"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so." (Ford Prefect)
PARADOXOSIS PT8
Justify Your Existence.
The Doctor was grinning. "I have a solution, I think. But it won't be easy."
Everyone was looking at him.
"Well?"
Jack shifted slightly tightening his hold on Ianto.
"It's only an educated guess. I have a room in the TARDIS that can absorb all the radiation. The paradox we experienced is part of her psyche now. She may be able to correct his problem, but it will involve exposing him to the vortex."
"That can't be good. The last time that happened with Rose, you had to regenerate to save her."
The Doctor nodded, looking long and hard at Jack. "Quite so, but Rose opened up the heart and absorbed everything. The room I have will enable the TARDIS to control what he is exposed to."
"Will he become like me?"
"Not if I can help it Jack, one fixed constant in the universe is quite enough. Two of you would be catastrophic, beyond the impossible. No it will have to be carefully controlled and the TARDIS is capable of doing that provided she understands what is happening to him. It is the only solution I can offer."
Jack smiled at Ianto. "It's up to you."
"I don't want to die Jack, but I sure as hell don't want to live forever either." Ianto faced the Doctor. "Can you promise me I won't end up like Jack?"
"Yes, because I will not allow it. I can't guarantee that you will survive the procedure though."
Owen watched the exchange with extreme concern. "Hang on a minute what exactly is it you are planning on doing? He is my patient and I would like to be better informed!"
Gwen and Toshiko were nodding their agreement. Ianto felt a small flood of warmth; they were always looking after him.
The Doctor inclined his head toward Owen and graced him with a cheeky grin. "I like your team Jack."
Owen did a Ianto and rolled his eyes mistaking the compliment for innuendo, he'd been around Harkness for far too long.
"In simple terms Doctor Harper. The room will enable the two time lines to separate out. That will enable Ianto to chose the path he wants to take at the point of divergence."
"What do you mean, choose?" Jack was looking worried now.
"Ianto will have to choose which path to follow, the one that took him to the Valiant, or the one that didn't. Only he can make that choice and both roads hold the possibility of ending his life. We both know what happened on the Valiant and it is likely that the Weevil attack may have the same outcome."
"What if he doesn't do this at all?" Owen wanted to know.
"Eventually he will fall into a sleep state he won't wake up from, a living death, until his body ceases to function."
"But how will I know which one is the right choice? I mean aren't there future consequences or something?"
Jack was horrified by the question. "There is no choice, Ianto. You are not dying on the 'Valiant' again. No fucking way."
Ianto was gratified by his concern, but he chose to ignore the comment by addressing the Doctor again.
"Well? How will I know?"
The Doctor could only shrug. "The only person you have to justify your existence to is yourself. No one here can help you should you chose to accept my offer. The alternative is certain death, of a sort. I can't really call it death as such, but you've seen that other side in your sleep state and I am quite sure you don't want to spend eternity there."
Ianto was certain he didn't want to. "But what is that place?"
"Hell? Heaven? The void? Who knows? I just know it is to be avoided at all costs if you want to hang on to your soul."
"Then I guess I have to do this then."
The Doctor nodded. "Good man. Let's get you ready."
The Doctor would only grant access to the Tardis to Jack, Ianto and Martha: much to the dismay of the rest of the Torchwood team. Owen was especially put out, demanding that Ianto needed a medical specialist by his side if things went pear shaped. The Doctor glibly replied that if things did in fact go 'pear shaped' Ianto would be dead and Martha as a doctor herself was more than capable of taking care of things anyway.
Gwen, Toshiko and Owen stood outside the Tardis feeling thoroughly sidelined and Jack had to give them many assurances that things would be alright before disappearing inside with Ianto. Ianto during all of this had hugged the girls fiercely and shook Owen's hand to make his goodbyes in case he didn't see them again. He was scared half to death as he stepped through the door but his fear dropped away to a feeling of wonder as he entered into the console room of the old time machine, his eyes as wide as saucers.
"Wow." Escaped him and for a moment he forgot why he was there as he took in what he saw. "Is this the whole time and relative dimensions in space thing at work? The bigger on the inside? It's beautiful."
Jack paused a pace behind him enchanted by Ianto's wonderment.
"It's alive Jack. I can feel it."
Jack helped him forward.
"You can?"
Ianto nodded and he smiled at the Doctor. "Is it alive?"
The Doctor couldn't help but smile back; it was rare for a human to notice such things. What was better was the look on the young man's white face, he was about to confront death, or maybe even something worse and he could still be lost in a moment of joy. The Doctor's gaze settled on Jack who was at Ianto's side like a guardian sentinel. They were good for each other; he sincerely hoped that Ianto would be able to make the right choice.
"Yes, she's alive. We have a very close relationship. Right let's get to business, follow me."
The room was a stark contrast to everything else Ianto had seen in the TARDIS. The Doctor opened a door that led into a bright white completely featureless spherical space. At best two people could fit into it, but the bubble shaped interior was only designed to hold one person at any given time.
They stood at the thresh hold.
"This is as far as the rest of us can go. You must enter alone and I will seal you in."
Ianto looked from the Doctor to Jack seeking some reassurance. Jack held him tightly kissing the top of his head then cupping Ianto's face with his hands and looking directly into the Welshman's darkening eyes.
"I will be waiting right here for you. Don't be afraid."
Their lips met in a deep, tender kiss and Martha and the Doctor both looked away not wanting to impose on the intimacy. Finally Ianto broke away, the taste of Jack on his lips.
"OK. I'm ready."
"Just step in and lie down. It's all you need to do."
"Can't I go in there?" Jack made to follow him and was stopped by a firm grip on his arm.
"No, it's too dangerous."
"I don't mind the risk."
"Too dangerous for him, not you."
Ianto stepped inside feeling the curve of the floor under his feet. He took a last look at Jack and the Doctor locked him in.
He felt it, the moment the door was closed and Ianto sagged to the floor in a waking sleep.