Chapter One – And Oh You Lost Your Trust

Trust. Or rather, a lack of trust. It was what could be blamed for the fading of their relationship. Brooke had known right from the day that she and Lucas had broken up, that she would never fully be able to trust him again. Of course at that time, she thought there was no hope for them, but time had let Brooke forgive Lucas and give the love that had only just begun to develop, a chance to grow. Unwanted events only led Brooke to be correct. She had tried so hard to trust Lucas, and even though to a large extent she did, she could never fully trust him. Brooke sat at the kitchen table of their apartment. They had moved into their small, but homey apartment, after graduation. Brooke had been hesitant when Lucas suggested living together, but her living with Rachel hadn't proven to be too successful and they were madly in love so why not? Brooke remembered commenting on how 'Naley' she felt, living with her boyfriend. She thought of Nathan and Haley and wondered why she and Lucas couldn't be as happy as them, feeling a pang of jealousy for the happiness they possessed.

She couldn't concentrate on the designs she was meant to be drawing for a college project. She loved studying fashion and strangely for her, enjoyed doing her homework, but today she couldn't concentrate. She was designing a dress and couldn't get the neckline right. She rubbed it out for the fifth time and exhaled loudly and looked around the room. Lucas' HCM medication sat on the kitchen bench and Brooke was reminded of the day she found out that Lucas had HCM.

"Why didn't you tell me? All this time, you knew and didn't tell me?". Brooke spoke, in anger, but even more, in utter astonishment.

"I wanted to Brooke, but I just couldn't. I knew you would be scared, for me, for you. I knew you would worry about me. I didn't want you to have to deal with that. I didn't want things to change." Lucas spoke, with his head hung long shamefully.

"But how am I meant to trust you if you aren't telling me things as important as this?"

"I'm not keeping anything from you Brooke, I promise." Lucas said calmly.

"Anything else you mean." Brooke scoffed and turned away.

"Brooke, I am so sorry. I really didn't want you to have to worry about me."

"Oh please." She scoffed once again.

"That's the truth, Brooke". She spun around to face him, eyes glazing.

"Oh okay, so you're telling me the only reason you didn't tell me that you have an illness that could kill you is because you were concerned that I would worry. That's pathetic, Lucas."

"Okay fine it wasn't only that, I-" He trailed off

"Well?" She prompted

"When I first found out I had HCM we weren't together. Then when we got together I didn't want to scare you away by telling you I could drop dead at any second, I didn't want to lose you. So, I waited. I was going to tell you after a while but I knew you would be angry that I had waited in the first place, so I kept putting it off and putting it off. And well, here we are."

"Yeah, here we are. Where I had to find out from your mother that my boyfriend could die."

"I'm sorry Brooke, you should have heard it from me."

"You're right I should have." She walked a little and leant her back against the wall of their bedroom, standing a few metres from him.

"I don't know what to say, Brooke. Except that I'm sorry and I love you."

She stayed silent for a moment, hearing Lucas tell her he loved her made it so hard for her to remember she was angry. His soft, loving words were enough to make her melt, but she didn't, not quite, not this time. Instead, she spoke.

"Do you remember Nathan and Haley's wedding Lucas, and why I was upset?"

"Because I told you about the thing with me and Peyton…"

"And also?" She prompted him again.

"And also because I wasn't letting you in, I was keeping you at a distance."

"Remember when we talked? You told me I was all the way in, and now, just months later I find out that you have been keeping something as massive as this from me. That doesn't seem like you're letting me in, Luke. You're the one whose doing the pushing away here, Lucas."

"I know. You're right. I was stupid not to tell you. But know that you have me Brooke, this doesn't change that. Hey if I didn't care about us then telling you wouldn't have been so impossible for me to do right? I was scared to tell you and as pathetic as it sounds, I honestly didn't want you to have to worry."

"Well I am worried. I can't lose you."

Lucas moved over towards Brooke and stood before her. He lifted a hand and placed it on Brooke's cheek.

"You won't." He bent his knees slightly to lower himself to her eye level, forcing her to make eye contact with him. "I promise". Brooke noticed Lucas had tears in his eyes. This was only the second time she had ever seen him on the verge of tears, and seeing him like that broke her. She hadn't cried up until this point but looking into his watery eyes was too much. As the tears began to fall, Lucas pulled her close, hugging her to his chest.

As much as she tried to deny it, Brooke knew that Lucas not telling her about his HCM had changed things. The wounding it had on their relationship was subtle, with no break up, no long-lasting fight. Even though Brooke said it was okay, she knew it had weakened her ability to trust him, knowing he had kept something this important from her. Brooke had told herself over and over again that he was honest with her, but knowing he hadn't told her about his HCM, she couldn't help but wonder what else he wasn't telling her.

Lucas gathered up his books and slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way out of the lecture room. He followed the crowd down the hallway, every so often bumping shoulders with people going the opposite direction. There was a time when he would have pushed his away eagerly through the crowd, trying to get home as fast as he could to see Brooke. He would rush home from this last class and pick up takeout on the way home and they would watch movies, but they hadn't done that in along time. He was shaken from his trance by hearing his name.

"Lucas!" He looked up and saw Tommy Andrews heading towards him. Tommy was a guy Lucas knew from his American literature class, and while he wasn't a close friend, the two would often chat and say hello to each other in class.

"Hey Tommy,"

"Hey how's it going?" Tommy asked.

"Good man, you?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I just wanted to invite you to this party I'm having to mark the end of the first of our college years," Tommy said.

"Oh cool, when is it?" Lucas aked.

"It's on Saturday night at my place. 9 o'clock."

"I'll be there," Lucas said.

"Great! You're welcome to bring your girlfriend along."

"Oh I think she might be busy, but I'll definitely be there."

"Ok. See you then!"

"Thanks man." Lucas said as Tommy gave a nod and disappeared into the crowd moving in the opposite direction.

Lucas had no idea if Brooke was busy or not, they didn't really fill each other in on their plans in much notice. But even if she wasn't busy, he knew they wouldn't be going to the party together. If he asked her, she probably would say no, but if by some chance she didn't, the entire night would be awkward, dodging questions about their relationship and putting on the act of being cute and lovey-dovey to avoid suspicion. He just wanted to have a good time with his friends and try and forget about his problems with Brooke. Even if only for a night.

Lucas continued down the hallway and left the main building through doors at the end of the hallway. He walked down the steps and towards the parking lot. Pulling his keys out of his bag, he unlocked the car. Following this, he sat down in the drivers seat and looked down at the keys in his hand. He ran a hand over his one and only keychain, a small, flat, metal basketball keychain. As his fingers traced over the ridges of the silver metal that served as the ball's stitching, his mind swayed back to Brooke, for she had given him the keychain.

"Boyfriend!" Brooke cheerily greeted Lucas as she bounded into the living room, dropping her shopping bags and sitting down on his lap.

"Hey pretty girl" Lucas said as he gave her forehead a quick kiss. "How was shopping?"

"Well there were two hot guys in the food court who were totally checking me out." Brooke said as she kinked her left eyebrow.

"M-hm.."

"Yep, and I went over and gave them my number."

"You did not!"

"Of course I didn't. Who do you think I am? I just wanted to see your reaction." She said with a giggle.

"Cruel..!"

"I know."

"You're just lucky I love you."

"I know." Brooke repeated, this time with complete sincerity. Lucas smiled and gave her a gentle kiss.

"Anyway, shopping was very successful!" Brooke said as she bounced off Lucas' lap and began to rummage through the pile of bags on the ground.

"Aside from spying two hot guys?"

"Yes, aside from that!" Brooke giggled.

"Wow it obviously was successful." Lucas said as he sat up properly on the couch and leant forward, looking at what seemed to be an endless collection of shopping bags. "Did you buy enough stuff?" Lucas asked with a small laugh.

"No." Brooke said seriously to which Lucas chuckled. She pulled a pink shopping bag out from the bottom of the pile and stood up straight.

"I bought these for your sister soon to be." Brooke said as she pulled out the contents of the bag and thrust one of the items in front of Lucas. It was a pink cardigan with purple butterflies embroidered down the side and green buttons on two front pockets.

"It's so small.." He said as he took it from her and looked at it.

"Well duh, its for a baby."

"I know." Lucas laughed. "It's gorgeous."

"I know! And, just when you think it couldn't get any cuter.." Brooke held up a tiny beanie, "To match!"

"I never would've guessed." Lucas teased, looking at the beanie of identical colouring and design to the cardigan.

Brooke swatted Lucas with the beanie and he took it from her, putting it down on his lap next to the cardigan. Brooke sat down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"They're perfect, Brooke. Thanks for buying them." He took her hand. "But, remember we did already buy the two picture books for her."

"I know, Luke, but I have to make a contribution to her wardrobe! Besides, I plan on being her number one fashion consultant when she's older." Lucas laughed, but before he had a chance to speak Brooke jumped up.

"Oh I almost forgot!" She said excitedly.

"What?" Lucas asked.

"I got something for you!"

"For me?"

"Yes, for you. But don't get too excited its not that amazing, but I was in this cute little trinket shop and I saw this and thought of you." Brooke pulled out a small brown paper bag and pulled out a small package wrapped in white tissue paper. She handed it to Lucas.

"Open it!" She demanded impatiently.

"Okay." Lucas laughed. His fingers delicately unfolded the paper, revealing the basketball keychain. He held it and looked down at it.

"I just thought it was cute, and it was a basketball so–"

"I love it." Lucas traced the edge of the keychain and stood up. He touched his nose to Brooke's. "Thank you." He kissed her.

"You're welcome."

Lucas remembered that time and how, ironically, it had been just days before Brooke discovered that Lucas could never properly play basketball again. He had felt guilty for not telling her about his HCM and he knew it hadn't helped her being able to trust him. He felt guilty just like he had so many times before - for not telling her about his kiss with Peyton, for not calling her while he was away after Keith died or for the worst of his offences, cheating on her with Peyton the first time they were together. Lucas knew he had caused Brooke a lot of pain and had screwed up numerous times. He knew that, and everyone had always reminded him of it – Haley, his mom. But Lucas knew all the blame couldn't fall on him, Brooke had to play a part in the crumbling of their relationship. As Brooke had come to trust him less, he came to know her less. She didn't tell him how she was feeling or come to him with her problems. She said everything was okay even when something was wrong. He knew Brooke's lack of trust of him was because of all his mistakes, but he couldn't change that. He had grown so tired of trying to gain her trust, and he had no effort left. So many times he would remind her that she was 'the one' and that he wasn't going to hurt her. Yet, she always kept him at a distance and so he did the same.

Lucas was jerked out of his memory by a car alarm accidentally going off a few cars away. He looked up and saw a brunette woman cursing as she tried to stop the alarm. With the desire to escape the noise accompanied with the sinking feeling that he would have to go home sooner or later, he put the key in the ignition and headed off.

-------

AN: There's chapter one - it was a chapter with the main purpose of explaining things, so I'm sorry not a lot happenned, more will happen as the fic goes on. Thanks again to Ellie for beta-ing this for me! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter! This chapter's title is from 'See You Soon' by Coldplay. Reviews are appreciated!