Chapter Four – Looking For Something More To Say

Lucas' breath was heavy and his chest pounded as he ran along the sidewalk. His feet thumped along the hard ground and his arms swung as he ran. He had awoken early, despite coming home late the previous night after babysitting baby. Brooke was asleep when he had arrived home and he had crept into bed delicately, trying not to wake her. She hadn't stirred, but Lucas wasn't sure if in fact, she had been asleep. As he was up so early this morning, the two had not exchanged any words since the previous evening. Lucas had decided for an early morning run to clear his head. He knew that he and Brooke were going to have to talk soon, and he had wanted to clear his head before that happened. He wondered if she'd mention having a talk again, and if she didn't "should I?" he thought. "I did tell her we could talk about it later…" he admitted. He just hoped Brooke would initiate the talk and make the decision easy, for he knew he couldn't avoid her forever.

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He opened the front door and stepped into their apartment, glancing at the clock he saw it was 8:30am. He heard the shower running and after grabbing a drink from the fridge, went and sat on the couch to wait for her. Just as he did, the phone rang. He let out an exasperated sigh and went and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Who is this?"

"Lucas, who is this?"

"Hello Lucas, it's Richard Davis."

"Oh, Mr Davis, hi."

"Could I speak to Brooke?"

"No sorry, she's in the shower right now."

"Oh" He sounded most disgruntled. "Can you take a message then?"

"Sure"

"You'll need a pen, I'm giving you an address."

"Okay." Lucas said as he grabbed a pen, curious as to what address this was. "Got one."

"Okay. Can you just tell her that my new address is 3 Carlyle Street, Golden Hill, San Diego. Tell her that it's a good distance away from her mother but close enough to the office. And I don't have my own phone connected yet but she can contact me on my cell phone if she must."

"Okay.." Lucas mumbled in a state of both curiosity and confusion.

"Alright Lucas, I have to go. Send my love to Brooke." Lucas heard the dial tone and took a second to register that Brooke's father was gone as he was still thinking about what he had just heard. Brooke's dad had a new address? Away from her mother?

Brooke walked into the living room dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and holding a hairbrush and towel. Her hair was damp clung tightly together behind her shoulders. She looked refreshed, but hidden behind that she was tired, just like he was.

"Hi" she said.

"Hi" he repeated.

She draped her towel over the back of one of the chairs in the kitchen and ran the hairbrush through her hair as she spoke.

"Where were you?" Indicating from his tracksuit and sweaty chest, she could tell he had been running or playing basketball, but she wanted to ask. She wanted to emphasise the fact that she hadn't known where he was, that he had failed to leave a note or anything to suggest his whereabouts.

"I went for a run." Brooke observed that Lucas failed to notice her suggestion of his fault in not letting her know where he had gone. She nodded and opened her mouth to speak. He quickly added, "don't worry, I didn't overdo it and the doctor says its good for me to run." He spoke words that could be gentle reassurance, but his tone was far from that. He sounded frustrated and almost annoyed. He clearly thought he knew what she was going to say.

"I wasn't going to say that." She spoke, clearly taking satisfaction in proving him wrong and suggesting that he perhaps didn't know her as well as he thought. "I was going to say, could we talk now?" She continued.

"Yeah, okay." He spoke in a tone, which Brooke could not identify. There were few times where Brooke couldn't distinguish the underlying tone in Lucas' voice, but now was one of those times. She put down the hairbrush on the kitchen counter and went and sat down on the couch. Lucas followed her at a distance and sat on the opposite couch.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked. He knew she probably wanted to talk about their relationship, but he wanted her to tell him that. He didn't want to make incorrect assumptions and rope himself into a conversation he didn't particularly want to have in the first place, if that in fact wasn't what she wanted to discuss.

"Us." She said with a tone suggesting that she had expected him to know that.

"Yeah…" he mumbled.

"Look Luke, its obvious that things aren't so great right now."

"Yeah I know."

"Well I'm glad we can agree on that."

"We don't disagree on that much."

"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean we do I just - " she trailed off. "I wanna work out how we can fix this."

"Well to do that, I think we first have to work out how we went wrong." He said. Brooke was relieved to hear he was at least answering in full sentences and seemed to want to talk.

"Yeah." She agreed. "Well I think that we let too many things come between us. And, we didn't trust each other."

"Trust wasn't a problem on my end. I trusted you."

"I know Luke, but you didn't make it easy for me to trust you…"

"How? How didn't I?" Brooke was astonished that he would even ask that, considering she could rattle off a list off all the things he had done to cause her trust of him to falter. "I constantly reassured you that you were the only one I wanted."

"Yeah, after you had cheated on me."

"Oh my god Brooke." He dropped his head back on the couch and shook his head. He lifted his head and spoke sternly. "I am sorry but that is not fair. This is not about that, we are long passed that."

"I thought we were, but you obviously we weren't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"All though senior year you kept ditching me to go and be with her." Brooke didn't refer to her by name, but she knew Lucas knew whom she was talking about. Remember the first day we spent together after we got back together. No? Well I'll remind you, I wasn't the one you spent it with."

"I know Brooke! I know I put her before you too many times. But that was a year ago! You're the one I'm with, she's the one I haven't seen since graduation!" He had raised his voice, and tried to lower it again, but it was difficult – he was getting angry now. "I don't know what more confirmation I can give you. There wasn't anything more I could say then, and there still isn't now." He continued.

"Well if you had let me in that might've helped." She scoffed.

"Oh yeah, that's ironic coming from you." He stood up and turned away.

"What?" Brooke semi-shouted, genuinely confused.

"Your parents? They've separated right?"

"How did you-"

"Your Dad called earlier. Wanted to give you his new address, a good distance away from your mother. I put two and two together."

"Luke I-"

"You have no right to tell me that I should be letting you in, when you aren't telling me things as important in your life as that. You're the one whose not doing the letting in."

"But its not that important in my life!"

"Oh please. Don't even try that, Brooke. I know your parents may not be in your life that much, but I also know that they are important to you." He said. Brooke opened her mouth to defend herself, but didn't know what to say. So he continued, "if this was me you'd be telling me that I should have come to you and let you help me. You'd be telling me I should have talked to you about it."

"Luke when was I supposed to tell you?! You're always coming home late."

"Brooke I'm here plenty of the time."

"Well when you are you never seem like you want to talk to me."

"I'm talking to you now!"

"You're yelling at me now."

"Well I am sorry Brooke. But you're acting like this is all my fault!"

"I never said that!"

"You implied it."

"How did I do that?! I just said that you didn't let me in and now you're being distant and not making it easy for me to talk to you!"

"And you brought up things I did ages ago. Like I can fix that now Brooke! I've apologised and told you I want to be with you, what more do you want from me?"

"You haven't, Luke!"

"I haven't what?"

"Told me you want to be with me. Not in months."

"Why should I have to tell you that, you don't tell me you want to be with me either."

"But I am showing it!"

"How? By not telling me things and by not talking to me?"

"By trying to fix this, Luke!"

"But you're still saying that it's my fault because I'm not telling you I want to be with you."

"That's not what I am saying-"

"Do you know how many times I told you that last year."

"Told me what?"

"Told you that I want to be with you. Only you."

"I know Luke, but-"

"Did you ever think that I would get tired of that Brooke? I can't keep having to constantly reassure you. Every time you would question my love for you, I would fear I was going to lose you. And then I would tell you that you're the only one I wanted, but I always felt like I never truly had you. I told you over and over, hoping that sooner or later, I wouldn't have to reassure you, that you'd believe me, completely. But here we are and you are still questioning if I want to be with you."

"Well do you, Luke?"

"You're seriously asking me that?"

"Yes I am."

"Well, then in that case", he hesitated slightly. "I'm not so sure anymore."

Brooke stood there for a moment, looking at him as he refused to look at her. He had turned a little way away and so their gaze did not meet. She didn't say anything; there was nothing more to say. But hearing that he didn't know if he wanted to be with her was too much. She calmly turned and walked out the front door, shutting, but not slamming, the door firmly behind her.

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AN: Sorry about the bit of a wait for this chapter, schoolwork is evil. But I hope you guys liked the chapter, and things will get better for Brucas, I promise, it just might take a while... Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter, I really appreciate you guys taking the time to let me know what you think about my fic. Hope you review this chapter too! Thanks again to my awesome beta Ellie. This chapter's title is from 'Feel The Silence' by The Goo Goo Dolls.