sirius would have settled down to simmer quietly in his head by now. "Come on Sirius, let's go home."

As the two were walking away, the werewolf picked up Sirius's faint whisper of "and just where would that happen to be?"

Harry stood there, not moving an inch, a statue.

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End chapter five

A/N: alright, so as I said at the top, chapter six is the last one. I want to thank you if you have read this far. :) Any constructive criticism on my writing would be appreciated.

And the song that I was listening to was called Title and Registration by Death Cab for Cutie, I highly recommend most of their songs. Have a nice day!