Chapter Six. Oh Simple Thing, Where Have You Gone?

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AN: I am very sorry about the long wait for this update. Life has been keeping me and my beta both very busy. Anyway, here it is and I hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much for your reviews, they really encourage me to keep writing and I appreciate you taking the time to review. Once again, my apologies about the long wait for this chapter, I hope to have the next one up in much less time. This chapter's title is from 'Somewhere Only We Know' by Keane.

- Mara

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Brooke sat on the bench on the small balcony that came off their bedroom. She remembered how she had convinced Lucas that they needed an apartment with a view and a balcony. So they had taken an apartment on the top floor of the three storey, six apartment complex. It faced out towards the river and Brooke could make out the blur of the rivercourt nestled between trees in the distance. For a moment, she felt like in the past year, no time had passed at all. With the view of her home before her, she forgot that she was no longer in highschool. She forgot that things had changed with Lucas. She forgot that she didn't speak to Peyton anymore. She forgot that Haley and Nathan had left. She forgot everything, and she worried that sooner or later she would forget her love for the only person who ever made her feel complete. Afterall, it appeared he had forgotten the love he had for her.

The heat lightning broke on the horizon, shattering the perfect picture of the view. Yet Brooke always felt peace when the lightning silently broke. She strangely loved the violence of it, it wasn't destructive, rather awakening and the silence was calming. She wrapped her arms around her body, not for warmth for the night was warm, but for security. She desperately tried to give herself this, but she wished she didn't have to be the source of it for herself. She wanted him to give it to her. But he wasn't there, and Brooke didn't know where he was. But it doesn't matter, because even if he was here, "he wouldn't really be here with me", Brooke thought. Almost on cue, she heard the front door open.

She felt his presence. But not in her heart, in her head. He moved irritatingly slowly and came and sat next to her, as far away as the seat would allow, but more for her comfort than his. "She won't want to talk to me", he thought. But he wanted to try, he had to show her that he did want to try and repair their broken relationship. He looked out at the view before speaking, knowing how he would try to reach her.

"Heat lightning." He said softly in the voice she loved so much, he smiled and gave a graceful semi-laugh, content with the memory.

"What are you doing, Lucas?" her voice spoke tiredly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean why are you here, talking to me? I mean its not like you ever want to talk. And anyway..." she paused and finished her sentence softly, "you don't want to be with me..." Lucas flinched remembering his words. Not that that was exactly what he had said, "but what I did say was bad enough", he thought.

"I'm sorry I said that, Brooke," Lucas spoke honestly.

"You don't have to be sorry. I asked you a question and you told me the truth."

"But I didn't. You have to know that."

"How am I meant to know anything Lucas? You don't tell me anything, then I ask you a question and you answer, but then tell me you weren't telling me the truth."

He turned to face her, when she said it like that his actions sounded so simply ridiculous. "I know. But please know that I am telling you the truth now," he said in an almost pleading tone.

"You're not telling me anything now."

"I do want to be with you Brooke. I do."

She looked away but he reached out and touched her face. He lightly grazed her cheek with his thumb, tracing over the freckle on her cheek that he loved so much, especially when it was accompanied with her dimpled grin. But that grin was nowhere to be seen now. She shut her eyes for a moment, allowing herself to sink into his words and touch. But then the glow of the lightning lit up the sky and brought her back to reality for the second time that night. She pulled away from him and stood up.

"No." she spoke.

"No what?" he was genuinely confused.

"I'm not letting you do this," she explained.

"Do what?" still he failed to understand.

"You said you weren't sure if you wanted to be with me, Lucas."

"I told you, I didn't mean that."

"But you said it! And just this morning! And now tonight you tell me that you do want to be with me. "

"So?"

"So! You clearly don't know what you want, Lucas!"

"I do know what I want. I want you."

"But you weren't so sure this morning," she reminded him.

"I didn't mean it when I said that."

"Well then why did you say it?"

"I didn't want to have to tell you that I wanted you again. I had to tell you so many times in high school and I thought we were past that. I want you, even when I don't tell you."

"How am I supposed to know that?"

"You just are," he spoke, mimicking the words she spoke to him over a year ago.

"No, Lucas. Don't say that to me, this is completely different."

"Okay maybe it is. But the point is, I want you to know that I want you, without me having to keep reassuring you of that. You have to trust me. And anyway, I am telling you now. What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to make an effort. I want you to stop gliding through our home barely acknowledging me. I want you to talk to me the way you used to." Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke and her body quivered.

"You barely acknowledge or talk to me either Brooke." She was so emotional, and it hurt him to not back down.

"I know, I know!" She cried. She stopped for a moment to try and calm herself. "I'll try Lucas, I will if you will." Her voice dulled and she spoke softly. "I want you to help me fix this."

"Okay." He stopped for a moment and then spoke again, he knew she needed reassurance. "We can fix this."

She turned towards him and he looked at her. The part of her face not hidden by her hair was darkened by the night, yet her tears glowed so clearly as the lightning broke.

He reached out and placed his hand behind her head. This time she did not move away. He pulled her towards him and she collapsed into his body, trembling slightly. He hadn't held her in so long, yet the feeling of her in his arms was far from foreign. As her head lay delicately on his chest, Lucas rested his chin on her head and looked out at the lightning shining in the distance. He hoped trying would be enough, and that they could find their own light. The light that had worked its way deep down into their hearts, only sometimes surfacing and being so hard to reach.