Two Years Gone
Chapter 6: Life's What You Make It
I ran upstairs to my bedroom, took off my skirt to put on my jeans, grabbed a washcloth and scrubbed as hard and fast as I could on my thigh, causing it to turn bright red. After scrubbing, I slipped on my jeans and ran back downstairs.
"So babe, you ready?" he asked, reaching for my hand.
Pulling my hand away I spoke, "Yeah, yeah I'm ready."
"Miles, is something wrong?"
"No, no, everything's perfect. Why are you asking?" I said, lying through my teeth.
"You just seem, different that's all."
"No, I'm fine."
"Ok…are you sure you want to go out tonight?"
"Stop asking me questions and let's go already!" I yelled.
"Miley…I don't believe you, but we can go."
"Whatever Todd, you wouldn't understand."
"So there is something wrong?"
"Todd, before I don't want to go anymore, stop asking me questions."
"Ok, ok, sorry."
We arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later and Todd came around to open my door.
"Thanks."
"No problem." he said, reaching for my hand again.
"Todd, I'm really not in the mood."
"To hold your boyfriends hand?"
"Yes, Todd, ok, leave me alone."
"Ok Miles, ok." he said, while opening the front door.
When we were seated, Todd spoke again, "So what looks good?"
"I don't know…a salad maybe."
"Every time we come here, you get the steak."
"But I feel like a salad tonight."
"Ok, sorry for speaking."
The waitress came over to the table a few minutes later.
"What would you guys like?"
Todd answered saying, "Two waters, a salad and a steak, medium, please."
"Will that be all?"
"Yes." Todd replied.
When she left I started talking again, "Todd, why did you order for me?"
"Babe, I always order for you."
"Well, don't do it anymore." I said, distastefully.
"Miley, seriously, what is wrong? This isn't you. What happened today?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. This is me."
"If this is you, then I really must not know you at all."
"Todd, just stop talking ok?"
"Fine." he said, drinking his water in peace.
The rest of the dinner, Todd and I never spoke. He still paid for dinner, opened the doors for me, and drove me home, just silently. On the way home was when I began thinking, 'Why am I doing this? This is Todd, the man I love and I'm treating him like Justin. He's worth so much more that what I am giving him." And when we got inside, I decided to talk to him.
"Sorry."
"What was that?" Todd replied.
"Sorry. I'm not treating you with the respect you deserve. I told you to stop talking to me, so you listened and then you treated me exactly the same, like you weren't mad at me. You are so forgiving and why are you? I need you to get mad at me, I need you to scream, I need you to not listen for once. Tonight Todd, I need you to stop being perfect!" I said, my voice raising throughout my speaking.
"Baby…"
"Don't call me baby!" I screamed louder, beginning to cry.
"Ok, Miles."
"Don't call me that either…please."
"Miley…is that ok?"
"Yes…"
"Ok, Miley," Todd said calmly wrapping his arms around my crying body sitting on the floor. "Everyone has one of these days, where they just don't want to be with the one they love, those days when everything just goes wrong. Why would I get mad at you when you are already so upset? Miles, I mean Miley, I can't do that."
"Todd…did you even listen to me? Stop being perfect, yell at me, make me feel pain, make everything stop, make it stop!" I said, screaming so bad it hurt, I had finally reached a breaking point and it wasn't going anywhere. "I need you God, I need someone to tell, I can't tell him, I can't tell him, I, God, please help me, please, I have to get through this, 4 more days, 4 more days, then your free, just let me be ok, JUST LET ME BE OK, GOD." I screamed, yelled at the top of lungs, begging for a chance.
"Miley, Miley," Todd said, lightly grabbing onto my shoulder, "Miley, you need to calm down, stop shaking, stop shaking."
"Todd, just yell at me, please, please, Todd, please, just yell at me." I said breaking down, collapsing into a ball.
"Yell at you?"
"Yes! Yell at me." I said, crying so much harder then I ever had before.
"Ok…" and in a split second Todd began to yell, "MILEY! STOP CRYING! GET UP, STAND UP AND FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN! STOP CRYING, YOU'RE ACTING STUPID! YOU ARE ACTING STUPID! THERE'S NOTHING THAT THIS IS HELPING! TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG SO WE CAN JUST MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES!" then going straight back to normal, "Was that ok?"
"Yes, thank you." I said, wrapping my arms around him and holding on tight.
"Why, why are you acting this way Miley?"
"I can't tell you."
"What do you mean?"
"Todd, trust me, I can't tell you, for us." I stated, crying once again.
"Hey, hey, Miley. Stop crying, stop crying, I can't stand to see you cry."
"I need to cry though Todd, sometimes you need to cry. Just hold me, hold me like you'll never let go, please just keep me safe.
"Ok…I'll never let go, I'll never let go. Cry it all out Miley, cry it all out."
A few minutes later I spoke again, "Can you believe me when I say that if I could I would have told you the very first day?"
"This isn't just a one time thing."
"No…just answer me Todd."
"Yes, I believe you. Miley, I'm worried about you."
"Please don't be worried, that makes it worse."
"Ok…then I won't worry."
"Todd…" I said, a longing smile coming to my face.
"And there is my girl." he said, grazing my face with his left hand.
"Why do you still love me through all of this?"
"Because, I learned a long time ago that sometimes you hurt the people you love the most because you know that through the hurt there can only be more love. So every time you hurt me, break me down, I know that it can only get better."
"But Todd…I don't…I don't deserve it. I…I…I'm not worth the pain."
"You're worth my life and whatever happened to you or is happening, when you want to tell me, I will be here."
"Todd, you're too good for me."
"Nope, I'm perfect for you."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for yelling at you, for treating you this way. I just needed someone else to feel my pain."
"Trust me, I felt it." he said lightly chuckling
"Now Todd, I need you to give me one of your inspiring, 'you can get through this.' talks."
"You can't just put me on the spot."
"Looks like I did lover boy, what are you going to do about it?"
"Give you an inspiring talk."
"Now, that's more like it." I said, looking into his eyes showing him that I was ready for him to start.
"Miley, if I've never told you before, you are beautiful. You are everything a guy could only dream of and more, but seeing you sad and mad and in every bad mood you could possibly be in tonight made me start thinking. If you weren't mad Miley, you could have been doing so much more. Changing the situation, making it better."
"Umm…Todd, with the situation at hand, I couldn't have done that."
"Yes, but you haven't told me the situation and I was on a roll."
"Ok then, continue."
"Why stay mad at yourself? Take a break from the madness and look around, look at all the good you have. Don't let the situation you're in bring you down. You are the strongest person I've ever met, you fight so hard for everything you do and I admire that. Miley, you are a fighter and I love that about you and so I know that whatever situation you're in, you will fight through it and when you're ready to tell me, I'll be here. Ok, I'm done."
"Thank you and that was a great inspiring speech."
"Why thank you."
"You're so cute."
"Cute enough to get a kiss."
"Not tonight, ok?"
"Of course." he said, letting go of my waist and standing up.
"I never said to let go.", a coy smile coming to my lips.
"Oh…well then where were we." he said, sitting back down wrapping his arms around my waist.
"That's better. Now, I'm ready to go to sleep, but I want to stay right here, in your arms."
"Ok Miley, we can stay here, up against this uncomfortable couch."
With my eyes closed, I continued, "I believe that I'm against a very comfortable, muscular, chest."
"Ok then, I'm against this uncomfortable couch."
"Thank you. Good Night."
"Night." but then he did something I didn't expect and kept talking, more like whispering, in my ear. "Everything that happened or has happened to you, let it melt away tonight. You can take any situation and turn it around; whatever is happening doesn't have to happen. Miley, go to sleep tonight, only having good dreams, knowing that the person that loves you the most in the world is holding you, making all of those nightmares disappear. Whatever you normally dream of, let it fade because life really isn't as scary as it seems. Life is what you make it, Miley. Life's what you make it."