A/N: Thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing this story. This chapter is a little longer than the previous ones, but I needed to do it to set-up for the coming chapters. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
Big thanks to Kaz for proof reading and keeping me motivated.
It was the day before the wedding. Meredith and Addison had just had their last dress fitting to make sure that everything was perfect. Of course it would be Addi had left nothing to chance. The rehearsal dinner was tonight. Meredith was a little nervous, this would be the first time that she had laid eyes on Derek in eight years. For all the visits that she had made home, Derek had either been away or working. Meredith believed at the time that this had been for the best, but now she wasn't so sure. Maybe if she had seen him since the breakup then she wouldn't be this nervous. She was still at a loss as to why it was effecting her in this way. She was engaged to be married herself.
This wedding must have her all wound up. No, it wasn't the wedding. It was the prospect of seeing Derek again after so long. How are you going to handle it Meredith? She asked herself. Like I handle any other challenge that I face! With grace and dignity. I am a confident, independent, successful woman - not the innocent, self-conscious young girl that left all those years ago, she told herself.
Meredith knew that it was going to be a long night for her. Being in the same room as Derek was going to be interesting - to say the least! Considering that they hadn't spoken in eight years she wasn't sure what to expect - she was hoping that for Addi and Mark's sake that they could be civil to one another.
Pulling up out the front of the church Meredith saw Derek immediately. She sucked in a long breath. Lord he looked good, he hadn't changed in eight years. If anything he had gotten better looking - if that was even possible. He was a man now, not the boy that she had left. Standing there talking to Mark he seemed unaware that she had pulled up. Good! She thought to herself. She took the opportunity to take a good long look at him. He epitomised the expression tall, dark and handsome. Derek stood head and shoulders above the other men that were standing there. He wore his dark hair a little longer than he had when they were together. The longer style suited him, made him look sophisticated. That stood to reason though, Addi had told her that he lived in New York now.
He was wearing a casual button up shirt, which did little to hide the muscled chest and abdomen that were concealed beneath it. His arms were more defined than she remembered - he had obviously been working out. Meredith shivered involuntarily as she thought about what it would feel like to be enveloped in those arms. Her eyes traveled down the length of his body. Smiling to herself, he was a fine specimen. The jeans that he wore hugged his toned legs in all the right places.
Bringing her eyes back to his face Meredith realised that he was looking in her direction. Darn! She hoped that he hadn't seen her looking him up and down. Oh well, she thought to herself, here goes nothing. Taking a deep, calming breath, Meredith exited the car and started across the lawn toward the church . . . and Derek.
Watching her get out of the car Derek took a deep breath. He felt his heartbeat increase. Damn! But she was still gorgeous. How could she still have this effect on him? He wondered to himself. Derek was aware of her presence the moment that she pulled up out the front of the church. It's amazing, he thought to himself, I still feel her presence immediately after all these years.
These last 8 years Meredith had really come into her own. Oh, don't get me wrong, she was always beautiful, but now as a woman she was breathtaking. She was wearing a flirty summer dress that was green in colour. Not just any shade of green though, sea green, the exact colour of her eyes if he remembered correctly. Which he did, he remembered everything about her.
The dress was a strappy little number that showed off her bare shoulders, cinched in at the waist and then flared out ending just above the knee. Derek's eyes roamed appreciatively over her as she walked toward him. Her hair was upswept, showing off her beautiful neck. He had always loved her neck. He thought back to all the times that he had showered little kisses from the point just below her ear, down her neck and across her collarbone. He smiled as he remembered how she would shiver with delight each and every time he did it.
What's wrong with you Shepherd? His mind screamed at him. You're not a teenager anymore. She shouldn't have this hold over you! You are over her! Remember? Yes I remember, but there's nothing wrong with appreciating a beautiful woman is there? He thought to himself.
Meredith focused on Derek as she walked toward the group that was gathered in front of the church. Deep breath Grey, she instructed herself. You can do this. Yeah right! Just get it over with she thought to herself as she walked over to Derek.
"Derek! It's so nice to see you again" she stated with forced excitement as she leaned in to brush his cheek in greeting.
"Hello Meredith. It's lovely to see you too" he replied as he took her hands in his and leaned toward her.
This wasn't a very good idea Meredith. She mentally scolded herself.
What do you think you are doing Shepherd? He chided himself.
Kisses exchanged they stepped back from one another. Although Derek still had hold of Meredith's hands. Trying to gather her thoughts Meredith looked up, straight into Derek's eyes. A look of shock passed between them. What just happened? They seemed to ask one another.
Polite greetings out of the way, Derek tried to gather his thoughts. Turning toward Mark he said "C'mon let's get this show on the road. We've got a dinner booking to get to."
"Right you are Derek. Addi? Are you ready to do this?" Mark asked looking over at his fiancee.
"Yes. Let's go" she replied. Having watched the exchange between Meredith and Derek with obvious interest. Addi looked over at her friend.
"Are you OK Meredith? You look a little pale." She asked worriedly.
"I'm fine Addi. I was just a little nervous at seeing Derek again, that's all. I'm fine now that it's out of the way" Meredith replied waving her hand dismissively. "Let's get this over and done with so that we can get to dinner."
"Okay then. Let's go. I have to say though it went better than I thought it would." Addi said as she turned to walk into the church.
What was that emotion that she had seen in his eyes briefly, before he had regained his composure and dropped her hands? It couldn't have been desire Meredith thought, as she followed Addi into the church.You're reading far too much into a touch of the hands and a brief kiss on the cheek, so brief in fact that it could hardly even be called a kiss! No it was just the result of all the crazy emotions that you have been feeling this week. Derek and you were over long ago. There is no way that you could have felt what you thought you did. It's been eight years for goodness sakes! Feelings like that don't last for that long without any encouragement. Having argued the point with herself Meredith felt a lot better as her, Addi and the other bridesmaids lined up to walk down the aisle.
Derek was standing in his designated place, to the right-hand side of the groom, facing down the aisle, waiting for the bride and bridesmaids to appear. What on earth happened back there? He asked himself. It was a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. Something that you've done a million times over to greet numerous other women that you know. Hell you do it to Addi every time that you catch up with her and Mark and it doesn't have this effect. So why was this one different? He asked himself. Because it was Meredith. Meredith made everything different. It was no longer just a brief brushing of the lips across the cheek. It meant so much more. He'd felt the old chemistry that they'd had flare up and he was quite certain that she had felt it too. If she hadn't then why had, she looked at him with that odd look in her eyes? How was that possible though? She had left him eight years before, surely they couldn't still have feelings for one another, it was too long ago. They had both moved on . . . hadn't they?
Walking up the aisle, Meredith stole a glance at Derek. She couldn't wait for this wedding to be over. She needed to be as far away from Derek Shepherd as she could. He confused her. Just figuring this out now are you? She thought to herself. I should have known that this wasn't going to work. Maybe if Flynn was here, it would be easier. How? I'd have him to concentrate on and I wouldn't be thinking about Derek she argued. You shouldn't need Flynn here to remind you that he exists and that you are engaged. If it was meant to be then he should be at the forefront of your mind, not just to be brought out when you need something to distract you from thinking about Derek, she silently admonished herself.
She could vaguely hear the minister talking everyone through the steps of what they would need to do. Concentrate. That's what I need to do. Concentrate on what I have to do tomorrow and that will take my mind off Derek and the effect that his presence is having on me.
Driving to the restaurant Meredith listened to Addi chatter excitedly about the wedding. Listening to Addi talk saved Meredith from really thinking about her reaction to Derek. She knew that avoiding the issue wasn't going to resolve anything, but she didn't feel up to dealing with the deep and meaningfuls of the situation at the moment. She had to prepare herself to sit through a meal with him something that she wasn't looking forward to at all.
"Derek looks good doesn't he Meredith?" Addison asked innocently.
At the mention of Derek's name Meredith turned toward Addi.
"Sorry Addi. What was that? I was miles away." Meredith replied.
"I said Derek looks good doesn't he?" Addi repeated. Knowing exactly what or should she say whom her friend was thinking about.
"I suppose so." Meredith admitted begrudgingly.
Thinking to herself that he looked more than good. All she could think about was running her fingers through his hair and kissing those lips.
What was she thinking? She shouldn't be thinking those things about Derek. It wasn't right. 8 years was a long time and more than enough for her to be over him, but he did seem to effect her on the deepest level. He had aroused feelings in her that she had thought were dead long ago. Oh well, she thought to herself, you'll just have to deal with it, this is not about you.
Pulling up out the front of the restaurant, Meredith turned again to Addi.
"I'm sorry if I've been a little preoccupied this afternoon. I guess seeing Derek again has rattled me more than I thought that it would."
"Meri, you've nothing to apologise for. I expected that you would react this way to seeing him again. That's why I asked you if you were Okay with him being Mark's best man. I was worried about what it would do to you." Addi replied with concern in her voice.
"Who would have thought that he would still be able to make my heart race just by smiling at me? I certainly thought that I was well and truly over him that he would have absolutely no effect on me. Guess I don't know myself as well as I thought that I did, huh?" Meredith replied.
Taking a deep breath she looked out the window and around the car park of the restaurant, looking back over at Addi she asked "What am I going to do Addi? I've figured out from our brief meeting this afternoon that just being around him effects me so profoundly that I can't think straight. I can't behave like this for the next two days. I need to get a grip and not let anybody see the effect that he is having on me. I'm engaged for goodness sakes!"
Addi clasped Meredith's hands in hers, looking her straight in the eye she said, "I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but as your best friend I am obliged to say it. Maybe this is
the best thing that could have happened. You obviously have unresolved feelings for Derek. You need to think about what has been happening since you got home, how you have been feeling about everything. And most of all what you think that it is that you feel for Derek. Nothing would make me happier than to see you married to Flynn, he is a fantastic man. But is he the right one for you?"
Meredith looked at Addison with shock in her eyes. She was about to deny the comment about the unresolved feelings when Addi shushed her.
"Let's go inside, have a nice dinner, enjoy the company and when we get back to my place we can go through this again at length. Just think about what I said Meri."
Knowing that her friend had only her best interests at heart, Meredith smiled.
"Come on then. Let's go inside and eat."
Walking over to the entrance to the restaurant, Meredith decided that her friend was right. She needed to decide what it was that she wanted, but first she had to get Addison married.
Pushing open the door of the restaurant Meredith and Addi walked in. After being escorted to their table they sat and waited for the rest of the party to arrive.
The waiter had just poured them a glass of wine when Mark walked over to the table.
"Where's Derek?" enquired Addison.
"He's just parking the car. They'll be here in just a minute." Mark replied, dropping a kiss on his bride-to-be's lips.
Meredith's attention turned to the door. She knew that Derek was going to enter any moment and she steeled herself for her reaction. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw when the restaurant door opened. There was Derek and on his arm was another woman! Looking over at Addi with shock clearly showing Meredith inclined her head as if to say "Who's that?!"
Addison shrugged helplessly, she had no idea who that was on Derek's arm. He hadn't mentioned that he was bringing a date to the dinner, or the wedding for that matter. If he had she certainly wouldn't have given Meredith that little pep talk out in the car.
Meredith couldn't take her eyes off Derek as he walked across the room to the table where they would all be seated. The woman had her hand placed possessively on his arm, and a sickly sweet smile pasted on her face. Meredith didn't know who she was, but she had already decided that she didn't like her.
Derek was standing in front of the table. By this stage he had his arm draped around his companion's waist, drawing her in close. Walking over to where Addi and Mark sat Derek introduced her as Rose, his current girlfriend. He apologised to Addi in the process for not letting her know that he would be bringing a date with him to the dinner and also the wedding. Derek explained his lack of manners by stating "Rose only just got back from Los Angeles. She had a family emergency and we didn't think that she would be back in time to attend. But everything has been sorted out, so here she is. I hope that it isn't going to cause any problems with the seating arrangements etc. Addi?" giving her the McDreamy smile that had charmed many a woman into doing whatever he wanted.
"No Derek, it's fine. I'll fit her in at the table that our families are sitting at. After all, you're practically family, so that's where she should sit." Addison replied, looking worriedly over at Meredith to see what her reaction was to this latest revelation.
"Thanks Addi, you're the best. Mark sure is a lucky guy!" Derek said using the charm that he had perfected over the years.
Looking over at Meredith, Derek smiled.
"Meredith, this is Rose. Rose, this is Meredith. Meredith and Addi are best friends. Actually we've all been friends since high school." Derek said as he made the introduction.
Meredith stood up, and thrust her hand forward to shake Rose's hand.
"Hi Rose, pleased to meet you. Any friend of Derek's is a friend of ours." Meredith replied sweetly as she glared at Derek.
"Thanks Meredith," replied Rose, that smile still pasted on her face. "I was so worried about meeting Dekkie's friends. But now I realise that I had nothing at all to worry about."
"You shouldn't have been worried Rose. Dekkie should have told you that we don't bite." Meredith said sarcastically.
Excusing herself to go to the ladies room, Meredith left the table. Addi followed swiftly behind her. Once in the restroom, Meredith threw her handbag onto the counter. Looking at herself in the mirror, she shook her head at her own stupidity. While she was remonstrating herself for being so stupid, as to think that after eight years that he would still be available and have feelings for her, Addi walked in.
"Are you Okay Meri?" Addison asked.
"I'm fine Addi. Just feeling a little stupid that I actually thought that he still had feelings for me! Talk about reading too much into a brush on the cheek." She said on the verge of tears.
"Who does he think he is? Waltzing in here with a waif on his arm! She looks as though she would snap in two if you grabbed her too hard. He didn't even RSVP for her, yet he thinks that he can just flash that stunningly white smile and all is forgiven. Well I'm afraid that the Shepherd charm doesn't work on me anymore!"Meredith ranted.
"I'm so sorry Meredith. If I had known that Derek was bringing a date I would never have said anything to you in the car about your feelings for him. I could wring his neck for springing this on me, and wait until I get Mark alone, he's going to cop it as well! I've had those seating plans in place for months, now I have to go and make room at the family table so that she can fit in. Not that it will be too much of a problem, it's not like she'll take up too much room!" Addi said as she looked at her friend's reflection in the mirror.
Taking a deep breath and retouching her make-up Meredith looked over at Addison.
"Let's go back out there and get this over with so that we can just go home. I'm suddenly very tired and we are going to have a huge day tomorrow."
"OK, let's go." Addi replied, reassured that Meredith was going to be Okay. Mark was going to be in so much trouble when she got him alone. Men! She thought to herself as they walked back to their table.
Sitting across from Derek and his date for the duration of the meal was pure torture for Meredith. Watching him sitting there with his current squeeze was almost more than she could take. But she had decided that she would show him that she was immune to his charms by smiling sweetly whenever he made a comment and engaging Rose in the conversation.
Addi and she had shared a few glances throughout dinner and she knew that they would discuss this endlessly when they got back to her place.
Meredith wondered to herself what Derek saw in Rose, she didn't fit with the usual type of girl that he dated. Then again what did she know? She hadn't seen or spoken to Derek in eight years, obviously his taste in women these days ran to the complete opposite of what she herself represented. Rose was as tall as Derek himself, extremely thin and exquisitely beautiful and she would be perfectly at home in Derek's world. Meredith couldn't hope to compare on any level.
Maybe it was just as well that Derek had brought a date with him, at least now she wouldn't make a fool of herself revealing her feelings to Derek and make him feel uncomfortable in her presence.
Looking up from her meal she caught Derek looking at her. Her breath caught at the look in his eyes, it was the same intense look that she had seen that afternoon after they had exchanged kisses at the front of the church. Meredith could feel herself colouring under his close scrutiny. Returning his direct gaze, Meredith wondered what thoughts were going through his mind and if he could somehow read her thoughts? She sincerely hoped not, because then he would know that despite her best efforts she couldn't deny the feelings that he evoked in her. She realised then that the next day and a half were going to be the hardest that she had endured since leaving him all those years ago.
Looking over at Meredith, Derek wondered what she was thinking. He realised now that bringing Rose with him had been a bad idea. He had seen the look of hurt on Meredith's face when he had introduced Rose as his girlfriend. Although if he were truthful, he would admit that bringing her had been a little selfish on his part. He had wanted to show Meredith that he had moved on, that he hadn't been pining over her for the last eight years. Who was he kidding? He had compared every relationship that he'd had in the last eight years with Meredith and none of the girls had stacked up.
Deciding that he had to find a way to deal with the sexual tension that he could feel between himself and Meredith, he stood and walked around to where she was seated.
Meredith's eyes widened as she watched Derek walk around to where she was seated. What on earth was he doing? Panicking she looked over at Addi. Addison just shrugged with a questioning look in her eyes.
Placing one hand on the table and the other on the back of her chair Derek leaned over to speak to her.
"Meredith, could we go outside? I'd like to speak to you about tomorrow." Derek asked quietly.
Taking a deep breath Meredith looked Derek straight in the eye and gave him a sweet smile.
"Of course Derek." Meredith replied rising from her seat. Looking back over her shoulder at Addi as she walked to the door with Derek, she saw her friend give her a reassuring smile.
Once outside, Meredith and Derek walked silently over to one of the outside tables as if by mutual agreement. Sitting opposite each other they sat silently as if each was waiting for the other to start. Finally Derek decided that he should be the one to start, he did ask Meredith to come outside to talk after all.
"Meredith, I wanted to speak to you to make sure that everything is going to be OK between us tomorrow. I know that this isn't easy for either one of us, but I hope that we are adult enough not to let our feelings get in the way of Addi and Mark's day tomorrow."
Looking at him with disbelief in her eyes, Meredith counted silently to ten before replying.
"Of course everything is fine between us Derek. I can't believe that you would even think that I would allow my feelings to interfere with Addi's wedding. We were over long ago. We've both moved on with other people. There is absolutely no reason why we shouldn't be able to behave as is expected of us."
Sighing deeply Derek shook his head at the tone of her voice.
"I fully realise that we were over long ago Meredith, a decision that you made might I add. I simply wanted to clear the air, especially considering your reaction to me this afternoon at the church," Derek replied evenly.
Meredith couldn't believe her ears. The arrogance of the man! Her reaction to him indeed. Okay, so maybe she was a little transparent in her appreciation of how much he had changed since she had last seen him, but that didn't give him the right to think that she wouldn't be able to restrain herself.
"For your information Derek, my reaction to you this afternoon wasn't one of desire. It was one of surprise. I had been mentally preparing myself for weeks about seeing you again after so long, especially given the fact that we didn't part on the best of terms. I was simply surprised that I felt no bitterness or anger toward you at all."
Watching the expression on his face change from smugness to anger, Meredith felt triumphant. Deciding that the conversation was over Meredith stood to leave.
Before departing she turned to Derek and said, "If I was you Derek, I would have a good look at myself and think deeply about how I felt. After all, you're the one who brought a date that conveniently you had forgotten all about this afternoon. I'll see you tomorrow."
Walking away Meredith took a deep breath. I can't believe I said that, she thought to herself. I shouldn't have mentioned Rose, now he'll think that I'm jealous. Well he'd be right, wouldn't he? Asked that pesky little voice that appeared at the worst possible moments. Walking back into the restaurant to collect Addi, Meredith wondered how on earth she was ever going to get through tomorrow without letting Derek know just how deeply he effected her.
A/N: So that was chapter 4. Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you think.