Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I don't own South of Nowhere.
Summary: Okay so I wanted to try and work on something that has to do with a break up so... this is what I'm going with right now... Ashley and Spencer dated for 3 years before Spencer broke it off at the beginning of their sophomore year in college... It will get better you can't keep spashley apart.
Feedback: It would be great if you tell me what you think. Thanks
Author notes: I hope everyone that reads this story likes it. And I hope you review and tell me what you think... THANK YOU!...OKAY GUYS AND LADIES... I HAVE TO SAY THAT IF ANY OF THE ASHLEY'S ARE SPELLED IN A DIFFERENT WAY I'M SORRY... I'M SO USE TO WRITING MY GIRLS NAME WHICH IS ASHLIE AND ITS SPELLED THAT WAY... SO SORRY IF ANY ARE SPELLED LIKE THAT.. I'M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO SPELL EM THAT WAY... SORRY IF IT IS...
Hutcha--- thanks for loving the story... I'll try and make it a little more understanding as to why she broke it off... Sorry to leave it like that but I really didn't know where I was going to take it yet so I had to stop... It comes to me as I type and my mind like was not giving anything else to type so I basically had to stop... anyways heres the post and thanks for the review...
Loug2--- LOL... thanks for the review and heres the post...
BROOKLYNDEB--- Thank you and heres the post... Really thank you...
southismyantidrug07---- Thanks for the review and heres the post..
yo gurl jackie--- Thanks for the review and heres the post...
SOA88-- Heres the post and thanks for the review...
dukefan32--- Sorry for the wait... I've been a little busy lately and I'm glad you love the story... thanks for the review and heres the post...
The Life With In You
By:babygirl2006
Chapter 4
(Spencer's P.O.V)
"Spence... what I said that day I still feel. None of what I said has changed. I told you then my heart is yours. And you did break my heart into a million pieces and I was right back then my heart still belongs to you." She told me as she stared into my eyes.
"Ashley... When I said felt I didn't mean that you still didn't feel it. I was just saying. As much as it doesn't seem like I still feel it... I do. What I said was all true but as time went on I thought that it faded and I felt like I needed to be alone. But I can't be without you Ashley. The last 2 months may have been my fault but I still hurt. Not as bad as you but it still killed me though..."
"You have no right to feel sorry for yourself. You did this. Not me. You are the one who broke my heart. I forgave you Spencer... Why did you still have to end it and walk away? I understood but I never understood why you needed space. Now I'm just starting to think that was a lie. Maybe because you couldn't live with yourself for what you did. You should have known though that I was fine. Yeah I yelled at you for it but my heart didn't want to let you go over that. So I didn't but you did let me go..." What was I really supposed to say. I mean she was right I couldn't live with myself knowing what I did. She gave me everything she could and I throw it away long before I ever broke it off.
(Flashback)
"Ash..." I whispered. I don't even know if she heard me. We are in her dorm room. She is sitting at the deck typing away on her lab top trying to get a paper done that is due tomorrow. I laid on her bed. Watching the movement of her hands as they typed, her left leg bouncing up and down in frustration, her lips moving with the words as she read them, her hands meeting her head every so often to try to push her thoughts out faster. I just watched. It was amazing how in just 45 minutes she could have a perfectly good paper done. I could never pull that off but her. She has mastered it. Maybe it's because she doesn't like doing things when she is told so she has to get them done in a short amount of time or she just does them when she has the time. Either way it still gets done and its great.
"Humm..." She said. I guess she did hear me. Shes not even turning from the computer. I know she is listening to me though. Thats the best thing about her. She could be doing anything and if I had something to say she would listen to me. No matter what. I don't know how I'm going to tell her this. It is going to kill her. And most likely we will be over. I feel the tears starting to come out of my eyes. I've been holding this in now for a few months and everyday its killing me more and more. Do I really tell her? We barely make love anymore because I can't bring myself to do it cause I feel so guilty. I shouldn't be putting her though all this. She doesn't deserve it. Knowing that I hurt her so bad is going to kill me. Even if I tell her. Its still gonna hurt even if we break up or not. Especially if she doesn't break up with me. It's gonna kill the hell out of me because then I'm not going to be sure if I'm going to be good enough for her. She will think I am but if I don't feel it and its as strong as I think. I won't be able to live with it. Either way I think the best things right now is for us to end it. On top of the pain I have now its going to be even more pain. I don't know how much pain I could take. I guess I made the pain so I'll have to live with it.
"Spence..." Ashley said breaking me from my thoughts. I forgot I called her first. I'm just so worried. She still hasn't turned around so she does even know I'm crying yet.
"Yeah Ash?"
"Umm... Dear you called my name first but never said anything. Are you okay?" She questioned turning around. Once I seen her turn around I put my face into the pillow I had.
"Yeah.. Okay." I mumbled into the pillow.
"Spence... What's wrong?" I felt her hand rubbing my back. I turned my head to the sound of her voice and her face was about five inches away from mine. I jumped back. "Sorry" She said lifting her head and giggling at me.
"It's okay... I just didn't think you was gonna be that close." She just nodded. "Ashley.." I jumped up from the bed and started pacing. "I screwed up. I messed up everything. I've been hiding something from you. I'm sorry. It just happened. I didn't mean anything by it. It just happened. I'm so sorry..." I broke down at that point. I sat down on the floor and put my hands to my head. I think she knows what I'm talking about because I don't feel her near me and she isn't saying anything. I hear the door to the dorm room open and close 10 seconds later. I looked up and Ashley was gone.
(End Of Flashback)
That night didn't end there. It was a long sad night. That night made me feel worse then what I did feel. That is the main reason I broke it off because I couldn't deal with the fact that she forgave me. I wanted her to forgive me but then at the same time I wanted her to end it because I messed up and it didn't seem to make her think any less of me. That really screwed with my head. I mean how could you forgive the one person you always loved after the just told you they cheated on you? Maybe thats the difference between her and I. She will always let her heart do the choosing...
(Ashley's POV)
She knew no matter what she did I would still forgive her for it. No matter what. I don't fully understand why so I don't expect her to understand. Maybe my love for her was just that powerful that I would forgive her for anything.
(Flashback)
I walked out the room. I didn't know what to say to her. I know she didn't mean it. I do but I had to get away from her and think. With her there she would have just keep saying things so I couldn't stay it would have possibly made thing harder then what they are. I walked around the campus four times before I returned to my dorm. She was sleeping on my bed when I got there. I could tell she had recently fell asleep because the pillow was still really wet from her tears. I watched her sleep. The thought of someone else actually kissing her and being inside of her made my stomach turn. I always thought I would have been the one cheating on her. I thought but its not. Its crazy. I never thought we would be having this conversation and her being the one asking for forgiveness. Things always turn out different then what you always thought it would be.
"Ashley?" She made me jump. Maybe she wasn't sleeping.
"Yeah?" I could hear the softness in my voice. From the tears I keep from falling. I know if I talked loud they would fall and I didn't want to cry not now anyways.
"I'm really sorry." You could hear the pain in her voice and the hurting she is going through. She thinks I'm going to break up with her. I don't think I am though. I really don't want too. Everyone makes mistakes. I've made plenty in my life.
" I know... I just don't understand when or how you could to that to me.." I trailed off. I really don't want to yell about this. We can get through this with out screaming and yelling at each other. Well I think we can.
"It was the night I had to do a project with Samantha..."
"So you lied to me too? You didn't have a project do?" I screamed at her jumping up from the chair I was in. This changes a lot now. Not only did she cheat, she lied to me too. That night she called me and told me 'I would rather be there with you then doing this stupid project'. Maybe that was just to throw me off.
"No, No, No...(She got up from the bed).. I did have to do a project but I also did other things that night."
"So it was with her then? Her? Are you serious? How? Wrong word. Why would you do that?" I'm so confused right now I can't even talk or think straight. This is just all upsetting me more and more. Its starting to get really hard to look at her.
"Yes it was Samantha. I don't know why I would do it. I didn't even think about it. It just kinda happened."
"NO, it didn't kinda happen. It did happen. So that was about 2 3 months ago. Why tell me now? Why couldn't you keep it in for the rest of you're life? Why tell me at all? I didn't need to know. Today and every day after today would be all happy days for us or me if you would have just keep it to yourself..."
"Ash.. I couldn't keep it in anymore. Why do you think I've been acting all weird the last few months? It's just gotten worse for me to keep this from you..."
"Well if you wouldn't have been a slut then you..." I stopped. I didn't want to say anything else and regret it. The look in her eyes right now makes me scared. She looks like she wants to kill me for saying that. "Sorry... I didn't.." She cut me off.
"It's okay... I understand why you said it. It really hurts to hear you say it but its basically true."
"I don't really want to talk about this anymore. Things are being said that shouldn't be. And I don't want to have to keep saying sorry every time something bad slips out of my mouth. Where does this leave us?"
"I really don't know. I guess that is up to you." She looked down. I really don't feel like breaking up with her. I know I'll just miss her way too much and get back with her anyways so why waste time. We can just learn from our mistakes and go from here.
"Come here.." Was all I could say. She hesitated at first but I pulled her into a hug. I didn't want to let her go. I held on to her so tight. I had to loosen my hold cause I don't think she could breathe.
"I'm sorry.. Really really sorry." She whispered into my ear. I didn't say anything. I know she is sorry. I just pulled her to the bed and I just held her. Nothing inside of me wanted to let her go. My heart most of all didn't want to let her go. I'm not going to tell her that though. She doesn't need to know.
"I love you" I whispered into her ear. She said it right back and now she was crying again. I just held her. Thats all I could think of to do.
(End of Flashback)
She really has a hold on me. She has a hold of my heart. My mind. My soul. Just everything. I could never seemed to get away from her. I think throughout my life. My road will always lead me back to her. She makes me feel alive. Whole. Happy. Warm. Things I've never felt before and I never want to lose these feelings. She will always be the one I run to when times are hard and I can't seem to get by anymore. She will always be the one to make me smile or laugh when I feel like I can't do it anymore. She will always be the one for me but will I always be that one for her? I should ask her. I can't answer it myself.
"You don't have to answer now or in 20 minutes but hopefully soon. I don't want to talk about our past anymore. I just want to let it go and start from here. Just answer these two questions. It's not difficult. It may not be easy but just answer me. I've realized that you will always be that one for me and I honestly never want to lose you again. It hurts way to bad. You are the one I want to spend my life with. You are the one who will always have me. The one that will always make me whole and feel things I didn't even know another person could make you feel. The one I want to share my world with. The one I want to give my life too. The one I give my heart too. I'm I that one for you? And can I give you my heart again?" She just stared at me. Not saying anything not even moving. It doesn't even look like she is breathing. She see a single tear roll down here cheek. I reached up and whipped it off. She leaned into my touch and I keep my hand there. Just by touching her again I feel warm inside.
"You are that one for me... I'm ready to have your heart again. I promise to take better care of it this time. I love you Ashley." She held me this time like she never wanted to let go. And again we ended up laying on my bed holding each other.
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Authors Notes: Umm... I'm thinking this is going to be the last chapter for this story not to sure though... tell me if you think I should continue with it. I have a way to take it but maybe this is a good ending or maybe I should just make a sequel or something will tell me what you think... Do you think I should continue? Keep it here and end it? Or Sequel? Review and tell me PLEASE... Thanks