A great many thanks to my reviewers, and readers, but mostly reviewers. I hope you aren't disappointed with the next chapter. Remember, Bella's mental state is not what it should be. She's not the most logical person right now.
DISCLAIMER: That's right, I still don't own Twilight.
Bella POV
I was in the forest again, like always, lost, slightly confused, but purposeful. I had to find him, to see him, to be with him was all that I had ever wanted. I knew it was futile, searching for him, desperately looking, screaming his name until my voice was hoarse and the sobs overtook me. I crumble in a heap at the forest floor, and wait for the darkness to overtake me. I try to say his name, one last time, but all that comes out is mumble of incoherent sounds.
When I open my eyes again, the blackness is still there, but slowly everything comes into focus. This is a first, dreaming that I am in my own room. The pillow is damp, and when I lift my head I can feel where the tears are still fresh on my cheeks. I sit up fully, and it feels the same as other dreams. I know that he's somewhere nearby, but I don't know exactly where and it's killing me. The tears continue to slowly slide down my face and a cool breeze rustles the sheets. Odd, because I have never been this immersed in a dream. It's like I can actually sense everything, not just see and hear, but also smell, and feel, and taste. No one really thinks about what the air tastes like, but in dreams you can feel the void where air should be. Not this one, though, because I can taste it.
I look to see where the breeze came from, because although there is a fan in my room I have never felt the need to turn it on. The window is cracked open, just enough to let in a wisp of the violent wind outside. I slowly move to close it, but I can't bring myself to complete the simple act. Somehow, closing the window feels like I'm locking him out. It sends an uninviting message, when the last thing I want is for him to stay away. The tears are still rolling, but now my throat is getting choked up, and it's harder to breathe. I'm gasping for air before he gets to me. I should have thought of this before. When I was always searching for Edward, I should have been giving him a reason to come back. Even if he didn't love me, he wouldn't want me to see me hurt, right? He would return if he knew that I was in pain. In this dream, that is exactly what I think has happened. I should have known that he wouldn't be far away, but why would he run when I started looking? This only provoked me further, and now he's putting his stone cold arms around me, holding me close to him, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Because that is exactly what it means to me. Nothing. The dream doesn't change anything, and I try to tell him this but he won't let me. He pulls me closer still, until I wrap my arms around his neck, while at the same time letting go of everything else. He is the only one that I am holding onto, he is my anchor to this life, and he is the reason for my existence. These are the last thoughts I have, before he lays me down on the bed, and begs me to get some sleep.
"You're tired, Bella," he tells me. "But I'll be here when you wake up. I promise." And we both knew, he always keeps his promises.
Edward POV
Once Bella's breathing became even worse than before, I knew that I could only watch her in pain for so much longer. When she was asleep, she wouldn't remember anything. But the instant she climbed out of that bed, I knew she was awake and that this pain was real. This would not stop unless something was done about it. And I was the only one that knew, the only one that was available to soothe her. Knowing that I would probably regret it, I rushed to her side faster than humanly possible, telling her all the things that had been bottled up inside me for months. I told her how sorry I was, how much I loved, how I never stopped thinking about her, how my life had all but stopped the moment I walked away. She didn't seem to hear me, but she was still waking up, I think, and I realized again how tired she looked. Dead on her feet, or so the expression goes, but I tried not to think of it that way. I coaxed her back into bed, where she settled in, with her arms still around me, holding on for dear life. I couldn't break another promise, so I resolved to be the first thing she saw in the morning. Until then, I would let her sleep, and leave all of the decisions up to her. Whatever she wanted would be done, even if it killed me to oblige her.
Bella POV
Saturdays were usually my day of rest. Charlie would go fishing, and I was free to do whatever I wanted. This usually included homework, laundry, cleaning, or other chores around the house. Because of this, I slept as long as I wanted, but not normally as long as I needed. I had picked up the habit of running from my dreams, and this was a good reason to wake up early. This morning was no exception, and I was not surprised to hear the pitter patter of rain through the still open window.
The events of my dreams were still fresh on my mind, especially the one that took place in my room. I could almost hear his voice still, and I sighed when my practical side reminded me that it was just a dream. Imagine my surprise when I rolled over to see him, there, lying next to me, as if the past months had never happened.
I tried to say something, to ask one of the million questions that were running through my head, but it all came to a halting stop when he smiled. It wasn't the carefree grin that I loved so much, but the one that was reserved for when he was profusely apologizing for something that wasn't his fault. I clearly remembered the last time I saw it, lying on a hospital bed in Arizona. It seemed that words were escaping us both, because neither of us said anything for a while. I couldn't accurately tell how long, but time had always seemed immensely trivial when I was with him. Finally, I asked the question that mattered most to me, summed up in a single word.
"Why?" I waited for a response, but none would come. He reached out his hand to stroke my hair, and continued smiling that stupid smile. I was really getting sick of it now, because I only wanted an answer. Good or bad, I wanted to find out sooner rather than later, before I got my hopes up for nothing. I tried again.
"Why now?" It came out in a whisper. "Why couldn't you come when I needed you most? When I couldn't eat? When I couldn't sleep? What about all the times I cried until I couldn't breathe? Where were you then?" My voice had strengthened into a scream. I beat my fists against his chest, knowing that it wouldn't hurt him in the least. When my anger was spent, I averted my eyes, not wanting him to know how much pain I was still in. I could talk about what I had been through, but I would never acknowledge how much I still needed him.
He stood abruptly and stalked toward the window. The window. It had been shut the night before, I was certain of that, but it was open now. No, it had been opened earlier, too. In my dream. A sudden epiphany struck, and I was stunned at the irony of it all. He had been there. He had said all those things to me, he had held me while I cried, but most importantly, he had kept his promise. He still hadn't answered my questions, but I didn't care. As much as he had hurt me, I wanted him to stay.
"Edward."
Edward POV
I had waited so long to hear her say my name, I hadn't even known how much I missed it. No one else could fill two syllables with as much love as she could, and she didn't even have to try.
"Wait." She didn't realize, either, the effect that her voice had on me. She didn't realize that I would follow any command she gave, which may have accounted for the involuntary shudder that ran through her body when I obeyed. I threw her a questioning glance, waiting for her next order. She ran a hand through her hair, then hugged her knees to her chest. With a start, she looked up at me and stammered, "Hu- human moment," before hurrying to the bathroom.
This isn't exactly where I intended to end the chapter, but its getting pretty long, and I am just really impatient. I also know that there haven't been 5 reviews yet. I guess I got a little ahead of myself. It's not about the reviews, it's about the story that is being told. And I just can't wait. It's pretty exciting, actually.
This is turning out to be a longer note than I intended, but I promise I'm almost done. I want to say a big thanks to everyone who has read this far, it really means a lot to me. The next chapter might not come out quite as fast as this one, since I'm still trying to decide what I want to happen. Feel free to make any suggestions, I'm always open for ideas. Have a lovely day!