Hello It's me again ; I know I updated a day late, but I don't have to update every day, right?
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Akatsuki or the phrase 'Art is a bang.' You know who they belong to...
Warning: Crackish, and a little OOC from Sasori, but its not a big matter...
Note: Zetsu's black side is in bold and any serious swear words are replaced by random food and also underlined
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KABOOM!
A sudden noise startled all the Akatsuki members, disrupting the silence that had before been so serene. Automatically, everyone except for Itachi, who looked at Zetsu, looked towards Deidara. The blonde looked horrified. Everyone looked so intimidating, especially Sasori.
"I didn't do it un!" he yelled frantically, correctly assuming that they all suspected him.
"You didn't?" Sasori blinked. That was just about the first time it wasn't Deidara who had caused the explosion.
Deidara shook his head. "No…it came from over there!" He pointed inland, where, sure enough, a large puff of smoke shaped suspiciously like a mushroom was forming.
Itachi waded into the sea, while everyone else hurried to the sound of the disruption. There they found a disgruntled Pein covered in a handful of ash.
"Um…leader…did one of your experiments fail again?" Kisame asked tentatively. Last time someone said that, they couldn't walk for a week.
"No," Pein snapped, although it was perfectly true. No Akatsuki leader would want to admit that their experiment had gone off in disaster. "It was supposed to happen."
"Ahh…it was a work of art un!"
"You idiot! Art isn't like that! It's eternal!" came the angry remark from the redhead. There goes the seventy-ninth time this week Deidara and Sasori had argued about art.
"What? I thought we already settled this un! It's-"
"SHUT UP!" Kakuzu yelled, effecting silencing both of them.
The silence stretched…
…and stretched…
…and stretched…
Until… "SOMEONE SHUT THE SHERBERT SILENCE UP!"
--
Two hours later sought the Akatsuki bored, with nothing to do. Deidara hadn't managed to bring any clay with him, and now sat, slouched, on guard duty in a tree. Kakuzu was counting his money for the 429th time today. Kisame and Tobi were using Hidan's head as a football to play various sports, while Hidan's mouth let go a stream of curses. Zetsu was busy befriending the many plants the island had to offer, while apparently under the assumption that they could talk back. Sasori was polishing himself, seeing as he didn't have any puppets to polish anyway. Itachi was still in the ocean, groping around for any source of the explosion two hours ago. Konan was folding paper, as usual and Pein was inventing his gone wrong weird new jutsu.
But finally, everyone was bored. And to make matters worse, their food supply was running out.
"Someone should go catch more fish," Konan complained, folding her 683rd paper crane.
"That would be Itachi." Kisame pointed to him in the water, an amused expression on his face. "But he doesn't seem to be getting anywhere..."
There was a dull thump as Deidara landed in the sand underneath the lookout tree. By now, nobody paid any attention to him since his fake death that had looked so real. The blonde scowled as he took in that fact. "I'm hungry un!" he whinned.
"Oh shut up you pineapple," Hidan's detatched head snarled as it was kicked repetitively.
"Surely you can survive without food for a few days, right?" Sasori asked without even looking up.
"Easy for you to say, lollipop, you don't eat," Hidan's head growled again.
"Nor do you," Sasori said calmly.
"Oh yeah..."
"SO WHAT DO WE DO?" Kakuzu screeched. A sense of Déjà Vu filled the Akatsuki.
The silence was broken by a familiar voice a few metres away.
"Tobi found a coconut."
Everyone's attention, except for Itachi's and Pein's, turned to Tobi, who was happily sucking on a coconut under a coconut tree.
One second passed.
Two seconds passed.
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!" Most of the members dived at the coconut tree at exactly the same time, screaming their battle cry.
"Ow!"
"Cookie!"
"Geroff me!"
Give me one un!"
After a long and furious battle of the Akatsuki members, which mainly consisted of biting, scratching, tearing, pulling and snarling, everyone lay in a tangled heap underneath the tree.
Calmly, Konan walked up the tree with her chakra, and picked a coconut off lightly. The 'warriors' of the fight, Kakuzu, Deidara, Kisame and Hidan (who still wanted to eat) all lay unconscious.
"Ladies first," Konan said smugly, walking back to her place in the shade.
Then...
"I FOUND THE JUTSU! WE'RE GOING TO GET BACK AFTER ALL!" Yelled a familiar voice.
Everyone unconscious before woke up. And did nothing.
"Duh!" Sasori sighed, bored, walking past the group and heading towards Pein's voice. "Idiots."
Hurriedly, the rest of the group followed, with Kisame having to swim out and drag Itachi back (who had at this point, believe it or not, hypnotised two fish with Tsukiyomi).
Soon enough, everyone arrived to see Pein building some giant statue thingy.
"That's not a jutsu," Itachi said slowly, activating his Sharingan just in case, which, I'm afraid to say, no longer works since he's officially blind. "It looks more like a huge cat..."
"D...don't take it from him, Leader," Kisame said rather hurriedly, not wanting to face the punishment with his partner. They faced the punishment in two's. "You know he's blind."
"I am not blind." Itachi's voice was calm, yet cold with a sense of power. Yet the power was somewhat diminished as he reached across and slapped Kakuzu on the face.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"Shut up. You are weak. Why are you weak? Because you lack...cookies. Mhhmmmm...cookies..." Itachi seemed lost in a weird daydream about cookies.
"Uh..." Everyone sweatdropped.
"Back on topic," Sasori interrupted. "Are you sure this is a jutsu to take us back?"
"Yeah un. You should have let me done the sculpting, hmm!"
"It looks like a giant pineapple," Zetsu's white side commented.
"No! It looks more like a huge horse!"
"Pineapple!"
"Horse!"
"Pineapple!"
"Horse!"
"SILENCE!!"
Silence.
"So how does this...jutsu...take us back?" Konan asked tentatively.
"Well you see, this butterfly-"
"It's a sherbet butterfly?" Hidan interrupted.
"Shut up! Do not interrupt me!"
Silence once more.
"Well, as I was saying before Hidan rudely interrupted me, this butterfly will come to life in five seconds."
Hidan rolled his eyes.
"Five..." Everyone watched the badly made sculpture tentatively.
"...Four..." Everyone tensed.
"...Three..." Deidara contemplated blowing it up just for fun and to see the look on Pein's face, but decided against it.
"...Two..." Kakuzu considered selling it for money, but, although heavily tempted, also decided against it.
"...One..." Everyone thought about running away now.
"It comes to life...NOW!"
...
Nothing happened.
The silence grew, from seconds to minutes.
Then, everything began at once.
"Well that lollipop sucks!" Hidan screeched at the top of his voice, while various other swear words tumbled out of his mouth.
Itachi blinked. He was sure the statue had moved for a moment, but nobody else seemed to have seen it, so the raven-haired Uchiha dismissed it as either an illusion or nothing.
"Leader!! I am going to kill -cough- I mean...help you with your sculpture next time un!"
"Tobi is a good boy!"
"Shut up Tobi! Leader! We could have sold it for a valuable price on E-bay!" Kakuzu whined. "Not that anyone would buy it," he muttered.
"Kakuzu! I heard that!"
"That was such a waste of time!"
"But Leader did well, right?"
"Of course not!"
"He did!"
"Not!"
"You wasted so much paper doing that!" Konan screeched.
"WHAT THE SWEET BANANNA'S? HOW COULD ONE CANDY JUTSU GO SO CAKE WRONG? I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M ICE-CREAM SEEING!"
...
Silence again. It always comes at the best moments. In fact, it was so suspicious that the authoress could've just put it there when she wanted it to be silent.
"Danna...did you say that...un?" Deidara asked fearfully. That was a side Sasori had never, ever shown before.
"Do you understand English?" Apparantly, he was still under the assumption that they were speaking Japanese.
"Y...y...yes un..."
"THEN YOU SHOULD SHERBET KNOW WHAT I'M LOLLIPOP TALKING ABOUT!" Sasori shrieked.
By this time, everyone had started, inch by inch, edging away from the puppet master who, by the looks of it, was about to go insane.
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My longest chapter yet! ; I don't know when I'm going to update next, but it'lll be within the week
Art is a bang XD