"A prison wall was round us both, Two outcast men we were, The world had thrust us from its heart, And God from out his care."

(The Ballad of Reading Gaol: Oscar Wilde)

PARADOXOSIS PT 5

'There's something in the darkness Jack.'

"Hey kids, did you miss me?"

Ianto's bones froze and he wore his soul on his face, for an instant. Then it was gone, back into the caverns of his personal darkness where it belonged.

He jammed the key into the lock of his front door and shoved it open more forcefully than he had intended. He bent down to pick up his mail from the carpet, then made his way into his kitchen. Jack a couple of paces behind him. Ianto heard the front door close behind them and finally he let go, dropping all of the tension from his shoulders and sagging against the slate topped workbench. Shakily he dropped the letters into a draw and went to the kettle to make tea. He was cold, deeply cold and he needed tea. He could feel Jack's intense gaze on his back as he set to work. Damn it, why was he so cold? Ok he was angry, hurting, frightened and overwhelmed with joy all at the same time, but he shouldn't be cold. His hands shook violently as he reached down two mugs from the cupboard. Jack had obviously noticed because he took them from him and put them down before grasping Ianto's hands in his. The warmth emanating from his touch was electrifying.

"Ianto, you are freezing."

Ianto nodded and pulled himself away. "Can you do the teas Jack. I need to get the heating on."

Ianto hurriedly left the kitchen. He hadn't wanted to. All he wanted right now was to dissolve in Jack's arms, feel his touch, anything to warm his soul. He was terrified of the intensity of that need, a need that far overwhelmed his anger toward the man that had run away from him and come back as if nothing had happened. Ianto could see that it had though. Jack looked and felt different. Ianto knew that look; he had seen it so many times in the mirror over recent months. Having turned up the central heating Ianto went to his bedroom stripped off his suit and swapped it for thermals, jeans and a sweater. He came back out to be met by Jack offering him a cup of tea. Ianto couldn't hold it, his hands were still shaking.

"Go sit down Yan, I'll bring this through."

Ianto nodded and went and settled himself on the couch in his lounge. Jack sat down beside him after placing their drinks on the little coffee table and discarding his coat. Ianto could feel him watching again and he shifted uneasily.

"We're not going to see John again are we?"

"Why do you ask?"

Ianto picked at his fingernails. "He frightened me, he's very dangerous."

Jack couldn't argue with the accurate assessment. "Aren't you going to ask me where I've been?"

"No. I'm not certain I want to know. It's none of my business is it."

"Earlier I asked you how you were. You didn't really answer the question, so how are you Ianto?"

Ianto drew his knees up to his chin. "I'm fine, really. I'm fine. A bit tired. We've been busy." It was an obvious deflection.

"The headaches?"

"Oh, gone….they stopped a while back." Ianto was surprised that he'd even remembered.

"So why are you still sick? You look sick."

Ianto turned and glared at him. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because my heart has been slowly breaking apart over the last 5 months, perhaps it's the working 7 days a week and the fact that I got mauled by a weevil a month ago and I am still not healed. Maybe it's because you fucking deserted me." He lurched off the couch and fled to his bedroom slamming the door shut behind him.

Jack sighed. Shit.

He got up and went to Ianto's bedroom door. He tapped it before entering and found the young Welshman sitting on the edge of the bed bawling his eyes out. He sat down beside him and pulled him close.

"I know, and I am so sorry that I left you. It won't happen again. I swear to you. It won't happen again."

Jack cried, before this evening the last time he had seen Ianto was when the young Welshman had put a bullet in his own brain. How the hell could he explain that? They sat there holding one another for what felt like hours. Jack knew this would happen of course. He had always known ever since the day Ianto had taken his own life to protect three strangers, Martha Jones' family. It was hard getting his head round what he had seen, because here Ianto was crying in his arms, alive, breathing, hurting. But something was terribly wrong. He had sensed it the moment he had stepped into the house and shot the blowfish. Ianto had lost something, seemed diminished somehow. It was probably just everything that had happened lately, the stress and worry of life at Torchwood finally taking its toll on the young man. Finally Ianto eased himself away from Jack's embrace.

"I really need to sleep Jack. I'm sorry I know it's not the kind of welcome you were hoping for but I am exhausted." He looked it too.

Jack got up.

"Its OK. I'll ju……"

"Don't leave Jack. I don't want you to go."

Jack gave him a warm smile and gently kissed his cheek, which was cold. Jack pulled away from him worried, but he didn't let it show.

"Get yourself to bed I'll make some fresh tea. You still seem a little cold."

Ianto nodded.

Five minutes later and the Welshman had tucked himself up in bed still wearing a thermal shirt and track pants and wrapped tightly in his quilt. He was deeply asleep, lips slightly parted, his face smooth and completely relaxed. Jack smiled to himself and stripped off down to his boxers, the room was way too hot for him and he was more than dismayed to discover that Ianto still felt cold to touch when he got under the quilt beside him. Jack carefully wrapped himself around Ianto to help warm him, mindful of the bandaged chest. He'd have to talk to Owen in the morning. Jack lay there awake the entire night, Ianto in his arms unmoving his slow breathing giving the older man some reassurance that not all was bad with the world. He had half expected Ianto to be roused by nightmares, but they didn't come, which was unusual though not unwelcome. Hopefully the decent sleep would mean his Ianto would be feeling much brighter in the light of the new day. However, he remained cold to the touch and still as death and Jack found himself actually checking a couple of times to make sure that Ianto was in fact still breathing. By morning Jack was thoroughly unnerved especially when Ianto slept soundly through the noise of his blaring alarm clock. It took Jack 20 minutes of shaking him, yelling and finally pinching him to wake him up.

Ianto screamed, lurching up on the bed and thrusting his arms out to push Jack away from him. He screamed again eyes wild as a string of Welsh tumbled incoherently from his lips. He switched to English, clawing at Jack in abject terror.

"Oh, God. There's something in the dark. There's something in the darkness Jack."

Jack grabbed the young man's flailing arms. "Calm down, calm down Ianto. Ianto! It's ok. It's ok."

The struggling slacked off and Ianto finally sagged into a shivering heap.

"Jack, I'm dead. I'm dead."

Jack pulled him close absolutely terrified as Ianto whimpered into his shoulder.