My Own Private Paradise

Author: hell's lil angel13

Summary:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

Disclaimer:See chap. one

Choices We Will Make

"Shannon needs to learn how to be a good wife and mother, Neil! She won't learn any of that if she's roughhousing with boys everyday. She needs female guidance in her life," I heard my mama say.

"Well she would've had 'female guidance' if you had been here for her and me!" Coach countered back at her.

"Don't try to place the blame on me, Neil Collins! You refused to let her come with me for years."

"She didn't want to go! She wanted to stay here with me and her friends; I never forced her to do anything!"

"If she had a woman in the house with her, she may still be able to use her hand properly! No girls in Brooklyn have hands like that!"

"And how else should she have handled it, Mary? Her brother was dead, what would you have done?"

"I would have handled it differently! Now I think that when I go back to Brooklyn that Shannon should come with me. I am her mother and she needs me now, she's growing up! You're never home and she can't just be left alone all the time."

"She's not alone; Chris and Gordie are always here with her." I smiled at them at this and they grinned back at me.

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better! Neil, they're thirteen years old, do you have any idea what they could be doing while you're gone?"

"Are you accusing Shawn and her friends of having sex when I'm at conferences?" Coach yelled and all three of us had identical disgusted looks on our faces, and I was pretty sure Coach did, too.

"You never know Neil. Now, Shawn is coming with me to Brooklyn when I go back," Mama said and I heard the worst thing come out of Coach's mouth after that:

he sighed and said, "Alright...I can't argue any more, you're right." I heard him starting towards the stairs, so we scrambled back into my room and made it look like we had been in there the whole time and heard nothing at all. "I know you three were listening," Coach said when he opened the door to my room and looked right at me.

I nodded and gave him a hard, blazing look before I said, "Don't make me go Daddy. I don't wanna go to Brooklyn, I wanna stay here, with you and all my friends and my school."

"I know you do sweetheart. It won't be forever, alright. Just stay there for...well, you have to gut it out for the school year, b—"

"A year!" I screamed at him, jumping off my bed onto my floor very ungracefully. "No, I won't go, I refuse! No way in hell, no, no, no!"

"Shawn, you have no choice. She's your mother; she has the right to see you whenever she wants. It'll go by faster than you think, alright?"

"Yeah, 'cos I'll be with all those Yankee-lovin, Evil Empire asshole jackasses day after day. Great, just goddamn great!"

"I don't want to hear that tone young lady!" my dad suddenly scolded me as he went towards my closet. He pulled out a few suitcases and told me to start packing. "Your mama's leaving tomorrow."

"TOMORROW! No, Daddy, I—" I tried to say, but I knew nothing would work. So I just nodded and started to get ready. I looked sadly at my two best friends, who both looked like they wanted to say something, but nothing would come out. Coach left and I started packing everything into the suitcases.

"You'll write to us, right?" Gordie asked me and I nodded. "As long as you write to me, too," I said to him.

I was all packed late that night. I wanted Gordie and Chris to stay the night, but I knew that if I asked, Mama would kill me and then give Coach those I knew it and I told you so looks. So, I hugged them both goodbye and they promised to come and see me tomorrow before I left.

I packed my gifts they had just given me on top, but put Chris' jean jacket on the end of my bed so I could wear it the next day when I left. When I go to school with all those pussies in Brooklyn, they'll know me by the jacket, 'cos I'll be wearing it every day, I can tell you that much!

I got no sleep that night because I knew that after tomorrow, I'd never see Chris and Gordie again...or at least it would feel like forever until I did see them again.

But, they came to see me before I left the next day. Mama was putting all of our stuff into the trunk of her '53 Buick that I was going to be forced to ride in for hours upon hours before we got to...New York. I shudder just thinking about it.

"So," I said to the two of them just before I left, "who's gonna take the blame if I ever do anything stupid to one of the teachers? And who's gonna help me fill the entire school with peanut butter and jelly?"

Chris and Gordie were able to smile a little bit, then Gordie said, "Could you at least try to be good while you're gone...maybe then you can come back early?"

"No, I can't do that," I said to them and hugged them both one more time. I turned away from them so they wouldn't see me cry. I was Shawn, Shawn Collins never cried, not even in front of Chris and Gordie! "I'll miss you both so much...you won't replace me with some other bitch or skank from up on the View, will you?"

"Never Shawn, no one can replace you," Chris said to me.

"No matter how tall, blonde, curvy, or stuffed she is?" I asked quickly and they paused a moment to think about that. I smacked them both and we laughed together one last time.

"Come on now Shawn, we have a long drive ahead of us," mama called and I got in the car with her. I stuck my head out of the window and waved to Chris and Gordie until they were completely out of sight. Then, I just sat back down and stared out the window. I already felt so goddamn alone.

We drove for over three hours from Maine to New York City and I stayed quiet the entire time, pretending I didn't even notice Mama. I have no idea if she said anything to me the entire time; if she did, I wasn't listening.

"Shawn, this is our street," Mama said to me and I looked at the street. Every house looked exactly alike and it reminded me of the houses from up on the View. Probably had the same types of snobs and assholes here, too. "Now, I want you to meet your aunt and cousin who live here, too. Do you remember your aunt Connie and Amberlee?"

"No," I said when we started to get out.

"Well, Amberlee is your age and she can show you around town and school, have you meet her friends. You two will like each other, I know it." Yeah, okay mama, and pigs fly! I got my stuff out of the trunk and looked at the house we were parked in front of. It was way bigger than my house and I didn't like the uninviting appeal this one had to it. As I was looking at the third-story windows, the front door opened and a woman who looked a lot like Mama, but her hair was graying and she may have been a bit taller, and a girl who couldn't have looked more different than me stepped onto the porch. It had to be Cousin Amberlee.

Amberlee had waist-length bleach-blonde curls and big blue eyes. Her jeans were sprayed on, the tank top she was wearing looked like it couldn't even fit a seven-year-old boy and she definitely didn't have the tits of a boy. Aww man, I'm degrading my own sex...I spent too much time with the guys. God, I haven't seen them for three hours and I already miss the hell outta them.

Me, my brown hair was short, my eyes were dark, and I was dressed in boys' jeans, an army-green t-shirt, and Chris' jacket.

"Shannon?" she asked with a California, valley-girl accent and I nodded. "Ooh, we are going to have ­­soooooo much fun this year! Don't worry, you won't have to go back to Boulder Mansion or wherever it is you come from."

"Castle Rock," I grumbled at her and walked behind her as she led me inside to show me my room, which was on the third floor. So much for making some sort of escape if I wanted to get back to Castle Rock. It was even worse than I imagined it, though.

She opened the door and I walked in, I felt like I was in some sort of horror movie. The walls, ceiling, and rug were all hot pink. There was a vanity mirror with a poufy skirt on it. There were dolls and Barbies everywhere. My bed was light pink and had a skirt on it. I really felt like I was gonna barf, sincerely I was.

"Isn't it great?" Amberlee asked me and I just faked a grin and nodded. "I'm right next door if you need me. Hey, we should totally go shopping later, you want to?"

"Uh...sure," I said, pretending to be excited.

"Hey, what happened there on your neck?" she asked me and pointed to the scar on my neck where Ace cut me at Ray Brower's body. Was it really over a year ago that that happened? It feels like it only happened a few days ago. That would just be another thing for mama to hold against me. But, she doesn't know, and we're gonna keep it that way.

"Oh...a cat scratched me last year," I lied quickly and she shrugged. I knew she didn't care, she just wanted to pry into my personal business. Then, she left and I stod alone in the room, wishing I was anywhere but here, with Chris and Gordie. I threw myself onto the bed and closed my eyes. I just wanted this nightmare to be over. Little did I know it was just beginning.