Summary: They were just boys being boys, how could a simple joke be so close to claiming one son's life and crumbling the mental walls of the other. Will their family ever build the wall back it took so long to put up after Mary's death.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing but the story idea, Winchesters are the CW's
A/N: Sorry the chapter took so long, I have no excuses except laziness and a minor computer malfunction sadly. but I'm back.Yeah!
Chapter Three
John sat down by Sam's bed, he just couldn't figure out where his boys' childhoods had gone. The pain and months of loneliness Dean went through after Mary's death. He didn't say a word to anyone, but Sammy for three years. And now, he's right back where he was way back when, behind his own protective barrier, locked out until he decides to snap out of it. And Sammy, he thought nothing would ever be as painful as telling a three year old why he doesn't have a mommy. How wrong he was, because the here-and-now is proof, because being told your son can be taken down by a little cold or simple cut that hurt like hell and John could do anything about it.
"Hey Sammy, how you doing?" John said as he ran his hand over Sam's. "Your brother was worried sick." John swallowed, "you had me worried too."
"Mmmmm, sorry… dad" Sam murmured before he shifted and continued to sleep.
"Don't be, it's my own fault, it's my fault what happened to you and to your brother. I want to tell him every thing is going to be all right, but the simple truth is things will never be the same." John said as the image of Sam and Dean in the ER appeared in his mind. "For awhile I thought I had died and went to hell when they told me what happened. Hell, I think my heart might have stopped when I realized I wasn't dead. And this was real."
John took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions, "Sammy, you need to get better real soon okay, before I have to have your brother committed."
"That might happen sooner than you think Mr. Winchester." John turned around to see a short man at the door. "Mr. Winchester, Dean woke shortly after you left the room and he was very… agitated."
"What do you mean by 'agitated'?" John asked scared Dean might have pulled his stitches or became violent.
"He just woke up screaming for his brother and mumbling nonsense about killing him and begging you for forgiveness, but sir we need you down there with him to calm him down."
"It's okay dad I'll be fine." John looked over his shoulder at his youngest as he began to shake to sleep off.
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"Mr. Winchester, sorry to take you away from your other son, but the way Dean woke up, it concerns me." Doctor Lang started. "And I just have to ask… what is actually did you talk to Dean about earlier?"
"I just followed your advice, talked about the weather, but who would have guessed that little subject would have turned into such a catalyst for Dean?"
"Would you mind elaborating, I really want to figure this out?" she said as she sat down across from John and gave him her undivided attention.
"I started out just talking 'bout puddles, and how it reminded me about when we lived in North Carolina a few years back. He and Sam were playing outside in the puddles after a little shopping. I still remember what they were wearing that day, you know? Dean, he was wearing some hand-me-down blue jeans and raincoat, didn't need a lot it was a nasty, sticky rain. And Sammy, he was wearing a silly batman shirt bought him, Dean begged me to keep it after Sam's growth spur. He keeps it in a box under his bed. Anyway, Sam wasn't wearing a coat and he ended up with pneumonia. Dean blamed himself, but Sam he went along acting as if nothing was wrong asking questions left and right as inquisitive as ever. You know that's probably one of the only memories I have of them acting like kids. They just grew up way to fast after their mother's death." John said as he forced a cough and wiped his eyes as if nothing was wrong.
"Thank you John that was all I needed. I'll let you get back to Sam, but expect my page later. I might need your help with Dean."
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John had been walking the halls of the county hospital for almost fifteen minutes, torn between one son and another. Who should he sit with, his emotionally unstable eldest son, his first born or his sick and pained baby boy? John couldn't decide, it was impossible, no matter where he goes he feels as if he is abandoning one of his sons. "God help me" John sighed as he sat down in the waiting room.
"Excuse me, John." Dr. Kirkland said as he walked in front of John and sat down. "Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?" John shook his head half-heartedly and motioned for him to continue talking.
"Sam's results came back positive, he has an infection. Luckily it was caught before it became a severe case of sepsis or something far more dangerous and lethal."
"Thank you for telling me, if you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call." John said as he got up and walked to the payphone lined wall of the waiting room in ICU, and inserted change in an unoccupied pay phone and dialed the number he knew by heart.
"Hey Bobby, how's it going?" John said in a lack-luster voice.
John what's wrong? Is it the boys?
"Yeah, the boys had an accident." John said as he ran his hand over his face.
What type of accident John, please don't let it be a hunting accident John.
"No, Dean…he um, he stabbed Sammy." John stuttered out.
Is Sammy okay, how did this happen, that ridiculous training? What?
"No, Bobby I swear I just went out to change the oil in the truck and I heard an ambulance a couple of minutes later, then I saw Sammy on a gurney being straddled, surrounded by a mob of EMTs. I didn't see Dean anywhere so I went back up to the townhouse and he was just sitting there rocking quietly, mumbling and ranting about killing Sammy and not wanting to live anymore. And he slit his wrist with the pair of scissor that impaled Sam."
John I'm gonna be there in about three hours, you can't do this alone.
"No, Bobby you really don't have to come."
John you know I love those boys like they are my own sons.
"Yeah, I know. Thanks, see you when you get here." John hung up the phone and continued pacing the hallways searching for a solution for his boys' ailments, when it came to him. John immediately jumped up and went to the nurses' desk asking the charge nurse if he could page Doctor Kirkland for him.
"He's on his way if you can wait over there." He said as he pointed to the empty waiting area of the PICU.
"No need John, I'm here. What's the emergency?" Doctor Kirkland said as he came to a halt in front of John.
"Well I was thinking that maybe I could bring something in for Sam."
"Depends, what were you planning on bringing?" He asked lifting his eyebrow questioningly.
"His brother's leather jacket, just so he'll be more comfortable, feel safer, he really hates hospitals."
"I see no problem with that as long as it isn't something horridly unsanitary, like it has dog feces or something on it."
"Great, thank you. I'll be back within the hour. And doctor a man should be coming here in a few hours. His name is Bobby Singer, he's the boys' uncle, and he has my permission to stay with them."
"I'll inform the charge nurse at the desk, Good day Mr. Winchester." Dr. Kirkland said as he turned and left.
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John pulled into a parking space outside his town house putting it in park and taking the keys from the ignition, before locking the doors and running into the town house he left unlocked in the rush to get to the Emergency Room.. The first thing John saw when he walked in was the bloodied carpet where Dean sat when John discovered him so many hours ago. John felt himself being hypnotized by Sam's blood on the carpet. If I was a better father Sam and Dean wouldn't be where they are now, they wouldn't have had such a damn near nonexistent childhood, and John would still have his little boys, not his perfect soldiers.
John shook the thoughts from his head; he needed to get what he came for. John averted his eyes from the crimson hypnotist and walked into Dean's room, a laid belly down on the floor in front of Dean's bed. Thank god I told him to clean his room. John thought as he lifted the covers and blankets exposing the shoe box labeled 'My brother Batman,' he couldn't help but smile as he took the shoe box and opened it revealing a neatly folded boy's shirt with Batman on the chest, running his hands over the distant memory before replacing the lid and getting up. John continued his hunt and he went to Dean's closet and grabbed the leather jacket, before leaving the room, the town house, and the haunting memory.
…
John sat in the parking lot with the box and the leather jacket praying that these tiny mementos were enough to bring his boys back from the brink of their illnesses , and more importantly the brink of growing up, because god knows it shouldn't have took this for him to realize his boys needed a childhood, not a boot camp. John sent one last prayer out before he exited the car and enter the PICU. As John walked toward Sam's room he saw Dr. Kirkland closing the door. "Doctor Kirkland!"
"John? You're back?" Dr. Kirkland said as he walked toward John.
"Is something wrong with Sam?" John asked concerned as to why he was coming out of Sam's room.
"No, on the contrary, Sam's antibiotics seem to be helping and things are looking up, for Sam getting out of PICU and into a private room with his brother."
"That's good…I got the jacket, I was just going to give it to Sam." John said showing Kirkland the folded leather.
"Don't let me hold you up. Go see your son." Kirkland said smiling at John.
"One other thing doctor, Can you page Dr. Lang for me."
Kirkland nodded and waiting away. John grabbed some hand sanitizer as he waved thank you to the doctor and walked into Sam's room, closing the door behind him.
"Hey Sammy, I bought you something. Figured Dean would want you to have it." John whispered in Sam's ear as he unfolded the leather and laid it across Sam's chest and placed his arms on top.
John watched as Sam pulled himself closer to the jacket and breathed in his brother's scent. "Dean" Sam breathed as he turned to snuggle further into the comfort of the jacket.
"I knew you wouldn't have it any other way baby boy." John said pushing Sam's chestnut hair back and kissing his forehead. "You're going to be just fine, Mary won't let you leave Dean and I, not anytime soon."
"You're a good father Mr. Winchester." John turned around to see Dr. Lang in the door. "Doctor Kirkland said you wanted to speak with me."
"Yeah, I was going to ask if you could give this to Dean, but I think I should do it myself."
Doctor Lang looked at the box, smiling at the words written on it. "It's the Batman shirt you told me about. You really think it will help?"
"Dean's jacket helped Sammy, look at him." John said motioning to his son.
"Okay, if you're ready we can go now." John nodded and followed her to Dean's room.
"Could you wait outside a minute I think I should do this in private. Dr. Lang nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her.
"Hey Dean, I just came from you brother's room. I gave him your jacket, should see how he just snuggled up to it like he does with you when he sick. I figured if it worked for him, maybe Sammy's Batman shirt would work for you. I know how much you love it, begged me not to give it to the Salvation Army." John took the shoe box and put it under Dean's bed. "I put it under your bed, just like at home. So, you know Sam's always close to you." John took a breath and he thought of how he was going to say this next part. "I know you don't like these…what do you call them, "Chick Flick Moments," but I love you son, Sammy loves you, so don't you dare go all psycho on us, your brother needs you. And just so you know, Sammy doesn't blame you, so don't you blame yourself." John said as he tucked his son in and grabbed his hand in both of his, taking a moment to gather his warmth before kissing his hand and laying it across his son's heart. "And I know you know this in there too."
A/N: Expect a chapter by the end of December for this story if all goes as plan. As for my other story 'Come Home Soon' expect an update the week before Christmas or the weekend of. And as always reviews are welcomed by everyone included those without accounts. And happy holidays
P.S.: this is a repost, I had a lot of grammer and spelling mistakes and they were taunting me, I swear, It's so annoying, when your looking at your story and your like 'I can't believe I made THAT mistake.'