I dedicate this to Flamey because it's her birthday - LOVE YOU! Your other fiction will be done soon … as soon as I get my summative and exams done.
Oh, and WARNING: Offensive terms used. ... Yeah! And I don't own the Akatsuki... as much as I wish I did... YEAH! READ AND REVIEW
Akatsuki Kindergarten chapter 4
Everything was quiet in the Akatsuki lair (more commonly known as the classroom). Nothing had happened to them in like, a week. It was slightly obvious that they were getting VERY bored.
"I think we should finger paint," Deidara suggested.
"Butbut! I don't want to get paint in my pores!" Zetsu complained.
"Do hands even have pores?" Itachi asked. He had always wondered that…
"I don't know! Let's make that our new MISSION!" Kisame exclaimed enthusiastically, waving his new fish tank in the air. He had gotten over the death of his last fish rather quickly…
Well, actually, his mother told him the fish didn't actually die and gave birth to another one for him to keep.
ANYWAYS…
The mission to find out if hands had pores went by rather fast. They gave up out of boredom.
A question had been nagging at Leader's head for a few minutes now. It was driving him crazy. He couldn't ask it though! It's sinful! There is no way he could ask that!
"Zetsu, how do you make babies?" He asked.
Zetsu's eyes lit up. "What a question! I shall ponder this because ALAS! I have no idea."
"That's not helpful."
Zetsu cowered. Apparently Leader had a very intimidating stare…
"O-okay, we'll make it our new mission!" He squeaked.
And so, again, like usual, how persistent. … It was the start of a new mission.
They were very young, so all you perverts… don't get excited. First, they asked the teacher.
"Eh, Sensei, where do babies come from?" Zetsu asked timidly.
"AH YOU FREAKY CHILD! GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!" The teacher screamed. Sadly, Zetsu didn't move an inch; he just stood there waiting patiently for an answer.
"Uh, well." The teacher eventually gave into the cuteness… "When two people love each other very much… they… lie next to each other and well… a baby is made…"
"Ah, really, yeah? My mommy told me that they don't ONLY lie next to eac--…" Deidara started.
"AH DON'T CONTINUE YOU PATHETIC CHILD!" The teacher screamed.
"… yeah, yeah." Deidara went silent.
"But I lie next to mommy all the time!" Kisame interjected. "How come she never had one of my babies?"
The poor teacher. "It's because it's gross to have babies with your mothers." She said simply.
"Oh, really? Oops…" Orochimaru hid his baby behind his back…
"EW OROCHIMARU!" Sasori gasped. "I HAVE ONE TOO!" He held up his own baby…
Haha, they fooled you all. They play with dolls, they don't actually have babies.
Aaaand they still had to figure out how Zetsu had his babies.
--
The next morning, they gathered into their regular circle and discussed the events of the past night.
"You don't even WANT to know what I did with Sasori last night!" Orochimaru exclaimed.
"I'm sure we don't, yeah." We can all guess who said that.
"Well I found out how I make babies!" Zetsu said excitedly. "My mommy says I don't even need a partner because I'm partly female! Apparently, I reproduce ASEXUALLY! I make my OWN babies!"
"That is so COOL!" The rest of the group surrounded him and bowed for his awesomeness.
"Now I'm bored, yeah." Deidara moaned. "Let's find something else to do."
…
"Ah FUCK!" Someone yelled at the other side of the classroom. The Akatsuki gasped in the pure shock of hearing that word. "This FUCKING HURTS."
"It's only a paper cut, Hidan, calm down!" the sweary-kids friend said hurriedly.
"Wow that kid has GUTS!" Sasori and Orochimaru exclaimed.
"Let's let him in the Akatsuki!" Leader said eagerly.
The shy group approached the newcomers.
"What do you like to do for fun?" Zetsu asked them.
"Kill people." Hidan replied simply.
"Make MONEY! Make lots and lots of MONEY!" The other er… shouted… enthusiastically.
"What's your name, money-person?" Itachi asked.
"Ka…Kaka… Kaku…"
"The loser can't pronounce his own name," Hidan kicked his friend in the shins… if he had any. "His name is Kakuzu. NOT THAT HARD!"
"Kaka…ku…" The others in the Akatsuki were having troubles too.
"Idiots, I'M BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU!"
"Hey, Hidan," Zetsu noticed something the others hadn't… "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Draco Malfoy and you talk like a trucker?"
"Who the hell is Draco Malfoy, and what the hell is a trucker?" Hidan responded.
"Draco Malfoy is basically … well he looks like you! And uh, a trucker is someone who swears a lot. My mommy told me to avoid them. She says they run little kids over." He started sobbing at the idea.
"You're a sissy, Zetsu. You're de-ranked." Leader chastised then turned to Hidan. "We are recruiting you into the Akatsuki. You kill people for fun? Okay! You can kill people for us! The next teacher who gives us homework…"
"BANG! THEY'RE DEAD!" Hidan shouted happily.
"How much will we get paid?" The one known as Kakuzu asked.
"Who said you were joining, yeah?" Deidara asked.
"If I FUCKING join then he FUCKING joins!" Hidan said threateningly.
"NO CUSSING IN MY CLASS!" The teacher screamed.
"YOU'RE NEXT ON MY LIST, LADY!" Hidan screamed back.
"SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO WHAT I'M GOING TO TELL YOU!"
The class went silent.
"Well, you may not know this, but a new student will be joining us tomorrow." The teacher said proudly. "He's younger than the rest of you, so you have to be nice to him. He might be very timid around you guys."
"Pfft, timid my ass," Itachi snorted.
"NO CUSSING IN MY CLASS!"
"…"
"Anyways, I'm putting some people in charge of looking after him during the first few weeks he's here. Anyone up to it?"
No one put their hands up… except…
"WE'LL DO IT! WE'LL DO IT!" Zetsu and Deidara screamed.
Itachi smacked his forehead. They were in for it now.
--
Aha, end chapter.
SORRY it took me so long to update ;; Not only was I busy with my other stuff, but I COMPLETELY lost inspiration and NOW I FEEL BAD.
My surprise for next chapter is probably very obvious by now
And uh, those who commented about Hidan and Kakuzu, I wasn't that far in the manga when I started this, so… yeah! I've added them in now.
Review please! I love my reviews.