A/N: This chapter was difficult, but i thank all those who waited for it. I hope it's worth it. Again, I own nothing but the words. The rest belongs to the amazing James Patterson, I bow to him.
Fang Pov:
I saw it in Iggy's eyes, every time we had stopped to check and see if one of our parents lived there, he broke a little more. I felt bad for him in a way max couldn't. I knew how he felt- she guessed. She didn't know how he felt.
I did. I knew what it was like to have a part of your soul ripped out when you saw that the one link you had to a family- to humanity- had been a dead end, a complete lie. I knew what it was like to think that the people you put up on a pedestal- your parents, had given you up for coke money or because they didn't want you.
Max knew nothing about feeling like that. I was happy for her, because she could still dream that her mom loved her and her dad cried for days after she left. She could still hope to god that they were looking for her, we couldn't.
I saw that in Iggy's face every time we looked for our families. I won't ever forget that look.
Iggy Pov:
A while ago, just after nudge hacked itex Fang stayed up for my shift. I could hear him rustling in the leaves and twigs, he sat there for a good half hour before he said a word.
"Igg?" He called calmly.
"Hmm?" I replied.
"Do you want to find them?" He asked, it was obvious who he was referring to. The flock had been chattering about finding their respective homes for a few days now.
"Yes." I said instantly. I heard him take a deep breath.
"Even if it meant leaving us?" It was impossible to miss the message in his words. Would you abandon us for your family- even if they abandoned you first?
"I don't know."
Fang was silent. I wanted to fill up the empty space, silence was not as comforting when your blind.
"Would you?" I asked suddenly.
"No." The answer was instant. I knew it was true, Fang would never leave his family- no matter who he was actually related to. I noticed that his silence held an angry feeling.
"They aren't my real family anymore." He said darkly. "They had their chance, she could have kept me."
"Fang.." I warned, hoping he wouldn't wake angel or gazzy. His voice was rising with anger.
"She was an addict. Do you know what that means? It means she was probably high when i was born. She gave me up for money, she's not my mother..."
"Fang." I said slowly, hearing max's footsteps in the leaves.
"She sold me for drugs." The ice in fang's voice broke and he was silent. He didn't cry though and for that i was happy. To hear him, the strong one, break would be too much.
"You can't know that." It was Max's voice, soft but strong.
Fang Pov:
Great self righteous Max was here to save us all.
Not what I needed.
"And you can?" I shot back. I saw her hold back a glare. I wanted to hit her, i didn't need her sympathy.
"I don't know where my parent's came from." She defended.
"So they could be from a fairy tale, and their waiting to whisk you off on a private jet and take you to their vacation home in Paris." I said coldly. She winced a little and i knew i hit a soft spot.
"The point is i don't know Fang and i'd kill to have what you have." Her voice had steel in it.
I snorted holding back sarcastic laughter.
"What? An addict mother?" I knew this was out of line but i didn't really care.
"No. A past." She sounded lethal. It was her tone that sobered me for a second.
The next second she was running for the sky, soaring up into the moonlight, gone until dawn.
I looked at Iggy, he had dutifully sat out my break with reality. I felt tired.
"She's right you know." He murmured.
I stayed quiet. I didn't want to have this fight with iggy, i felt empty. He kept going anyway.
"You guys know. It may not be the best past, but it's there and you know about it..."
He stopped to look up at the sky. Even if he couldn't see it.
"It's better than not knowing."
He turned to me, waiting for me to speak.
I was silent, holding it all in. I didn't want to yell, i wasn't out to pick a fight with Iggy.
"She's right."
Then i couldn't stay quiet.
"I would kill to be her right now." I whispered. Iggy seemed stunned.
"Why?"
"Because, if you know, you can't hope anymore. You can't just tell yourself that there was a mistake, but your parents still love you. That someday they might find you, or you might find them. "
I let the next words sit in my stomach before i spoke them.
Igg waited, sensing i had more.
"I know that my mother is an addict, assuming she's alive. Whenever i see a woman in the alleys and back ways I always wonder if that was the one who gave me up."
Iggy nodded and i could see a tear welling at the side of his eye.
Iggy Pov;
"What do you think igg?" Fang asked, the ice creeping back into his voice. The words pulled me out of my fog. I struggled to find something to say.
"I think your right, and your lucky." I hoped he wouldn't ask why i thought that. Fang had an eerie way of probing into your soul with a single well placed question. If Max was the best intimidator, Fang was the best interrogator.
"Hmm." It wasn't really a reply, just a sound.
"I'd kill to have that, to be able to think that anyone on the street could be my parent. Now that I know, i wish I didn't." Fang nodded at the comment.
Max Pov:
As soon as i launched myself into the sky I felt the guilt and remorse weigh me down like lead. I did a wide circle, by the time I got back, Fang and Iggy were deep in discussion. I landed as quietly as I could in a far reaching oak branch.
I didn't really hear all of what they said, I didn't have too. Bits and pieces stuck in my head, quotes that replayed themselves in the silence between words.
"It's better than not knowing."
"Because, if you know, you can't hope anymore. You can't just tell yourself that there was a mistake, but your parents still love you. That someday they might find you..."
This is what they faced. I was reminded of a thing Jeb used to tell us 'The grass is always greener...' or some similar crap. After hearing them talk I knew better. The grass was dead, on both sides. No matter who we are or what we become our past would always haunt us.
-twilightjunkie1313