"And I saw, and behold, a pale horse, and it's rider's name was Death." Revelations 6:7

PARADOXOSIS PT 6

'Know Thyself'

It took sometime for Ianto to stop his crying. He leaned into Jacks chest and closed his eyes, arms wrapped vice like around Jack's waist. So Jack held him, whispering soothingly and gently rocking him. Even through Ianto's clothes Jack could feel how cold he was, drawing the heat from Jack's own body but in no way retaining it. It was ridiculous because the room was stifling and Jack was sweating from the heat coming off the radiator. Once Ianto had finally relaxed his hold Jack lay him back on the bed and wrapped the quilt over him. He hurriedly got dressed into yesterday's clothes and then phoned Owen on Ianto's mobile.

"Owen its Jack. I know I said to take the day off, but I'm bringing Ianto into the Hub, he's really ill. Be there ASAP."

The affirmative came in the form of a reluctant grunt.

Jack turned back to Ianto.

"Ianto, where are your car keys?"

"Kitchen bench"

"Come on, we have to get to the Hub. I want Owen to look you over, you've got hypothermia or some damn thing."

Unhappily Ianto got to his feet, bringing his quilt with him. Jack got his great coat and swapped it for the quilt. Ianto nestled into it like a comfort blanket and managed a weak smile of thanks.

Owen was already there when they arrived at base. He took one look at his younger colleague,

"Jeez mate you like a ghost. What happened Jack?"

They settled Ianto on the exam table but he steadfastly held on to Jack's coat and shivered.

Owen was checking his vitals.

"He was cold when we got back to his place last night, even with the heating on full and sleeping fully dressed. He was cold all night. He slept for about 10 hours solid with no movement and it took me nearly 30 minutes to wake him. He kept telling me he was dead."

Owen was looking worriedly at the monitor he had set up. "Well, his body temperature is 35c, BP 90 over 40, heart rate, 45. Shit this isn't good, he shouldn't be conscious I'm not even certain he should be alive. How the hell did he get so hypothermic?"

"I've no idea. What about the weevil wounds, he told me he was injured about a month ago." Jack stood at Ianto's side cradling his body.

"I'll check the wounds again, but there's been no indication of infection or toxins. Sorry Ianto. I know you're cold but I need to check you."

Ianto, with Jack's help quietly stripped off his top layers of clothing, reluctantly revealing his bound chest. Owen care fully removed the dressings to show Jack the old, open injuries.

"There is no medical reason why these haven't healed. His blood work is normal, there were no toxins from the weevil's claws or teeth, I gave him a tetanus shot and he's still on the antibiotics to prevent infection. The only change has been the loss of his headaches and his last brain scan was normal. I have no idea what I am dealing with here."

Jack took a closer look at the wounds; they were clean and dry, just open as if the natural healing process had just stopped dead in its tracks. That word again, dead. Ianto remained silent, uncomfortable under their scrutiny, he was still shaking with cold.

"OK Ianto, lets get you dressed." Jack helped him back into his clothes.

"I'm going to run some heated fluids through him. There are a couple of heat sheets in that cupboard Jack get them out. See if we can try to warm him up." Owen started to work.

It took Owen more than twenty minutes and eight attempts to get a needle into a vein. Ianto didn't really seem to notice what should have been a painful, if not uncomfortable procedure. Owen was frowning at the icy skin.

"Ianto doesn't this hurt?"

Ianto shook his head as he settled down on to the heated thermal padding, pulling the pillow into a comfortable position. Jack spread the second heated blanket over him as Ianto curled himself in a foetal position. Owen was watching his monitors intently and felt himself relax slightly when Ianto's shivering finally stopped and his core temperature started to improve a little. Jack let out a sigh of relief, his fingers running through Ianto's soft hair, absently, as much to reassure himself as anything.

"You feeling a bit better now?"

Ianto gave him a puppy dog look and nodded.

"Much. Thank you Owen."

"You're welcome mate. Now you gonna tell what the hell has brought this on?" The medic's tone though concerned was light.

"I don't know. I just feel tired and cold and everything seems darker than it should be."

"You eating and drinking properly?"

"Don't feel the need. It's like it's not required rather than not wanted. What's wrong with me Owen? I thought I was better now the brain scan was fine wasn't it?"

Owen came into his line of sight by moving Jack out of the way. "Yes, the scan was normal. Is there anything you can think of, that has happened that may have caused this?"

Ianto sighed unhappily. "I had a vision, the night that weevil attacked me." He felt stupid saying it really.

"What?"

"Like a waking dream, I saw it clear as day in my head."

"What was it Ianto, what did you see?" Jack asked, his fingers were still in Ianto's hair. It was nice.

"It's hard to explain."

"Try us."

"When I turned into that alley. I saw Jack. He was standing with his hands tied and he was crying at me. I froze. He kept telling me to shoot him…. And I looked down and I saw my gun in my hand….Then I felt something touch the side of my head and you were still screaming at me. Then I guess I must've passed out. Next thing I remember is waking up and Gwen is looking me and I am here."

Jack's face went white and Owen reached his hand out because he thought the man was going to faint.

"Jack?"

Jack's hands dropped to his side and he stared down at Ianto, real fear in his eyes.

"Jack?"

Owen's more demanding tone brought him to his senses. "It's fine Owen. I'm fine." He said, though he clearly wasn't.

"Jack? What is it?" Ianto was looking up at him now, his hand reaching out from under the covers to grasp his. Jack was gratified by the fact that it felt warmer. Jack hitched a smile for Ianto's benefit.

"It's nothing, really."

"And you are a rubbish liar, Jack Harkness. Tell me what you think is wrong with me. Please. I think I have a right to know."

Jack was hesitant to discuss his theory, wasn't even certain he could believe it himself. Ianto tugged on his hand, becoming angry.

"Don't you fucking hold out on me, you've hurt me enough as it is. You tell me what the hell is going on."

Jack was mortified as he glanced from Owen to Ianto. He really did not want to talk about the most frightening year of his life, not now, when he was still trying to come to terms with everything. There was desperation in Ianto's darkened eyes.

"Jesus, you can be so…"

"Alright. I'll talk, but I don't think you'll believe me." He said finally.

"Have a little faith Jack, the things we see in this place. We're pretty open minded these days."

Owen grabbed a couple of chairs and they sat next to the exam bench where Ianto lay finally feeling warm enough to loosen the covers around him. He kept a firm hold on Jack's hand as their enigmatic leader told them his story. Harold Saxon, the Master, The Doctor, Martha Jones and her family, the end of the earth and finally how Ianto had died at his own hands to protect a family he had never even met before. Jack's face throughout the whole thing was unreadable. Once Jack had finished relaying his tale there was a stubborn silence that over hung the room like a shroud. It was Ianto that finally spoke.

"I shouldn't be here at all then should I? That weevil should've killed me. Maybe I am supposed to be dead in all the timelines."

"That's not how it works Yan. There is no way that you should be able to perceive an entirely none existent time line. It was wiped clean. The only reason we remember it is because were right at the centre of it from start to finish, a part of the causal factor. What is happening to you makes no sense. Even when I was with the Time Agency I never heard of anything like this happening. You cannot exist in two places simultaneously like that. I don't understand it."

Owen was having a hard time grasping any of it. How could anyone experience a whole year within the space of 5 months? He had to admit to himself that he half wondered if Jack had finally flipped.

"But you're telling me I died. I chose to die. It's not the first time Jack. I seem remember trying to take myself out with a Stanley knife last year. Maybe I am supposed to be dead."

Owen baulked. "That's just ridiculous. You know how nuts that sounds. There has to be a more rational explanation. I'll do more tests."

Ianto shook his head. "I don't think that will help. Jack? I'm right aren't I?"

Jack gazed at him, staggered by the calm with which Ianto seemed to accept the situation, not matter how 'nuts' it was. He leaned forward and kissed Ianto's forehead suddenly over whelmed by his love for the young man before him.

"Yes Ianto, I think you are right. Owen, do your tests. I'm going to make a couple of phone calls. I think we'll need some help."

"Help? Jack how do you propose we fix this, assuming your cranked theory is right that is?"

Jack smiled at Owen. "I have no idea how to fix this, but my Doctor might know what to do." He gently planted another kiss to Ianto's hair. "Be back in a minute."

Owen huffed out an annoyed breath. "This is completely insane."

"What else could it be Owen? You said yourself that my bloods and everything are normal. I've survived a lot of stuff in my life, maybe I was never supposed to survive at all?"

"Do you know how fucked up that sounds? Anyone would think you wanted to die."

Ianto hadn't actually considered this. "Maybe that's the problem."