A/N (ESG): I. Love. Gaara. (But he's not in this story…WAAAAHHH!)
Everybody Loves Chocolate Cake
By: JediWillRule & EvilSithGirl
Chapter Two: I Hate My Life
After a few hours, the tomatoes went back to the stands, satisfied. Sasuke came home, dragging an unconscious Naruto, and stopped to glare at his front door, expecting the worst.
'Let's just get this over with…'
He opened his door.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SASUKE!" screeched a pack of banshees…I mean…his team-mates, teachers, a whole lot of Anbu, and some other people not worth mentioning.
Anyhow, all the unbelievable noise blasted Sasuke's eardrums to hell knows where and for reasons unknown, he fainted. Naruto took this chance to get up and run to the cake, but was stopped by the deadly Anbu determined to guard it with their puny insignificant lives…er…I mean, lives. Chouji was also there, looking thoroughly beaten…emotionally of course! The Anbu also didn't give him any cake, so he was sad. Very sad.
The cake was being guarded with Anbu from hungry cake-fanatics such as Naruto and Chouji, but…they weren't the real problem. There is One Other. One other who is said to be the greatest, evile-est, craziest, and most mental chocolate cake fanatic in the history of history of histories…
On queue, the roof suddenly collapsed and in bashed the certain one other of whom was spoken of…
The slayer of the Uchiha Clan…
The murderer of millions…
An S-class criminal…
A member of the feared assassin organization, Akatsuki…
A hot piece of man-candy…
Everyone looked on in fear and amazement at the One Other, whose face was shadowed but obviously smirking with pride.
A mental patient who ran away from therapy…
An idiot who forgets to take his mental pills…
He glared.
A gas bomb who can't control his flatulence…
He glared harder. "Are you talking about me, or Naruto?"
Pooooooooooot…poot…poot…pooooooooooooooooooooooooot
Sasuke regained consciousness only to wake up to Naruto blasting lower-posterior energy-bursts on him, and knocking him out again.
Some poor fellow's wackamo sibling…
"Ahem."
The greatest, evile-est, craziest, and most mental chocolate cake fanatic in the history of history of histories…
(Drum Roll)
…Uchiha Itachi.
"Itachi!" screamed Sasuke, immediately jumping up. Too bad for him though, he was unable to dodge a falling beam and blacked out, again.
Itachi leaped over to where Sasuke lay unconscious, hammering through anyone brave enough to get in his way.
Neji jumped in front of the blacked out emo prince.
"It seems that fate wants Uchiha to stay unconscious and I will make sure his destiny is accomplished. And so it is my fate to fight you."
Itachi gave him a look. He grabbed Neji's long hair and threw him all the way to Kentucky, where he landed in a chicken farm. But Neji didn't care about that, how could he after what happened? He looked teary-eyed and betrayed as some of his hair had been pulled out.
"Alas, it the destiny of my beloved hair to betray me so."
All the chickens slowly backed away from him.
Back with Itachi…
Said person reached Sasuke and tied him up with white bandages until he looked like a mummy with only its eyes visible. Sakura tried to get the mummy back, but her monstrously strong punches and kicks were wasted as Itachi kept dodging.
The mummy came to again and found himself being used as a shield by his psychotic brother to protect him from…his eyes widened…
"Mmmmf, MMOOMP!" Translation: Sakura, STOP!
But it was too late. Sakura couldn't stop and her punch sent both him and Itachi to slam against the wall all the way across the room.
It was hard to tell what knocked Sasuke out this time, Sakura's monstrous punch or banging his head against the wall. The world will never know…
Itachi recovered, picked his KO'd brother up, and raced over to where the cake was being heavily guarded by shinobi, including Naruto and Chouji. Said plump person used his 'Human Boulder Jutsu' to try and squash him, but he easily jumped over it. That resulted in a lot of unsuspecting people being smashed, not to mention the other poor unfortunate shinobi guarding the cake.
Naruto used his 'shadow clone' jutsu to throw multiple kunai at him while surrounding him. Itachi once again just easily jumped over all of the failed attack attempts and clones, resulting in the first ever human kunai pouch, and a lot of people beating the crappy pulp out of Naruto.
Itachi just smirked in triumph as he grabbed the beautifully-high-on-sugar chocolate cake.
"See ya."
He then jumped out of the immense roof hole he made himself, carrying both the cake and Sasuke to heaven knows where to do heaven knows what. We're pretty sure he's going to eat the cake, but what about Sasuke…?
"SASUKE-KUN!" cried (more like screamed their lungs out) Sasuke's fangirls.
"CAKE!" Naruto screamed louder then all of the fangirls combined (gasp!) while crying his heart and soul out, raising his arms up to the sky in a very pathetic way.
The Sasuke-obsessed girls just bonked Naruto on the head with all their might. On the other hand, Chouji, depressed beyond reparation, dug a grave for his beloved cake, tears flowing from his puny, beady little eyes. It's true, he's got small eyes.
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Meanwhile, the cake kidnapper leapt from tree to tree. He was far from Konoha so as to vanish from the chase, and not too close to the base so as not to have Leader on his case.
"What am I, Dr. Seuss?"
He glared…at what? Another mystery…or not.
"Quit it, with the rhyming!"
Yes, the famous S-class missing-nin talks to himself. But in his words; 'So what? Big whoop! Wanna fight about it?'
Anyways, Itachi was in a certain mood. A certain mood that was good, but not just a good mood. He was in a really good mood. The mood to torture his little brother, who, by probably genetics, also has a vast love for chocolate cake. But Sasuke wasn't as mental about it as he was…or was he?
"Ugh…where am I?" Sasuke, finally woke up to glare at the world.
He glared to his left and saw tree tops. He glared to his right, or was that actually his left? Well, he saw tree tops on that side too.
He looked up to glare…well…up.
"Itachi!" He glared the best he could.
Itachi then landed on a clearing. He put Sasuke down while he himself sat down and put the cake in between them. He cut a piece of the cake with his kunai and lift it up near his mouth while turning to Sasuke with a smug smirk.
"Are you sure you don't want any cake?" he asked him in a mocking voice.
"Mmmf!" Unfortunately, Sasuke's mouth was gagged. But at least he could glare…
"Why aren't you saying anything, huh? Well I guess I'll have to eat it all then."
Itachi stuffed the piece in his mouth.
"Damn, this cake is good!"
"I hate my life..."
Sasuke watched Itachi devour his chocolate birthday cake.
"God...he's worse than Chouji and Naruto combined! He's like some kind of human vacuum! Scratch that. He is a vacuum."
Itachi kept on eating until there was only one piece of cake left. His belly-welly was already too fully-wully.
"I knew I shouldn't have eaten at that bakery on the way!"
The mummy snorted.
'He forgot to take his mental pills…again. Psycho.'
"What should I do with this last piece?" Itachi asked no one in particular.
"You should give it to your leader and hope he barfs it all over you,"
Sasuke did an evil chuckle.Or tried to.
"Why the hell are you chuckling? Or trying to?"
Itachi glared. It's also in the genes.
"Don't make me use my Magenkyou Sharingan on you. Remember what happened last time?"
Sasuke's eyes widened as he recalled the terrible memory of squashing his beloved tomatoes and making love to the four wiggles. It was only a mind illusion, but it was excruciatingly terrifying, even for an Uchiha such as himself. He shook his head violently from side to side about fifteen times.
Itachi smirked.
"I didn't think so. Now what am I going to do with this remaining piece?"
A lightbulb then appeared above Itachi's head and he snapped his fingers.
"I know! I'll give to Leader!"
Sasuke sweatdropped.
'I really hate my life.'
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A/N: (JWR) ESG is an idiot.
(ESG) I resent that!
(JWR) Review or face the wrath of ESG's stupidity!!!
(ESG) That's not funny, that's just mean! REVIEW!!!