At a beach somewhere is the disclaimer saying that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. Just a little madness inspired by my last trip to Maine.
Brotherhood At The Beach
"You know one of the few good things about Bayville is that we're less than an hour away from the beach," Lance relaxed on the towel after having a vigorous swim in the ocean. He was wearing brown swimming trunks.
"Perfect for a Brotherhood Barbecue! Whoo Hoo!" Pyro in red shorts was making a huge flame in a flame pit. "Fire! Fire! Fire!"
"Reason why Pyro should never be at any Olympics number three," Wanda sighed. She was wearing a red bathing suit.
"Three? What are the other two reasons?" Todd asked. He was wearing a green set of trunks and a sleeveless shirt making a sand castle with Pietro who was wearing blue Speedos. "I mean I thought that would be reason number one!"
"You would think that but no," Pietro sighed. "The first two reasons have to do with javelins, pole vaults, pineapples and peanut butter. That's all I'm going to say."
"Oh I gotta hear the story behind this," Fred chuckled. He was wearing an orange Hawaiian shirt with huge blue swimming trunks.
"Yeah it's a doozy!" Pyro grinned. "FIRE!" He made the flame go so high, a person could see it two states away.
"Pyro will you quit it?" Wanda snapped. "You're making the flames go so high you're roasting the seagulls in mid air!"
"And that's a bad thing?" Fred asked. "Roasted seagull is really tasty!"
"I'm not even going to ask…" Wanda put her head in her hands. Several beachgoers ran by them screaming. "Way to go Pyro! Now you've freaked out the beach! I swear I can't take you morons anywhere without…"
"Uh Sis, I don't think it's us they're worked up about," Pietro stared behind her and stood up. "For once."
"What do you mean?" Wanda asked. Todd and Pietro pointed behind her. She turned around. "Oh…"
"That's something you don't see every day," Lance said as he stood up and went to the others to get a better look.
"That's something you don't see every other day," Todd quipped.
Not far from them they saw Scott, Jean, Kitty, Kurt, Bobby and Rogue trying to fend off an attacking giant lobster. A lobster that was almost as big as a whale. "See Wanda?" Pyro folded his arms. "We're not the only ones who cause trouble!"
"Yeah," Pietro agreed. "We didn't do anything this time!"
"Okay, I apologize," Wanda said. "There are plenty of other destructive morons on the beach besides you."
"Now was that so hard to say?" Pyro asked.
"I guess we'd better go over there and find out what's going on," Lance said.
"What's going on is that a giant lobster is fighting the X-Men!" Todd said.
"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Kurt was tossed in the air and landed at their feet.
"And the lobster is winning," Lance said. "Go lobster."
"Hey Elf!" Todd said cheerfully. "What's new?"
"Oh nothing much," Kurt spat out sand from his mouth as he got up. "Same old same old."
"Nightcrawler get back here and help me!" Scott was blasting at the lobster but his optic blasts were not working.
"And do what? He can't exactly teleport that thing away! Even I know it's too heavy!" Fred yelled.
"Oh great!" Scott groaned. "The perfect end to a perfect day! You losers stay out of this! We don't need you messing this up!"
"Fine, since it looks like you're messing up all by yourselves," Pietro mocked.
"Okay, even for us this is weird," Wanda said. "I mean I've come to expect weird mutant attacks and giant robots. But a giant mutant lobster? Where…?"
"Forge," Kurt explained.
"Of course," Lance sighed.
"Got ya," Todd nodded.
"Aw guys didn't you learn anything after the Sadie Hawkins Dance fiasco?" Pietro groaned.
"Apparently not," Kurt sighed.
"Do we really want to know…?" Lance asked.
"No, you don't!" Scott blasted at the creature with his optic blasts but they still had no effect.
"Didn't think so," Todd said. "Uh you guys need any help?"
"No we got this," Scott said.
"AAAAAAHHH!" Bobby was thrown onto the beach. "Ooh…Night Night…" He fell unconscious.
"You sure about that?" Lance asked.
"Yeah we got this," Scott said.
"Scott!" Jean shouted.
"We're fine Jean!" Scott snapped at his girlfriend. "We don't need their help!"
"AAAAAH!"
"SCOTT!" Jean shrieked. "THE LOBSTER JUST ATE KITTY!"
"Don't be so dramatic, Jean!" Scott said. "See, she already phased out of it! She's fine!"
"I so need a shower!" Kitty whined.
"Focus Shadowcat!" Scott shouted. "We need to fight this thing!"
"CYCLOPS THAT THING NEARLY CHEWED ME TO PIECES!" Kitty shouted.
"Lobsters don't have teeth," Scott snapped. "It just tried to swallow you! You're fine and in one piece!"
"I'm covered in lobster spit!" Kitty shouted at him. "I AM NOT FINE!"
"YES YOU ARE!" Scott stormed over to her.
"NO I'M NOT!" Kitty yelled. "I am so totally going to need therapy for years!"
"That's what you said about your last math test!" Scott shouted.
"Uh Cyclops," Wanda pointed. "I think your girlfriend could use some help over there."
"Get away from me!" Jean was throwing driftwood at the lobster who was attacking her with it's claws.
"Nightcrawler go teleport over there and…" Wanda said.
"Stay out of this!" Scott snapped. "We can handle this!"
"Get over yourself Cyclops this is not the time for a power trip here!" Kitty fumed. "It's time for us to find some serious disinfectant!"
"We made this mess, we can handle it! We're fine!" Scott snapped.
"We're not fine! We're getting clobbered out there!" Kurt said.
"And Jean's about to become a seafood meal," Todd remarked.
"Kurt go teleport Jean out of there! Rogue! Use your powers!" Scott shouted. "Try to drain it!"
"ARE YOU NUTS?" Rogue shouted. "I ain't draining no giant lobster! What if I end up mutating and getting large claws and stuff?"
"Yeah Rogue has a hard enough time getting a date," Pietro quipped.
"Shut it, Speedy! Before I rip your tonsils out!" Rogue snapped at him.
"WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME HERE?" Jean tried to fly away from the lobster but it blocked her path with its claws.
"Oh all right!" Rogue snapped. "Kurt when I drain the thing you grab Jean!" She rand over to the lobster's side.
"Oh this should be good for a laugh," Pietro grinned.
"Jean you so owe me big time for this," Rogue took off her gloves and attacked the lobster. However when she touched it, she was in for a surprise.
"Nothing's happening!" Rogue shouted as she managed to hang on for dear life. "WHOA!"
"Jean I've got you!" Kurt tried to grab Jean but was knocked away by its claws. "I don't got you!"
"INCOMING!" Fred shouted as Rogue was knocked backwards.
"You gotta be kidding me!" Scott yelled.
"It figures!" Rogue brushed herself off. "The one thing on this planet I can touch is a giant walking seafood buffet!"
"Rogue we have to get back in there and do something!" Scott shouted.
"What do you want me to do Cyclops?" Rogue snapped. "My powers ain't working! No one else's powers are working and Iceman is knocked out colder than…Well than he usually is."
RRRRRRRRRIPPPP!
"And there goes half of Jean's uniform," Pietro said cheerfully. "Nice bra Red!"
"AAAAH!" Jean fumed.
"JEAN!" Scott ran towards her shooting wildly.
"I guess we'd better go help them," Wanda sighed.
"Hold it Wanda," Pietro stopped her. "The man did say they could handle this themselves. So let them."
"But they can't! They…Oh wait, I get it," Wanda realized.
"And looks like Cyclops is about to get it," Lance grinned. "There's the wind up, and the pitch…"
WHAM!
"It's a line drive to centerfield!" Lance cheered as Scott fell face first in the sand near them.
"This is so embarrassing…" Scott moaned.
"YOU'RE EMBARRASED?" Jean tried to cover herself and fend off the lobster at the same time.
"You sure you don't need our help?" Lance folded his arms.
"I'm sure…" Scott grumbled. "Bleach…Sand in my tongue."
RRRRRRRIP! TEAR!
"And there goes the other half of Jean's uniform!" Pietro cackled. "Nice choice with the thong underwear Jean!"
"Since when do you wear thong underwear?" Scott blinked.
"SCOTT SHUT UP AND LET THE BROTHERHOOD HELP US ALREADY!" Jean screamed at him as she fended off the lobster with a telekinetic shield.
"I think you'd better Cyke," Kurt remarked. "Jean's almost out of clothes."
"Fine! Go ahead! Get killed! See if I care!" Scott groaned. "I'm going to go rescue Jean!" He tried to stand up but fell down on his back again. "Since when was the ground so hard?"
"Blob, Pyro you two wanna take a crack at it?" Lance grinned.
"Yeah," Fred cracked his knuckles and bellowed "HEY LOBSTER! OVER HERE!"
The lobster turned around and growled. "Great, now it's gonna try and eat us," Rogue groaned.
"The name's Dukes," Fred said to the crustacean. "Fred Dukes. Five time straight champion of Lobster Fest, Gold medal winner of the Claw Off of 2007 and a member of the Dukes Clan who committed the Great Clambake of 1950. Remember that Lobby? My family descended on the Florida Keys like a plague of locusts and nearly ate every single member of your family down there, along with all the clams, muscles, shrimp, squid, scallops, fish and flock of seagulls!"
"He's talking to the lobster…" Rogue said. "This is the plan? I don't believe this!"
"If I didn't know better I'd say the lobster was believing it too," Kurt blinked.
"Hey Pyro," Fred licked his lips. "You still got that gallon of melted butter in the second cooler?"
"Oh yeah," Pyro cackled as he used his fire to try and boil the ocean around the lobster. "Time to put this overgrown shrimp on the Barbie!"
"Dinner time!" Fred looked the giant lobster in the eye.
"YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!"
"Yeah you'd better run for it you big chicken of the sea!" Pietro taunted the fleeing lobster.
"I never knew a lobster could yipe," Rogue blinked.
"I never knew a lobster could swim that fast," Wanda said.
"Yeah that thing's really booking," Todd remarked.
"Uh, shouldn't we go after it?" Jean had grabbed a towel to cover herself.
"Nah," Lance shook his head. "It's headed straight for Maine."
"You're right," Todd agreed. "It's toast."
"Hasn't got a prayer," Fred nodded. "Anyone up for a road trip Down East?"
"And once again the mighty Brotherhood saves the day, and the X-Men screw up royally!" Pietro grinned.
"You idiots lucked out and you know it!" Rogue snapped.
"Maybe but we still saved your butts," Pietro said. "And speaking of butts…"
"Not one more word Quicksilver!" Jean fumed. "Or else I will assist Rogue with that tonsillectomy!"
"I hate my life," Scott moaned as he lay in the sand.
"We hate your life too," Lance quipped. "Better luck next time. Maybe Forge will mutate a giant squirrel or something."
Kitty huffed. "You know how I'm a vegetarian? I think I am totally going to make an exception for lobsters! From now on I'll gladly eat them!"
"You know what? I'm in the mood for lobster myself," Jean growled.
"Well it's a good thing we made a trip to the aquarium before we got here," Pyro said cheerfully. "Time for a lobster bake!"
"Oh what the hell?" Rogue sighed. "Might as well get something out of this day!"
"I hate my life…" Scott groaned.