A/N: As stated before Patterson owns Maximum Ride and all related characters. The plot however is mine. The song is written by bob franke (entitled hard love.)

Thanks to ruby1792, Katie-3llen, Myrah and Wings-of-water-SKYE...you four rock. This chapter goes to you.

enjoy-

twilightjunkie1313

Fang Pov:

It was late, about two thirty in the morning. I couldn't sleep, i hadn't been able to sleep for a few days now. Normally, i pull odd hours, what with being on the run and all. But this wasn't like the hundreds of other times i stayed up on watch. I couldn't sleep because she wasn't here with me.

It was nobody's fault but my own.

I had left her. I was the one who had stuck by her side, saved her from bleeding to death of a beach. I was the only one that kept her from insanity. I was the one who held her hand while Dr. Martinez cut out her chip. She had said she loved me.

And i had left her.

I turned over in my bed, the springs making a horrible squeaking sound.

"Fang." Iggy said quickly, i saw his eyes fly open and then flutter shut. I swallowed hard, my throat raw and sore.

"Yeah." I said quietly, my voice sounding raw. Iggy picked up on the emotion instantly, climbing out of his bed. He sat on the edge of it, looking in my direction.

"I have something for you." He said slowly, rubbing his temples.

"What?" My voice filled with sleep, and astonishment.

"Lifted the card, keep it in your front pocket next time..." He smiled briefly, then nodded toward the tiny closet. "In there."

I grinned a little, he was a mastermind. Iggy could lift anything off of anyone. I was a paranoid, overly sensitive bird kid with wicked fast reflexes. And he still got past me.

"Danget Iggy."

"Don't danget me, just open the closet." He shot back. I sighed internally and hoisted myself out of bed. In a few quick strides i had crossed the small rented room and jerked open the closet door.

In front of me was a guitar. Old an wooden, with a black strap and a note.

Fang-

Use it well,

I+G

"Thanks." I sputtered, somehow managing to make the words sound void of emotion and extremly grateful at the same time.

"Go to the roof, i'll keep watch." Iggy said slowly, a sad smile creeping across his face. I just swallowed and nodded. Taking the guitar in one hand i jumped out the window, circled the hotel a few times and landed on the flat roof.

"Use it well." i muttered, closing my eyes and waiting for the right words to come.

I let my fingers dance across the strings, pulling and plucking at them. Making soft chaotic notes.

Iggy Pov:

I heard Fang take a running start and leap through the window. His clothing never even brushing the sill. I heard him land somewhere on the roof above us. We had asked for a spot on the top floor, closer to the sky. I crossed the room and sat in the chair near the window.

We had been away from Max and the others for three weeks. In that time I have noticed everything. Fang's slow decent into insanity, the hours he spends awake after he thinks i have fallen asleep. The hours he spends silent, staring at empty space.

So we went to a thrift shop and bought a guitar. I tuned it, and found the perfect strap, black with black wings embroidered onto it. With some help from Gazzy i wrote a note. Then we left it in the closet-waiting for him to find it. Or a time like this.

Somehow, Fang had been musically inclined. The silent, stoic Fang had gotten a guitar for his birthday a long time ago. I remember hearing him pluck at it for hours, listening as the notes turned into short songs, then longer, and longer.

Fang Pov:

I didn't need to try and remember how to play. I didn't need to think hard about what to sing, it was all there. Right under the surface, begging to come out. I brushed my hand across the strings, feeling the sound echo in my chest.

It was hard love

every step of the way

hard to be so close to you

so hard to turn away

when all the stars and sentimental songs dissolved today

there was nothing left to song about but hard love

I took a breath, trying to calm myself. It was useless, i was a train wreck without her.

So i loved you for your courage

and your gentle sense of shame

and i loved you for your laughter

and your language

and your name

I knew it was impossible but i loved you just the same

though the only love i gave to you was hard love

My mind flashed pictures, Max looking stunned after I kissed her, Max's wings as she lept out of the cave away from me. The silouett of her against the moon as she flew off into the desert. I closed my eyes and pushed the images away. The pain they left behind felt like bullets ripping into my lungs.

So i'm standing in this phone booth

with a dollar and a dime

wondering what to say to you

to ease your troubled mind

For the lords cross might redeem us

but our own just wastes our time

and to tell the two apart is always hard love...

As much as this hurt, as bad as it felt to let these memories consume me it also felt oddy peaceful. Like the sting of water on a burn, or alcohol cleaning a wound. It has to feel worse before it gets better.

So i'll tell you that i love you

even though i'm far away

and i'll tell you how you change me

as i live from day to day

how you helped me to accept myself

and i won't forget to say

that love is never wasted even when it's hard love

Yes it's hard love

but it's love all the same

not the stuff of fantasy but more than just a game

And the only kind of miracle that's worthy of the name

for the love that heals our lives is mostly hard love

I let my hand fall from the strings. I had left Max, the only girl i could ever love. The quiet black sky surrounded me, blending with the black roof and my ebony clothing. The night seemed to swallow me up. It felt strange, not perfect, but right. I had left Max, and while the song didn't fix that it helped fix me.

Iggy Pov:

I had known that Fang was musicaly gifted. At our house on the canyon he had kept me up into the late hours of the night with his music.

I had never minded, it was incredible music. At once emotion-filled and expressive, I had recorded it one night and played it back whenever I couldn't sleep. Fang's music was deep, soul shredding and oddly dissconnected. Like the sound had come from someplace else, someplace farther away and darker than Fang. It was oddly fitting, had Fang not had wings he would have become a musician.

I permitted myself a grin. No matter where or how Fang grew up he would have been stoic and introspective, brooding and dark.

I snapped myself back to the present, closing my eyes. He hadn't been himself since the flock split. Gazzy and I had just assumed that it was because of Max. I thought he'd be okay after we put some miles behind us. Gazzy said to give him some time getting used to being the leader, after all it was a hard job.

Neither of us had guessed that he missed her this much. Nudge, Gazzy, Angel especially, knew that they were the closest of all of us. I just hadn't known how close.

Fang Pov:

It was late, Iggy was probably tired. I stood up and stretched. The soft breeze ruffling my feathers. I walked to the edge of the roof and jumped off, the guitar in one hand. I circled once then flew at our window. I pulled my wings in to clear the window frame. Then I pushed them out hard, landing on the floor next to my bed.

Iggy Pov:

It took about four seconds to figure out Fang was back. He had glided in silently, leaving a slight breeze in his wake. Then the small thud of his boots hitting the floor. He turned,his boots making a small shifting sound.

"Igg?" I heard him whisper. I swallowed hard and said nothing.

Fang Pov:

Iggy looked nervous. That was a bad sign, it could mean flyboys. I did a quick 360, seeing no one except Gazzy. I did a quick look out the window, Iggy hadn't closed it yet. Still nothing.

"Fang I know you miss Max." He whispered, his voice sounding cold but concerned.

I froze, of all the things I expected to hear...that wasn't it. I had done my best to keep my feelings hidden from them. Somehow they sill knew that I missed her.

"How." I demanded keeping the concern from my voice. With Iggy this was easier, he couldn't see my face.

"The roof." He replied, gesturing to the open window.

The window had never closed. Iggy wouldn't have closed it if I was flying, because I would use the window to get back in. That meant..

"you heard."

"Yes."

"Why did you listen?"

"I had to know."

"Know what?"

"God dammit Fang." Iggy's voice was an icy whisper.

"Know what?" I asked again, my hands in fists against my sides.

"I had to know how bad off you were." He shot back.

"I am fine Iggy."

"No your not."

"Yes I.."

"Don't lie to me Fang." Iggy cut me off, glaring.

"I'm not."

Iggy Pov:

"Yes you are. You miss her. More than any of us can ever know. And how could you not! She was made for you!" My voice rose, louder and louder.

Fang grabbed me abruptly by the shoulders. He half dragged, half pushed me out the window, into the air and to the roof. We landed in a heap on the tar roof.

"That doesn't matter anymore." Fang muttered.

"The hell it doesn't." I spat back, frustrated.

There was a silence. In typical Fang style he had replied - by saying nothing.

"You did that for her." I said quietly, my voice empty and flat.

Fang Pov:

God Iggy. Could he not tell that I didn't want to talk about this? Was it that hard for him to grasp? Max was a thousand miles from here, she had nothing to do with our mission. Everything I felt for her- that was my own problem. They were my issues to deal with.

Until just now. Iggy had heard me, he knew what was wrong, at least to an extent.

"I am fine." I replied, my voice like ice. Iggy just stared at me.

"We don't want to lose you. The way we almost lost Max." His voice trailed off.

I didn't understand, Max tried to kill herself. I hadn't done that, I haven't even come close to that.

"I'm right here." I muttered, trying to keep my voice down. I couldn't afford for us to be kicked out of our hotel, or found on the roof.

"No your not." Iggy countered, shaking his head slightly. "Your different, like you left half of yourself with her. Screw the mission Fang, we need to go back."

"Back to what? The empty ski cabin, she's long gone. Besides, we can't just screw the mission. It's important, it isn't just the mission Iggy. It's the world, half the people in it."

Iggy Pov:

Nothing is more annoying than a great argument shot down by logic. Internally I cursed Fang. He just wasn't getting it. Everyday he disappeared a little more, like he was hiding inside himself. If Max knew about it she wouldn't have let him go.

If I had known this would happen I wouldn't have let him go.

Sure, Fang would save the planet with his blog. He'd build an army and try to fight the Itex, the school, all of it. But in the process he'd change, die, fade out. It was him or the world. I chose to save him, my friend, by brother.

Screw the world.

A/N: I just love that song. I have never heard it sung though. Anybody else have really good Max Ride songs? (If you know of a few-please tell me) I hope you liked that, it was a long time coming-but amazingly fun to write.

peace love and a crimson lullaby

-twilightjunkie1313