Trish had contemplated telling John that Christian was going to be there. She knew that honesty in a relationship was an important trait, but she didn't know how to tell him something like this. How could she tell her new boyfriend that her old boyfriend was going to be at the event they were going to tonight? She just didn't know how she'd breach the subject. She really liked John, but she didn't know how he would react to the news.
Or maybe she did know how he would react. Maybe that was why she wasn't telling him upfront that Christian was going to be there tonight. He would react badly, or at least badly for John, which wasn't that bad. He'd be wary though, she knew that much and she didn't want him to have a bad time tonight before he even got to the party. But then he might have a worse time if he knew that she knew that Christian was going to be there. Nothing about this whole thing made sense to her. How could she possibly prepare herself for something of this magnitude?
Was she making this out to be bigger than it was though? Maybe it would be a non-event. Maybe she would see Christian and it would be like she was just seeing an old acquaintance that she didn't see anymore. Maybe she was totally over him and she just hadn't realized it yet. Maybe the confrontation would show her that she was just putting this all out of proportion and nothing was going to go wrong at all. She smiled at that thought.
"You look beautiful," John whispered in her ear as she lifted her hands to put her earring in. She smiled at him through the mirror and he smiled back. "Now you look even more beautiful with that smile."
"Johnny," she blushed. "You always compliment me too much."
"What? You want me to just quit with it and tell you that you're a butt-ugly goober or something?" John joked.
"Does this look like the face of a goober?" she asked, moving her face around to show off her gorgeous mug. John just laughed and kissed her cheek.
"You drive me nuts, you know that Stratus?" he told her.
"You drive ME nuts Johnny, but in the completely good way," she winked. Yes, she could do this. She could go to that party and she could just have fun with her boyfriend and totally forget that Christian was even there.
Oh, who was she kidding? She wasn't going to get over Christian so easily. She wasn't going to see him and feel nothing, she knew that already. If she felt the way she felt when she watched him on TV, then it would be bad. If she multiplied it to what she thought she was going to feel like when she saw him in person, then it was going to be a million times worse than she ever could've predicted.
"Hey babe, I needed to go to that store around the corner and pick out a card for the happy couple, so I'll be back in a few," John said.
"Are you sure Johnny? We don't really need the card," she called after him as he headed for the door. "We have the gift."
"But they won't know who it's from if we don't get the card," John reasoned. "Don't worry about it, it's like what, get one freaking card, how hard is that? But if I ain't back in like fifteen minutes, send out the National Guard."
She giggled. "Okay, but I'm telling you, if you're not back exactly fifteen minutes from when you exit that door, I'm going to call the police to search for you and send out a missing persons report. You may find your face on a milk carton."
"Hey, my face should be on a milk carton," he responded, making a posed. "Til later babe."
"Later," she said and she smiled as she watched him go. But as soon as the door clicked shut, she sighed and sat back in her chair, looking into the vanity mirror in front of her. She was so confused, so damn confused by every moment of her life. She stared at her reflection a moment.
Sometimes she didn't know the person who was staring back at her in the mirror. Like, she knew herself and she knew how she worked, but sometimes she felt lost in the drama that surrounded her heart. Her heart was the very thing that was torn between these two men. And maybe if she sought out herself a little deeper, she'd realize that her soul was already a little torn apart by it as well. She grabbed her cell phone and dialed Stephanie's number.
"Hey Stratus, what's up?"
"Hey Steph, you busy?"
There was a momentary pause, "Not really, I have some stuff to do when the party starts, but right now I'm just getting ready, why, do you need something?"
"Would you mind it if you came down here?" Trish asked.
"Well, I'm getting ready with Lita too, do you mind if she comes down?"
"No, that's fine, I just need…reassurance," she said nervously.
Stephanie understood and agreed immediately. She hung up soon after and Trish sat back, waiting for her friends. She didn't know if Lita knew about the Christian situation, but she didn't care at this point. In a few hours, everyone would know about the Christian situation, and she'd feel every eye on her, at least, that's the image her mind kept conjuring up. She didn't know if it was going to be true or not, but that's how she felt right now.
The knock at the door broke her from her reverie. She got up, smoothing out her skirt and went to the door, letting in Stephanie and Lita, the latter of whom gave her a hug in greeting. Stephanie went and sat on the couch and looked up expectantly at Trish, like she was going to make a big speech. Trish sat down in one of the chairs and sighed, looking at the two other women. Lita didn't ask any questions so Trish could only assume that Lita knew about the situation.
"He's going to be there."
"He is," Stephanie confirmed, though they both knew the truth.
"What if he wants to talk to me? What do I do?" she asked in a panicked voice.
"You talk to him," Lita said. "I mean, come on, you have to, don't you?"
"I agree," Stephanie said. "I mean, it's like, if I ran into an ex-boyfriend in the street, and he had broken my heart, I'd probably still talk to him you know."
"Yeah, but I don't think that you loved any of your exes like I love…loved Christian," Trish said, correcting herself quickly, but then ruined it by continuing, "not that I love Christian mind you. I mean, I don't think I do, maybe I do, okay, so I kind of do, but I've moved on, I've definitely a different person, I'm with John now, I'm happy with John."
"John's a good guy," Stephanie said and Trish was reminded of the words Chris had told her not too long ago, the words echoed in Stephanie's voice.
"John IS a good guy, maybe he's THE good guy," Trish said firmly. "But…"
"He's not Christian," Lita supplied.
"Yeah," she whispered, looking down. "Does that make me a horrible person? Am I horrible because I can't give myself completely to John? Here he is, this wonderful, great guy who treats me SO well, and I'm screwing it up single-handedly. It's like, I'm doing everything wrong and he's just like, picking up the pieces after me."
"He loves you Trish," Stephanie said quietly. "I know you probably don't want to hear that, but he does, and he does all of those things because he loves you."
She closed her eyes, "I know that, and I'm so scared to confront it."
"We can't tell you what to do," Lita said. "You have to follow what you think is right Trish. If you think that you and Christian are right, then you owe it to John to break it off. If you want to be with John, then you have to talk to Christian to get it off your chest."
"But the thing is…I don't think I know who I want, not really," Trish told them.
"I hate to sound cheesy, really," Stephanie laughed. "But you have to listen to your heart, your gut, because those things are the ones who are going to tell you who you are meant to be with, not us. The only thing we can do is crowd control in case you get into a fight."
"No! Don't put those visuals in my head," Trish said with a laugh. "Okay, so my dress, what do you think?"
"I think you look great," Stephanie said. "I wish I could look that good, I look like…well, I look horrible."
"Oh please Steph," Lita said. "You look fabulous and you know it. And you weren't going to look anything less because tonight is the night of your big party."
Stephanie gave Lita a light shove, "Shut up."
"Oh you know it is," Lita teased. "You want everything to go perfectly."
"Sue me," Stephanie said in a stupid voice. "You look great Trish, trust me, you are going to knock every guy's socks off…well, not my guy, but that's because he's a good boy who doesn't look at other girls."
"Yeah, wasn't that Torrie that I saw him flirting with earlier," Trish said slyly.
"Oh ha," Stephanie said, "So you guys are going to be ganging up on me is that it? I can't believe you would do that, but fine, rag on me all you want, I can take it, I'm a McMahon damn it."
"We know!" Lita and Trish said in unison, then Trish spoke, "You remind us of that little fact every single day."
"I get the point," Stephanie said, standing up. "Okay, so how do I really look? Tell me the truth, and I do mean the truth. I had a hell of a time trying to find something to wear that would you know, look good on me."
"I don't know what you're worried about," Lita said, "you're not even showing yet."
"I've got a little stomach," she said, pushing her dress down over her slightly bulging stomach. "You're sure you can't tell."
"Steph, you can't tell," Trish said. "Trust us, nobody is going to know."
"Okay, just making sure, I don't need everyone fawning all over me," Stephanie said. "I do like this dress though, and Lita, I want your dress, and I'm going to steal it."
"Just make sure I'm not wearing it first," Lita said. "I've got to get back though, I haven't done my makeup yet, you going to be okay Trish?"
"Yeah, thanks Li, I'll see you at the party."
Once Lita had left, Stephanie turned to Trish, "You know, whatever happens, it's going to be okay."
"I know," she nodded.
"Even if you end up alone, it'll be okay."
"I know Steph," Trish insisted. "Don't go changing into a motherly figure on me."
"Hey, I can't help it," she laughed and hugged her friend. "It's just Christian Trish, you've dealt with him a million times before, and this time is no different, the circumstances may be different, but you're still Trish and he's still Christian."
"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of," she mumbled.
"Does John know he's going to be there?"
"No. Please don't tell him," she requested simply.
"I won't, I've got to go anyways, I'm not done getting ready either. Good luck Trish."
When Trish was alone again, she sat down on her bed and she closed her eyes to keep her tears at bay. What Stephanie had said reverberated through her mind. She was still Trish and he was still Christian. Those words had gotten to her. If they were still just Trish and Christian, why weren't they together? If they were the same people, shouldn't they have been able to work through everything and still be together?
She wanted to sob, she wanted to tear her hotel room apart and rip up her dress and burn it. She wanted to do something destructive because she hated everything. She hated this person she was becoming, she hated the uncertainty that came with this indecision. She hated hurting John because she knew that was what she was doing. She was hurting him because she wasn't with him completely, no, part of her heart was elsewhere and while she was getting little piece by little piece back, it would never really let go of Christian, and it scared her to no end that this should be the truth.
"I'm back!" John said and Trish blinked back her tears and grabbed her shoes so she could be looking down when he came into the bedroom. He spied her putting her shoes on and laughed. "You're kidding me right, those things have like ten-inch heels."
"They do not," she said, hoping her voice didn't sound clogged with tears. "They're only 3 inches Johnny."
"Still, you cannot be comfortable with those on."
"You underestimate me," she told him sweetly. "You just watch me tonight."
"Tonight, babe, I'd like to watch you every night, in fact, I do watch you every night, well, every night you'll let me," John said, his tone slightly lecherous. "You ready to go, party's starting soon."
She wasn't ready. She'd never be ready.
"Yeah Johnny, I'm ready."