Never and Always...
Disclaimer: Star Trek: Enterprise is the property of CBS/Paramount. All original material herein is the property of its author.
A/N: Thanks to Mitchell for a phrase he coined at TrekBBS for the bond, which I happily swiped and used here.
Chapter 8: Hold On, This Wasn't Listed In The Syllabus
Within a day, Archer and Trip were referring to their routine as Vulcan Training School. Trip would tackle a different Vulcan phrase at lunch each day with Hoshi, while Soval met with T'Pol twice a day in her quarters to instruct her in mind-melding techniques. When Trip arrived at the end of his duty shift, the three of them would bat around a passage of the Kir'Shara—sometimes joined by Captain Archer, depending on his workload. Afterward, Archer would take his lesson from the Vulcans in meditation. Trip gamely joined in on those sessions as well, though he much preferred neuropressure with T'Pol, and not because he was having any trouble sleeping.
Soval and T'Pol's seventh evening of study found them uncharacteristically alone in her quarters. Trip had been delayed in engineering finishing up some research, and the captain was waiting for a subspace transmission. After the two Vulcans had lit the meditation candles, Soval announced, "T'Pol, you shall initiate the meld tonight."
"I?" she responded with surprise, and a touch of eagerness. "You believe me ready?"
"You demonstrated during our last session that you are sufficiently skilled in the necessary techniques." Soval arched an eyebrow. "And with Commander Tucker otherwise engaged this evening, you will have no distractions."
He and T'Pol touched their fingers to each other's faces, finding the proper katra points. "Are you prepared?" Soval asked.
"Yes." T'Pol felt a flutter of apprehension, but the quiet confidence in Soval's eyes steadied her. She relaxed her mental barriers and lowered her emotional guard, as he had taught her.
"Take me to a place where you feel at ease," Soval intoned softly.
She nodded, and began the focusing cadence. "My mind to your mind...my thoughts to your thoughts..." She could feel her physical vision giving way to her mind's eye. Everything around them was brightening, fading to white. "Our minds are merging—"
—And she was in her white space with Soval. "Our minds are one," he said with her. He examined the new environment with a practiced eye. "Excellent."
T'Pol surveyed their pristine surroundings with satisfaction, and a lingering trace of wonder. She had selected the place she often visited while meditating, because its pure, peaceful whiteness enabled her to clear her mind of errant emotions.
Soval took a few steps away from her, continuing his study of the white space. "The mental link is strong," he noted. "Do you feel in control of it?" T'Pol nodded. "Good. As you become more experienced, you will be able to travel virtually anywhere without distraction." He faced her again. "My mind is open to you. Seek out a memory and bring it forth."
T'Pol reached out with her mind...yet her effort was tentative, inhibited by her concern for Soval's privacy, and her lingering doubts about Tolaris, and Pa'nar.
Soval sensed her hesitation. "You cannot harm me," he calmly told her. "Though you are a novice, you have been properly trained. Leave your troubling thoughts behind. You are welcome to explore my mind."
Reassured by her mentor, T'Pol reached out mentally once more, and found the memory she was seeking. An image coalesced in the whiteness before them...a Starfleet briefing room crowded with wreckage from Lorian's Enterprise, and her son standing before a panel of raptly attentive senior Starfleet officers, two disgruntled-looking Vulcans, Admiral Forrest, and Soval.
"Lorian's debriefing at Starfleet," Soval observed. "It is an agreeable memory for me."
T'Pol was spellbound by the image of Lorian...so self-assured, and completely unfazed by the challenging circumstances he faced. Her gaze shifted to Forrest and Soval as they observed him, their expressions reflecting respect and approval. This was the day the two had taken it upon themselves to champion her son. The admiral's advocacy had led to Lorian's commission in Starfleet and his assignment on Columbia; perhaps it would lead to command of Intrepid. This meeting had set the course of Lorian's future. It was the reason T'Pol had wished to witness it for herself.
As the memory-image faded into the whiteness, T'Pol inclined her head to Soval in gratitude. "You risked a great deal for my son."
"The cause was sufficient," Soval replied, artfully quoting Surak. With a quick nod, he returned to the lesson. "The area in which melders court danger is in the seeking of thoughts and memories by force. As you know from your experience with Tolaris, much damage can result if—"
"What the hell am I doin' here?"
Commander Tucker was behind them, peering over their shoulders in confusion at T'Pol's white space.
If Soval was surprised to see the commander, T'Pol was plainly shocked. She backed away from him, flustered. "You are interrupting my mind-meld."
"Excuse me?" Tucker retorted. "You're interrupting my engineering research." He waved at Soval. "Hey, Soval."
"Commander," Soval greeted him amiably.
"By all means then, return to engineering," T'Pol said, with some irritation.
Tucker circled them, surveying the endless expanse of white. "This is what a mind-meld looks like?" He glanced at Soval. "I got the impression you could see more...uh...more than this."
"Melds can take many forms," Soval replied mildly.
"I brought us here because I am accustomed to this place," T'Pol said, a bit defensively. "This is where I go in my mind when I meditate. The surroundings help me to focus."
"Hey, Vulcan kissing helps me to focus, but it's a lot more fun than this place." Tucker scratched his head as he looked around. "Dull as dirt, if you ask me."
"It suits my needs," T'Pol declared. "And no one asked you."
The commander shrugged. "I just woulda thought you'd pick a more interesting place to meditate. Like the beach. Or one of those Fire Plains you showed me on Vulcan."
Soval was utterly fascinated, watching them.
Tucker looked T'Pol up and down, smiling enticingly at her. "Why is it that bein' in your head is makin' me feel so...frisky?"
Acutely aware of Soval, T'Pol endeavored not to react to the commander's words. "Uninhibited, you mean."
He leaned close, whispering into her ear. "Take us somewhere else. Just the two of us."
Whether due to his nearness or his overture, a blush rose to her cheeks. Looking increasingly self-conscious, she pulled away. "Ambassador Soval and I have work to do."
Tucker parked his hands on his hips. "T'Pol, I bet you never played hooky in your whole life."
"Hooky...?"
He sniggered. "Just as I thought."
T'Pol was growing quite nonplussed. "The ambassador is waiting."
"Aw, he looks fine to me." The commander winked at Soval. The old Vulcan smiled faintly in spite of himself. Clearly, the lowering of his emotional shields for the meld had made him more demonstrative...but truth be told, he found Tucker refreshingly disarming.
T'Pol seemed even more uncomfortable. "I must continue my training," she said insistently to Tucker. "Please go away."
Planting his feet, he folded his arms in playful challenge. "This is my daydream. You go away."
Her mouth fell open. It took a moment for indignation to replace surprise. "You informed me that you were working. Doing research."
"I was takin' a break," Tucker countered. "Free associating. That's how I come up with solutions to problems. I didn't expect to get sucked into this—this white hole." He smiled smugly at her. "You want me to go away? Make me."
"Very well!" T'Pol pulled both her and Soval's hands away from one another's faces, breaking the meld. In a rush, the white space vanished and her quarters reappeared around them.
T'Pol stared at Soval as the significance of Trip's appearance became clear to her. She was unable to deny the truth any longer. "We are bonded."
"It would appear so," Soval acknowledged quietly. "You had no knowledge of it?"
Reluctantly, she confessed, "There have been indications over the past several weeks." She added quickly, "But I did not think a bond possible between a Vulcan and a human. Especially under the circumstances. We were not together..."
"You have affection for one another," Soval pointed out.
"We did not act on that affection! We both honored my marriage. It was only after Koss released me that—" T'Pol stopped, averting her eyes as she blushed deeply.
The door chime sounded, rescuing T'Pol from further embarrassment. "Enter," she said.
The door slid open to reveal Trip standing in the corridor, out of breath. He must have sprinted all the way from engineering. "This is that bond-thingy, isn't it." It was a statement, not a question.
T'Pol nodded. She did not know why, but she was afraid. "Soval has confirmed it."
She stepped aside and Trip entered, giving Soval a fleeting nod before turning his full attention back to T'Pol. "There's been a lotta stuff going on lately that I couldn't explain," he began. "Knowing what you're gonna say before you say it, finding you smack in the middle of my dreams, hearing your thoughts in my head, feeling emotions that don't belong to me..." His voice trailed off as he put it together: the Vulcan bombing of the Syrrannite camp, T'Les's death, Trip's own emotional assault at the same moment on Enterprise. "It was you I was feeling!" he exclaimed softly.
T'Pol shook her head, uncomprehending. "When your mother died," Trip went on. "I knew. I felt your sadness."
She drew in a startled breath as her sable eyes grew moist. "T'hai'la," she whispered, overwhelmed, and her voice caught.
Trip glanced at Soval. "That's why you knew T'Pol was still alive."
"I suspected," Soval affirmed. "I did not know for certain until now."
"This stuff has been going on for weeks." Trip turned back to T'Pol. "Is that how long we've been...bonded?"
"Apparently so," she replied quietly.
"Did you do this?"
T'Pol hesitated, shifting uncomfortably under his intense gaze. "We both did, albeit unconsciously."
Baffled, Trip looked from her to Soval and back again, waiting for more of an explanation. T'Pol shrugged helplessly, at a loss.
To Soval, they appeared clearly conflicted about the bond...intrigued, but apprehensive. "How long ago did you acknowledge your mutual affection?" he asked.
Their eyes met, and almost at once, they visibly relaxed, the aforementioned mutual affection quite apparent between them. "The day we left for the Borderland," Tucker replied.
"Soon after Lorian's arrival," T'Pol added.
"Nothing changed about T'Pol being married, but everything about us felt different after that." Tucker smiled at her.
"An unconscious bonding is unusual, but not unprecedented, given the circumstances you describe," Soval said. "There are times when the heart acts, despite the most stringent efforts by the intellect not to act." He paused, assessing the situation. T'Pol had been subjected to a forced mind-meld, while Tucker had been distinctly ill at ease when Soval had first explained the concept. "However," he continued, "when two people have not consciously chosen to bond, there can be doubts, unsettled thoughts...perhaps even a sense that one's deepest intimacies have been transgressed."
T'Pol and Tucker were studying one another now, each apparently attempting to to gauge the other's wishes. Interestingly, they seemed utterly mind-blind to each other at this moment.
"Your bond is in its infancy," Soval said. "A skilled priest would be able to dissolve it, if—"
"Is that what you want?" Tucker asked T'Pol.
She hesitated, looking quite young, to Soval's eye. It was remarkable, he thought, that one so experienced and confident in so many disciplines could, in matters of the heart, be so touchingly unsure of herself.
"You did not expect our relationship to develop this degree of...intimacy," she finally told the commander.
"Neither did you," he gently pointed out. "It's a little scary, isn't it?"
For an instant, T'Pol drew herself up, as if to deny any fear. Then her posture relaxed into acceptance, and she nodded, almost in relief. Soval marveled at the skill with which Tucker was reading her now. Whether by means of the bond or his own human intuition, he was taking her self-doubt and apprehension and soothing them away with understanding.
Soval concentrated on stillness, allowing them to forget he was even in the room.
"When I first learned about mating bonds, I was a little squirrelly," Trip admitted to her. "But now that I understand what's been going on...now that I know I haven't been imagining it, and I'm not going bonkers...the idea's kinda growing on me." He smiled at her. "I already trust you with my heart and soul. Having you inside my head isn't that big a deal."
She looked hopefully at him. "Truly? You wish to remain bonded with me?"
His eyes twinkled merrily. "If you're up to having me trompin' around in your head. I'm liable to be like some noisy kid who forgets to wipe his feet when he comes in from the rain."
"I will adjust," she replied placidly.
Trip felt himself falling headlong into the depths of her lovely brown eyes. "Then it's settled." His first impulse was to kiss her, but somehow it didn't feel appropriate. He reached out, extending his two fingers in the Vulcan way.
She accepted his ozh'esta, feeling a pleasing warmth ignite at the point where their fingers touched, and resonate through her.
Trip felt it as well. He gazed happily at her face, a flawless portrait of Vulcan calm—and he laughed softly as an image flickered briefly before his mind's eye: T'Pol giving him a bewitching smile. He knew now that it was the bond, not his imagination. He felt as if he'd been given a rare and wondrous gift.
Eventually, they remembered Soval was still in the room. They turned to him, somewhat abashed. "Ambassador—"
With a touch of amusement, Soval held up a hand. "There is no need to explain."
"So what happens now?" Trip asked.
"The bond will strengthen naturally over the next several months, much as a bond forms between newly married Vulcans during their first year together," Soval replied. "When it is fully established, you will sense each other as a constant mental presence. In times of stress, heightened emotion, or concentrated focus, the bond will intensify, manifesting as shared visions or perhaps even telepathy."
Trip glanced at T'Pol. "I guess we'll be making surprise appearances in each other's heads for a while, then."
"As you become more accustomed to the bond, you will be able to better control your presence in each other's minds," Soval told him. "T'Pol can instruct you in several mental disciplines that may prove helpful."
The door chime sounded. "Enter," T'Pol called.
The cabin door opened to admit Captain Archer. "Sorry I'm late for Vulcan Training School, but I just heard back from Admiral Gardner on the marriage question."
Instantly, Trip and T'Pol were all attention. Archer fidgeted. "Well...it's going to take a while for the Vulcan Social Ministry to dissolve T'Pol's marriage anyway, isn't it?"
Trip sighed loudly. "Aw, hell."
"This was not unexpected," T'Pol stated pragmatically. "We are both in the chain of command."
"Some of the brass need a little reassuring before they'll believe that you two can be married and objective at the same time," Archer explained. "Gardner's putting together a little board of inquiry to ask you a few questions..."
Trip rolled his eyes. "That's just great. A pack of starchy Starfleet admirals interviewing us about our love life."
"It's just a formality," Archer said. "I'll speak on your behalf, too."
"As will I," Soval offered.
"It does appear, Captain, that Starfleet is treating our request in an atypical manner," T'Pol noted.
"That's because you're not typical," Archer pointed out. "You're two well-publicized heroes of the Xindi War. One of you is the first Vulcan member of Starfleet. You're requesting a very visible interspecies marriage at a time when xenophobia remains a small but potent movement on Earth. In other words, your marriage might make you a target for those loonies."
"That's ridiculous," Trip scoffed.
"No, it's not," Archer replied soberly. "The admiral told me that hate crimes have risen while we've been away, because of the embassy bombing. People aren't seeing what's right about human-alien relations—that doesn't make good press. The public is largely being shown what's wrong—bombings, attacks, prejudice, anti-alien rallies. The bottom line is, if you want to be married and together on Enterprise, you're going to have to fight for it. You'll have to be extraordinary—and prove it to the satisfaction of those starchy admirals on the board of inquiry." He shrugged. "Remember, you're trailblazers."
Trip sighed. "Lorian and Karyn'll probably have kids by the time we get married."
"You are already married," Soval commented matter-of-factly.
Both Trip and T'Pol turned to him in surprise. "You are bondmates," Soval stated simply, as if that explained everything.
"Bondmates?" Archer broke into a smile. "When did you two decide to bond?"
"We didn't," T'Pol admitted.
"It just kinda happened," Trip added, a little sheepishly.
Archer chuckled gleefully. "I'll be damned."
Trip turned back to Soval. "Let's get back to the subject here—about already being married."
Patiently, Soval explained. "In Surak's time, when melding was commonplace, the mating bond was itself the marriage rite. The bond was established through a mind-meld, witnessed by family and close friends. Afterward, the couple was acknowledged as bondmates: husband and wife."
Archer noticed that Trip and T'Pol were gazing at each other in an entirely new way now...with a kind of shy, blissful devotion. Like newlyweds. "We're married," Trip murmured to her, with a goofy little smile.
"I speak only of cultural tradition, not contemporary Vulcan law," Soval cautioned. "When melding fell out of favor, so did the validity of the bonding meld as legal evidence of marriage. The custom of newly-married couples spending their first year together resulted as a way to enable the mating bond to form naturally." Wistfully, he sighed. "Prejudice and bureaucracy did away with the elegant simplicity of the old customs, except for those of us who practiced them in secret. We have always given the traditions of the past the same respect as the new laws we must obey." He regarded the newly-bonded couple. "Therefore, if only in a cultural sense, you married as soon as your bond was formed. If Surak were here, he would call you thus."
"I'll vouch for that," Archer spoke up. "I still have some of his memories floating around in my head, you know."
"This will make the wait for Vulcan bureaucracy less taxing," T'Pol reasoned calmly. But she looked quite pleased.
"And while Starfleet is draggin' its heels deciding whether to 'permit' us to marry and stay aboard Enterprise, it'll already be a done deal." Trip grinned. "I think that board of inquiry will be a little more fun now." He took T'Pol's hand. "So until all the higher-ups let us make it legal, we have a marriage approved by Surak himself, sort of. I can live with that."
"I too," T'Pol agreed serenely.
-tbc-