Mark walked toward his apartment building coming back from the subway

A/N: This is the real chapter 4. I'm amazed the last one fooled anyone. I guess I write better at 3 am than I thought. Also, sorry this is taking so long. I probably shouldn't have written this yet. I have so work much to do. Well, here's to procrastination!

Mark walked toward his apartment building coming back from the subway. He felt positively disgusting. On the way, he saw little bits and pieces of his soul dissolving with what appeared to be a coming gentrification of the East Village. There goes the neighborhood. Here come the debutants, he thought with a wry smile.

As he unlocked the door to the loft, hoping Roger and Mimi would still be sleeping. No such luck. "Ooh, I think Marky's home!" rang Mimi's voice, through the door.

He opened the door to the no doubt torture that was to come. Roger would want to know all the details and Mark would try as hard as he could to avoid them. Today was especially bad because he couldn't let Roger know just whom he was with. The way he saw it, through his hangover-tinted glasses, he had three options. First, he could tell the truth and cause years of consequences for both Alison and himself. Second, he could lie. He wasn't very morally opposed to lying. Actually he was sure it was the right thing to do in certain situations. Too bad he couldn't do it convincingly, especially if the one he was trying to lie to was Roger. Third, he could tell parts of the truth and leave out the big picture. Obviously, he'd have to go with telling parts of the truth. But that was not going to be easy.

"Things went well with Viviane, I take it?"

"No, actually. She pulled the having a friend page her, trick. I think the friend was running late."

"Oh. So why are just now coming in at," he checked the clock on their VCR (that's right, they had a real VCR, now), "Ten in the morning?"

"I met up with an old acquaintance."

Apparently this was juicy information as both Roger and Mimi perked up. "Oh, anyone we know?"

"Not someone you'd remember me dating." Not because she wasn't memorable, but because they never dated.

"You sure? Try me."

"Trust me, it's futile."

"Oh so your embarrassed. It was Marcy, wasn't it? She was so weird. It's not natural to like bugs that much." Mimi lost interest and left the room. She never met Marcy as she and Mark had dated six years earlier. Or was it seven? Anyway, she didn't sound interesting.

"It wasn't her," Mark answered, trying to sound like he was lying. If he could force a little blood into his cheeks, he'd have the deal sealed.

"It was. Oh man, I never expected to hear about her again."

In fact, Mark had seen Marcy a few weeks earlier, but found the meeting completely unremarkable. She wasn't into bugs, anymore, though. She was in medical school, and she had figured out what to do with her hair. "She's not as weird as she used to be. She's given up the whole 'bug' thing." Marcy also happened to be married, now, but that was not relevant to the discussion as he had not actually slept with her.

"So you admit it. You know what, bro? You can spare me the details this time." Phew. Boy, did Mark luck out on this one. He still felt like he should clarify that he didn't sleep with Marcy.

"I never said I slept with her. Two people can stay up talking, then fall asleep on a couch without having sex, you know." All of that was true. Sleeping at the same time as, in the same room as, and even in the same bed/space as another person did not equate sexual intercourse. Too bad it wasn't what actually happened with Mark the night before. Oh what he wouldn't give for that to be what happened.

"Right, buddy. You keep telling yourself that. I know I'd be in denial if I slept with Marcy, too."

"Whatever. I give up." Thank you for making it so easy, Roger. "After I drink this water, he said walking to the sink area and getting a cup, "and take some aspirin, I'm taking a nap. You disturb me, you're dead."

"Gotcha."

Mark's head pounded when he dropped the glass of water, into the sink. There should be laws against glassware that loud. He picked up the glass and refilled it. Ah, water. Sweet, sweet water. And aspirin: Mark's proof of an existing God.

Eventually, he lumbered sleepily to his room, already halfway into nap mode. His head still pounded and he massaged his temples as he climbed into bed. He rarely had hangovers this bad, and he didn't think he drank quite enough to justify it. Maybe it wasn't just the hangover that made his head hurt so much.

Alison paid the bill for the room and caught a cab to Lilly's place. Lilly wasn't back home, yet. Phew. She grabbed her clothes and stuff and headed out the door. She hailed another cab and went home. Please she prayed to no one in particular let this go smoothly.

She walked in the door. Benny had fallen asleep in the foyer, waiting up for her. Now she felt even guiltier. He really was trying to be a good husband. She hoped she wouldn't wake him as she walked past. No such luck.

"Ali, honey. You're home! I just want to say I'm so sorry about last night. It wasn't okay for me to say that. I promise-" Alison cut him off.

"It's okay, babe. I forgive you."

"You forgive me? Just like that? You're not joking are you?"

"No, Hon. I really forgive you. But I need a nap now as I stayed up all night drinking with Lilly. Can you let me through?"

"Wait, are you just saying you forgive me to not have to talk about it now? Remember what Dr. Goldstein told us about that."

"I know. I really do forgive you. We can talk about it more later, but I won't forgive you if you don't let me sleep right now, okay?"

"Okay, baby." They shared a quick kiss before she fell into bed.

Benny was elated. She had forgiven him. He said some pretty awful things, and he didn't mean them at all. He was just on edge. But she forgave him! Hmm. Something about the situation reminded him of something else, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Oh, right, it was his parents. Oh, shit! It was parents!

Benny's father had never raised a hand to his mother, as far as he knew, but he was still abusive. He'd call all sorts of awful things, fight with her all the time and cheat on her, then blame it all on her. And she just took it. She forgave him every single time. He hated it. They'd argue all the fucking time and his mother acted like it was not problem. Benny was actually happy when his father left them. As far as his eleven year-old self was concerned they were better off without him. He did have the courtesy to send child support, so what did they need him for?

Benny looked at his hands momentarily, then closed his eyes and shook his head. He had just done the one thing he promised he never would. He had turned into his father. Fuck.

When Alison woke up she still had a headache, but she took some advil and tyelenol, and 32 oz. of water.

Once she was feeling better, she returned to the living room to talk to her husband. "Benjamin, darling, I'm read to talk, now."

"Oh, good. I even though you forgive me, I just wanted to tell you how truly sorry I am. It was all my fault. I called about reserving the room. We've got it."

"Wonderful. Thank you so, much!" she said just before kissing him. Ugh, she felt dirty, though. She'd taken a shower and brushed her teeth, but she still felt like she was tainting him. "It's not all your fault. I don't give you enough credit. Sorry."

"No it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault at all, per se. We just need to work on communication, both of us, equally. Also, I think once we end our little dry spell, things will be much more relaxed."

"You're right. You know what? I think we should get tested one last time, today. If all turns out fine, I think we should start sleeping together again."

"Why do we have to get tested again? The HBV is probably gone, by now." Benny took the suggestion as another attack about his previous infidelities. "This is just to make me feel bad, right?"

Alison was really just covering her ass, really. She couldn't get so mad at him for sleeping around and not getting tested, then turn around and do the same thing. "What? No, Honey. I just wanted to make sure." Then again, she and Mark had used a condom and if she had something minor then gave it to him, there wouldn't necessarily be a way of tracing it to her, could there? No! If Mark had something serious, she couldn't just sleep with her husband without getting checked out first. If her infidelity had to come out because she had something that he didn't, then so be it. "I'm doing it, too. I'm not just trying to cause you unnecessary pain. I thought if we both did it, instead of just you, it could really be something we did together, you know?"

"Oh, yeah. Needles and blood tests. I think that was on the top of that list of fun things to do together that Dr. Goldstein gave us. It is the little things, after all."

The face she made let him know that she did not appreciate his sarcasm. "We promised to be there for each other in sickness and in health. I've been breaking that promise, lately. If you have to go through the pain, so do I. I know you'd rather just forego the test but I just can't sleep with you until we do. It feels unsafe." It felt unsafe, of course, because she was the one making it unsafe. Not him.

"I understand," he conceded. She wasn't trying to get at him. She just needed this to feel safe. He hoped that she would always feel safe with him. It was a small sacrifice to make to guarantee that. "You know," he started, remembering his earlier sentiments about turning into his father, "I think I may schedule some private sessions with Dr. Goldstein, okay?"

"Of course. I think it's a great idea, actually. You know, I think I'll do the same." Benny hoped and prayed it was not because she wanted out.

Over the next couple of weeks, Alison felt awful. She felt so bad about sleeping with Mark. Maybe she should just tell him. He had never told her when she cheated, and she hated finding out through other people, or catching them. Mark had promised to keep quiet about it. But what if he didn't and Benny found out?

She couldn't sleep! It was starting to drive her nuts. It's hard to keep the new, calm and clear communication going when she was so tired all the time. Not to mention she was keeping probably the biggest secret of her life. No, she could do this. Actually, as the days went on, and Benny didn't seem to suspect anything, she calmed down more.

Every once in a while, though, the way she answered a question, or kissed him or even just cuddled told him that she was keeping something from him. He was so worried he was going to lose her. There were other times, when she said something that Benny thought was a backhanded way of digging up the past and trying to use his infidelity as leverage. She made a point of making sure he knew she forgave him. But why bring it up so much, if she had really let it go?

His first solo session with the counselor actually went very well. He talked a lot about his father. What he said, what he did and how much of it was reflected in Benny's own life. It wasn't just how he treated Alison. There were traces of his father in how he handled his business and even when dealing with friends.

Alison did not end up talking much about her night with Mark. She, too ended up ranting about Mommy and Daddy. Her father still treated her like a child. Her mother, while she loved Alison in her way, treated her like a piece of property she had bought just to show off to the neighbors. Alison had to keep up appearances. Looking happy was more important than being happy. Both of her parents had cheated on each other and resented the other for it. There was always that frosty distance. They didn't even sleep in the same bedroom anymore. The only reason they didn't get divorced was because it didn't look good. Alison, never having been exposed to much else, was much like her parents in the beginning. She was more upset at the fact that other people knew that Benny had cheated than she was at him for cheating. But she had changed a lot since, then. She was, according to her, more human now. Not that she was a shining example of depth or intelligence, or of anything, really. She just knew she was better than her parents.

Unfortunately, neither half of the couple was satisfied. Benny was still worried Alison was secretly unhappy, and she was still worried he'd find out. It seemed the more each person tried to make up for their shortcomings, the more they pushed the other away.